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Dating or Marrying An Escort or Sex Worker - A Second Look

It's been a long week and I am a bit shattered, but I feel @TAG Manager has suffered a lot more than all of us of late. If he started this thread it is because he is looking for some input on the topic and to help him feel the love, he

Thanks for or your concern! The main purpose here is to bring the subject back to the top of the pile. I still meet people that are broken in this industry that feel like they can't build relationships with other people because of what they do for work or had done in the past. There are so many variations, it's too hard to cover each case... but some good points have been raised for both camps.

Even between SW's that were friends before, something happens between them and a trust is broken, friendship is lost.

More later, off to a lunch meeting. ;)
 
With only a very few exceptions, the fairly numerous emotionally/psychologically significant relationships I have had with women in my life have been unconventional and hard to classify but still very important to me and, I believe, to my partners in them. Some of the exceptions and a good fraction of the unconventional ones have been with sex workers. As some of you have heard before, a few of you in considerable detail, one of the relatively conventional romantic relationships in my past was long-term (over 15 years) with a gaijin Tokyo escort (now long retired).

Personally I have zero problems being emotionally and physically intimate with sex workers. Thinking back on those connections, I don't see any major differences in what made them work and what made them fail between those in which my partner was a sex worker and those in which she wasn't. If anything I think there are some secondary ways in which it is easier (for me) to maintain a relationship with a sex worker than with a "civilian". It seems much harder to have a stable and happy relationship with a nurse than with a sex worker ime.

A long book (or more) could be written on this topic no doubt, but the short form version is that it doesn't matter unless unless one of the two people think it matters and cannot or does not give up that belief. In other words, it is only a problem if one or both people interpret (to themselves) the *facts* of the situation in a way that makes it a problem/

-Ww
 
My contribution or distraction.. however you want to look at it..........
True Story:
I dated a sex worker for almost 3 years. She was not 100% up-front about it in the beginning, but I kinda already guessed and it never bothered me. She told me to leave her, I said why and her response was I'm a ""... I replied well, I don't really care how you make your money.. it is up to you. We had an awesome connection, mentally, physically, and for me it was spiritually (not religious) but more of a Karma thing.. really hard to explain. We never lived together, but we would take trips together (Thailand, Korea, Japan) and we would hang out. She would ask advise about business related matters, etc.. She would always say it was not a serious relationship, and that was cool for me. I wanted things to develop naturally. side note: ( I have a flat-mate and it is a contractual obligation between the two of us and one of the items is we do not bring women back to our flat. This is also a revenue stream for me.) Long-story short... one time when she was in Japan to visit me she said I wanna see where you live. I said, I will show you the building, but I will not take you up to the flat. I reminded her of the rule and contractual obligation. She demanded.. I said no.. we left the building and went back to our hotel, where she felt the need to unload on me about how unfair it was, and I was a liar, and I was just using her for sex...blah,blah,blah (not minimizing her feelings) When she was done, I said do you feel better or worse for what you have said to me ? She didn't reply. I advised that I never hid the fact about my flat arrangement, but I was not going to jeopardize revenue to make her feel better, especially since this was not a "serious" relationship. I left the hotel room and slept at another location. I went to pick her up the next morning to take the train to the airport. She had not slept at all, and said she was sorry and we should have spent our last night together. I said, well, you were too angry to try and have a rational conversation, I tried to talk, but you didn't want any part of it.. so it was best that I left. She then said, can I trust you ? I replied I've always been straight with you. It's too difficult to be a habitual liar, because you have to remember the lies... I said, only you can answer your question if you can trust me or not. trust is built between two people through actions and words, but I believe, actions that follow words...ie: saying I will do something and doing it. Also, I tend to treat people the way I want to be treated... So, we went a few months with no communication (in past it was multiple msgs daily), until recently... she msg me and said that she missed me... I said, why the change ? she said she didn't know. I said, you finally over your anger/hurt feelings ? She said yes, that I know her too well. My response was, what I know about her has never changed. Will see what the future holds.... She is a Libra - stubborn and proud LOL
When I met her she was a server in a bar, she finished her University, she did a 3 month overseas internship, and returned to Thailand. I've always heard and been told... Never get with a Thai Bar Girl... I understand the logic and reasons for this and many guys/women have had their lives turned upside down because of it. But I think those are just people using each other. I mean every relationship we are in is Voluntary...otherwise we are not in relationships - if one side feels like they are being taken advantage of, then it is up to them to stop or allow it IMO.

I also have a friend in Tokyo who is a SW, she says she has no friends outside of me.. I said because you use people and when you are done you have no need for them anymore, or if you feel they have wronged you, then you cut them off... This is not how you treat true friends... True Friendships, for me, are no matter what the issue, you can call them and they will be there to help - no matter what it is. This is my own definition, but may some share it as well. This friend just doesn't seem to get what a friend is... she never gives, but always takes... I think that is her true nature, because that is how her mother treated her. Anyway - that may be for another post.

In summary.... I think that if 2 people care about each other, are open with each other and not judgmental and secure enough with themselves to thwart jealousy, then it is quite possible to date, live with, and marry a SW. Relationships are hard work as we all know.. some of us are better at them then others... When we step back and look at some of our best relationships and worst... it comes down to communication, our own insecurities and self worth on both sides as well as many other reasons......

Apologies for this being so long..

Feel free to comment... I would interested to hear other's opinions...
 
I've mentioned on here before that I was in a relationship with a delivery girl for a year or so.

I never had any issues with her working or continuing to work - she was a smart girl, took proper health precautions, and they had security arrangements for the girls. I've never been a jealous or possessive person, so that side of things was never a concern.

For me the issue that ultimately caused problems was her schedule. Even though she would usually drop by after her shift finished and crawl under the covers and snuggle up, not being able to see her in the evenings most days eventually took its toll on things. I suppose it would have been easier if I had been a bartender or in some other line of work that kept me on a similar schedule. And I would have had the same issues dating a bartender or waitress, to be honest.
 
I don't see any major differences in what made them work and what made them fail between those in which my partner was a sex worker and those in which she wasn't.

Please excuse the self-quote.

@BB0523 and @Sudsy, the stories of specific relationships with sex workers that you described above seem to me to agree with the general observation from my post quoted above. The problems you encountered were either not associated with or not at all unique to the fact that the woman in question was a sex worker. Would you agree?

On the schedule issue you mention @Sudsy, I have been in serious relationships with four women (including two nurses) whose schedules were as bad worse and far less flexible than those of any sex worker I've known.

-Ww
 
I have been in serious relationships with four women (including two nurses) whose schedules were as bad worse and far less flexible than those of any sex worker I've known.

I have been in a relationship with a nurse and a flight attendant and if they announced they are changing to escort work I would have been singing hallelujah for the better schedules alone.
 
Ww... It's a good point you make... In theory, I would agree... But my opinion, is that the SW for my particular case impacted the woman self perception.... resulting in "Me Against the World" and not being able to trust people... one part being SW and another contributing factor her upbringing. I think SW validates her self worth to some degree (be it good or bad - that's a judgment call). IMO Only...
How do you think SW affects the Psyche of a woman ? Do you think they compartmentalize, or embrace ? Would you say they have a high self-esteem or low ? The of course are very broad stroke generalizations and I know there are always exceptions.. just curious on your opinion....
 
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Ww... It's a good point you make... In theory, I would agree... But my opinion, is that the SW for my particular case impacted the woman self perception.... resulting in "Me Against the World" and not being able to trust people... one part being SW and another contributing factor her upbringing. I think SW validates her self worth to some degree (be it good or bad - that's a judgment call). IMO Only...
How do you think SW affects the Psyche of a woman ? Do you think they compartmentalize, or embrace ? Would you say they have a high self-esteem or low ? The of course are very broad stroke generalizations and I know there are always exceptions.. just curious on your opinion....
To me personally, I definitely needed it to boost my self esteem and i may be bad in some sort of way.
But i was comming from a bad place, had low self esteem and now i feel much better. Its unbelievable how sweet most guys are.

I also read somewhere that most women who quit SW really miss all the compliments they were getting.
 
Ww... It's a good point you make... In theory, I would agree... But my opinion, is that the SW for my particular case impacted the woman self perception.... resulting in "Me Against the World" and not being able to trust people... one part being SW and another contributing factor her upbringing. I think SW validates her self worth to some degree (be it good or bad - that's a judgment call). IMO Only...

Obviously you are in an infinitely better position than me to judge the impact of SW on the woman with whom you had the relationship you described in detail above, and I don't deny that SW can impact a woman's self-perception, but what you say is the reason I wrote "not at all unique" to sex workers. Lots of non-SWs have trust issues and "me against the world" attitudes; the streets are filled with people having such problems in fact, aren't they? And as you note, both childhood (and other life) experiences as well as other occupations can contribute to them.

In other words, if a guy wanted to avoid dating/marrying a woman with trust or "me against the world" issues, he would be wise to simply avoid women showing those traits rather than avoiding SWs who might or might not have them. I'm not sure I'm being clear...but hope I am.

How do you think SW affects the Psyche of a woman ? Do you think they compartmentalize, or embrace ? Would you say they have a high self-esteem or low ? The of course are very broad stroke generalizations and I know there are always exceptions.. just curious on your opinion....

For the women to whom I am attracted and who also find my company acceptable (or maybe even more than that...I hope), SW is generally good for them. Although she is a perhaps extreme example (in a good way), the sort of attitudes toward SW expressed by @User#8628 in this thread are similar to those of the SWs with whom I've been involved in significant relationships. But I don't know the answer in general because neither most SWs nor most women in general find me to be an attractive partner, either physically or mentally/psychologically/emotionally. Put differently, I have a very biased sample because I am an acquired taste (at best).

-Ww
 
I also read somewhere that most women who quit SW really miss all the compliments they were getting.

Knowing and having known a number of retired indie escorts, it appears to me that they often miss much more than just the compliments...not only the beauty and desirablility affirming aspects of SW but also all of the independence, working hours flexibility, free time to pursue other projects, income and so forth.

For successful escorts with a positive attitude and experience of sex work, the "graceful exit" problem is arguably the worst part of the profession.

-Ww
 
I have been in a relationship with a nurse and a flight attendant and if they announced they are changing to escort work I would have been singing hallelujah for the better schedules alone.

Interesting that you mention a flight attendant. Of the four women I ever dated who had the most difficult, nearly impossible, schedules in terms of maintaining a normal social life, two were nurses (as I already mentioned) and one was a "customer service agent" at NRT for a major US airline.

Like flight attendants they have no idea when their shifts will actually end when they go to work. Delayed departures or arrivals hold them at work until the flights make it out/in or are canceled (and in that case until the passengers are settled into new itineraries); it is murder. And, to make matters worse, at least in the case of this particular airline, the shift schedules were inhuman and often seemed deliberately cruel/abusive; for example, working a late shift (scheduled to end with the arrival of the last flight of the day) was remarkably often assigned on the day before an early one (starting an hour or so before the scheduled arrival of the first flight of the day), thus leaving virtually no time to get home, eat and sleep (a very little) before having to get up and head back to work, especially if flights arrived late the night before. And when major air travel disruptions occurred...a typhoon coming through for example, the hours and ways the ground staff are required to work doesn't bear contemplation. Personally it had never crossed my mind how bad a job it is until I met and lived with the woman in question. I really don't know how the airlines get people to do it for the shitty pay they offer.

I don't even know what to call the job of the fourth person on this list of schedule-unfortunates, but she worked for arguably the best and most famous company in Tokyo in the business of providing custom floral arrangements for events of all sorts...private ones such as weddings or parties and corporate ones such as product roll-outs or conferences/meetings etc. Her job involved delivering, setting up and then later taking down and hauling away these exquisite flower arrangements and associated decorations. Her schedule was thus irregular, different ever week, and generally required her to work at exactly those times when most people have their social lives (because that is when such events are normally scheduled of course).

Anyway, yeah...all four of those ladies had schedules that would make the hours of a typical SW seem like a picnic by comparison.

-Ww
 
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I also read somewhere that most women who quit SW really miss all the compliments they were getting.
... well maybe it's because some of them just get way too many for their own good . Confidence built on flattery is not worth much , imo
 
... well maybe it's because some of them just get way too many for their own good . Confidence built on flattery is not worth much , imo
(Think I smell something with your post..) :rolleyes:

....Maybe it's because most guys are less comfortable with giving compliments to someone they arent going to be or havent been intimate with (e.g fear of being accused of harassment, or other negative reaction). So SWs are naturally going to receive more.

Btw though, I think a lot of what @User#8628 receives are actual genuine compliments, not just mere flattery. :D
 
(Think I smell something with your post..) :rolleyes:

....Maybe it's because most guys are less comfortable with giving compliments to someone they arent going to be or havent been intimate with (e.g fear of being accused of harassment, or other negative reaction). So SWs are naturally going to receive more.

Btw though, I think a lot of what @User#8628 receives are actual genuine compliments, not just mere flattery. :D

No, i was not targeting any specific escort (honestly!). Just reading some rave reviews sometimes gives the impression that its a bit too over-the-top to be fully genuine... but then I saw my review by Yuriko and thought.... nah, that's really who I am, lets face it, I am just totally awesome and fabulous ! :D
 
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No, i was not targeting any specific escort (honestly!).
:cautious::D:ROFLMAO:

Just reading some rave reviews sometimes gives the impression that its a bit too over-the-top to be fully genuine...
I was more referring to real-world (face to face with provider) compliments, not reviews. I assumed these were the compliments @User#8628 was talking about SWs missing...
 
:cautious::D:ROFLMAO:


I was more referring to real-world (face to face with provider) compliments, not reviews. I assumed these were the compliments @User#8628 was talking about SWs missing...

Ok , complimenting a lady with whom you are going to have sex (or just had sex) is part of the play in my opinion . It can be totally sincere , of course, it can also be just a way to build the connection and have a better time. I did my share of hypocritical compliments too , we all did, I'm sure . Do you really want to start a meeting with "damn you look fatter than your pics and frankly I imagined you hotter than that ?" . Come on.
 
Do you really want to start a meeting with "damn you look fatter than your pics and frankly I imagined you hotter than that ?"

Oh, now I understand why they blurred your face in all of the pictures. And mind you, did you gain like 10 kgs since they were taken? OK, let's have amazing sex now, shall we?
 
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Oh, now I understand why they blurred your face in all of the pictures. And mind you, did you gain like 10 kgs since they were taken? OK, let's have amazing sex now, shall we?

I actually tried to tell it as it is (or actually as I saw it) once , not with an escort (I already paid , so better to limit the damages with a few lies indeed), but with a Japanese SB-wannabe lady (just paid one drink and was not in the mood to play nice for too long with such a pathetically annoying and entitled person) . I left her in tears , not proud of it.
 
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:cautious::D:ROFLMAO:


I was more referring to real-world (face to face with provider) compliments, not reviews. I assumed these were the compliments @User#8628 was talking about SWs missing...
Yes, real world compliments were what i meant, and it was also what the article i read long ago was talking about. It also mentioned that the compliments where not always meant but women would still miss them.

I believe most of the compliments i get from guys who meet me in real life, pay my fees and repeat if they have a chance are sincere though.
 
Reviews are a mixed bag. I'm sure guys who write mine are a bit infatuaded. But that doesn't mean that guys don't really mean what they are saying.

However, every girl that my one anti-fan has recommended has at least one bad review herself (plus quite some good ones as well) so its all a matter of taste and chemistry.

I think the worst someone has gotten with me is "meh" which is sad for the money of course, but not as disastrous as some other reviews which almost sound like a traumatic experience.
 
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Reviews are a mixed bag. I'm sure guys who write mine are a bit infatuaded.

However, every girl that my one anti-fan has recommended has at least one bad review herself (plus quite some good ones as well) so its all a matter of taste and chemistry.

I think the worst someone has gotten with me is "meh" which is sad for the money of course, but not as disastrous as some other reviews which almost sound like a traumatic experience.

The anti-fan actually agrees with the above :)
 
I think I am falling for a SW in Gotanda. We have gone to dinner twice and she refused extra payment. It's like a real date.
Twice and I can see that she isn't sure as well comparing to young Japanese girl and asking why I asked her out instead of regular girl.
The problem is that my Japanese is very bad and since she's from China her Japanese is not too good as well.
The schedule is bad as well, only about 1.5 hours before her work starts and my work ends, it's gonna be worse in winter as the shop open earlier.
Don't know what to do in this kind of situation, probably just gonna continue and hope for the best and try to not have high expectation as it's gonna hurt more if I have high expectation.
 
I think I am falling for a SW in Gotanda. We have gone to dinner twice and she refused extra payment. It's like a real date.
Twice and I can see that she isn't sure as well comparing to young Japanese girl and asking why I asked her out instead of regular girl.
The problem is that my Japanese is very bad and since she's from China her Japanese is not too good as well.
The schedule is bad as well, only about 1.5 hours before her work starts and my work ends, it's gonna be worse in winter as the shop open earlier.
Don't know what to do in this kind of situation, probably just gonna continue and hope for the best and try to not have high expectation as it's gonna hurt more if I have high expectation.
Welcome to TAG! Grats on your first post. :)

Yeah, it's best to lower your expectations -- anything is possible, but you will get hurt as you admit if you expect a lot.

Tread carefully!
 
Don't know what to do in this kind of situation, probably just gonna continue and hope for the best and try to not have high expectation as it's gonna hurt more if I have high expectation.

You do what we all do in similar circumstances; you hope for the best and prepare for the worst. Most of those Chinese girls do not speak very good Japanese which obviously complicates things. Especially as I have maxed out my Chinese abilities in around three words.

Some of them have been in Japan for several years and speak pretty fluently. Once upon a time I hooked up with one girl when she left the shop and we ended up dating for around two great years. So recommended, would repeat. :ROFLMAO: