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When your bf is becoming too Japanese

Karen

Karen

Mistress of the Night
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I know I won't get much support from you GUYS here but at least I can rant!

(my bf doesn't know about this forum either, heh!)

Sadly, I believe my bf is becoming more Japanese! He's taking work more seriously than before and has been working such long hours for seemingly no reason. I cannot say that he's not really working but it feels like he's staying late just to appease some Japanese managers and trying to be more 'Japanese' in his style of working. He's not originally Japanese, he's not even Asian! We've talked about the future and I'm certain that he'll some day return to his home country. (not sure if his long-distance plans involve me, we haven't discussed it seriously) Now, though, I feel like I'm 3rd in line to his friends and his work which is quite frustrating when I have free time and want to spend some time with him. He's a great guy and has been really good to me with the exception of working so much lately. It used to be that he would be really busy during certain parts of the year and then he'd slow down and have time for me. I don't feel disconnected from him yet since we still talk all the time via phone or text. The physical connection is what's missing, just being side-by-side doing stuff together that isn't sleeping, lol!

My friends say it's normal..... normal for a JAPANESE guy. Not for a foreigner unless that is his goal, to assimilate fully! :mad:

I guess I'll have to sit down and talk with him and let him know how I feel about this. I had jokingly brought this up before, he of course didn't think I was serious. :rolleyes:

Bottom line, I'm happy with him, there's just a few 'buts' that need to be worked out and I hope that will be possible. I don't think I'm too demanding, just would like to spend more time with him. I know some of you are going "Typical woman...." yeah, so what? :p

We'll see how things progress!

<3
 
Maybe it's time to start over? Or maybe you should just talk to him and make sure he knows how you feel? Half of the problem with women is they forget that men don't notice the same things women do. That's just the way it is, so you have to communicate! If you aren't talking, then that's going to just dig a hole large enough to the point where neither of you can crawl out.

I'm not saying give up but evaluate your options and make sure you've examined each path closely. Maybe you have already, I don't know, I'm just covering the basic points in case you didn't.

Lastly, you're a woman... I shouldn't be giving YOU advice. >.>
 
Yeah, I see what you are saying Chris.

I tried to talk to him this weekend but he was clearly busy 'working' instead of taking time to talk like I had wanted. I don't fault him for working, I just want SOME time to chat, have coffee or just be together if just for a few moments. He did promise that we'd do something over Golden Week, but I'm not exactly holding my breath on that one. I will wait and see what pans out, if I reserve that time for him and we don't do shit, I'm going to be livid!

Ah well, women need advice too... my friends get enough of my complaining, I'm sure that's not what they want to hear about all the time.
 
Take it all in stride, I guess. I can't say I'd be happy in your shoes. It's all about how committed you are in seeing it through. If it were me, it would depend on how deep the relationship is. If you're married, you can't just dump the person and move on, so the situation varies from person to person.

PS: Damn, your shoes are tight! :p
 
Update, we're supposed to have a real "date" this weekend discuss things.

I was ignoring his text messages and I think he fnally got the point. I'm not a cold hearted bitch, I just want hims to understand how I feel. :(

We'll see how it goes, could be the end or a new beginning. Who knows, I'll think positively but expect the worst so that I'm not too disappointed if things don't go well.
 
Well what happened? Its like reading a book and just leaving the last chapter out:confused:
 
Chodi said:
Well what happened? Its like reading a book and just leaving the last chapter out:confused:
Click to expand...

Haha, I was thinking the same thing. Where's my bull whip!? :rolleyes:
 
Sorry guys!

The short version of conversation went something like this: I laid out my frustrations and worries to my bf during our date night that we setup. I clearly explained why I was frustrated in a clear, rational manner. He got a little upset and immediately came up with the idea of saying that his job was very important and he was putting in the long hours in hops of making the cut for the promotions that will go out in June. I told him that his work really wasn't so much a problem but more that his communication was lacking the explanation of what was going on.

At the end, we decided that we would wait and see how the next two months go and then reconsider things then. I'm sitting on the fence right now and I will wait and see if things improve after the promotions go out. I'm afraid, however, if he doesn't get the next promotion he wants, he will be incorrigible. :( I'm a patient persona and I'm willing to see things through from my side of things. He's not ready to give up either, so we're making no rash decisions in the meantime.

He kind of got offended when I told him that I had thought he was becoming 'too Japanese'. ;)

There you have it, sorry to leave you hanging. I had actually told Chris (Manager Chris) this on the phone and just forgot to update this thread.

<3
 
not to sound negative but if he does get the promotion won't he be working even more hours? :(
 
Chodi said:
not to sound negative but if he does get the promotion won't he be working even more hours? :(
Click to expand...

The idea is that once he goes up a notch, he'll get his own staff to delegate things to and he won't be doing so much of the 'grunt' work that he's doing now.

I *do* have my reservations, of course. However, I'm willing to see it through to see how things go. He's going to disappointed if he doesn't get promoted this time around and maybe he'll stop trying so hard for awhile.
 
Hi. I am new to this board so maybe my opinion might be way off but here goes. Looking from outside the box, it seems if you are having this much trouble to even discuss this with your bf...he may not be the right guy for you? You really spent alot of energy and effort to just get him to the table. Sorry to hear that.

Sorry if this comes off as rude but better to split and be happy than waiting for things to change and be not so happy.
 
shammykun said:
Hi. I am new to this board so maybe my opinion might be way off but here goes. Looking from outside the box, it seems if you are having this much trouble to even discuss this with your bf...he may not be the right guy for you? You really spent alot of energy and effort to just get him to the table. Sorry to hear that.

Sorry if this comes off as rude but better to split and be happy than waiting for things to change and be not so happy.
Click to expand...

Necro-bump much? My thread here is from Apr/May 2010. Ancient history. :shifty:
 
Karen,

Glad to see you have moved on and put things behind you and marching to your own drum corps. By the way I like little photo ID.
 
Sorry for the ancient bump. Duh, the date is at the bottom of the posts. I am on another board (Philippine) and used to seeing the dates under the avatars.

I share the gladness on your moving on. So did you end up finding someone good or just happy with being a night mistress?
 
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