- Joined
- Jul 18, 2016
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Over the past week or so I have made a concerted effort to set aside some time and properly try some nampa, including a few dedicated loitering 'sessions' around stations, and a few cafe incidents.
Probably made like 10 or so approaches overall. No actual results yet, but in a couple cases I was pleased to engage in conversation with full eye-contact and smiles. Probably could have got a Line in those cases if I was a bit more experienced. I'm coming from zero really so that was quite encouraging, as I kind of expected 75% of girls to just blank me, but that never actually happened (and only one girl seemed irritated).
Of the other cases, there were a few where I can see clearly where my approach was poor, and I am trying to learn from those incidents, so that's ok too. But there were also a few cases where I don't really know how to interpret what happened. Was hoping I might get some feedback from some more experienced guys on those...
Case 1: The full-on Blowout... or was it?
I think this was my first effort. I specifically walked into a club by myself to give it a go. Was not a lot of girls I was interested in, but was one really cute girl who was conveniently standing next to me chatting with her friend. I noticed she wasn't drinking, and i think i just said 'hi, would you like a drink' (I know, a terrible line), and then kind of raised my bottle shaking it a little to make it clear. She responded by looking kinda irritated, briskly shaking her head, and then avoiding eye contact. Ouch I thought, but fair enough as it was a lame approach. So I moved on.
However... a bit later, when I was the other side of the dance floor I had this weird thing where I felt like she was looking at me, but i really couldn't actually tell if she was looking at me or not. She was definitely staring across somewhere in my vicinity, just genuinely couldn't work out if she was looking at me, or something/someone to the side of me. This happened several times. Anywhere else in the world I would not think she might have been looking at me, but is this possible a Japanese thing? Some kind of 'diffuse stare' / slightly off angle stare phenomena?
Case 2: Initial signs, but then just one-word answers, gave up
Actually there were a few cases like this, but I will just explain one.
Was in a Starbucks/Tsutaya, sat next to a cute girl who was reading. Did notice one glance from her when she got up to get another book. Wanted to strike up a conversation, but didn't have the balls so resorted to an excuse (asked her if she could watch my stuff while I went and got another drink). Was fairly encouraged as I made her giggle/smile with my funny Japanese, and when I came back I said thanks and we exchanged smiles again. Then a moment later, I tried to start conversation by asking her if it was her day off. She just replied 'hai' and kind of looked away. So that was that.
So in these situations I basically never persist, just figure that anything further would come across creepy. For sure, if she was western I would absolutely take it as a clear 'not interested', but is this maybe a cultural issue? Should I have persisted, at least asked another question? Is there more of a tendency amongst Japanese girls to give one word answers at least for the first few questions?
Other general observations and other questions
I watched Sinapse's long intro video and it actually gave me a lot of helpful tips and the confidence to give this a go, so thanks if you are reading this.
I'm finding stations a good place to lurk (as opposed to cafes), as there are a lot of girls often standing around by themselves waiting for someone, and you can approach them before their friend comes along. In contrast, with cafes you have to wait for ages for someone to sit near you (as Sinapse pointed out), and you cant just move on if it goes nowhere, plus I actually feel more self-conscious as other people might be listening. I could also imagine (I didn't yet) approaching someone waiting next to me at a crossing, but I'm definitely not confident enough to actually approach someone just walking down the street. Even in incidents where I got very clear eye contact / multiple glances when walking head-on down the street, I just couldn't think how to react. (Actually not just in the last days, I never in my life had the balls to ever do anything in these situations). Any suggestions? I know its a stupid question but I really struggle with this situation, even though it feels like the most clear sign you can get, I just never know what to do, and always regret it after. Which believe me at my age is a lot of regret.
With bars and clubs its definitely fairly easy to make an approach, but on the other hand the girls are rarely by themselves, and there's usually a bad ratio of girls. Plus I don't have a wing-man (friends all in relationships etc) and not massively happy about going out by myself.
The other tip I really got a lot from in Sinapse's video was the 'assumed conversation' thing, rather than the fake excuse approach, and generally keeping it very light, not too direct, and not making things intense by complimenting early. I never actually complimented anyone yet, but if I do I think I will more go for 'I like your style/fashion' rather than 'you are so cute/hot' whatever, as I feel that can come across too creepy or sexual if you do that too early.
Tried around Hachiko a few times, but found it surprisingly unproductive compared to a couple of other places I went. Not sure why, but one reason was that the girls seemed too young. I almost talked to one girl before noticing she had a Disney Little Mermaid bag and was probably like 16, and in one case I actually talked to a girl who turned out to be 14!
Apologies for the long post. Would definitely appreciate any (brutally honest) feedback if anyone has any thoughts or pointers.
Probably made like 10 or so approaches overall. No actual results yet, but in a couple cases I was pleased to engage in conversation with full eye-contact and smiles. Probably could have got a Line in those cases if I was a bit more experienced. I'm coming from zero really so that was quite encouraging, as I kind of expected 75% of girls to just blank me, but that never actually happened (and only one girl seemed irritated).
Of the other cases, there were a few where I can see clearly where my approach was poor, and I am trying to learn from those incidents, so that's ok too. But there were also a few cases where I don't really know how to interpret what happened. Was hoping I might get some feedback from some more experienced guys on those...
Case 1: The full-on Blowout... or was it?
I think this was my first effort. I specifically walked into a club by myself to give it a go. Was not a lot of girls I was interested in, but was one really cute girl who was conveniently standing next to me chatting with her friend. I noticed she wasn't drinking, and i think i just said 'hi, would you like a drink' (I know, a terrible line), and then kind of raised my bottle shaking it a little to make it clear. She responded by looking kinda irritated, briskly shaking her head, and then avoiding eye contact. Ouch I thought, but fair enough as it was a lame approach. So I moved on.
However... a bit later, when I was the other side of the dance floor I had this weird thing where I felt like she was looking at me, but i really couldn't actually tell if she was looking at me or not. She was definitely staring across somewhere in my vicinity, just genuinely couldn't work out if she was looking at me, or something/someone to the side of me. This happened several times. Anywhere else in the world I would not think she might have been looking at me, but is this possible a Japanese thing? Some kind of 'diffuse stare' / slightly off angle stare phenomena?
Case 2: Initial signs, but then just one-word answers, gave up
Actually there were a few cases like this, but I will just explain one.
Was in a Starbucks/Tsutaya, sat next to a cute girl who was reading. Did notice one glance from her when she got up to get another book. Wanted to strike up a conversation, but didn't have the balls so resorted to an excuse (asked her if she could watch my stuff while I went and got another drink). Was fairly encouraged as I made her giggle/smile with my funny Japanese, and when I came back I said thanks and we exchanged smiles again. Then a moment later, I tried to start conversation by asking her if it was her day off. She just replied 'hai' and kind of looked away. So that was that.
So in these situations I basically never persist, just figure that anything further would come across creepy. For sure, if she was western I would absolutely take it as a clear 'not interested', but is this maybe a cultural issue? Should I have persisted, at least asked another question? Is there more of a tendency amongst Japanese girls to give one word answers at least for the first few questions?
Other general observations and other questions
I watched Sinapse's long intro video and it actually gave me a lot of helpful tips and the confidence to give this a go, so thanks if you are reading this.
I'm finding stations a good place to lurk (as opposed to cafes), as there are a lot of girls often standing around by themselves waiting for someone, and you can approach them before their friend comes along. In contrast, with cafes you have to wait for ages for someone to sit near you (as Sinapse pointed out), and you cant just move on if it goes nowhere, plus I actually feel more self-conscious as other people might be listening. I could also imagine (I didn't yet) approaching someone waiting next to me at a crossing, but I'm definitely not confident enough to actually approach someone just walking down the street. Even in incidents where I got very clear eye contact / multiple glances when walking head-on down the street, I just couldn't think how to react. (Actually not just in the last days, I never in my life had the balls to ever do anything in these situations). Any suggestions? I know its a stupid question but I really struggle with this situation, even though it feels like the most clear sign you can get, I just never know what to do, and always regret it after. Which believe me at my age is a lot of regret.
With bars and clubs its definitely fairly easy to make an approach, but on the other hand the girls are rarely by themselves, and there's usually a bad ratio of girls. Plus I don't have a wing-man (friends all in relationships etc) and not massively happy about going out by myself.
The other tip I really got a lot from in Sinapse's video was the 'assumed conversation' thing, rather than the fake excuse approach, and generally keeping it very light, not too direct, and not making things intense by complimenting early. I never actually complimented anyone yet, but if I do I think I will more go for 'I like your style/fashion' rather than 'you are so cute/hot' whatever, as I feel that can come across too creepy or sexual if you do that too early.
Tried around Hachiko a few times, but found it surprisingly unproductive compared to a couple of other places I went. Not sure why, but one reason was that the girls seemed too young. I almost talked to one girl before noticing she had a Disney Little Mermaid bag and was probably like 16, and in one case I actually talked to a girl who turned out to be 14!
Apologies for the long post. Would definitely appreciate any (brutally honest) feedback if anyone has any thoughts or pointers.