Marriage, a bad idea

I'm pretty careful with personal information. I use a separate email address that I only access via private browsing so no history of it. None of the girls know my real name. They know my temporary Japanese phone number. The one I met two years ago has a friend who I discovered is Facebook friends with one of my Facebook friends, so that kind of worried me, but she hasn't sent me a friend request so I haven't had to deal with that. Facebook is somewhat of a nuisance, and I would delete the account entirely if I didn't have so many people I keep track of that way.

I think my success so far may be because I am concentrating on 40+ aged women who aren't being chased by as many guys as the 20-somethings.

I've never been to Hakone. What is the onsen experience like? Are all of the onsens separated by gender?

The onsens in Hakone are very good. Have enjoyed going there a few times.

As I know most of the onsens are separated.

Some hotels offer the smaller onsens for private bookings at specific times, booked in advance and for a small fee, e.g. Y2,000.

Another alternative is a hotel room with its own private onsen bath. I did this once and it was very enjoyable.

Also it is not cheap, especially if booking over a Saturday/Sunday. Can be in the range of Y50,000 including dinner and breakfast.

SN...

sxian said:

I've never been to Hakone. What is the onsen experience like? Are all of the onsens separated by gender?

Click to expand...

Highly recommend Hakone. It's a wonderful experience. You have to go there to appreciate it.

You can be together as a couple, as long as you are wearing your bathing suits.

The ones where you can go naked are different locations in Japan. Many separate the sexes, but a few allow both. There are also a few that swingers have told me about. You would meet at the onsen, then take it to the room. I will see if I can find the information on those and post it. As for Hakone, it's family friendly, but still fun.

Sxian

Sorry if I sound harsh or arrogant but seriously ... from my perspective, you look like a total newbie when it comes to japanese girls

If you continue like this, you are going to put yourself in deep trouble.

Stupid girls are legion in Japan. The cuter the stupidier.
Spotting them right away before they even open their mouth is one of the most needed survival skill in Japan
It's as important as guessing right their age

But my greatest concern is the fact that you date a married woman.
I sincerely hope you'll be fine because it's quite a dangerous game here.

Take care

sxian said:

Solong, thanks for the advice.

So far, I've had live dates with three women. Last night, the girl I met in Roppongi two years ago came to Roppongi to meet me and we drank until she was drunk. She suggested going back to my place. She said she was going to take the last train, but she missed it and spent the night in my room. She left a little while ago for work.

I'm meeting the Japan Cupid girl for a 2nd date tonight. She's coming to Roppongi. She's cute and friendly but I question how intelligent she is. She has asked me to and give her some advice on a problem. It turns out that someone claiming to be an American diplomat contacted her and told her that her ex-husband was having something delivered in Japan and she needed to send 600,000 yen to cover the delivery charge. I told her not to do it, but she sent the money anyway. After she sent the money, she forwarded me the emails from the so-called diplomat and it was immediately obvious that it was one of those Nigerian scams. I can't believe she was dumb enough to fall for that. The English used in the emails was all wrong and obviously not written by anyone whose first language is English.

The third girl is the married one who is busy making plans for us to go to Hakone for an overnight trip. We have an afternoon date set for next Tuesday too. She seems anxious to spend time with me, and of the three women, she's the one I look forward to seeing the most.

Click to expand...

sxian said:

I think my success so far may be because I am concentrating on 40+ aged women who aren't being chased by as many guys as the 20-somethings.

Click to expand...

From my experience 40+ aged women who are not already married are either :
1. ugly
2. victim of health problems like skin problems, etc.
3. unable to form a couple for some psychological reasons
4. totally uninterested in men/sex etc.
5. too stupid

Basically, the married ones are the best .... but again, too much trouble on the horizon.

Japan is a tough country

A lot of beautiful girls but too many problems when dealing with them.

sxian said:

I'm pretty careful with personal information. I use a separate email address that I only access via private browsing so no history of it. None of the girls know my real name. They know my temporary Japanese phone number. The one I met two years ago has a friend who I discovered is Facebook friends with one of my Facebook friends, so that kind of worried me, but she hasn't sent me a friend request so I haven't had to deal with that. Facebook is somewhat of a nuisance, and I would delete the account entirely if I didn't have so many people I keep track of that way.

I think my success so far may be because I am concentrating on 40+ aged women who aren't being chased by as many guys as the 20-somethings.

Click to expand...

I don't use Facebook at all with Japanese women, because nothing but trouble and inconvenience. LINE is vastly more worthwhile in Japan, and Kakaotalk in Korea.

40+ definitely would be a more open field. My problem with it though is many Japanese women lie about their age after 30. So a profile might say 40+, but then expect 50+ women to show up. And 50 something Japanese women tend to look their age. Those thin bones and any smoking (skin spots and wrinkles) tends to catch up with them, with a vengeance.

30+ (online) will see a lot of 40+ trying to fake it, but I feel a lot of such women are at least keeping it doable.

majimekun said:

From my experience 40+ aged women who are not already married are either :
1. ugly
2. victim of health problems like skin problems, etc.
3. unable to form a couple for some psychological reasons
4. totally uninterested in men/sex etc.
5. too stupid

Basically, the married ones are the best .... but again, too much trouble on the horizon.

Japan is a tough country

A lot of beautiful girls but too many problems when dealing with them.

Click to expand...

My problem with late 30+ Japanese women tend to be:

( My 1, your 4) Unsexual. Like totally losing that feminine touch or will to compete as a woman, and dressing down like church mom.

It's really sad and annoying, when some older women actually have a nice body, but they are too messed up in the head and full of insecurities to realize it.

( My 2, your 3.) Psychological problems and massive baggage.

Simply not knowing how to form successful relationships with the opposite sex. Combined this with unsexual, and a horrible mess.

(Your 1.) Mostly agree, but not about the ugly. Because as a side chick that you never intend to marry and not into sporting her in public, if she is physically fit and sexual, can be worth it. And there are good to decent looking 40 something Japanese women.

(Your 2.) Mostly fat or smokers(who tend to get dark spots on their skin from 40+, sometimes 30+) are most likely to have issues.

Note- Another telling sign of age among Japanese women is dark circles around or under their eyes. And many women try to cover this with makeup, but don't do a good job, so still easy to spot (if you are aware of it).

(Your 5.) This is problematic to me more in the form as her being dumb about men and incapable of figuring out how to get along with men. I expect older chicks to be wiser in a good way, not act childish and immature like a teenager or be an old evil witch.

Have to mention that 2 of the most sexually skilled women (vaginal squirters, do anal, deep throat, and more) that I ever met were 40 something physically fit married Japanese women. These chicks did just about everything. Still dream about these 2 chicks to this day, as they were that good. They are the sexual benchmark that I compare other women to. But had to drop them, because just can't take the risk of keeping a married chick for too long (but still kept 1 of them for 9 months), and I damn sure wasn't going to marry them.

majimekun said:

Sxian

Sorry if I sound harsh or arrogant but seriously ... from my perspective, you look like a total newbie when it comes to japanese girls

If you continue like this, you are going to put yourself in deep trouble.

Stupid girls are legion in Japan. The cuter the stupidier.
Spotting them right away before they even open their mouth is one of the most needed survival skill in Japan
It's as important as guessing right their age

But my greatest concern is the fact that you date a married woman.
I sincerely hope you'll be fine because it's quite a dangerous game here.

Take care

Click to expand...

If I lived in Japan, I would not risk carrying on like this, juggling three girls. I'm here only for two + weeks though.

As for being a total newbie, well, maybe I am. I'm 54 years old and have lots of experience with women in general, though I haven't been with that many Japanese girls.

As for the married woman, I appreciate the warning, and if I lived here, I doubt I would have anything to do with her. But I'll see her twice next week, then leave the country, so I don't know if it's that risky of a move.

majimekun said:

From my experience 40+ aged women who are not already married are either :
1. ugly
2. victim of health problems like skin problems, etc.
3. unable to form a couple for some psychological reasons
4. totally uninterested in men/sex etc.
5. too stupid

Basically, the married ones are the best .... but again, too much trouble on the horizon.

Japan is a tough country

A lot of beautiful girls but too many problems when dealing with them.

Click to expand...

I could confirm those criticisms to an extent. The three I'm seeing are all 40+, one married, one divorced after a 1 year failed marriage to a foreigner, and the other never been married.

The never been married one probably would be called "ugly" by a lot of guys. She drinks every day and she looks a lot worse than she did when I met her two years ago in Roppongi. She also lacks experience with long-term relationships. She has a boyfriend who is an airline pilot, but he only comes to Japan occasionally, and I tried to tell her he probably has girlfriends in the various countries he visits. She isn't stupid, but her interest in sex is not as high as the other two. We were supposed to spend today together but I cancelled due to the fact that the divorced one kind of exhausted me last night. I need a day of recovery (or at least half a day).

The divorced one is not ugly but she married a foreigner who spoke no Japanese and had no interested in learning the language and predictably things went bad. She smokes and drinks (more than me) and sun bathes (she had killer bikini tan lines) and her skin isn't perfect. She also fell for a Nigerian mail scam and lost 600,000 yen last week, so that tells you a little something about her intelligence. We went drinking/dancing last night and she was grinding against me and kissing me in the club, but when we returned to my room, she refused to lie on the bed. I finally convinced her to lie down, and she refused to take off her clothes. I figure this is a Japanese habit where women act like they're not interested when they really are. She grabbed my hand and put it between her legs, so I assumed it was all an act. Her clothes finally came off and she was pretty wild. She looked at the clock and said the last train had gone and asked if she could stay the night, which was fine by me. She woke me up at 4:30 in the morning for another round.

The married one looks like an average Japanese housewife - not beautiful but not ugly. She's very interested in sex. I've only met her once so far, so my impressions of her aren't as developed.

Madonna-Whore Complex, Female Version

Sxian, you touched on a very important point and problem with women that leads to the destruction of lots of relationships and massive problems with men.

In psychology, the term is often used to describe men with this problem and who see women only as one or the other. However, in practice, women are often mentally affected by this vastly more than men.

For some reason; political correctness, religions, and feminism prevents society from labelling women appropriately. The closet we get is frigid or sexually dysfunctional, but often that's not quite addressing the common socially inspired problem that many women have.

Many women simply are not comfortable with their sexuality and/or feel they have to play "near" virgin and childish games with EVERY man she meets. Even if she is 30, 40, 50...

When I'm in the room with a 30+ woman, nothing is more annoying then her acting like she is a 17 year old virgin on her 1st date.

And Japanese women, way too often, take it to near ridiculous levels. Like, WTF is this woman doing?

And many women, just don't know when to quit the ridiculous act or the stupidity became embedded in their personality and interaction with men. Like even sleeping with the woman several times or for weeks... They just can't let the fake modesty and childish behavior go.

And to keep this retarded act alive, it means her sexual skills are often HORRIBLE dead fish level. Because that is what "near virgins" good girls ought to do... Play near dead.

Now, there are some men that are equally sexually inhibited or sexually limited (little 1 minute wham bam, thank you mam types) where this behavior works. But 30+ year old women should be SMARTER to know every guy doesn't like such bullcrap and that lots of men like women to be sexually skilled and confident.

Solong, she played this role so well when we got back to the room that I was ready to give up. She was fine with standing and kissing (I have only one desk chair and no couch/sofa), but the bed was off limits. I said to her, I'm tired, let's at least sit down on the bed, we don't have to lie on it and she decided that was fine, but then instead of sitting down, she stretched out. Then she was absolutely not going to let me take her clothes off. This went on long enough that I thought maybe she's just not interested. I respect "no means no" but her grinding against me was sending a different signal than her words were so I persisted long enough until she gave in. Once the clothes came off, the act was over and it was like she was a different person, ready for anything. Very interesting behavior that I haven't encountered before.

Solong said:

Madonna-Whore Complex, Female Version

Sxian, you touched on a very important point and problem with women that leads to the destruction of lots of relationships and massive problems with men.

In psychology, the term is often used to describe men with this problem and who see women only as one or the other. However, in practice, women are often mentally affected by this vastly more than men.

For some reason; political correctness, religions, and feminism prevents society from labelling women appropriately. The closet we get is frigid or sexually dysfunctional, but often that's not quite addressing the common socially inspired problem that many women have.

Many women simply are not comfortable with their sexuality and/or feel they have to play "near" virgin and childish games with EVERY man she meets. Even if she is 30, 40, 50...

When I'm in the room with a 30+ woman, nothing is more annoying then her acting like she is a 17 year old virgin on her 1st date.

And Japanese women, way too often, take it to near ridiculous levels. Like, WTF is this woman doing?

And many women, just don't know when to quit the ridiculous act or the stupidity became embedded in their personality and interaction with men. Like even sleeping with the woman several times or for weeks... They just can't let the fake modesty and childish behavior go.

And to keep this retarded act alive, it means her sexual skills are often HORRIBLE dead fish level. Because that is what "near virgins" good girls ought to do... Play near dead.

Now, there are some men that are equally sexually inhibited or sexually limited (little 1 minute wham bam, thank you mam types) where this behavior works. But 30+ women should be SMARTER to know every guy doesn't like such bullcrap and that lots of men like women to be sexually skilled and confident.

Click to expand...

Real talk right here. Total truth.

sxian said:

Solong, she played this role so well when we got back to the room that I was ready to give up. She was fine with standing and kissing (I have only one desk chair and no couch/sofa), but the bed was off limits. I said to her, I'm tired, let's at least sit down on the bed, we don't have to lie on it and she decided that was fine, but then instead of sitting down, she stretched out. Then she was absolutely not going to let me take her clothes off. This went on long enough that I thought maybe she's just not interested. I respect "no means no" but her grinding against me was sending a different signal than her words were so I persisted long enough until she gave in. Once the clothes came off, the act was over and it was like she was a different person, ready for anything. Very interesting behavior that I haven't encountered before.

Click to expand...

Seen this act way too many times in Japan. At least she switched on sexually and was good in bed, as some keep to the "almost a virgin" at 30+ act while having sex too.

This is an act that Japanese women do for Japanese guys that can't handle a woman being sexually liberated in any way. Unfortunately, lots of Japanese women never figure out that they should NOT do this with EVERY guy and various men see through and don't appreciate this crap.

I have 2 methods to try to turn off this act, which works with more intelligent or at least more perceptive Japanese women.

1. Tell a story about a woman lying and hiding some sexual act that she likes. It can be bondage, bisexuality, anal, doing it outside, etc... At the end of the story, explain how foreign men think differently and that how her lying to you or her boyfriend was completely unnecessary.

2. Explain your open-mindedness and how genuine behavior is better than deception or fakeness.

When I had such conversations prior to ever having sex with Japanese women, the percentage pulling the "like a virgin" act went way down. However, still get it from time to time with older women that can't change their programming and believe the act is reflexive of how much of a "good girl" she supposedly is. Actually, a "good girl" that is bad at sex or annoyingly fake.

After Friday night's date with the divorced woman, I cancelled a date with the never been married woman on Saturday. I was too tired. I was supposed to go to a party with her that started at 2:00 in the afternoon but the idea of drinking so early after having drunk so much the night before was not appealing. At 5:00, she called me and said you have to come to the party, I'm so drunk. So, with that encouragement, I went to the address she gave me. There were about 35 people there, all but 5 were women with average age of about 35. They had all been drinking since the party started so everyone was friendly and relaxed.

By 9, my girl was sloppy drunk and wanted to return to my apartment. She was more into passing out than making out, but I dragged her out to another bar for a couple more drinks. On the way back to my apartment, she insisted on stopping at a convenience store for more wine. Back at my apartment, she starts showing me photos of her boyfriend and I have to listen to her complain about how he hasn't contacted her in 6 days. Predictably, she's soon fast asleep.

The next morning, she's wide awake and suddenly very horny and after a few hours of fun, I'm ready for her to leave. But instead, she decides she'll tag along with me all day, have lunch (and another bottle of wine), and hang out in bed with me until 5 in the afternoon. If I hadn't had dinner plans with some friends, she'd probably still be here.

Dating in lieu of P4P definitely has some advantages - the girls want to have sex and aren't just after money and there's the opportunity for personal connections, but it's not particularly cheap to date. I think I've easily spent the same amount I would have spent on P4P on alcohol, food, etc. There's also the problem of trying to keep everyone separated, making sure the apartment doesn't show signs of another woman, not running into one when you're on a date with another, explaining why the phone keeps ringing or texts keep coming in, etc. On my next trip, I think maybe ONE dating partner (instead of THREE) plus P4P might be a better (safer?) way to go.

majimekun said:

Sxian

...Stupid girls are legion in Japan. The cuter the stupidier.

Spotting them right away before they even open their mouth is one of the most needed survival skill in Japan
It's as important as guessing right their age

Click to expand...

I don't think Japanese women are dumb, and when it comes to being book smart or educated, many have clear credentials. And many Japanese women are cunning and very devious, in a very bad way.

The problem is more of the childish cartoon character act that many Japanese women, for lots of ridiculous reasons, feel compelled to play. The U.S. and various Western countries had a similar issue back in the 1940s (epitomized by the actress Marilyn Monroe in the 1950s) to 1980s. This where too many women play dumb and think that all men want this. Japan can be odd, where it's backwards or stuck in a time bubble in some ways.

Lots of Japanese women think that society, their parents, or men think that is wanted of them. That is, just be cute and act childish. Complete with annoyingly high and weird voice (have to live in Japan to recognize it). I have also noticed that certain groups of Japanese women try to perfect this ridiculous act with their girlfriends. Like who can do it the best.

And Japanese women use this ACT, as a mask and to be very sneaky and devious. They will play dumb, in order to manipulate people around them (usually men, but other women or older people falling for the act too).

I'm always more suspicious of Japanese women "playing way too cute and childish". With many, you can pick up the act by their eye movements, which can have a weird disconnect from what they are saying or promising. Some women are however, very good academy award level actresses that are twisted and get off on everybody they trick or cheat.

@sxian

Had 2 back to back dates this past Saturday and Sunday. A 25 year old vs a 38 year old.

1. Date with younger woman goes excellently.

Met on the train and had been e-mailing each other for 1 week. We picked Saturday to be our day. We played a game of darts, have dinner, and then 3 hours at a love hotel (in Shibuya). Great conversation, fun, and relatively smooth interaction.

2. Date with the older woman was like hitting yourself with a hammer.

I could have gone on another date with a different younger woman, but the older women was taller (171cm) and still had a very good shape and wanted to give her a chance.

Met her at Mcdonalds, of all places. Happened to strike up a seemingly good conversation. Decided to go out yesterday, and after almost 2 weeks of e-mailing.

When we met previously, she happened to have shorts on and high heels... Sexy combo. For our date however, she oddly dresses down and in an older fashion style. She looked decent and classy, but not sexy. Best I can describe it is like how many Americans dress going to church (church mom).

We go to a nice restaurant, and she begins what seems like interrogation questioning. How much I make (very rude), where is my company, how long I worked there... My attempts to make the conversation not a job interview, and more fun, are dodged and she keeps tight to interrogation mode. And when I ask her certain questions, she flat out doesn't answer with obvious change the subject dodges.

When time to pay the dinner bill, this older chick unbelievably does the run to the bathroom move (and stays there a while). No offer to reimburse. I don't take kindly to older working women not at least chipping in, but keep my cool.

Attempt to change to a more romantic mood, so go to a bar that I know (sorry, but will keep that secret) which has couches, serves wine, and plays jazz music.

Attemp to turn the conversation into something fun and positive. Instead, the conversation turns bad, as she says some of thee most unsexual and annoying things possible.

A. She wants to have a baby (actually 2 or 3 kids if possible) but doesn't feel she needs a husband or marriage.

Obvious RED FLAG (double condom and flush it in the toilet alert).

At 38, if she want kids then she would have to start right away (if it isn't too late already). And, when meeting men, you should start a relationship (including sex) before worrying about babies and marriage. Like WTF, a guy isn't going to go, "Nice to meet you. Take all my money and let's have babies and get married today."

B. Contradicts her previous statement, where she says she can only have sex with a man she will marry.

Another RED FLAG. So why have children when unmarried?

C. Mindlessly tells me that sex in marriage is unimportant and can understand women that think that way, when a woman switches to the role of mother.

This response is partially due to us talking about Japanese sexless marriages. I was hoping for a positive response and to turn the conversation sexual, but she coughs up a hair ball.

D. States she wouldn't wear lingerie for her boyfriend, because feels it's too embarrassing and would only consider it after being in the relationship for years. Oh, how exciting that sexual relationship will be... NOT.

E. Admitted to dead fish sex with previous boyfriends.

Basically she claims she didn't love them enough to do a good job at sex. She says they loved her, but she didn't love them.

Some very cold-blooded and no passion crap that raises the hairs on the back of my neck.

F. Our physical interaction was way too awkward.

This is hard to describe. But a woman that is excessively rigid in posture, trying to move her upper torso away, and no consideration of the romantic atmosphere that we are in.

Anyway, punishingly bad date that wasn't salvageable. And, she pulls the bathroom trick again when the bill comes. Pissing me off. So as soon as we go outside, I part ways and delete her contact.

Now, I'm not saying every older chick is like that, but WAY TOO MANY older women are. They want everything they can get from a guy, while giving nothing to bare requirements in return, as well as killing any fun and joy in the interaction.

A woman that doesn't have any enthusiasm or passion, has sadly had something die.

Solong,

In the past, I've met a lot of similar "cases".
After that I finally came to understand that one should never waste his time with a girl who doesn't spontaneously offer to share the costs. Actually, this is the easiest way to spot a parasite on the first date.
As for the "I want but I never give", it's kind of pretty common here in Japan.

Now, if I had an advice to share with all the guys here, it would be this one :
Instead of wasting your precious time actively searching for a potential partner, which means going through all the BS, getting all the same questions over and over, etc. ... why not letting the perfect girl find you without doing almost anything?

This is what I did in the past and it worked like a charm.
Basically, I set up a profile on well known dating site ... but with a big difference : it wrote it in an ultra-detailed way, I mean, ridiculously detailed. I listed all the things I wanted to find in a perfect girl, and I described myself in the same fashion (likes/dislikes).
Then, .... I did nothing for months.
And then, guess what? The perfect girl finally contacted me.
Not joking.
She contacted me because she was bluffed to find so many similarities between our needs/personality traits.
We met, dated almost right away ... and we both experienced a great deal of happiness we couldn't even imagine before.

Unfortunately, the bitch we call Life doesn't want to see you happy forever.
She finaly took my girfriend away from me after only one year together ... with the help of a deadly cancer ... but that's not the point of this post anyway.

To sum it up, passive search can do wonders if done the right way.

Solong, I'll give you credit for not bailing on that date from hell earlier. The idea of sharing costs is a bit foreign to me. In America, the guy almost always pays, the exceptions being where the woman makes more money or if the guy is just flat out poor. I've paid for all my dates so far, with the exception of one time where the never been married woman picked up a check at one of the places we went.

Yesterday, I needed a day off after 10 consecutive late nights (not all of them involve sex but they all involve too much alcohol). The married woman called though and asked if we can have dinner. I let her pick the place and she chose the Beer Terrace in Shinoumachi. She tells me 7:30 and I'm there right on time. She shows up at 8:00. She's stylishly dressed in a dress that's almost too short. It's a very nice place where I assume they normally have outdoor weddings, and we sat outside and had some nice food and drink. We had a bottle of wine, which was a little pricy at 6000 yen. Nice conversation. Her husband works out of the country and she wants a divorce. Why? Years ago, she was in the hospital for something and he had three affairs. She's never forgiven him for that.

After the Beer Terrace, we went to a wine bar and had yet another bottle. She had to be at work at 9:00 am and it was 11:30 pm and I was honestly tired and ready to go to sleep, so I steered her towards the taxi cabs, but she insisted on seeing my apartment, so I obliged. She wanted to shower as soon as we got there, and a few minutes later she came out wrapped in a towel. Now, she begins acting like a teenager whose never had sex before (even though she two kids, age 18 and 21). Every time I touch her, she shrieks "iyada" and "yamete" in a high pitched voice. Her hands are blocking below the waist access. Every once in a while, she falls out of character and laughs at her ridiculous act, but then quickly returns to "iyada" and "ookisugi, hairarenai." The sex is ultimately not bad but I was ready for her to leave at 2:30. I'm supposed to meet her again today, but I think I'm going to cancel, since we have another date planned for Friday, and I really need a night off from the booze.

@majimekun

You have my condolences for your loss and I hope you will find greater happiness in time.

I'm not a big fan of guys doing "sit and wait". I consider it an effeminate tactic that works way better for women than men. And even for some women, "sit and wait" works horribly for them.

Women being sexy or presenting the possibility will attract testosterone laced men, where women don't operate that way. Often women would be attracted to a man's money, popularity, or social position. And if truly sexual, it tends to be women getting off on the thrill of cheating on a man she is with. Like a married women looking for sex friends online.

To get womens' attention online, to include Asian women, be an above average good looking, young, tall, slim, and White guy with money or a high level job. Yes, chicks (fat, ugly, old, golddiggers...) will all flock to that picture and profile, while nearly ignoring all others.

And such a popular guy (and women do it too), will often abuse his fortunate position and run through people like toilet tissue. These women all chasing after the same imagined prefect guy, will complain about getting crushed by him, even though she ignored or stepped on dozens of good and nice guys.

Such a guy with so good of a profile doesn't need to meet chicks online anyway. At that level, he can open chicks on the street with "hello". Brad Pitt and Denzel Washington don't need dating sites.

Waiting for unknown months for the "perfect woman" is not what many men want to do. So in the months or YEARS, until Ms. Perfect e-mails you, what is a guy to do for sex? Ignore all the other women around him and beat off?

Even when you get replies from women, there is no way to know she is Ms. Perfect. You still have to meet, date, talk, have sex, form a relationship, etc... The same process as you would with any other woman. I've had women contact me online, and I wouldn't say any of them have been perfect, nor do I expect such.

And what seems "perfect" at the moment, can become unacceptable months later. Things change, and there are no guarantees we will get what we want in this life.

@sxian

I only give college women and unemployed women free passes on dinner and hotels.

With working women, I believe they should pay, proportionally to about what we make or half. Proportional meaning that if we know that I make 4x more, she can chip in 25%.

If I'm not sure about our incomes, I politely request them to chip in about 1/3.

Of course many women are very hypocritical about this and have a clear double-standard. Treat me as equal, but you pay for everything. They will use the possibility of sex as a quiet bargaining chip or blackmail leverage.

So, I will collect money from women whenever possible and fair, but don't push the issue if it will cause me to lose out on sexual fun. Sometimes I know a woman is freeloading or cheating about money, but rather at first see if she can make this up in quality sex. If she is very good in bed, it makes overlooking some things easier.

I also noticed that women that are selfish or scam men when it comes to money, tend to be that way in general. This often reflects their personality type and poor relationships with men.

Solong said:

@majimekun

You have my condolences for your loss and I hope you will find greater happiness in time.

I'm not a big fan of guys doing "sit and wait". I consider it an effeminate tactic that works way better for women than men. And even for some women, "sit and wait" works horribly for them.

Women being sexy or presenting the possibility will attract testosterone laced men, where women don't operate that way. Often women would be attracted to a man's money, popularity, or social position. And if truly sexual, it tends to be women getting off on the thrill of cheating on a man she is with. Like a married women looking for sex friends online.

To get womens' attention online, to include Asian women, be an above average good looking, young, tall, slim, and White guy with money or a high level job. Yes, chicks (fat, ugly, old, golddiggers...) will all flock to that picture and profile, while nearly ignoring all others.

And such a popular guy (and women do it too), will often abuse his fortunate position and run through people like toilet tissue. These women all chasing after the same imagined prefect guy, will complain about getting crushed by him, even though she ignored or stepped on dozens of good and nice guys.

Such a guy with so good of a profile doesn't need to meet chicks online anyway. At that level, he can open chicks on the street with "hello". Brad Pitt and Denzel Washington don't need dating sites.

Waiting for unknown months for the "perfect woman" is not what many men want to do. So in the months or YEARS, until Ms. Perfect e-mails you, what is a guy to do for sex? Ignore all the other women around him and beat off?

Even when you get replies from women, there is no way to know she is Ms. Perfect. You still have to meet, date, talk, have sex, form a relationship, etc... The same process as you would with any other woman. I've had women contact me online, and I wouldn't say any of them have been perfect, nor do I expect such.

And what seems "perfect" at the moment, can become unacceptable months later. Things change, and there are no guarantees we will get what we want in this life.

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When I'm back in Tokyo in a few months I'm gonna post some pics and get honest appraisals of where I fit in in the foreigner dating hierarchy. Yet one more aspect of Japan that is a mystery to me.

That's a ways away but I can't wait.

Solong said:

To get womens' attention online, to include Asian women, be an above average good looking, young, tall, slim, and White guy with money or a high level job. Yes, chicks (fat, ugly, old, golddiggers...) will all flock to that picture and profile, while nearly ignoring all others.

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Okay ... first, yes I'm white tall and slim and I look like I'm in my 30s instead of 42.
And no, I don't get emails from fat ugly old women

Solong said:

Such a guy with so good of a profile doesn't need to meet chicks online anyway.

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I think you misunderstood me.
You say "good profile", I said "ultra-detailed profile".
The kind of profile that makes you look like a a very very very picky guy.
Far from being attractive if you ask me.

Solong said:

At that level, he can open chicks on the street with "hello". Brad Pitt and Denzel Washington don't need dating sites.

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You forget that good looking people can also struggle to find partners for the following reasons :
- most people assume they are already taken
- dating an attractive person isn't safe enough for insecure people
- good looking people are often regarded as players, hence not so trustable

I'm far from being a model but I've been told very often by japanese girls : "you surely had A LOT of partners".

Solong said:

Waiting for unknown months for the "perfect woman" is not what many men want to do. So in the months or YEARS, until Ms. Perfect e-mails you, what is a guy to do for sex?

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You guys can do your P4P thing

Solong said:

Even when you get replies from women, there is no way to know she is Ms. Perfect. You still have to meet, date, talk, have sex, form a relationship, etc... The same process as you would with any other woman. I've had women contact me online, and I wouldn't say any of them have been perfect, nor do I expect such.

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Sorry but I have to strongly disagree.
The process of filtering out unwanted profiles is time consuming and can be done easily with my method without having to meet anyone. If you write, "I want a girl who doesn't do this or that ... who does this and that... etc." most of them won't event try to waste their time with you.
For instance, if you ask for non smoking ladies, smokers won't email you, that's common sense.

Solong said:

And what seems "perfect" at the moment, can become unacceptable months later. Things change, and there are no guarantees we will get what we want in this life.

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Most of my criterias don't change over time.
And to be honest, knowing myself, I don't believe I'd be able to maintain a relationship longer than 4 years.
But it's not a bad thing actually.

GoldenDalton said:

When I'm back in Tokyo in a few months I'm gonna post some pics and get honest appraisals of where I fit in in the foreigner dating hierarchy. Yet one more aspect of Japan that is a mystery to me.

That's a ways away but I can't wait.

Click to expand...

Do remember that you can supplement online attempts, with talking to women directly, like at coffee ships, trains, video stores, etc... And even if you use websites, try several of them. Cast a wide net, for greater oppourtunity.

@majimekum

That you might personally be close to matching the ideal profile, doesn't mean this is where every other guy is at or matches those physical characteristics.

And less than ideal women (fat, old, ugly, goldiggers) will definitely be attracted to such a profile, as will quality women. Let us not also forgot that men and women straight up lie too and that pranksters create fake profiles to play tricks.

I've been on many an online date, where the woman used a picture that wasn't her, to include Japanese women thinking Westerners can't recognize Asian faces. Lied about her weight or body description (curvy, like in fat and not voluptuous) and took a picture of just her head (not her body), lied about her age, etc, etc...

The pickier a person is, will often mean it will be harder to find dates. Less people, means less oppourtunity.

I'm a swinger, not so much P4P. I came here by way of responding to a swinger related thread. And I take issue with paying excessive prices like 50,000 yen plus ($500) dollars in Japan for what is naturally free and sold at 5,000 yen (50 dollars) in other countries like Korea, Taiwan, Thailand, Germany, etc...

Everybody has methods, and I firmly believe that many different methods can work. I don't believe that any one method is perfect or is right for everybody. If a guy has a style that he believes is working for him, then nothing wrong with that. I look at it like different champion Boxers with different styles. The point is more that it works for you, versus having to do things only a certain way.