Approaching Japanese Women?

[Sato69]

This is really more of a question/conversation among how it is to approach Japanese women and get there number/email/line etc.

I've been reading around the forum, and I don't think I've seen anyone really bring this part about meeting Japanese women. Now occasionally you'll get the girls who are head over heels for foreigners but I'm talking about those girls who are possibly on the fence and a little more reserved about it and don't try to speak english.
I have a friend who is living in Tokyo right now, and I've been to Tokyo pretty recently as well a few times, and we've been talking about how it is to meet and ask a Japanese girl out/get her number. Being from America, it seems the style of how it is done is very different than how Japanese girls expect it to be. Now for those people who aren't America, what I mean is, if a guy sees a girl and he's interested in her, he will go up to her and try and strike a conversation. If it goes well, then he'll usually get her number and you can probably guess what happens from there. But in Japan, it seems that approach does not work very well. My friend, who happens to be Japanese and speak Japanese fluently, told me that girls think that is very weird if you were to do that in Japan, whether it be at work, on the subway, at a coffee shop and so on. He said that for Japanese girls, usually they have to have noticed you on their commute, or at the cafe/somewhere multiple times over an extended period of time, anywhere from a few weeks to a few months. Once each of you have made the stare at each other then look away, the guy will go up and talk to her, and only after talking to her a few times will she give you her number and let you take her out on a date. Now I have family in Japan, and all the girls I've asked in my family think that that is the cool and proper way to do it, but being American, our mentality is that that is usually considered stalkerish.

What are your guys' opinions/observations on approaching Japanese women? Do any of you guys have a pretty successful method of approaching a random Japanese girl, and either trying to speak Japanese or English to her and see how far that takes you? Just looking for some different view points and things I can try when I have to move to Japan for work soon.

 

[Hamerare]

That's a good question and I'll leave it to someone else to answer

But as a gaijin in Japan, u dont have to play by the same rules that Japanese men do. They often beat around the bush for ages and end up getting nowhere. Being direct is ok provided you dont look scary

 

[majimekun]

I've been working in Japan for a while and I've been observing people here quite closely.
The fact is that j-Girls are busy most of the time so it's quite hard to get their attention at the right timing.
In the bus/train they constantly browse their smartphones and they are totally oblivious of what's going on around.
They almost never go to the restaurant alone because they are afraid of being viewed as a lonely girl.
The exception can be midwork lunch time but then they spend all their time on their stupid smartphone again during the whole hour.

Apart from all the above, there are the very short couple of seconds of staring/looking with some seemingly genuine interest when you pass a few of them in the streets. Unfortunately, it's so fast that I don't even have the time to try a smile. Kind of frustrating.
It happened just yesterday for instance. Very nice body cute face looking at me with some obvious curiosity ... but she was already gone before I could think of doing something. I'm always taken by surprise in this kind of situation.
Very hard to react fast enough.

Of course there are the clubs/bars but I hate these places ... so I never go there.

For people like me, the only one solution left is online dating.
The advantage is that you can just write down what you're looking for without having to repeat it over and over face to face. But most of the cutest girls don't use such websites except when they want to learn english. But since I don't intend to become a volunteer english teacher ... I ignore them

What's kind of depressing is when you pay a close attention to people during the week-ends/nights and you very often see smoking hot japanese girls dating old/ugly men in their 50's ... which clearly is compensated dating.
Basically, the most beautiful girls will date you only if you can give them cash.

So, in the end, Japan can be quite a depressing place if you already feel lonely and have personal values you don't want to compromise (ie: clubbing).

I guess it's easier for the clubbers and the free english teachers

 

[rdrhrd]

This is really more of a question/conversation among how it is to approach Japanese women and get there number/email/line etc.
thnks for starting this
what I have noticed online is as an american I am to brief for Japanese tastes.

 

[Painx21]

I've been working in Japan for a while and I've been observing people here quite closely.
The fact is that j-Girls are busy most of the time so it's quite hard to get their attention at the right timing.
In the bus/train they constantly browse their smartphones and they are totally oblivious of what's going on around.
They almost never go to the restaurant alone because they are afraid of being viewed as a lonely girl.
The exception can be midwork lunch time but then they spend all their time on their stupid smartphone again during the whole hour.

Apart from all the above, there are the very short couple of seconds of staring/looking with some seemingly genuine interest when you pass a few of them in the streets. Unfortunately, it's so fast that I don't even have the time to try a smile. Kind of frustrating.
It happened just yesterday for instance. Very nice body cute face looking at me with some obvious curiosity ... but she was already gone before I could think of doing something. I'm always taken by surprise in this kind of situation.
Very hard to react fast enough.

Of course there are the clubs/bars but I hate these places ... so I never go there.

For people like me, the only one solution left is online dating.
The advantage is that you can just write down what you're looking for without having to repeat it over and over face to face. But most of the cutest girls don't use such websites except when they want to learn english. But since I don't intend to become a volunteer english teacher ... I ignore them

What's kind of depressing is when you pay a close attention to people during the week-ends/nights and you very often see smoking hot japanese girls dating old/ugly men in their 50's ... which clearly is compensated dating.
Basically, the most beautiful girls will date you only if you can give them cash.

So, in the end, Japan can be quite a depressing place if you already feel lonely and have personal values you don't want to compromise (ie: clubbing).

I guess it's easier for the clubbers and the free english teachers

god men reading ur text made me so depressed (( no offense.

 

[Hamerare]

god men reading ur text made me so depressed (( no offense.

Depressingly familiar and accur8. Majimekun is spot on - I could have written that reply myself but his English is better than mine hehehe

However, it would apply mainly to people who have been in Japan a while . I have noticed over the years that newbies to Tokyo do far better than oldies. Not so much a thing about age, but freshness and being a "real gaijin" not a Japanized one. Me n my buddies used to call this "the glow" and it usually lasts a few months. The longer u stay in Japan, the more inhibited u get and usually the less willing to give Japanese girls free English lessons in the hope of getting a shag.

What majimekun said about Japanese girls being insanely busy is also very true. Gaijins living outside Tokyo, and I include Osaka here, do much better meeting women. There are less gaijins for a start which gives u a bit of novelty value, and distances and travelling times are far shorter. Outside the big cities its even better bcoz there are more women -typically, the Japanese guys work in the big cities and many girls stay at home. Smaller places like Matsumoto, Niigata, Sendai sound like gold mines compared to Tokyo. A buddy living in Karuizawa told me that the English teacher next door to him meets women using BADOO.COM I tried it once but not big in Tokyo and just got one reply from a Russian ho.

Have you tried this new app called TINDER? It's a location based dating smartfon app. I downloaded yesterday off App Store, its free. I had to log in thro FB and u have 2 give ur real phone number. The only problem is that your real age then appears on ur profile along with FB name (mine is not my real 1) so if ur over 40, it will b hard 2 get replies from 19 year olds. Basically a foto comes up and u like or reject. If a girl likes u back, then u can message her. Yesterday liked about 100 profiles within an 80 km radius and got one "match" but the stupid bitch never replied - I suspect its bcoz I replied in Japanese. Like majimekun, I am not prepared to prostitute myself as a free English teacher. This app is not widely used in Japan yet.

Online dating is the way to go. It can be time consuming and frustr8ng tho but a necessary evil if u dont prepared to do the bar n club circuit

If I had to choose 1 online d8ng 出会い系サイト it wud be PCMAX. COM but u have to provide a fon number to receive a code to activ8. There r a lot of dodgy sites out there where u buy credits to message girls and you end up talking with a robot or guy who runs the site posing as a girl.

 

[majimekun]

...
Have you tried this new app called TINDER?
...

I've started using it two months ago and I've even written a short review here :
http://tokyoadultguide.com/threads/tinder-the-dating-app-short-review.7006/

The problem is that although it was a dating app in the begining, it's now being used by travelers who just want to make friends. The whole dating purpose seems to have faded away during the last couple of weeks.
Plus, the demographic has totally changed. All the new profiles I receive are in their 20's ... and they don't seem to look for something in particular.

Although I'm not into casual sex, there is a recent app (currently on iOS only) which is all about finding free casual sex based on location. It's called Pure ( http://www.getpure.org/en/ )
If someone can try it and tell us if it's being used in Japan .... I'm curious to know.

 

[majimekun]

...
If I had to choose 1 online d8ng 出会い系サイト it wud be PCMAX. COM ...

Thanks for the info!
(btw, it's pcmax.jp, not com).

japancupid.com and match.com still offer a lot of nice profiles.

 

[majimekun]

...I had to log in thro FB and u have 2 give ur real phone number. The only problem is that your real age then appears on ur profile along with FB name (mine is not my real 1) so if ur over 40, it will b hard 2 get replies from 19 year olds. ...

You're right about the need for Facebook but I never had to share my phone number.
As for the age, I use an additional Facebook account on which I changed the age ... which was then updated on Tinder.
Of course my real age can be found in the self-introduction ... for those who take the time reading it
I did so so that younger people who filter by age can find me (I look way younger than my age).

Anyway, I did get a lot of Tinder matches and dates one month ago but it never happens anymore now.
I guess you too would have been more successful one or two months ago.
Now the application is total shit due to its new user base

Anyway, the concept of this app is flawed when it comes to dating.
I prefer conventional dating sites where profiles are detailed.
Photo only concept is only good for casual sex or party friends IMO.

 

[Hamerare]

I never gave my age on FB but had assumed the app found it automaticaly from Softbank when I input my fon number to activ8 the shite

I trashed it last nite. Waste of time.

 

[majimekun]

Could you share with us your experience with PCMAX?

 

[Hamerare]

Could you share with us your experience with PCMAX?

I heard from J-mongerz that this is the best site, I have even seen prepaid cards for sale at a Kirari date cafe in Shibuya

But I never tried yet bcoz u have to give a fon number to register

 

[Solong]

Approaching Japanese Women

I will take a shot at this, as I've been in Japan a while and half of my girlfriends have come from pickup.

Pickup is ultimately a numbers game and you need to be bold. Even MORE so with Japanese. If you see a Japanese woman that you like, straight up talk to them.

The 2 best approach methods I've seen are:

1) Strike up a conversation based on something she is wearing, something she is doing, or about something around both of you.

"Oh, noticed your fingernails/ear rings/shoes/dress/cover on phone... They/it lools nice. Do you do your nails yourself? You appear to have good taste in fashion, may I ask what type of job do you do? etc, etc...

This way is a natural conversation starter, and will pull people into conversations with you. If she is interested, she will keep the conversation going and give her contact info when asked.


2) Ask for help about Japanese language or Japanese culture.

Excuse me, are you Japanese? (odd, I know, but it works as by saying YES, it setups the next part) I'm studying Japanese/Japanese culture and have a question about... Excuse me for interrupting you, I'm studying Japanese/Japanese culture...

Many Japanese love to explain about why Japan is so great and better than other places or be seen as an expert on something Japanese. This gives you an oppourtunity to start a conversation.

Note- Do NOT ask for help about directions or similar, as that doesn't work for pickup. You look like a tourist, and Japanese will usually help you figure out the location and then CUT the conversation after the help is given. You rather should have the angle of someone genuinely curious about Japan, and curious about the person you are talking to.

Don't Copy Japanese Guys

The cultural rules that restrict Japanese guys do NOT apply to foreigners. If you do what Japanese guys usually do, then you will almost never date. Also, many Japanese guys BUY women, in numerous ways that foreigners don't know about and have access to Japanese women through their social circles (neighborhood, school, work, groups) that foreigners almost NEVER will.

Talking To Japanese Women Is Harder Than In The West.

So, you need to boldly approach and talk to LOTS of Japanese women. It's MATH. The more women you are having conversations with, the more comfortable you become dealing with them and asking them out on dates. The more 1 to 1 dates you go on, the more likely you are to have sex.

Contrary to popular belief and misinformation, approaching Japanese women is more difficult than many Western countries or even nearby Asian countries like Korea, Taiwan, or Thailand. Why?

1) Perpetual anti-foreigner campaigns and negative propaganda by right wing groups, media, and racists.

So when a foreign guy approachs a Japanese woman, she can have lots of negative thoughts and images in her mind that provokes fear (numerous exaggerated scary stories) and even laughter (some joke about foreigners) or arrogance (misplaced belief they are better than you)

Many racist Japanese and unfortunately some foreign women join into this due to jealousy and competition with Japanese women, tend to inappropriately label Japanese women talking to foreign men as sluts. Even if she is just talking in English or seen with a foreigner, some Japanese women fear getting this label. This is a tactic used by various racist and insecure Japanese guys to attempt to control Japanese women.

2) Numerous abnormal fears, paranoia, and even hysteria about interacting with foreigners or socially.

For example, she can be embarrassed that she doesn't speak English perfectly, so rather not talk. Even if the foreign CAN speak Japanese, that you can speak Japanese, and she can't speak English can make some feel embarrassed or ashamed.

3) Too many Japanese have the cultural problem of over-thinking situations and often coming to the most negative conclusions possible.

Instead of having a normal interaction between a man and woman that many are used to in the West, things can become very weird in Japan.

So, you could have a nice talk with a Japanese woman, exchange contacts, and ask her out next week. A Japanese woman can have an abnormal and weird reaction by imaging you to be a serial killer or rapist, even though that's is extremely unlikely and preposterous. Why did he pick me???

She can talk to her girlfriends, who then tell her the most negative stories ever heard about some foreign guy with a Japanese. Like some foreign guy stole some woman's money, got her pregnant, and then ran away. A ridiculous story that has nothing to do with you, but is offered by certain types of Japanese friends as if all foreigners do that.

4) Many Japanese associate pickup (nampa) with scam artists, like Japanese host club guys and Japanese porn recruiters roaming the streets.

Japanese host try to pull Japanese women into their clubs to buy expensive drinks. Even causing some women to go into debt and being pushed into prostitution or porn to pay it off. Plenty of these guys can be seen in the streets of Shibuya, Shinjuku, Ikebukuro, etc... Japanese women can confuse foreign men with trying to do the same thing and not comprehend the difference.

Many Japanese simply do NOT understand how to be friendly with the opposite sex outside of a work, for pay, or organized group context. They become easily confused and scared, thinking you are up to something bad, versus just plain friendly human interaction.

 

[Hamerare]

I once knew this Canadian guy who would start conversations on the train by standing or sitting next to a girl, pulling out his kanji study cards and asking questions about them.

I have no idea how successful he was tho. He ended up marrying a girl he met doing aerobix at the gymrs g

Yap, Solong is rite, its a numbers game. Guys who are scared of getting rejected wont do very well

 

[majimekun]

Well, chatting up random girls is okay for guys who only want to have some fun or who are very flexible.
When, like me, you have a list of prerequisites on which you don't want to make compromises, then it becomes a waste of time. For example, a girl who wants kids, who smokes, who live with her parents, etc. is a total turn off for me.
Finding the perfect girl by hitting others randomly is like winning the lottery twice every month.

With dating sites, you list up your conditions and then you wait for those who meet all the criteria.
When I get contacted, I make sure she had read the whole thing and that all the criteria are met.

Back to randomly hitting girls : .... just yesterday I finally got an occasion in the train with a girl sitting in front of me and trying not to look at me.
Then came the terminus and she was still there. I let everybody leave the train and she did so too. Then I left and I stood a few seconds outside of the train and she did the exact same thing too, standing right next to me. She was clearly waiting for me to talk to her but after a few seconds I left. Not because I lacked courage but because I know this goes nowhere for someone like me. Too many unknowns ... and not my type of girl anyway.

Lastly, sorry to say it again but, as someone who've been in Japan since 1998, Solong's second part about paranoia/racism is complete BS in my opinion.
On the contrary most japanese girls are kind of naive and assume that all foreigners are romantic gentlemen who will give them a super cute half baby ... sort of

 

[majimekun]

I heard from J-mongerz that this is the best site, I have even seen prepaid cards for sale at a Kirari date cafe in Shibuya

I registered today and my first impression is that the site sucks ... just like many sites created/run by japanese companies.
The profile description is limited to 500 characters which is too little for me.
Then I never managed to have my payment accepted after 3 trials with my Visa card.
First they didn't accept my msn mail address, then my name "couldn't be verified" (wtf?).
Usability/User Experience sucks big time, more than Match.com which is a quite a feat really.
Rant over

 

[Solong]

I completely understand differences of opinion or experience, but calling me out will usually only shed light on the validity of what I type. And I stand behind every word that I type.

Any foreigner that is crazy enough to think that most Japanese women assume all foreigners are romantic and that she wants a "half" baby, you are free to put that to the TEST. I don't believe in fairytales or popular rumors, when I can test it in the real world. Do come back with the results.

Because if it was TRULY that easy, then you can easily walk up to MOST Japanese women and easily date them. As the original poster observed, NOT so easy, NOT so easy at all. Don't be tricked by the hype. Hype that it's so easy is often spewed out by right-wing xenophobic groups and type guys that are insecure, jealous, and/or hate foreigners. The tactic is used to scare Japanese women, like as if all foreigners are marauding rapists or all Japanese women talking to foreign men are sluts.

And chatting with people is part of being sociable. Most people on the planet know this, except those Japanese that are hiding behind their insecurities and have weird beliefs like you need to be formally introduced or are only allowed to talk in planned group events.

Furthermore, people online make FAKE profiles and there are plenty of online scams. The only way to know how a person is REALLY like, is through a REAL conversation and not an online profile.

By not being afraid, you can simply talk with women and find out if they meet your list of prerequisites or not. And, you can VERIFY their physical attractiveness and your natural physical chemistry, which you can't be sure of with women online.

Of women that I met in person directly, the relationships lasted just as long as those I met online or in group social events. No relationship has a time guarantee of how long it will or will not last.

 

[Hamerare]

@ Solong

I dont doubting ur exploits for 1 second. I guess we are all different personalities here n the direct approach on the street is not suited to every 1.

As for me - I just cant be assed. It sounz like 2 much hard work. I have watched other guys try but that just aint me. I think I would slit my wrists if I got rejected 2 much on the same nite I feel the same way when I used to get turned away by over 10 pink salons in succession, makes a dude start thinking he got 2 heads. These days I'd rather just have a few beers n drop 6000 at a pinkie or, if feeling really extravagant, get FS provided the total is under 20,000. N e more than that I'd rather save up for a long weekend in Cebu PI or Dongguan China

Without trying to show u up or n e thing, I am curious to know as I'm sure some of the other bros are
1) What % of girls you hit on give you their fon number
2) What % (of girls u hit on) you get out on a d8 with
3) What % of the girls u date u end up getting a shag off?

Also, assuming from what u have told us here about urself that ur around-40, what age group of women do u hit on? Is it easier to find women in their 30s than the younger chix?

Of course u dont have to answer if u dont want. I respect u for trying in the 1st place.

Still on the subject of dating, 1 odd thing that has happened to me 3 times in the past 6 or 7 years in a club or bar is getting talked to by a girl when I was already with another one. Got me thinking - if you could find a female friend who was just interested in going along 4 the craik and getting free drinx all nite, bring her along as camouflage I once had a gay buddy who would invite me to go with him to Hakone onsen on day trips so he could look at all the naked bodies without feeling like a sleezebag. Same principle at work

 

[Solong]

@AKB69

I'm probably among the few guys who would have a grasp of numbers.

As a rule of thumb, use 1/3.

If you know what you are doing and/or have a good spot, you can average 1 phone contact out of 3 for every woman talked with.

By the way, this is also the hit to miss ratio better host guys on the street seek to achieve. I know, as compared notes with them and a couple of pals have worked at such clubs.

For every 3 phone contacts that you get, if you have developed your e-mail/phone/PC skills, you can expect to go on a date with 1.

Of 3 women that you take out on a date, you can expect to have sex with 1 of them. With a 2nd possibly coming close, but failing.

The vast majority of guys, who have developed pickup skills would fall in this range, unless they are doing something terribly wrong or far above average in looks, money, or charisma.

 

[Sato69]

Wow this really started to take off. Thanks for the insight guys.

So I've actually tried tinder once when I was there and I was pretty surprised by the amount of girls, in their 20s that are on there from Japan. I'm from the US and tinder is very popular here so I know how it works. As for the phone number thing, I've never had to do that when using tinder. Only just my fb account. Going to try again once I finally get to Japan and see how well that works.

I feel as a foreigner, my situation may be a bit different since I'm Japanese-American. I'm still working on my Japanese and feel that I'm stuck in the middle on trying to figure out which way to go. If I take the usual American approach, it may come off kind of weird since I'm Asian. Still thinking about it though.

From the way you guys make it sound, the whole numbers game really seems to be just like it is in the US. You have to have confidence in the first place to approach any girl and be able to face rejection. Can't get down about striking out a couple times because at some point you'll always get a hit. The methods @Solong mentioned seem worth trying. I've actually never thought about trying those conversational topics.

I'm not a huge fan on the internet dating site. I just don't trust the validity of those sites and maybe it's my ego, but there is always that stigma behind it. Tbh, that's not a huge issue I have with dating sites, just the validity of the profiles and the fact that it's probably not on the same level as match.com in the US or something of that type. It may sound hypocritical since a lot of girls that actually try to find relationships on tinder will say something about having met each other at a book store or a coffee shop and not on tinder. It's kind of funny really.

Now not being the best looking guy and a little overweight, I think once I can finally slim down that would help give me more confidence and obviously make me more appealing. But even before that, just having confidence and not cockiness and willing to take more risks has definitely got me excited about these challenges of meeting Japanese women, and trying the different methods and techniques to some success hopefully.

 

[johnnyboy84]

Well, we all have different experiences both good and bad. Plus, sometimes when a Japanese girl hooks up with a foreign guy, she talks about wanting to move to his country permanently while the guy wants to stay here. That causes problems as well and I have seen it happen to a good number of my friends.

In Japan, a good number people find marriage partners at the work place. Some of my friends who came to Japan 25 years ago married their co-workers as well and still have great relationships. The last serious relationship I had was with a co-worker and that was 3 years ago, and it sadly lasted a little over 3 months because I had to move (transferred by work orders to a place in Saitama I didn't really like) and later so did she (she is now in graduate school in Australia). Some of our co-workers that were in the know were openly supportive of our relationship and saw that we were happy together. One co-worker I got along very well with also felt sad our relationship had to end. The moment we introduced each other, we just hit it off as we progressively got to knew each other and within 3 weeks, we started dating. Prior to our relationship, I was told she just wasn't happy all the time and she was suffering from depression. They were glad I was there for her and all that to be a positive influence in her life. But if the circumstances allowed us to have stayed together, I think we could have been married by now and with a child or a child on the way. We both agreed that maintaining a long distance relationship would not be the best solution regardless of how happy we were together. We just have our lives to focus on. I don't think I could have held myself together if we had to continue the relationship on that. I admit I still cry over her because at one point, she was someone I needed as well and I do need her.

I wouldn't say she wanted a half baby just for the sake of it, but our relationship did move very quick and we talked about raising kids all the time. I think we would have been great parents together. And sex with her was just wonderful. As some of you know, sex with a woman you truly love is like no other. I know I would no longer be active on these forums if she were still mine. But I still miss the nights we spent together and that I would wake up in the middle of the night just to look at her and tell myself how beautiful she was. I miss the times we would share each other's favorite movies, play games at the arcade, or just have a simple walk while holding hands. I loved showing her Beverly Hills Ninja with Chris Farley. I loved watching the Disney movies with her. She probably would have been a great aunt to my sister's and brother's children. She and my niece along with her mother (my sister) could have been best friends.

Since we ended on good terms and it just happened in circumstances out of our control, we still maintain some contact. If the opportunity is there, hopefully we can continue. But it was one of the very few relationships I had in my life that a woman never tried to force me to change myself. We have the same values, see the world in similar ways and we have so much in common.

I wouldn't call Solong's stories of racism BS like Majimekun but if it is outside of Tokyo, I say it is more likely possible and have experienced it firsthand. I had to put up with racist crap when I was in Matsuyama in Shikoku 4 years ago. I met some really nasty bitches and assholes and I refuse to go back there because a majority of the people just were not good to me when I did nothing to them. It was just one of the worst experiences of my life. If I ever get transferred there, I am quitting my job or I will probably go on a murderous rampage in Matsuyama (if I told you the whole story you would feel me but I don't want to).

I also had a friend who lost a fiancee due to suicide because people were giving her crap about her relationship with him. After that, he went back to his home country.

 

[Sato69]

@johnnyboy84

Real heavy stuff. Sorry to hear the about your relationship and your friend. I hope things work out for the both of you.

 

[johnnyboy84]

Thanks, @Sato69

I do feel pathetic at times that my mongering has been a substitute for her. I will admit at times it does drive me insane that I cannot be with her. It is very rare for me to have a relationship and being accepted as being me. Sadly, only the girls I get at service provider take me for who I am, and take much less money from the bad girlfriends I had in life, as well.

 

[Hamerare]

Well, we all have different experiences both good and bad. Plus, sometimes when a Japanese girl hooks up with a foreign guy, she talks about wanting to move to his country permanently while the guy wants to stay here. That causes problems as well and I have seen it happen to a good number of my friends.

In Japan, a good number people find marriage partners at the work place. Some of my friends who came to Japan 25 years ago married their co-workers as well and still have great relationships. The last serious relationship I had was with a co-worker and that was 3 years ago, and it sadly lasted a little over 3 months because I had to move (transferred by work orders to a place in Saitama I didn't really like) and later so did she (she is now in graduate school in Australia). Some of our co-workers that were in the know were openly supportive of our relationship and saw that we were happy together. One co-worker I got along very well with also felt sad our relationship had to end. The moment we introduced each other, we just hit it off as we progressively got to knew each other and within 3 weeks, we started dating. Prior to our relationship, I was told she just wasn't happy all the time and she was suffering from depression. They were glad I was there for her and all that to be a positive influence in her life. But if the circumstances allowed us to have stayed together, I think we could have been married by now and with a child or a child on the way. We both agreed that maintaining a long distance relationship would not be the best solution regardless of how happy we were together. We just have our lives to focus on. I don't think I could have held myself together if we had to continue the relationship on that. I admit I still cry over her because at one point, she was someone I needed as well and I do need her.

I wouldn't say she wanted a half baby just for the sake of it, but our relationship did move very quick and we talked about raising kids all the time. I think we would have been great parents together. And sex with her was just wonderful. As some of you know, sex with a woman you truly love is like no other. I know I would no longer be active on these forums if she were still mine. But I still miss the nights we spent together and that I would wake up in the middle of the night just to look at her and tell myself how beautiful she was. I miss the times we would share each other's favorite movies, play games at the arcade, or just have a simple walk while holding hands. I loved showing her Beverly Hills Ninja with Chris Farley. I loved watching the Disney movies with her. She probably would have been a great aunt to my sister's and brother's children. She and my niece along with her mother (my sister) could have been best friends.

Since we ended on good terms and it just happened in circumstances out of our control, we still maintain some contact. If the opportunity is there, hopefully we can continue. But it was one of the very few relationships I had in my life that a woman never tried to force me to change myself. We have the same values, see the world in similar ways and we have so much in common.

I wouldn't call Solong's stories of racism BS like Majimekun but if it is outside of Tokyo, I say it is more likely possible and have experienced it firsthand. I had to put up with racist crap when I was in Matsuyama in Shikoku 4 years ago. I met some really nasty bitches and assholes and I refuse to go back there because a majority of the people just were not good to me when I did nothing to them. It was just one of the worst experiences of my life. If I ever get transferred there, I am quitting my job or I will probably go on a murderous rampage in Matsuyama (if I told you the whole story you would feel me but I don't want to).

I also had a friend who lost a fiancee due to suicide because people were giving her crap about her relationship with him. After that, he went back to his home country.

I feel 4 u bro

A couple of things here

Firstly, she was suffering from depression. This is a nasty and debilit8ng illness about which I know a lot. As if it wasnt bad enuf 4 the sufferer, it is also really hard on the partner/carer. I guess u urself mite not even know how bad her condition was, since she was obviously happy when with u. This may sound a bit callous to say, but leaving her mite have made ur life a bit easier in the long run, no matter what u mite still feel about her now. But I guess you'll never know.

As 4 MAtsuyama, I lived there 2 years. Loved the place and the people, but this was b4 the "troubles" started. In the early 90s there was hardly n e whities living there, when u saw 1 in the street, u wud usualy know who they were even if u had never met them. After I left, and I think this was in 1999, there was a big incident which got a lot of media coverage locally. An Ozzie dude was walking down Ichibangai the shopping arcade l8 at nite with a Japanese girl. A group of young J-guys drinking outside a bar in a side street started howling shit at him so he turned round and confronted them verbally. They shut up but as soon as he turned his back, one of them chucked a beer can (possibly filled with urine) at him. It missed, but he went back to fight them. Result was that he ended up in hospital in a coma. I never hear what happened to him after that but it was bad

Then about a year l8r, there was a big fite at Matsuyama ferry terminal one nite between a group of gaijins (coinsidentally I heard they were Ozzies too) and local lads. Police got called.

Since then it is not surprising that there is some bad blood towards gaijins still by some people. Matsuyama also has a bad youth unemployment problem, the local economy nosedived and what little industry there was got hollowed out or shut down. No 1 wants to bcum a farmer these dayz either, or marry one. I got J-buddy from Matsuyama in Tokyo and he gives me regular upd8 on how bad things r there now. Gr8 fish tho

 

[johnnyboy84]

She went out of her way to share with me how her condition was affecting her. I am glad I did something good for someone I care so much about.

Yeah, it was best that we ended it, but it still sucks it ended the way it had to which is why it still hurts me to this day. We were in a very good place and our lives just got dumped on us in our own ways. I say if we did try I'd be more crazy, but I am free and no one can ever replace her. I will always love her in my own way. Most of my relationship turns to shit but this one had hope for once and it ends circumstantially. Because of how my life is, I tend to have a "victim of my circumstances" kind of attitude but I do my best to take responsibility and better myself but when other people don't in situations that effect me (like my old friend in Matsuyama), I kind if revert to it.

Wow! No wonder the Ozzies had a bad rep down there. People would take shit all the time and people would put me with them. I don't even remotely look and sound like one. I am Pacific Islander looking and people tells I have a thick Southern Californian accent.

But it was a fellow American who I thought was a friend and his fat ass slut bar girl that just treated me like shit and took advantage of me for no reason. I made some mention of this in the crabs in a barrel thread. I have only been in 2 fights since I have been here. One with that guy and one with a Japanese guy. But I grew up in LA so I can handle myself. It's just shit like this and what happened to my girlfriend is why I have something of a "victims of my circumstances" mentality.