Playing Away Without Getting Caught

Ohmygod

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Having just read a thread about sex-friends I find myself wanting one, but as a married man I worry about getting caught.

How do you hide the emails, dates and nights out?

With P4P you can be in an out in the time it takes to go for a long bike ride, but if I had to make excuses for whole afternoons or evenings I'm sure I'd get caught out, or forget to delete a compromising email.

How do you avoid getting caught?
 
How difficult is your schedule? If you are always home or need to be home after work and rarely go out for example, then it may be difficult. The short version of my answer is to manage one of the ladies - in this case I am assuming it's the sex friend. Make sure she knows clearly that you are married and don't BS about looking to leave. If she lets you lead and you have her hooked, it's a lot easier because you are both conscious of the problem with timing and hiding stuff.
 
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Start an exercise program a couple hours week then use you are meeting a friend to work out. Does the wife work? If so use one of her work days to take a sick leave day and go have fun.
 
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Then you'll need to be very clear with the other girl. If she likes you enough, she will work with you to get around this issue. The trick is to get the girl to be in love with you enough or like you that much that she is prepared to accept meeting you during periods of the day when others don't (working hours) or that you will meet her for only a couple of hours and petty much leave after sex. Not bragging here but I've never had any issues serting up the relationship to this level. The problem is that there will come a time when the bubble will explode - how long it last will depend on the personality of the other girl and how well you manage the situation. Word of warning, do not tell her that she is only a sex friend. You may imply it but never say it and not until she is completely yours and will do anything for you. The problem here is she will quickly drop you after she gets sick of the situation or if she can get a better deal from someone else if she realizes it's just sex too early in the stage.

The other warning is chose your girl carefully. There are some crazy ones out there who will visit your home and find your wife to tell her what's going on when the shit hits the fan!

You can also do the acting thing around home but really, it's a pain in the ass. You may also feel more guilty (not that you won't already) if you are faking and lying about things like meetings when you are usually home.

Good luck.
 
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I can probably create reasons to get out of the house, but how do you cope with text messages or phone calls. My wife would become very suspicious if I suddenly started hiding my phone or not answering calls when she was around.
 
On daily basis clear all sent & received messages, if you use a translator clear that after a couple of entries. Try timing when you can talk & msg. It is a skill you have to develope.
 
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I can probably create reasons to get out of the house, but how do you cope with text messages or phone calls. My wife would become very suspicious if I suddenly started hiding my phone or not answering calls when she was around.

There are apps these days that can hide them I've been told. The timing thing can be controlled but if your wife is even half alert about these things, she will suspect and then you are done. If you are very good about being careful and details, you should be able to pull this off.

Why don't you get another phone instead? Tell her it's for work and have all the settings off wherever you are home.
 
Having two phones is an instant giveaway I think, will have a look for some apps, she won't have a clue about them. She finds iOS difficult to use.
 
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How do you deal with the email alerts of this forum? :) Do the same.
I'd suggest having another email client with notifications disabled most of the time (or webmail in private safari window), and if your sex friends talk to you on Line, mute her chat, so no notification will pop. If her pic doesn't show her face (happens), take advantage of the opportunity and rename her to some dude name, and be sure to always send the last message (with something neutral genre "Ok" "cool", etc...) for each conversation, so when your SO opens Line, nothing looks too suspicious.

That should make it easy.
 
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I'm a married guy with two young kids. I take my responsibilities as a father seriously, but I've still managed to get a couple sex friends. I'm no expert on this, but I'll share some tips with you.

I'm based in Kansai, and sex friend #1 lives in Tokyo. I go to Tokyo maybe three or four times a year for business. Basically I just picked this girl up at club and did NOT tell her I was married but did of course tell I live in Kansai. I thought maybe it would end after a one-night stand, but we exchanged LINE details in any case. Anyway, I have been back in Tokyo a couple times since we first met, and both times we've met up for dinner/drinks then sex. I simply send her a LINE* message a week or so before my trip. The whole situation is very easy to manage and low stress. She too knows it is just for fun as I have said I'm not looking for a serious relationship, I have no plans of moving to Tokyo, etc. I could see it ending anytime if she gets a serious boyfriend, but maybe she already has one for all I know. The only downside is that I'm not in Tokyo often, so while it provides some good memories it doesn't have a big effect on my sex life overall.

Sex friend #2 lives in my same city in Kansai. This was much harder to achieve and (even though she's a generally a cool girl) a lot harder and more stressful to manage. First of all, you're going to need an excuse to be out at night sometimes. Before I ever had a sex friend, I was going three or four nights a months to drink with my buddies, so no issue there for me. Anyway, the real issue here is that you're going to have to admit you're married for multiple reasons (e.g. only rarely being available to meet up, having certain bars/restaurants/areas of town you want to avoid, not wanting to lead the girl on, etc.). Anyway, it was my personal experience that before I found this girl, I had maybe 10 girls who were very clearly interested in me (hand in my lap, cuddling up against, etc.) basically lose all sexual interest when I said I was married (many still wanted me a friend lol). (By the way, when I say it I mention my kids and that my wife is now mothering mode and we're no longer lovers, so I am looking to have some fun. I don't know if I say it in the most effective way, but I think overall it gets the point across without being too direct.) One thing that helped me is I have a buddy in the same situation, and we can act as both wingmen and alibis for each other. Anyway, I am continuing to see this girl around twice a month. Luckily she is quite young and doesn't seem to be looking for a serious relationship. She claims she wants to go to Australia on a working holiday visa sometime next year, so that would be a natural time to end things.

*LINE: I only communicate with these girls via LINE. I have it set so that their messages do not leave a notification (instead, just the red dot appears above the app icon). After reading/replying to their messages, I will quickly hit "Archive" to get it off the chat log.

Best of luck...
 
This is a perfect opportunity for a virtual screen in iOS or Android... similar to how you would use multiple desktops in Linux GUI. (or even Windows, I think has multiple-desktops now)

Another random method: A friend of mine has a regular iPhone 5S with tethering enabled. He carries around a iPod (looks just like an iPhone 5) and he has a separate iMessage and email address attached to the iPod for his more 'personal' encounters. Most average person may think it's just an iPod, so easy to hide.
 
It's not snooping I'm worried about, it's random unexpected accidents. For example, when I joined this forum a few months ago I didn't realise they automatically sent you emails.

There I was watching a movie on my laptop with the missus, when an email alert flashed up on screen, New message from Tokyo Adult Guide! Had she been paying attention this would have caused some interesting questions, needless to say, I have now switched email alerts off, bit what else have a forgotten to do? I'd rather be safe than sorry, so I've signed up to a web mail account and will use a separate wen browser for signing in, just in case I forget to use an incognito window. I've also downloaded an app called applock which allows you to password protect any apps, like line for example.
 
It's not snooping I'm worried about, it's random unexpected accidents. For example, when I joined this forum a few months ago I didn't realise they automatically sent you emails.

We need to make this more prominent, but please be sure to set your email prefrences here: http://tokyoadultguide.com/account/contact-details

"Messaging Preferences"

By default, we have 'watched trhreads' set to just local alert only (no email) -- You should get emails by default for private messages only unless you add email subscription to some threads or add it when you reply/post new threads.

If you have any question about a function, please let us know.

EDIT: We *do* require valid emails for accountability reasons. Thanks for your understanding.

Regards,
 
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Also you can password protect LINE and I reccomend that you do. My wife really must not give a shit. She never looks at my phone.
 
She never looks at my phone.

Any woman that feels the need to check their partner's phone is just insecure with herself.

Flame me all you want. :shifty:

You guys ever seen those combo Facebook accounts or other social media accounts that is setup as one account for two people? More insecurity there too, lol.

A high school bud of mine has a 'shared' account with his wife because of her insecurity because she thinks Facebook is a breeding ground for cheaters and illicit relationships.
 
If you really want to be stealth here are a few other points, some might be a bit extreme.

- Passmo and Suica leave a trail, the last 20 trips on passmo can be printed from the machine at the station. So if you say you were somewhere and go somewhere else you could get caught.

- Be careful where you take out money from ATM, your bank book can be updated without pin giving date/location of ATM.

- Credit card statement, if you use your card make sure no statement is sent to your house.

- In the unlucky circumstance that you get a bit tingly down below, make sure no results get sent to your house and that the health care statement goes to your work.

- Make sure your phone browser does not sync with you chrome account if you use on pc at home also, incognito browsing is your friend, have browser history deleted on exit.

- Receipts should not be kept, if you are away on business travel then have the hotel/other office post your receipts back to your office so you can claim your expenses.
 
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It's not snooping I'm worried about, it's random unexpected accidents. For example, when I joined this forum a few months ago I didn't realise they automatically sent you emails.

There I was watching a movie on my laptop with the missus, when an email alert flashed up on screen, New message from Tokyo Adult Guide! Had she been paying attention this would have caused some interesting questions, needless to say, I have now switched email alerts off, bit what else have a forgotten to do? I'd rather be safe than sorry, so I've signed up to a web mail account and will use a separate wen browser for signing in, just in case I forget to use an incognito window. I've also downloaded an app called applock which allows you to password protect any apps, like line for example.

Japanese women are not all as oblivious to these things as some may think. They are good to pretend.

I'm no angel, most probably much worse than you, nor am I trying to preach here but let me ask you this. What would happen if she found out and are you okay with the potential consequences?
 
Any woman that feels the need to check their partner's phone is just insecure with herself.

Flame me all you want. :shifty:
Agreed. Anyway I am sure most the Monger's wives on here have secrets too. Spending the household's money on junk etc... Snooping just gives the snooper stress in the end. And indicates
a bad relationship.
 
I get the impression that a lot of Japanese wives would be fine with an open marriage, so long as there are certain ground rules (e.g., no divorce, no embarrassment, no flaunting the FBs, no STDs, etc.) and so long as it's mutual, meaning that the wife can play around too. I say this because for so many Japanese women, marriage appears to be more of a practical arrangement than a soul-mate-matchup. Also, nearly all of them are resigned to the fact that their husbands can use prostitutes if they want to (they'd pretty much have to be resigned to it, since the culture they live in essentially condones prostititution) and the idea of hubby having a FB or two or three is not too different from the idea of hubby screwing a Filapina or two or three.

Especially after a marriage hits the three-to-five year mark, when the woman usually loses interest and starts wanting to have sex with other men, proposing (or declaring) an open marriage is something to seriously consider. The wife's biggest fear often will be that the husband will leave, so if she receives ample reassurance on this point, it could work, I bet.

That said, if you want to keep things secret, there are lots of apps out there that look like a calculator or some other kind of app, but that can be unlocked by the entry of a secret code and that contain functionality like separate browser, photo, note and address programs. If you just keep all of your personal stuff in one of those, you should be fine.

@Tokyo1 , very good call on the Pasumo / Suica travel history. Here are some other tell-tales that you will want to avoid:

- search history in your Japanese-English dictionary ("Honey, why were you searching for 潮吹き?")
- kanji-henkan candidates -- your text input system will "learn" your recent and/or preferred words ("Honey, when I go to type 奈良, it autocompletes to 奈々子, who is that?")
- clipboard text -- if you copy a bit of text for purposes of looking it up, be sure to clear the clipboard later by copying some other text onto it ("Honey, why was ホテル 目黒エンペラー on the clipboard?")
- photos syncing to the cloud automatically ("Honey, why does iCloud have a picture of a wine list from Tomei?")
- smells are a BIG one! Buy some extra bars of your regular brand of soap, and carry them with you on your dates. Shower afterward and use your regular brand of soap. NEVER use the soap provided at the hotel, and NEVER fail to shower or your wife will notice the other woman's smell on your hair, etc.
- LINE uses cellphone numbers to help ensure that its users are real persons, etc., but you can have a separate LINE identity on a different device if you first create a disposable cellphone number and use that number to sign up for a new LINE account. Use apps such as TextNow, Burner and Pinger. These only generate US phone numbers, but since LINE is in the US now, it doesn't matter -- you can use the US LINE account in Japan just fine.
- If two phones would be suspicious, then get an iPad. You can do virtually everything on the iPad that you would do on a phone.
- Stow an extra shirt somewhere accessible (office, briefcase) in case you get lipstick on the first one.
- If you and your wife are not having sex, and she finds your package of condoms, then try this explanation: "Hey, since you won't have sex with me, I have to do it myself, right? Or else how could I sleep? Well, I have to do it so often that my dick gets raw and starts to bleed. Unless I use the condoms. That's why I have them. Are you satisfied?"
 
Don't forget the really obvious practical things, too: don't come home smelling of another woman's perfume - or of soap when you have no reason to be taking a shower. Don't leave hotel or restaurant receipts lying about. If you don't have sex with your wife regularly or don't use protection with her, don't leave condoms lying around at home.

IronGiant - totally agreed on the open marriage concept. I think if it was more of an accepted thing, more women (not just Japanese women) would go for it. I certainly would, but then I like having sex with a variety of people. ;)
 
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I think it depends on the women with regards to an open marriage. I know some that would go for it but many more that wouldn't. The more conservative their background the more unlikely they will allow it.

That said always think about what you do and how you do it. Assume that your partner may be smarter than you think they are and never say never. If tour kid can access your phone your partner can as well.
 
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I think a lot of people can't get over the jealousy thing - the idea of being compared to someone else naked and found wanting. If people would realise that (especially for men), having sex with someone else and finding them sexually attractive doesn't mean you don't want to also have sex with your partner and find THEM sexually attractive also, then I think we'd all be a lot happier. Like bonobos, which just fuck everything all the time and never fight.
 
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Ero-ninpo.

The art of stealth P4P. Serious business.