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So how do you do a "go to club"?

Jenkins55

Jenkins55

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So I recently got fired from my last job and somehow stumbled on a 50% increase. Story of my life - opportunity lost is opportunity gained. With the sudden windfall I've been feeling a little more relaxed to maybe enjoy some single life. Been to couple oppai pubs, okay maybe more than couple. But I've never been to clubs maybe just once or twice when I HAD to, out of peer pressure and to not look like I don't go to clubs. It always seemed a little too much for someone like me with heavy social anxiety. But now that I'm looking down a single 30 soon, maybe this is where I should start going to, to maybe ummm... dare I say... talk to people and maybe meet a girl or something. Bottom line some exposure couldn't hurt.

First of all, how do you deal with the constant worry of being judged by others? Do you just accept that you will be constantly judged or do you act like it doesn't exist and pretend that nobody's wondering about why you're moving awkwardly all alone on a dance floor? The guy behind me's judging me for trying to approach a girl way out of my league and getting rejected. Getting a flat out non-response or "ew" when approaching a girl. Or just girls looking at you like you're where you shouldn't be. Bouncer looking at you like you're not dressed well enough. All seem like very likely to happen. Specially being a single guy with no wingman, I'll probably get more side eyes than the usual folk. This all seems a little degrading. With that said, I don't like half-measures so if I just approach women with "may I approach" is that allowed or what?

I probably could have posted this on r/socialanxiety but I'd like to listen to people who know what a club is.
 
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Ok, girls at the club just want free drinks. You'll spend more money on overpriced drinks at the club leaving you up all night with the hopes that she will go back to the hotel with you. It doesn't happen that often.

My advice, regular a nice bar and find a woman there and talk. The conversations will be normal, you don't have to shout all night to hear each other over the blasting music, and your chances are that you'll make good friends or even a relationship.
 
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Don’t look at clubbing as only going in solo & bringing home some lady. I personally liked to bring ladies to clubs when I was younger. You also can meet guys there too that are cool & may invite you to more private functions in Tokyo.
I generally went clubbing asking a few female friends to join. This way you keep meeting more fun people.
 
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Jenkins55 said:
So I recently got fired from my last job and somehow stumbled on a 50% increase. Story of my life - opportunity lost is opportunity gained. With the sudden windfall I've been feeling a little more relaxed to maybe enjoy some single life. Been to couple oppai pubs, okay maybe more than couple. But I've never been to clubs maybe just once or twice when I HAD to, out of peer pressure and to not look like I don't go to clubs. It always seemed a little too much for someone like me with heavy social anxiety. But now that I'm looking down a single 30 soon, maybe this is where I should start going to, to maybe ummm... dare I say... talk to people and maybe meet a girl or something. Bottom line some exposure couldn't hurt.

First of all, how do you deal with the constant worry of being judged by others? Do you just accept that you will be constantly judged or do you act like it doesn't exist and pretend that nobody's wondering about why you're moving awkwardly all alone on a dance floor? The guy behind me's judging me for trying to approach a girl way out of my league and getting rejected. Getting a flat out non-response or "ew" when approaching a girl. Or just girls looking at you like you're where you shouldn't be. Bouncer looking at you like you're not dressed well enough. All seem like very likely to happen. Specially being a single guy with no wingman, I'll probably get more side eyes than the usual folk. This all seems a little degrading. With that said, I don't like half-measures so if I just approach women with "may I approach" is that allowed or what?

I probably could have posted this on r/socialanxiety but I'd like to listen to people who know what a club is.
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If you are 30 (ie ten years older than most people in a decent club) and socially awkward and on your own, you arent going to have a good time. Many better ways to meet potential partners than clubbing.
 
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Durg50 said:
If you are 30 (ie ten years older than most people in a decent club) and socially awkward and on your own, you arent going to have a good time. Many better ways to meet potential partners than clubbing.
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Agreed . Wasted a lot of time and money around that age in clubs. Now I’d rather go with a stunner, let her dance a bit while watching in the dark from a table , sipping my drink, see all the young dudes agglomerate around her strutting their stuff, then waving her to come back and raising the middle finger towards the dance floor !
Stupid , I know , but more fun than when I was one of those young guys :D
 
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oLUXo said:
Ok, girls at the club just want free drinks. You'll spend more money on overpriced drinks at the club leaving you up all night with the hopes that she will go back to the hotel with you. It doesn't happen that often.

My advice, regular a nice bar and find a woman there and talk. The conversations will be normal, you don't have to shout all night to hear each other over the blasting music, and your chances are that you'll make good friends or even a relationship.
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This really seems more in my avenue. How do you approach people in a bar? Scratch that, am I allowed to approach people? Scratch that, I’ll just brush up on some bar etiquettes and not-to-do’s and wing it. Actually, I could use a tip or two. You’ve all been very helpful btw.
 
Jenkins55 said:
This really seems more in my avenue. How do you approach people in a bar? Scratch that, am I allowed to approach people? Scratch that, I’ll just brush up on some bar etiquettes and not-to-do’s and wing it. Actually, I could use a tip or two. You’ve all been very helpful btw.
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Well, a simple gesture would be to say hello to start. From there, have a normal conversation and ask if she would like another drink when her drink gets low (buy her next drink)
 
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OP .. .Do u have any female friends? My guess is maybe not ....But if u do then ask them to help you do some shopping for one outfit that helps you look nice ..He opinion not yours ...
You don't need to break the bank either. ..Just smart casual wear.. . Let her pick the shirt ...Pants ...And shoes if possible.. .
Then make sure u are clean. . Trimmed finger nails , hair not a mess , and deodorant and fresh breath ..
Once u have done the above then u can strike up a conversation ..
Before u step out look in the mirror ...Do u like what u see ? Answer should be yes ..

If u don't have that female friend then use the internet to help u .

Don't worry about people judging you that's on them not u ...Unless ur being a total dick. ..But u can change that behavior ..
Treat people as u want to be treated ..If u think the girl likes you then ask for contact details. ..

@Sinapse I believe has courses you could take .. Even if ur not out to become a PUA ...

Good luck and keep us posted on how u progress ..
 
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Jenkins55 said:
This really seems more in my avenue. How do you approach people in a bar? Scratch that, am I allowed to approach people? Scratch that, I’ll just brush up on some bar etiquettes and not-to-do’s and wing it. Actually, I could use a tip or two. You’ve all been very helpful btw.
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You approach the lady you like and say loudly with a Borat smile and accent « you very niiiice ! How much? »
 
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The important thing is to not go to a place where you are the oldest guy in the room and clearly out of place. I guess some very fit and cool older guys can get away with it, especially if they are wearing money (high ¥ watch, shoes, suit) but in general, if you are more than a few years out of the range, you will get no play.
 
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Frenchy said:
Agreed . Wasted a lot of time and money around that age in clubs. Now I’d rather go with a stunner, let her dance a bit while watching in the dark from a table , sipping my drink, see all the young dudes agglomerate around her strutting their stuff, then waving her to come back and raising the middle finger towards the dance floor !
Stupid , I know , but more fun than when I was one of those young guys :D
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You don’t need to raise your finger. Just ignore the young bucks. But anyway, this is a good post if only for your effective use of the word agglomeratate. Others please take note.
 
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warubuta said:
You don’t need to raise your finger. Just ignore the young bucks. But anyway, this is a good post if only for your effective use of the word agglomeratate. Others please take note.
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Thanks, I knew you would like that. Also, I spelled it correctly. :D
 
Don’t go to clubs. Lol.
It sounds like you are looking for something a bit more serious than a one night stand. People either go clubbing to have a good time with their friends (and rightfully don’t wanna be disturbed) or they want an alcohol fueled hookup which will leave both parties ashamed the next morning. Bars could be better but its roughly the same idea imo.
Maybe try to meet nice single girls through an activity you actually enjoy. Its much nicer to be hit on by someone who is sincerely in his element than someone who came to that place just to score.
 
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User#8628 said:
Maybe try to meet nice single girls through an activity you actually enjoy.
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Yeah, that’s not gonna happen. I don’t enjoy any activities except gaming in my home. Probably why I’m still single. (I have 15k hours on Steam).

The hookup, score thing isn’t really important, but I’m not saying “no” either. If I can masturbate without shame then surely I should have no shame doing it for real. I’m sure it will happen sometime down the line provided I’m in the vicinity of a willing party often enough.

What’s important is I expose myself to different activities so that it isn’t scary anymore. Not having done it ever, not once, makes it extremely scary. I think the whole anxiety thing will be positively affected if I’m practicing socializing often. Which is why I’m open to everything and I also wanna go see the hb some day. No homo though.
 
Jenkins55 said:
I don’t enjoy any activities except gaming in my home.
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So you have tried all the other activities in the world and none of them caught your fancy? Well, that's a bummer.

But if instead you are just like some of us were younger (ahem) then I would suggest you get your ass up from that chair and go out. There is no excuse in Tokyo to not try to find something interesting to do; the place is literally full of people with different hobbies, normal, strange and outright weird.

Remember that trying everything once is OK, unless it's your cousin or line dancing. Yes, that means homo too. Try one hundred different things and then come back to tell us there was nothing that you enjoyed.
 
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MikeH said:
So you have tried all the other activities in the world and none of them caught your fancy? Well, that's a bummer.

But if instead you are just like some of us were younger (ahem) then I would suggest you get your ass up from that chair and go out. There is no excuse in Tokyo to not try to find something interesting to do; the place is literally full of people with different hobbies, normal, strange and outright weird.

Remember that trying everything once is OK, unless it's your cousin or line dancing. Yes, that means homo too. Try one hundred different things and then come back to tell us there was nothing that you enjoyed.
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All he would have to do is hang out in Akihabara and he could find his type there. Plenty of choices and enough variety that he is bound to find someone.
 
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Jenkins55 said:
Yeah, that’s not gonna happen. I don’t enjoy any activities except gaming in my home. Probably why I’m still single. (I have 15k hours on Steam).

The hookup, score thing isn’t really important, but I’m not saying “no” either. If I can masturbate without shame then surely I should have no shame doing it for real. I’m sure it will happen sometime down the line provided I’m in the vicinity of a willing party often enough.

What’s important is I expose myself to different activities so that it isn’t scary anymore. Not having done it ever, not once, makes it extremely scary. I think the whole anxiety thing will be positively affected if I’m practicing socializing often. Which is why I’m open to everything and I also wanna go see the hb some day. No homo though.
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How about game cons or other otaku stuff? Enough girls who have the same hobbies boys have. But if you really only wanna do it at home then options are limited. I know of people who started dating through online gaming but its often long distance.

Well, cheers to you for wanting to try things. I’d say wear something nice, go to a play with a good reputation, pay the entrance fee and take it from there. A bar is indeed better if you want to whoo someone with conversation. I don’t really know what people do to impress others in clubs except for dance skills which don’t really come overnight (its usually more just smooth movements that being a breakdance champion though, but i’m much of a white people dancer myself). Try a place that you think you’ll like the music and atmosphere of.

Also i’ve never seen gay action happen in happening bars or regular clubs so no worries about that. Its usually a scene you have to search for specifically.
 
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This is going to sound a bit cheesy, but look up some "international parties", they're a good way of practicing meeting people and making conversation, and by that I mean you'll end up having the same conversation dozens of times (pro tip: decide in advance what you like about Japan so you're not stymied for an answer), but stick at it enough and you might actually meet someone interesting.

If you're feeling a bit more adventurous (or get sick of conversations which go like "Oh I go New York many years ago, I met John, do you know John from New York?") there's a lively "live house" music scene in smaller venues, much more sociable than nightclubs (or so I imagine, mind you the last nightclub I went to was Juliana's, goddammit where did the years go?).
 
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bergmann said:
and by that I mean you'll end up having the same conversation dozens of times
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One of my buddies went to these a long time ago and one question that always popped up was "what would be your favourite date?". He got so fed up he started to answer "August seventh". Bemused looks all around followed.

But then the first girl who got that ended up becoming a long term gf.
 
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MikeH said:
But then the first girl who got that ended up becoming a long term gf.
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Fancy meeting a Japanese woman who knows who Alexei Sayle is, let alone his birthday!
 
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Jenkins55 said:
Yeah, that’s not gonna happen. I don’t enjoy any activities except gaming in my home. Probably why I’m still single. (I have 15k hours on Steam).

The hookup, score thing isn’t really important, but I’m not saying “no” either. If I can masturbate without shame then surely I should have no shame doing it for real. I’m sure it will happen sometime down the line provided I’m in the vicinity of a willing party often enough.

What’s important is I expose myself to different activities so that it isn’t scary anymore. Not having done it ever, not once, makes it extremely scary. I think the whole anxiety thing will be positively affected if I’m practicing socializing often. Which is why I’m open to everything and I also wanna go see the hb some day. No homo though.
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If you think you can balance your life by gaming 90% of the time and going to sex clubs and renting women for the 10% you need human interaction and sexual release, well to put it nicely, you are really fucked up. In my opinion. As others have said. You need to cut down on the gaming and other online shit and go outside and meet real people.
 
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warubuta said:
If you think you can balance your life by gaming 90% of the time and going to sex clubs and renting women for the 10% you need human interaction and sexual release, well to put it nicely, you are really fucked up. In my opinion. As others have said. You need to cut down on the gaming and other online shit and go outside and meet real people.
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The Buta and his legendary diplomatic tone ... :D
you gotta admit something however, with his lifestyle the costs are rather contained
 
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