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How comfortable do you feel in advance payment for sugar baby?

I don't have a horse in this race, but I've seen so many people that lack very basic money management skills, it's scary.
nedar said:
Odds are you'll never get your full 40 hours, or it'll be grudgingly spent (i.e. she'll show up late, play on her phone most of the time, and leave early claiming other appointments / fatigue ).
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Agree with this part.
nedar said:
After all, she can call the cops, scream stalker / pervert / blackmail and get you locked up while the police sort it out.
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Absolute worst case, I'd hope anyway....
okayspot said:
By her being stupid with social media id tags, have found out her real info and confirmed her workplace(they had a posting on her blog introducing her as new employee)
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People.... very careless these days... :(
 
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Well just an update:
Guess how many times I've met her since I made the Feb.19th post?

Once for two hours! Yesterday... After telling her "no more pay in advance" on the 19th, She made and cancelled several dates.

Giving 230,000 in advance to someone who managed to rack up 700,000 yen in debt is not a good idea for their sake, Based on her twitter the realization she had debt to pay off and still had to work for the money hadn't hit her, so she spent the money on ski trips and following around her band friends to Osaka/Nagoya getting nice private hotel rooms.

This week it was obvious she was out of money as she went back to the sexy pub for the first time in 3 months, met me the day after and asked if she could still get 3000 yen an hour, until her first pay check on the 25th,while working off the 22 hours she owes me(A lot better then the all payment at once she was asking before) thus she wouldn't have to work at the pub.

I agreed, but boy is it fun to spend time with someone who is either mildly depressed or really doesn't like you. Her talk about money and not meeting me is full of mis-consistences, but she also started crying when she had to ask me for more money, based on her twitter she has some emotional issues so.....

Semi-tempted to just pull out 100% and spend the 30,000 yen she wants on the girl who met me for 7 free hours, but I've already spent 236,000 yen(not including the 350,000 or so at the club where she had a bit different personality) going to ride this one out of curiosity.
 
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That sounds like a serious case of sunk cost fallacy.

I know this isn't necessarily what you want to hear, but for reference: had you, in comparison, spent upwards of 500,000 yen registering for an actual date club and setting up some dates you would have met at least two of their better members by now.
 
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okayspot said:
Giving 230,000 in advance to someone who managed to rack up 700,000 yen in debt is not a good idea for their sake, Based on her twitter the realization she had debt to pay off and still had to work for the money hadn't hit her, so she spent the money on ski trips and following around her band friends to Osaka/Nagoya getting nice private hotel rooms.

This week it was obvious she was out of money as she went back to the sexy pub for the first time in 3 months, met me the day after and asked if she could still get 3000 yen an hour, until her first pay check on the 25th,while working off the 22 hours she owes me(A lot better then the all payment at once she was asking before) thus she wouldn't have to work at the pub.
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Sounds like a girl I know who shows up when she needs money and then disappears but only to reappear again when she's overspent herself and cannot live within her means.

Pull out of the dive.
 
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I think the purpose of this board is to help misfortune from happening to people. It's really up to the individual if they know they will be used, ask for advice, not listen, then repeat the pattern again.
This isn't sugar dating.
 
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okayspot said:
Well just an update:
Guess how many times I've met her since I made the Feb.19th post?

Once for two hours! Yesterday... After telling her "no more pay in advance" on the 19th, She made and cancelled several dates.

Giving 230,000 in advance to someone who managed to rack up 700,000 yen in debt is not a good idea for their sake, Based on her twitter the realization she had debt to pay off and still had to work for the money hadn't hit her, so she spent the money on ski trips and following around her band friends to Osaka/Nagoya getting nice private hotel rooms.

This week it was obvious she was out of money as she went back to the sexy pub for the first time in 3 months, met me the day after and asked if she could still get 3000 yen an hour, until her first pay check on the 25th,while working off the 22 hours she owes me(A lot better then the all payment at once she was asking before) thus she wouldn't have to work at the pub.

I agreed, but boy is it fun to spend time with someone who is either mildly depressed or really doesn't like you. Her talk about money and not meeting me is full of mis-consistences, but she also started crying when she had to ask me for more money, based on her twitter she has some emotional issues so.....

Semi-tempted to just pull out 100% and spend the 30,000 yen she wants on the girl who met me for 7 free hours, but I've already spent 236,000 yen(not including the 350,000 or so at the club where she had a bit different personality) going to ride this one out of curiosity.
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That's what i expected. She maybe doesn't mean bad, but of course she is not interested in meeting up if she doesn't feel like she is "getting something out of it" so she will easily cancel if something else comes up or even if she is just not in the mood.

She seems about as eager to pay her dept to you off as her other depts.

That story about her not paying off her depts with the money you gave her pisses me off. Like, its one thing to buy yourself something or have a one day outing when you should actually be putting money to other things, sometimes you just have to cheer yourself up a bit. But to live it up until all your money is gone while not paying off depts and then come back asking for more... whats wrong with people...

If she is not fun to be around you should probably not see her anymore. Its a huge waste of money but so is giving her new money while you have to listen to her depressed stories (which basically makes you the one who's working, not her) while you could spend that money of visiting the nice new girl you've met who actually enjoys hanging out with you at her club and helping her.
You also dont have to worry about first girl's financial situation, she can earn the money at the club, if she didn't want to be there she shouldn't have been so irresponsible in the first place.
 
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Also yea, you are not gonna get money back from her (try to get money back from someone who ignores their depts, nope) and if you want to keep seeing her you will have to keep giving her money (even just small amounds) for her not to cancel, so it will just add up... :(
 
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Saved everyone the effort and looked it up...


In economics, a sunk cost is any past cost that has already been paid and cannot be recovered. For example, a business may have invested a million dollars into new hardware. This money is now gone and cannot be recovered, so it shouldn't figure into the business's decision making process.

http://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/how-the-sunk-cost-fallacy-makes-you-act-stupid.html

The Sunk Cost Fallacy The Misconception: You make rational decisions based on the future value of objects, investments and experiences. The Truth: Your decisions are tainted by the emotional investments you accumulate, and the more you invest in something the harder it becomes to abandon it.
 
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Okay I feel like a dad with a teenager in terms of her constant requests for money.
Basically just told her no more money and she started going to the club again.
Cried when I started saying no more money today, you need to work up a spending plan etc.

Very much child-like, took her to the toy store and she started playing in the toy box..... with the 7 year old girls also in there. Found it utterly adorable, but still.... The happiest I've ever seen her is when I bought her a giant stuffed bear... Did I get a thanks when I gave her 40,000 yen in advanced payment? Nope!
When I bought her the 3000 yen bear, Did I get tons of pictures of the bear in her apartment and her saying how "it made the evening so great, thank you so much!"?, Yep!

She is still keeping in communication with me and is telling me "Please just wait on the rest of the time, I promise I will contact you again".
Saw her at the Club last week, last time I saw her outside was on the Mar.17th.
She still has 25 hours she owes me.

I don't want to be a loanshark coming down on her, but her actions have not suggested she actually plans to fulfill the promise.
How do I let her know I'm concerned about the fact that she has basically stopped meeting me when I don't give her money, even though I've given her 160,000 yen that hasn't been repaid in time yet.
Basically how do I softly put "give me concrete deadline on when you plan to fulfill the promise please"
 
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okayspot said:
How do I let her know I'm concerned about the fact that she has basically stopped meeting me when I don't give her money, even though I've given her 160,000 yen that hasn't been repaid in time yet.
Basically how do I softly put "give me concrete deadline on when you plan to fulfill the promise please"
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Why not ttell her in exactly those terms? You've paid for 25 hours in advance. Simples. Maybe she'll give you 25 miserable hours.
Alternatively, just keep giving her cuddly toys but refuse to give any money.
My guess is that either way, she'll stop bothering you. You can think of that as a loss of however many hours you think you're owed. Or you can think of it as a savings, since you'll no longer pay for a no-fun time with a sad girl. Either way, cut your losses.
 
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okayspot said:
I don't want to be a loanshark coming down on her, but her actions have not suggested she actually plans to fulfill the promise.
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Obviously. Being immature means ducking responsibility when it gets to be too much, and if an immature person finds someone that will meet their needs (ego, financial, etc), they don't ever need to face up to their responsibility.

This isn't about her, however. You started this thread asking if it's a good idea, and I'm pretty sure the consensus was 'no'. It's not her thinking and actions that are at issue here, it's yours. You 'invested' in a set of junk bonds and seem to think that they should be AAA rated, and that you are gonna get your investment back. Chances are you aren't. Don't count on it. Either move on, or set up some boundaries with her where there's zero expectation on your part that she owes you something. If she wants to pay you back with time, great. If she starts talking about money, shut her down. Show that you are obviously losing interest. If you get part or all of your time back, great. It's a pleasant surprise.

But spending your time and energy dealing with her crap is not productive and not healthy.
 
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okayspot said:
How do I let her know I'm concerned about the fact that she has basically stopped meeting me when I don't give her money, even though I've given her 160,000 yen that hasn't been repaid in time yet.
Basically how do I softly put "give me concrete deadline on when you plan to fulfill the promise please"
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@meiji 's junk bond analogy is pretty good.

Even if you did talk to her and guilt her into spending more time with you, would not that time be very awkward?

I realize few people in Tokyo have cars and fewer still have lawns, but it would be funny if you got her to agree to work off the debt by washing your car or mowing your lawn.

Is there some other menial task that you could have her do to work off the debt?

If I were pissed and wanted to get even, I might do something like go buy a 10 kilo bag of garlic and have her peel and separate all the cloves. Tell her there is a bonus in it for her if she gets it done quickly.

Tell her that the garlic is for your mother's restaurant, or whatever makes sense. Invent an uncle who owns a produce stall in Ueno, he is sick and your family is pitching in and helping while he recovers.

When she is finished with the garlic project, tell her she can have the garlic as her bonus because you don't need it anymore.
 
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okayspot said:
Okay I feel like a dad with a teenager in terms of her constant requests for money.
Basically just told her no more money and she started going to the club again.
Cried when I started saying no more money today, you need to work up a spending plan etc.

Very much child-like, took her to the toy store and she started playing in the toy box..... with the 7 year old girls also in there. Found it utterly adorable, but still.... The happiest I've ever seen her is when I bought her a giant stuffed bear... Did I get a thanks when I gave her 40,000 yen in advanced payment? Nope!
When I bought her the 3000 yen bear, Did I get tons of pictures of the bear in her apartment and her saying how "it made the evening so great, thank you so much!"?, Yep!

She is still keeping in communication with me and is telling me "Please just wait on the rest of the time, I promise I will contact you again".
Saw her at the Club last week, last time I saw her outside was on the Mar.17th.
She still has 25 hours she owes me.

I don't want to be a loanshark coming down on her, but her actions have not suggested she actually plans to fulfill the promise.
How do I let her know I'm concerned about the fact that she has basically stopped meeting me when I don't give her money, even though I've given her 160,000 yen that hasn't been repaid in time yet.
Basically how do I softly put "give me concrete deadline on when you plan to fulfill the promise please"
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Move on my man.....Mark it down as a lesson in life......You like her to much, is the problem. But you will get over it. Find a provider who will give you what you are looking for. Otherwise she is going to keep on taking you.....and giving you zero percent on your return.
 
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Interesting thread indeed. I have some free time this week if anyone would like to meet and chat... $$$$ :)
 
Alright AliceandWonderland and everyone is correct....

I gave her another 10,000 last night and hated myself for it afterwards..... need to kill the parental instincts that horse mentioned.

Tried to offer up the let"s earn more money while getting rid of the debt and she acted like she had no idea what I was talking about.....

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________


約束を果たしながらお金稼げはいかがでしょうか？
一時間３０００円、６時間会えるなら２万円。前払い分が４時間減らす。考えてください！
Read

1:33 PM


前から言ってるけど
私の説明不足かもしれないけど、
25日までに２万円必要。

24日6時間、時間作るので
その日の分の２万円は
明日か今日、もらえたりしませんか。
提案です。
1:48 PM

意味わかる？
1:48 PM

時間作れる可能性があるのは24日しかないけど、
実質的に、今、お金が必要なんです。
お金だけ先に受け取って今すぐにでも携帯代を払いたいので
会うのは24日以降になるけど、お金だけ先にもらいたい。
1:49 PM

了解。前払いの上前払いしたくないので２４日（それは２５日までにね！）時間作れるなら挙げます　＾＿＾
Read

2:01 PM


意味がわからない。
2:02 PM

説明しても伝わらないみたいですね。
2:02 PM

めんどくさいので、少し休憩させてください、
2:03 PM

了解
 
She's finding it mendokusai to explain to her dumb-ass foreign SD that he should pay her in advance for services that she won't render?!?
Yah right. You should not be accepting that tone. Just put a block on this girl's messages. Forget about any money that you paid her in the past - Just write it off. Move on. Don't bother explaining anything to her - You owe her nothing.
 
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okayspot said:
Very much child-like, took her to the toy store and she started playing in the toy box..... with the 7 year old girls also in there. Found it utterly adorable, but still....
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Others have mentioned it, but it's striking how very compelling it seems for you to have the chance to take care of a young girl in a woman's body.

Best wishes. Sincerely hope you find a situation that makes you happy :)
 
jelle said:
Others have mentioned it, but it's striking how very compelling it seems for you to have the chance to take care of a young girl in a woman's body.
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That's pretty profound and I think a lot of men have that compulsion wired into them, myself included. I can imagine it being a common motivation for sugar dating in particular in contrast to straight P4P, a desire to "take care" of a woman and be therefore meaningful to her rather than just a transaction. I think it does make the men who have this aspect to their personality (again, including me) more susceptible to being played as suckers.

Not really going anywhere with that, I guess; your post just got me thinking.
 
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