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Inaka Dweller

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Hello,

I looked through a few of the posts here but there are still some things I'm not 100% sure of. I want to try asking women out, but I'm quite unfamiliar with the process. I wouldn't say that I am completely socially inept, but I have never really tried or went out asking girls out before (I am a v*****). My Japanese is conversational, but I am a nonwhite foreigner. I'm wondering what are some good places I can ask girls out. I don't drink alcohol (I've had unpleasant experiences with it before) and a lot of the places I see are bars. I see a few starbucks mentioned here and there but those seemed really vague. Also since I'll only be in Tokyo for a few days, is it realistically possible to get lucky in that time. Anyway thats pretty much what I was wondering about. If any of you have suggestions or whatnot please let me know.

Thanks!
 
I want to try asking women out, but I'm quite unfamiliar with the process.

I usually try something like "would you go out with me?". Then from there the process goes so that she says no thank you and then you ask another girl.

When you get a bit more experienced in asking and getting rejected you can start variating with "to have lunch/dinner/coffee/drinks".

And before you reach the 100th rejection one of the girls says yes. Then you go out with her.
 
Why don’t you check out some of the upcoming Tokyo meet ups and see if your schedules match? Not sure if you only want to meet Japanese girls, but this way you might also have a chance at meeting other foreigners.

Other than that, whenever I walk by Scramble cafe in Shibuya I see a lot of Japanese girls talking to non white foreigners. Or the other way around.

Considering you’re unfamiliar with dating or hook ups, booking a soapland, DH or Indie might be a more fruitful (and realistic) option.
 
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I can think of several issues here. In the order that you wrote in your post:

1. You're not sure if you want to try
2. You're still holding your v-card
3. You don't drink
4. You're only in Tokyo for a short duration

If you wanted to add an additional complication, I'd say lack of command of the Japanese language is another problem. Conversational Japanese is great and you might be able to skate by on it but I think meaningful interactions require more.

None of that is intended to offend, just to illustrate what you're up against. Picking up chicks means being committed and making dozens, maybe hundreds of approaches before you even get one to seriously talk to you (unless you're lucky), let alone getting her in bed. Too many things have to go right and you don't have much time.

Better options:
1. Book an independent escort on here. They are reputable, understanding and speak good English. Lose that v-card and gain some experience so you can go into future endeavors with confidence.
-or-
2. Consider making a short term compensated dating arrangement. Make sure intimacy is stipulated in your arrangement.
-or-
3. If you're kind of strapped for cash, don't worry about "dating" so much and just have fun sampling some P4P like blowjob bars, delivery health and adult massage places. Lose the v-card later.
 
I'm wondering what are some good places I can ask girls out. I don't drink alcohol (I've had unpleasant experiences with it before) and a lot of the places I see are bars. I see a few starbucks mentioned here and there but those seemed really vague. Also since I'll only be in Tokyo for a few days, is it realistically possible to get lucky in that time. Anyway thats pretty much what I was wondering about. If any of you have suggestions or whatnot please let me know.

As for where: anywhere you see girls! It might not be easiest (it takes balls) but opening girls in public, whether the train, mall, street etc, will always yield the best and most broad results.

Many guys are unable to do this though. If you're a virgin then unless you have sick social skills and some solid reason why you haven't gotten laid Thusfar I don't know why you think you will come you Japan and instantly get laid.


Still, if you spend your full time approaching (and here I mean AT LEAST 80 girls per day) there's still a good chance you can hook up when you're here. If you don't have the ego strength for that (as most dudes don't) then yeah just get a hook.er or something. It's the easy way out. It might be worth just getting the V card out of the way even if it does leave you feeling a bit hollow after
 
As for where: anywhere you see girls! It might not be easiest (it takes balls) but opening girls in public, whether the train, mall, street etc, will always yield the best and most broad results.

Many guys are unable to do this though. If you're a virgin then unless you have sick social skills and some solid reason why you haven't gotten laid Thusfar I don't know why you think you will come you Japan and instantly get laid.


Still, if you spend your full time approaching (and here I mean AT LEAST 80 girls per day) there's still a good chance you can hook up when you're here. If you don't have the ego strength for that (as most dudes don't) then yeah just get a hook.er or something. It's the easy way out. It might be worth just getting the V card out of the way even if it does leave you feeling a bit hollow after
It’s not really the easy way out. I take exception. Some times I like to go fishing. Sometimes I like to order a nice fish at the restaurant. The restaurant option is not the easy way out. It’s just one option.
 
It’s not really the easy way out. I take exception. Some times I like to go fishing. Sometimes I like to order a nice fish at the restaurant. The restaurant option is not the easy way out. It’s just one option.

Erm... It's still a hell of a lot easier


Cmon man don't kid yourself. You can take exception with a lot of things but surely the EASE is not the right angle
 
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Erm... It's still a hell of a lot easier

Well, it was just a bad allegory. Because you don't have to make the fish like you in order to have fun eating it.
 
I can speak from experience here; buying fish from a restaurant is a LOT easier for inexperienced fishers than just catching fish. Which is why it costs more money lol.
 
Which is why it costs more money lol.

You are obviously fishing totally wrong.

First, you need a small fish hook and some line. Then you need a medium fishhook. Then you need a large fishhook. Then when you have a large fishhook you will want to go to fish at the sea, so you need a new fishing rod and also you need a boat, so then you need a truck to pull that boat and a trailer.

So how is that cheaper than buying a piece of cooked fish in a restaurant?
 
Erm... It's still a hell of a lot easier


Cmon man don't kid yourself. You can take exception with a lot of things but surely the EASE is not the right angle
Yes it is easier. Obviously. But fisherman don’t eat fish in restaurants only because it’s easier. The Buta can easily think of 10 reasons why a fisherman might eat fish in a restaurant that have nothing to do with ease. How about a fisherman in Idaho who is tired of eating fresh water fish and wants to try some Chilean Seabass? Or more to the point, a monger who wants his fish to playfully slap his pink ass and call him Bad Buta? People get themselves into trouble quickly when they try to infer the motivations of a quixotic and mercurial mind such as that of the Buta.
 
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You are obviously fishing totally wrong.

First, you need a small fish hook and some line. Then you need a medium fishhook. Then you need a large fishhook. Then when you have a large fishhook you will want to go to fish at the sea, so you need a new fishing rod and also you need a boat, so then you need a truck to pull that boat and a trailer.

So how is that cheaper than buying a piece of cooked fish in a restaurant?

That prolly explains why I never had much luck fishing when I tried it back in the States.
 
Yes it is easier. Obviously. But fisherman don’t eat fish in restaurants only because it’s easier. The Buta can easily think of 10 reasons why a fisherman might eat fish in a restaurant that have nothing to do with ease. How about a fisherman in Idaho who is tired of eating fresh water fish and wants to try some Chilean Seabass? Or more to the point, a monger who wants his fish to playfully slap his pink ass and call him Bad Buta? People get themselves into trouble quickly when they try to infer the motivations of a quixotic and mercurial mind such as that of the Buta.

All of those things may be true but I don't see how that changes my original comment. I never said "it's easier and that's the only reason anybody does it"

I just said, it's easier.
 
All of those things may be true but I don't see how that changes my original comment. I never said "it's easier and that's the only reason anybody does it"

I just said, it's easier.
Who tried to change your original comment? All I did was point out that there are other reasons than ease for buying vs hunting. But you definitely have a lot of your identity and personal pride tied up in the notion that you are an alpha hunter. That’s great. But don’t belittle the poor OP by saying if he doesn’t have the ‘ego strength’ to do what you do..... then get a ho.oker.
 
Who tried to change your original comment? All I did was point out that there are other reasons than ease for buying vs hunting. But you definitely have a lot of your identity and personal pride tied up in the notion that you are an alpha hunter. That’s great. But don’t belittle the poor OP by saying if he doesn’t have the ‘ego strength’ to do what you do..... then get a ho.oker.

I'm not really trying to belittle him. He wants to try! That's awesome. Just trying to be realistic about the fact that it isn't easy.

Most people probably don't have the ego strength or resilience to do a lot of things. Getting rejected by women, for whatever reason, is often harder and more intimidating then many other common phobias or difficult activities. I've seen guys coming back from war zones can have difficulty approaching a girl they like even though they just came back from being shot at, which on paper sounds much more difficult. Doesn't make them less of a person. Just is trying to be a realistic assessment. Getting rejected repeatedly isn't easy. Do you disagree?

And yeah sure feel free to list up random other reasons one would do P4P... It just seemed more like an oddly timed defense of P4P than directly related to my comment or his.
 
I'm not really trying to belittle him. He wants to try! That's awesome. Just trying to be realistic about the fact that it isn't easy.

Most people probably don't have the ego strength or resilience to do a lot of things. Getting rejected by women, for whatever reason, is often harder and more intimidating then many other common phobias or difficult activities. I've seen guys coming back from war zones can have difficulty approaching a girl they like even though they just came back from being shot at, which on paper sounds much more difficult. Doesn't make them less of a person. Just is trying to be a realistic assessment. Getting rejected repeatedly isn't easy. Do you disagree?

And yeah sure feel free to list up random other reasons one would do P4P... It just seemed more like an oddly timed defense of P4P than directly related to my comment or his.
You might not be trying to belittle him (and by extension all others who opt for P4P) but it absolutely comes across that way. And you can certainly say we are misunderstanding you. That’s your prerogative. Hey BTW, where can we sign up for ego- strengthening exercises so we can be more like you?
 
Well, it was just a bad allegory. Because you don't have to make the fish like you in order to have fun eating it.
Maybe your right Mikey. Well, allegorically speaking, the nampa artist’s charm and persistence is allegorical to the fisherman’s bait. The hook really doesn’t appear in the story of a well executed nampa. The lady should never feel caught or forced should she?
 
where can we sign up for ego- strengthening exercises so we can be more like you?

I get that this is tongue-in-cheek and intended as a sort of ironic diss or something, but if you actually want to know how one would go about the process of working on your ego (and I don't think there are really any classes for this kind of thing because in the end you kind of have to do it yourself) you can kind of approach it two ways:

ego dissolution, aka ego death. This is the more common, "right-hand path" way of doing things and generally involves submission and repetition of actions which are intended to reduce one's own attachment to their self-image. This path is endorsed by many major religions and forms the core of monastic and otherwise devotional aspects of those religions. Ways in which ego death through submission are achieved:
-Meditation
-Exposure to extreme stimuli (Japanese shugendo features a lot of asceticism and exposure to the elements, such as standing under extremely cold waterfalls)
-Asceticism (fasting, abstaining from sex [*shudders*], not sleeping for multiple days at a time, dietary restrictions)
-Self-flagellation or spirituality through pain
-Belief in some sort of divine judgment and desire to live a moral and "correct" life with that in mind

Famous practitioners of the right-hand path include Jesus, Gandhi, Martin Luther King, etc.

The other way would be attainment through the consolidation of the ego and this is in many ways the opposite. Wielding your ego (and willpower) as a weapon to achieve personal goals. Also known as the "left-hand path" and generally is associated with sin, extreme egoism, narcissism, and all sorts of excess. Here, consider:
-Magick
-Satanism
-Breaking social taboos purposefully
-Tantra and sexual rituals
-Intoxication

Practitioners of the left-hand path are not nearly as famous as those of the right-hand path since they go directly against society, but include people like Aleister Crowley and Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche, the Tibetan monk who did lots of cocaine, drank, and had constant orgies.

If you ask me, the left-hand path is a hell of a lot more fun. But either path will solidify the will and ego, either through its destruction or its completion/integration. And you don't need to stick to specifically one or the other, in fact my suggestion is to take from both. Nanpa is more left-hand path in the sense that it's not sanctioned by society at large (people think of it as a "taboo") and it's in some ways a pursuit of personal interests and desires (oh and it involves lots of sex)

In practice, if people really want to strengthen their mental fortitude I suggest:

-A heavy dose of psychedelics once a year
-An aggressive martial art such as kickboxing, Muay Thai, or Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. It should be one where you get hit in the face and otherwise beaten up
-A strict diet of daily cold approach and regular rejection by women who intimidate you
-Systematic seeking out of and acting towards your fears - for example, if you're afraid of heights, make efforts to go to tall buildings and look out the windows, do skydiving, etc. Gradually increase the stimuli yourself
-Cold showers (even in winter)
-Daily meditation

I bet this wasn't the answer you were expecting...
 
I get that this is tongue-in-cheek and intended as a sort of ironic diss or something, but if you actually want to know how one would go about the process of working on your ego (and I don't think there are really any classes for this kind of thing because in the end you kind of have to do it yourself) you can kind of approach it two ways:

ego dissolution, aka ego death. This is the more common, "right-hand path" way of doing things and generally involves submission and repetition of actions which are intended to reduce one's own attachment to their self-image. This path is endorsed by many major religions and forms the core of monastic and otherwise devotional aspects of those religions. Ways in which ego death through submission are achieved:
-Meditation
-Exposure to extreme stimuli (Japanese shugendo features a lot of asceticism and exposure to the elements, such as standing under extremely cold waterfalls)
-Asceticism (fasting, abstaining from sex [*shudders*], not sleeping for multiple days at a time, dietary restrictions)
-Self-flagellation or spirituality through pain
-Belief in some sort of divine judgment and desire to live a moral and "correct" life with that in mind

Famous practitioners of the right-hand path include Jesus, Gandhi, Martin Luther King, etc.

The other way would be attainment through the consolidation of the ego and this is in many ways the opposite. Wielding your ego (and willpower) as a weapon to achieve personal goals. Also known as the "left-hand path" and generally is associated with sin, extreme egoism, narcissism, and all sorts of excess. Here, consider:
-Magick
-Satanism
-Breaking social taboos purposefully
-Tantra and sexual rituals
-Intoxication

Practitioners of the left-hand path are not nearly as famous as those of the right-hand path since they go directly against society, but include people like Aleister Crowley and Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche, the Tibetan monk who did lots of cocaine, drank, and had constant orgies.

If you ask me, the left-hand path is a hell of a lot more fun. But either path will solidify the will and ego, either through its destruction or its completion/integration. And you don't need to stick to specifically one or the other, in fact my suggestion is to take from both. Nanpa is more left-hand path in the sense that it's not sanctioned by society at large (people think of it as a "taboo") and it's in some ways a pursuit of personal interests and desires (oh and it involves lots of sex)

In practice, if people really want to strengthen their mental fortitude I suggest:

-A heavy dose of psychedelics once a year
-An aggressive martial art such as kickboxing, Muay Thai, or Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. It should be one where you get hit in the face and otherwise beaten up
-A strict diet of daily cold approach and regular rejection by women who intimidate you
-Systematic seeking out of and acting towards your fears - for example, if you're afraid of heights, make efforts to go to tall buildings and look out the windows, do skydiving, etc. Gradually increase the stimuli yourself
-Cold showers (even in winter)
-Daily meditation

I bet this wasn't the answer you were expecting...
So according to you, Gandhi, Jesus and MLK would have been good pick-up artists..... Waiter! Check please!

Synapse, you have proven yourself to me that you are a great bullshit artist, so you are likely a great pick-up artist too. But please don’t try to say that Gandhi’s kind of selflessness has anything at all in common with some fuckwit in a bar or on a street corner who manages to endure 50 rejections so he can get one acceptance that might lead him to his very, very selfish goal of a blowjob. MLK was a known philanderer though.
 
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I've seen guys coming back from war zones can have difficulty approaching a girl they like even though they just came back from being shot at, which on paper sounds much more difficult.

Actually it sounds and even is in real life way more easier to be shot at. First it is a very passive act, you don't have to do anything else except to be there. Secondly it is not personal.

When approaching someone you need to be active and the rejection easily feels very personal. Therefore there are way less successful salesmen and pickup artists than soldiers.

The old joke has a lot of wisdom in it thinks me; if you propose a girl to for an ice cream and a blowjob and she says "no way" you actually must believe she rejected the offer because she doesn't like ice cream.
 
So according to you, Gandhi, Jesus and MLK would have been good pick-up artists..... Waiter! Check please!

I think you need to read my post again, and your question as well again. Because nowhere did I say that. You asked about the EGO
 
Actually it sounds and even is in real life way more easier to be shot at. First it is a very passive act, you don't have to do anything else except to be there. Secondly it is not personal.

When approaching someone you need to be active and the rejection easily feels very personal. Therefore there are way less successful salesmen and pickup artists than soldiers.

The old joke has a lot of wisdom in it thinks me; if you propose a girl to for an ice cream and a blowjob and she says "no way" you actually must believe she rejected the offer because she doesn't like ice cream.

Sure, I agree. It still is an active thing to sign up for the army. Or to sign up to be a coal miner or do some other dangerous job with a high mortality rate. My point was that sometimes things which aren't actually dangerous to our own physical body are scarier than things which are, against all logic
 
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Sure, I agree. It still is an active thing to sign up for the army. Or to sign up to be a coal miner or do some other dangerous job with a high mortality rate. My point was that sometimes things which aren't actually dangerous to our own physical body are scarier than things which are, against all logic

I agree but only to a certain extent. Pretty much nobody who goes to work to a coal mine thinks he will die or get to an accident. But anyone who approaches a girl or makes a cold sales call pretty much knows he is going to fail. So they are more scared of the latter even though even after failing a thousand sales calls you still get to keep all your limbs with you.

Very similarly studies have shown that harsher sentences for any crime do not reduce the rate of that crime. But what reduces the crime rate is when the probabilities of getting caught get higher. Just goes to show how bad people are at math.
 
Actually it sounds and even is in real life way more easier to be shot at. First it is a very passive act, you don't have to do anything else except to be there. Secondly it is not personal.

When approaching someone you need to be active and the rejection easily feels very personal. Therefore there are way less successful salesmen and pickup artists than soldiers.

The old joke has a lot of wisdom in it thinks me; if you propose a girl to for an ice cream and a blowjob and she says "no way" you actually must believe she rejected the offer because she doesn't like ice cream.
I think you need to read my post again, and your question as well again. Because nowhere did I say that. You asked about the EGO
How about you write your posts more clearly and succinctly so I understand them and then you won’t need to ask me to reread them. Sorry I am so stupid as to not understand you on the first reading.