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Wife Rejecting Husband's Sex Requests

Solong

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Husband records how many times his wife rejects his sexual requests over a 2 month period. Out of 27 requests, he was denied 24 times. They had sex only 3x in 2 months. The husband hands the wife a spreadsheet showing how infrequently they have sex.

The wife, having no regard for her husband's feelings whatsoever, feels he is at fault for creating a spreadsheet about it. She then thinks that people will support her side and she posts the spreadsheet on Reddit. http://np.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/2b1f5a/my_husband_m26_sent_me_f26_an_immature/

To her dismay, she discovers lots of people disagree with her attitude and treatment of her husband. The opposite reaction of what she was expecting.

My question here is why in the hell do various women just don't get it? Is it too much feminism, arrogance, entitlement, or selfishness? Is it because male sexuality and desire is seen as bad or "dirty"?

In the reverse, if a woman had her sexual requests denied so many times by her husband, many would file for divorce, be emotionally devastated, or start cheating. And it's not just the FREQUENCY of sex, but the TYPE of sex too. Many women can refuse to do anything kinky or sexually adventurous, then don't understand why sex has become boring or the husband cheating with another woman that does what he likes.

Clearly many women would not take the constant rejection of her affections by a man as appropriate. It's odd that many women expect guys to understand their feelings, but they are not showing any attempt to reciprocate or understand the feelings of men, even when the reverse situation should be obvious.
 
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From what I understand, the whole thing could be fake anyway. Reddit is a pretty easy place to toss out red meat like that and watch the userbase go crazy over it.

You seem to be indicting all women by default and clearly there's a lot more to your perception of the matter than just this one incident, but to me this looks like it's another relationship felled by bad communication.

If someone goes to the effort of creating a spreadsheet about how often their wife says yes or no when he tries to initiate sex with her, that's a massive indication that the two of them aren't in tune with each other's needs and emotions. Have you ever read a relationship advice column? Just about all of the time, the situation would be avoided if both partners were honest with each other instead of relying on the other to intuitively sense what they want. Both parties need to come right out and say what they need sometimes.

Again, this could all well be a complete fabrication, but why should either party suffer in secret? Aren't they married? Shouldn't they be comfortable with each other by this point? Did the husband anticipate that the wife would sincerely change his ways when she was confronted with a spreadsheet, of all things? Why didn't he have the emotional maturity to sincerely tell her that sex was an emotional and physical need for him, and that if she won't work with him then he'll have to start looking for it elsewhere?

Probably because that takes a lot more life experience and emotional maturity than most people have, assuming again that there's any reality to the situation.
 
@KeithOP

You do have some valid points worthy of consideration. But first, I didn't indicate all women. Perhaps you might want to re-check, as I typed various women. And true it could be fake, but there have been a lot of debate and the general consensus was that it's probably real.

1) I question the bad communication part of your assessment, because it appears the husband was clearly stating his requests.

I talked to female friends of mine, who agreed that the wife was ranging from selfish to outright cruel. I think bad communication is when people don't explain how they feel, what they mean, or what they want clearly. In this case, the wife knew what the husband wanted, she just didn't care about what he wanted. And the damning part is the continuous disregard for her husband. We aren't talking occasional or random incidents, but a constant theme.

2) Quote "Just about all of the time, the situation would be avoided if both partners were honest with each other instead of relying on the other to intuitively sense what they want. Both parties need to come right out and say what they need sometimes."

The husband appears to have been direct, honest, and saying what he needs. The wife, on the other hand, appears to have been deceptive and uncompromising. And failure to compromise or care about the needs of her husband, appears closer to the heart of the problem.

3) Quote "Aren't they married? Shouldn't they be comfortable with each other by this point?"

This makes her actions even more egregious, not less. If she was uncomfortable with his requests for sex or didn't like having sex with him, then WHY did she get married?

Considering how common sexless marriages are and have become, this somewhat points to various women using the men for money or being parasitic, doing it for social pressure, to fulfill her need to be a mother, etc... In other words, marriage is used to fulfill whatever her needs are, even at the expense of disregarding her husband's needs.

4) Quote "Did the husband anticipate that the wife would sincerely change his ways when she was confronted with a spreadsheet, of all things? Why didn't he have the emotional maturity to sincerely tell her that sex was an emotional and physical need for him, and that if she won't work with him then he'll have to start looking for it elsewhere?"

I agree that handing a person a spreadsheet can be counter-productive, especially if you want sex from that person. And I also agree it's way better to sit down and have a long talk about sexual satisfaction and how they as a couple are going to solve the problem.

But on the flip, a spreadsheet can be the evidence and justification for what a husband is about to do next. It is the documented proof to justify his actions, which could be divorce or cheating on her. Some people, when you argue with them, have a way of dismissing the verbal evidence presented or feigning they don't remember what you are talking about. They can even call you a liar, in order to cover up their wrong doings. A spreadsheet with the days and excuses is much, much harder to refute or deny.

Look at this way, if you reverse the gender. If I (and arguably many guys) were married and the wife gave me a spreadsheet of all the times I denied her requests, if I wanted to save the marriage, I would be quickly apologetic and seeking ways to fix what has occurred. To not be this way, is indicative of massive selfishness, entitlement, and arrogance. Bad qualities in which the wife showed by posting the spreadsheet and still having no regard for her husband's need.

And, I argue that too many women have become selfish, feel entitled, and arrogant. Such women don't give a damn about the needs of men, beyond them using them for personal benefit and doing the minimum they can get away with.
 
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There's not enough information. I can imagine a lot of crap that a man can do to his wife and family to earn him dog house status.

Things like...
1. Coming home drunk and sleeping on the genkan.
2. Blowing 10,000 a night drinking with co-workers.
3. Spending the weekend selfishly absorbed with some hobby or interest.
4. Sleeping through the cries of a baby (or even saying 'screw-it. I'm sleeping in MY OWN room.)
5. Gambling away 20% of the family income.
6. Calling his wife 'okaasan', expecting to be washed and cared for like a child.

Any of these sound familiar? I'd dare say that those are some stereotypical actions of the married Japanese male.

So if THAT guy expects his wife to put out, I'd cut her some slack and say she is within her rights to shove it right back in his face.
 
Husband records how many times his wife rejects his sexual requests over a 2 month period. Out of 27 requests, he was denied 24 times. They had sex only 3x in 2 months. The husband hands the wife a spreadsheet showing how infrequently they have sex.

The wife, having no regard for her husband's feelings whatsoever, feels he is at fault for creating a spreadsheet about it. She then thinks that people will support her side and she posts the spreadsheet on Reddit. http://np.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/2b1f5a/my_husband_m26_sent_me_f26_an_immature/

To her dismay, she discovers lots of people disagree with her attitude and treatment of her husband. The opposite reaction of what she was expecting.

My question here is why in the hell do various women just don't get it? Is it too much feminism, arrogance, entitlement, or selfishness? Is it because male sexuality and desire is seen as bad or "dirty"?

In the reverse, if a woman had her sexual requests denied so many times by her husband, many would file for divorce, be emotionally devastated, or start cheating. And it's not just the FREQUENCY of sex, but the TYPE of sex too. Many women can refuse to do anything kinky or sexually adventurous, then don't understand why sex has become boring or the husband cheating with another woman that does what he likes.

Clearly many women would not take the constant rejection of her affections by a man as appropriate. It's odd that many women expect guys to understand their feelings, but they are not showing any attempt to reciprocate or understand the feelings of men, even when the reverse situation should be obvious.
on the other hand the guy who request 27 times his wife for sex is a moron, especially if get rejected 24 times.
two rejections would be the mas for me, after one I'd be thinking "it's her turn to request". and if she does not I'd be questioning myself if I'm still attractive for her or not and would clearly try with another woman if I really doubt myself too much.

the point is being married doesn't mean you don't have to seduce your woman. sex is not masturbation, it's more than sliding inside her, the whole point is about feeling like you attract her. if not there is already a problem, whether she accepts or not.

so I really think it's our problem to deal with our needs, not our wives's problem. we should have sex with our wives if they feel that need, if it's a bother for them then we should deal with our needs by ourselves.
 
Fwiiw and imo, this whole scenario sounds ridiculously out of touch with the reality of a serious romantic and sexual relationship, whether within a marriage or otherwise.

Neither partner and especially not the man is going to get far by "requesting" sex as though ordering eggs in a restaurant or asking a friend to lend a hand with some chore or putting in for a day off at work. The way to get sex is to seduce your partner, to cause her or him to also desire sex, not as a favor but as an exciting joint undertaking. I mean, duh!

If this guy was merely asking his wife for sex with no attempt to "get her in the mood" and thinking she owed it to him to agree much of the time simply because she married him, then I think she was entirely justified in saying "no". People *should* not have sex when they do not want to have sex; it is a sure recipe to develop a sex-negative attitude, imo. Then things really start getting fucked up.

-Ww
 
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Husband records how many times his wife rejects his sexual requests over a 2 month period. Out of 27 requests, he was denied 24 times. They had sex only 3x in 2 months. The husband hands the wife a spreadsheet showing how infrequently they have sex.

The wife, having no regard for her husband's feelings whatsoever, feels he is at fault for creating a spreadsheet about it. She then thinks that people will support her side and she posts the spreadsheet on Reddit. http://np.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/2b1f5a/my_husband_m26_sent_me_f26_an_immature/

To her dismay, she discovers lots of people disagree with her attitude and treatment of her husband. The opposite reaction of what she was expecting.

My question here is why in the hell do various women just don't get it? Is it too much feminism, arrogance, entitlement, or selfishness? Is it because male sexuality and desire is seen as bad or "dirty"?

In the reverse, if a woman had her sexual requests denied so many times by her husband, many would file for divorce, be emotionally devastated, or start cheating. And it's not just the FREQUENCY of sex, but the TYPE of sex too. Many women can refuse to do anything kinky or sexually adventurous, then don't understand why sex has become boring or the husband cheating with another woman that does what he likes.

Clearly many women would not take the constant rejection of her affections by a man as appropriate. It's odd that many women expect guys to understand their feelings, but they are not showing any attempt to reciprocate or understand the feelings of men, even when the reverse situation should be obvious.

As a great philosopher once said,

" These hoez ain't loyal."

Western cultures have very little sympathy for the needs and suffering of men, especially medical and/or sexual needs.

I suffer from fairly intense insomnia (PTSD) and the doctors for veteran's healthcare still charge quite a bit and are rarely available due to demand. Yet some American women want me to pay for their birth control?

This country is going to the dogs and radical feminists are part of the reason why. Marriage is out of the question for me and many other men due to b.s. like what you talked about. A man gets married partially because he believes it will net him a secure access to a sex partner, EVEN when he's hurt/ill/ unemployed. But in this society (U.S. ) young males are increasingly marginalized.

And the women themselves are not really the ones to blame. The pathogical feminist men and worthless manginas are the ultimate problem.


We need most men to take the red pill for there to be change.
 
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@Ww

Your perspective is giving the appearance that the husband beg and grovel for sex with his wife. As this is what many women take seducing to mean. Many women only respect men bargaining from a position of strength (money, social status, popularity, looks).

A guy may try to be romantic, while the woman may arrogantly feel he is being a pest. Many women don't have any regard for a man's feelings or needs, outside her own and him taking care of her.

Begging can often make the situation worse with the wife trading sex for favors or manipulation. You do X, Y, Z and maybe I will give you sex.

And many women simply develop contempt and disdain for a husband who begs for sex. Which he may think is him being romantic or trying to seduce.

It can be better at times for the husband to cheat (have a mistress and also why prostitution is so prevalent) because it maintains a stronger bargaining position. That or get divorced, which happens in many cases anyway (50% plus and rising). If a woman doesn't understand or respect the sexual needs of her husband, no amount of begging or "seducing" is going to work.

Many women have a sadistic mindset where if a man, even the husband wants sex badly, she will not give it to him. The more he begs, then the less of a man that he is to her. Many women offer sex, from the perspective that she needs to give it up to him because she is competing against other women or fearful he will leave her. Many modern sexless marriages are based on such a twisted female perspective about when to have sex. Many women still have the backwards mindset that sex is dirty (religion/culture) or mens' needs/requests for sex is bad (feminism).

Feeling contempt and disdain for her husband or boyfriend she is living with, many women will have sex outside the relationship and cheat. She can be getting her sexual needs satisfied outside the relationship (cheating and thus not in the mood for him), while she leaves her husband begging.
 
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You may not win fans for that summation, Solong, but as a long-termer in Japan I think it fits a good percentage of situations. It certainly nails a few of my own issues to the wall. I'd be interested in hearing from other guys that have been/are married to Japanese. I mean married, not having girl-friends, long-term partners, because there is always the opportunity to walk away from those latter relationships. I would also suggest that once kids come along the male position weakens further, for a variety of reasons. I put up with it for a long time - I have rubberized the chain.
 
@GoldenDalton

I found out what many do, the hard way. Caught too many women creeping behind my back. My eyes about blew out of my head on a couple of girlfriends who I had fixed their computers and saw some of their online accounts. NEVER would have guessed it by how they acted and what they said.

Been with way too many married women, women living with a guy, and women supposedly in love with some other guy but having sex with me.

Few things are more painful to your ego and pride, than when a guy finds out what too many women sneakily do.

It's a mind trip, because many women pass themselves off as the victim, innocent, and near virgin. Female wolf in sheep's clothing. Often straight up fake acting job, or worse, a deranged and confused woman not admitting to even herself the evil and dirt she does. We men are often taught to be chivalrous and accommodating, but this is 2014. While a guy is trying to be Prince Charming and chivalrous, feminism and conniving women are stabbing him in the back and kicking him in the ass. The chivalrous gentleman is now the sucker and chump to be taken advantage of. There is no use being a gentleman if women don't want to be and have no clue on how to be a lady. It's dog eat dog.

And the reality of it is where many effeminized and feminist males have failed to grasp. They are often getting played, and played by feminists and materialistic selfish women very badly. There are some good women out there, but fewer and farther in between than ever.
 
@Ww

Your perspective is giving the appearance that the husband beg and grovel for sex with his wife. As this is what many women take seducing to mean.

@Solong

Seriously!!??

To put in a joking way, if your seduction technique at all resembles begging and groveling, I think you may need to thoroughly and deeply rethink your game! :D

Put more seriously, you have posted many times and extensively and in many many different threads your views on how a guy can get his date to go to an LH with him or how to get a girl he meets in a bar or in some sort of nampa to go to bed with him...all sorts of stuff about seduction techniques and how to be attractive to women. Do you think those come across as begging or groveling? They certainly don't sound like it to me. Rather they are all about how the guy makes himself attractive to the woman and convinces her that she wants to have sex with him etc. And all I am saying is that a husband should bring some of those same techniques into play in his sex life with his wife and not merely "request sex" when he is in the mood.

It is really just the other side of the coin of husbands wanting/needing their wives to stay in shape, attend to their appearance, dress and act sexy etc.

Bottom line - marriage should not remove the responsibility/burden/requirement of being sexually attractive and desirable for either partner. In fact, it should increase it. At least that approach has kept my wife and I happily married for well over 4 decades now...

I do recognize that many marriages fail sexually and often entirely because one or the other or both of the people involved do stop trying to be attractive, and in my opinion, it sounds like that is what the spreadsheet guy did (if the story is true). There might be women on the planet who would consider having a man keep a spreadsheet on her sexual availability to be a charming and attractive thing to do. There are all sorts of people in the world. I could imagine that there are as many as 3 or 4 such women in China, for example, maybe even one in Japan. :D Probably that guy is/was not married to one of them though.

-Ww
 
@Ww

I know you are joking, but wasn't referring to myself. I don't hand women spreadsheets for sex ;-)

But, while we are are on the subject, I don't mind sharing things women who were cheating on their boyfriend/husband have told me and I have learned.

Seduction is more for the initial phase of a relationship. When you haven't had sex with the woman or just starting to. After you have established a sexual relationship, then it's more about being romantic, exciting, or considerate. Of course romance and seduction are closely tied together, especially at the beginning, but there is a bit of practical difference between the two.

Where seduction or being romantic comes off as begging, is when guys turn sex into an extra special event that requires them to do extra special things. This often degenerates the sexual relationship into doing favors, manipulation, or even leading the woman to become arrogant.

Must you give flowers, jewellery, spend money, sing songs, or massages every time you have sex? Certain types of women will quickly pick up on this as an oppourtunity to start abusing or manipulating, OR start to look down on the guy as inferior and with disdain.

When women start looking down on the guy or feel he is inferior, they feel his sexual advances as PRESSURE and often become disinterested or disturbed by him.

Women have the psychological problem of hypergamy or only feeling satisfied with a male that they can look up to and respect. When a man puts himself in an inferior bargaining position, he can be creating more problems for himself, as his desirability can decrease. And this can even lead women to cheat, as she looks for a more socially or physically more dominant male that excites her.

Instead and ideally, sex should become a woman's normal habit, like exercise. She wants sex AS MUCH as her boyfriend/husband does. Therefore she doesn't need to be perpetually seduced, romanced, or tricked. SHE is horny, and will grab his penis to hopefully satisfy her sexual urges. If she or he get bored, they get a bit more kinkier or romantic. With BOTH of them investing about the SAME amount of energy and emotions to make it spicer or more enjoyable.
 
Actually, when you think about it, the whole spreadsheet ploy comes across as weak begging and groveling. It says something like, "Poor me! You are not treating me right. Please be more considerate of my and give me more sex. I need and deserve it."

@Solong

You wrote, "Must you give flowers, jewellery, spend money, sing songs, or massages every time you have sex?"

My answer is that it is not a "must" but it is an excellent idea to couple sex to things she likes and enjoys if you want a full and active sex life. It certainly doesn't have to be anything expensive and elaborate every time (but occasionally making it something special and extensive is a good idea), but imo it should be something other than just suggesting sex. It can be something quite small, teasing or joking around in some playful way or being witty and making her laugh or complimenting her (in a plausible and sincere way) or talking about something she finds exciting/interesting or sharing some activity... Basically you need to make her feel that it is more than a "I'm hungry and you're the most conveniently available food and I am entitled to you because we are married" sort of situation. I agree with you that many/most women are attracted to men who are powerful/strong/successful/competent etc in some way, but they also want to feel adored by their man. That's all...

-Ww
 
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I don't want to get into a three-way cage fight with Solong and Wwander, but suffice to say there are always exceptions to the rules or standards. I have been in Japan three decades so my understanding (!) of Western women is nil. I have known enough foreign and Japanese guys married to Japanese women to form a solid opinion. Sex does become a bargaining chip and the chip becomes black (is that the highest?) when kids come along. My own wife in so many contexts is so NOT Japanese, but the kids/me vs you (yours truly) kicked in quickly. She actually told me, when there were no kids, her assets were mine. When kids came along the rules changed. Guys I know support this. Guys with Japanese wives and kids get on here - is it just me? As for the guy with the spreadsheet - if he did that then it was shot to hell well before that.
 
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The most interesting thing about this (non) story is the way people fill in the missing details by projecting their own experience and biases into the situation.
 
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I quite enjoy debates with Wwanderer. Always good points in the back and forth, yet we are respectful of each other.
 
The most interesting thing about this (non) story is the way people fill in the missing details by projecting their own experience and biases into the situation.

A really good insight/point imo!

There are so few details specified that it is really impossible to say which one is "at fault", being unfair or unreasonable. So we are all forced to make lots of additional assumptions in order to have any opinion on the matter.

As k1234k pointed out above, the guy could perfectly well be on his wife's shit list for all sorts of legitimate reasons...or not. We have no idea.

This thought reminds me of the well known (especially to marriage counselors) fact that men tend to see their sex life with a partner as much more separate from other aspects of the relationship than women typically do. In other words, she isn't going to feel like having sex with you if she is unhappy with how you are getting along in other ways (see k1234k's list of hypotheticals). Men tend to see this as using sex as a "bargaining chip"; women tend to see it as sex being an integral/central part of the whole relationship. Some wit (Billy Crystal?) said something along the lines of "Men look for an opportunity to have sex; women look for a reason."

-Ww
 
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I quite enjoy debates with Wwanderer. Always good points in the back and forth, yet we are respectful of each other.

Ditto.

Our perspectives on matters, including those on which we agree about the objective facts and in which we both have a lot of experience, are so often quite different/opposed that I think we must attract and be attractive to quite different sorts of women and friends. No one's experiences in life are unbiased and representative of everyone else's, including my own of course. Our circumstances, personalities and *expectations* all strongly affect the experiences we have...and even which ones we remember. (Psychology experiments show that people simply forget evidence/experiences that contradict their beliefs to a truly astonishing and shocking extent.)

In other words, we may well both be right (in a sense, in our own worlds) even when we completely disagree. I think I like my world better though; it seems to have women of better character! :D

-Ww
 
My own wife in so many contexts is so NOT Japanese, but the kids/me vs you (yours truly) kicked in quickly. She actually told me, when there were no kids, her assets were mine. When kids came along the rules changed.

An isolated anecdote, but fwiiw: I once had an affair with an American woman, an expat living in Tokyo and married long term (about 20 years) to a Japanese man. That is, of course, quite unusual. She told me that after their first (and only) child was born that he totally lost interest in having sex with her...basically couldn't do it physically any longer and soon stopped being physically affectionate even in small ways (holding hands or whatever). He told her something like "It's different now that you are a mother."

So, maybe there is something deeply cultural in play here. It would certainly help explain the super-low birthrate!

-Ww
 
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That Billy Crystal quote was from ‘When Harry Met Sally’. He said,
‘Women need a reason to have sex, men just need a place
 
@GoldenDalton

I found out what many do, the hard way. Caught too many women creeping behind my back. My eyes about blew out of my head on a couple of girlfriends who I had fixed their computers and saw some of their online accounts. NEVER would have guessed it by how they acted and what they said.

Been with way too many married women, women living with a guy, and women supposedly in love with some other guy but having sex with me.

Few things are more painful to your ego and pride, than when a guy finds out what too many women sneakily do.

It's a mind trip, because many women pass themselves off as the victim, innocent, and near virgin. Female wolf in sheep's clothing. Often straight up fake acting job, or worse, a deranged and confused woman not admitting to even herself the evil and dirt she does. We men are often taught to be chivalrous and accommodating, but this is 2014. While a guy is trying to be Prince Charming and chivalrous, feminism and conniving women are stabbing him in the back and kicking him in the ass. The chivalrous gentleman is now the sucker and chump to be taken advantage of. There is no use being a gentleman if women don't want to be and have no clue on how to be a lady. It's dog eat dog.

And the reality of it is where many effeminized and feminist males have failed to grasp. They are often getting played, and played by feminists and materialistic selfish women very badly. There are some good women out there, but fewer and farther in between than ever.

Truth. The feminist men are the ones getting played, not red pill guys, yet the feminist manginas always harp about how players are just angry about female rejection.

I really think feminist men, well radical leftists in general, despise successful men and feel so utterly inadequate that they'll actually engage in self-harm to punish other, more successful men. It parallels their uncritical support for this U.S. presidential administration- they don't mind having their constitutional rights gutted so long as other men get it to.

And like you said- it blows my mind how much these guys deceive themselves and pedestalize women. A friend of mine was certain that his girlfriend had only ever been with one other guy, though she was 27. He believed her Hyper-religioua veneer. Turns out she was getting gang banged and doing a very sick type of porn called Ghetto gaggers. And what's mind blowing is that this dude married her any! And actually got mad at me because of what I said when she had dumped him for the third time in six months.

The red pill truth about sex and relationships should be taught to all young men in high school health class. It won't though- that'd be too big a threat to all these Marxists trying to destroy the first world.
 
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I'm no expert in the subject for certain, but I think every couple would do well to have marriage counseling both during their engagement, and sporadically during the marriage. No melding of people is ever perfect but there wouldn't be people celebrating 50 and 60 year anniversaries if it were impossible. It just takes work. Neither side can expect good results if they don't put effort in to making the other person happy. But yeah I definitely agree that social "work" obligations of staying late and the ease with which one can get escort services here do contribute to the sexless/unhappy marriage. Hopefully the culture will move towards a point where its openly ok for wives to enjoy sex and the culture to be ok with people going home to their wives before 9 freaking pm (and all those other issues)
 
I'm coming to this thread quite late, but regarding the OP, there is fault on both sides. Fault on him for being a petty dick about it (a spreadsheet? Come on...) and fault on her for making constant excuses without communicating the actual issue. The real issue IMHO, is that these two people just seem sexually incompatible.
 
@Scotty

I think the biggest mistakes men make, in terms of marriage, is: 1) thinking marriage means more sex on a regular basis 2) thinking that they can push/nag/guilt trip their wife into being more sexual.

1) Arguably and based on lots of comparing notes, the best time to make an assessment, push, or mentor a woman about sex is within the FIRST MONTH (or within the first 5 to 10 times you have sex) that you start a sexual relationship.

That is because a woman might be very confused or fearful about displaying her true sexuality or about her sexual level, so is playing coy or hiding what she is capable of doing.

Examples of things she can be "hiding" are anal sex, female bi-sexuality, swinging, etc... or she can be hiding the opposite, as in she is really a prude or disinterested in sex.

Consequently, guys need to dig or push, and figure out what she is really about. This is also the best time to TRAIN, TEACH, or program her for the type of sex that you like.

When guys miss this oppourtunity after the 1st month, many women shut down, in terms of "trainabilty". They start to become SET, in what they will do sexually for that particular guy.

2) Forming the BAD habit of boring vanilla sex, when the man wants more.

Unfortunately, many men who want more sexually, can be too fearful to tell the woman what they want or expect sexually during the first month.

Fearful of losing the woman or confrontation, the guy never creates the kind of sexual relationship he wants. He thinks that he can persuade her later or she gets pregnant.

In addition, some guys are very hypocritical about sex. That is, they really want a wild sex freak, but if a woman exhibits any of those qualities, they negatively judge her. So, they get the boring or sexually disinterested princess or "mother", and that's not what they really want.

3) It doesn't usually work to try to convert a sexually weak, disinterested, or prudish woman into a "sex goddess"

It's common sense, but some guys think epic fights and arguments with the wife is a good idea. What often happens is the guy is forced to get a mistress or prostitutes, as the wife will be too stubborn to change or the change is totally the opposite of her personality. And because of kids, the guy is stuck trying to make a bad situation work.

4) Some guys get fooled by women. Female sexual competition versus her true sexual identity.

Some women will put out sexually, because they fear losing a guy to their female competition. However, once you put the ring on the finger and there isn't any competition in sight, she turns OFF sexually. Now the guy is just her bank ATM.

If a woman isn't doing what you want and the marriage isn't how you want it to be (even better to figure this out BEFORE marriage), better to get out the FIRST chance you get, if change won't happen. Don't get trapped by female tricks. Often, it's going to be a sad epic battle in a bad relatuonship, before the guy comes to terms with reality.

5) Women CHEAT, and almost as often as men.

She might not be putting out sexually to you, doesn't mean she isn't putting out sexually to some OTHER guy(s).

Some guys don't realize what they are dealing with. The sexual frequency in the marriage might be low, because she is getting plenty of penis elsewhere. To include doing KINKY things with others guys that she is refusing, too prideful, or too embarrassed to do with the husband.

A couple of my more interesting encounters were with married women that like anal sex, but would never do so with their husbands.

That their woman is cheating on them is unthinkable to many guys because it hurts their ego and pride. Better to face the reality of such a possibility, than to get played for a fool by a cheating and lying wife. And it's amazing how dishonest some married couples can be with each other because of their ego, pride, fears, and sneakiness.
 
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"program her for the type of sex that you like."

"after the 1st month, many women shut down, in terms of "trainabilty""

"Now the guy is just her bank ATM."

Most of what you said was useful, but ugh...come on man...
 
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