The Next US President is....

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Why doesn't anyone bring up that Mike Pence, an evangelical, has partnered with a $100,000 prostitute lover. I mean, I'm no one to judge, but Pence is all about facts and shit...
Shush up mate.
It’s an open secret that the 2 mikes are a couple. @MikeH has been trying to keep this out of the press. And for the record, he is a $200,000 pro lover
 
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Secret Service agents are infamous for their off-duty activities. There's a fratboy-type subculture in that agency, a boys-only club on steroids where they party HARD once they're off the clock. If you remember during the Obama years, his head agent was arrested by Capitol Police after going to a retirement party, getting fucking loaded and then driving back to the capitol district where he bulldozed through an active crime scene (bomb scare investigation) and slammed his car into an obstacle. Then there was that incident in Cartagena (which was largely covered up) where the hotel staff responded to some sort of complaint call and found a group of agents all sprawled out on the floor of the room and hallway after apparently partying like fucking Charlie Sheen with booze, cocaine and a whole tribe of escorts. A close female friend of mine (extremely attractive) was propositioned by three off-duty agents and they made it very clear--they wanted to PARTY, GET DRUNK and FUCK. And I've met agents on Trump's detail...and they haven't changed a bit. If you're a young, single guy then the SS is the place to be.

What surprises me is how these guys get into the agency. It's extremely difficult and competitive. The written exams aren't too difficult if you paid attention in math class and the fitness test isn't too bad, either, but the background and polygraph are fucking insane, and they also require something they call "superior academic achievement" scores, where you're required to have had a minimum 3.6 GPA in college. Then you have to pass a very unpleasant interview process. And that's just to get into the agency and go chase currency counterfeiters and money launderers. Getting on to the executive protection detail is a whole different level. Of course, this was years ago and standards might've been lowered, which might account for some of the behavior over the past few years.

If I were 27 again I might apply. I always thought you had to be tall, white and handsome to be an SS agent but I've seen a few runty Asians and women on the Obama detail so I might've had a shot.

in France they are a bit more discrete. Well they sure like it when a nice lady comes to talk to the prez though

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Secret Service agents are infamous for their off-duty activities. There's a fratboy-type subculture in that agency, a boys-only club on steroids where they party HARD once they're off the clock. If you remember during the Obama years, his head agent was arrested by Capitol Police after going to a retirement party, getting fucking loaded and then driving back to the capitol district where he bulldozed through an active crime scene (bomb scare investigation) and slammed his car into an obstacle. Then there was that incident in Cartagena (which was largely covered up) where the hotel staff responded to some sort of complaint call and found a group of agents all sprawled out on the floor of the room and hallway after apparently partying like fucking Charlie Sheen with booze, cocaine and a whole tribe of escorts. A close female friend of mine (extremely attractive) was propositioned by three off-duty agents and they made it very clear--they wanted to PARTY, GET DRUNK and FUCK. And I've met agents on Trump's detail...and they haven't changed a bit. If you're a young, single guy then the SS is the place to be.

.

Clinton was the best for using his resources. I remember listening to some UK journalists who covered Clinton when he was still Governor and running to be President.

At functions he pointed out the girls he liked then leave it to the State Troopers to invite them back to his office / room. He would be waiting for them with trousers and pants off. Some women stayed, some ran off. Clinton being a gentleman didn’t force the issue.

All this was an open secret in Arkansas. And any reasonably attractive waitress in the state would have experienced the charms of Bill Clinton and seen his pecker in all its glory.
 
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Clinton was the best for using his resources. I remember listening to some UK journalists who covered Clinton when he was still Governor and running to be President.

At functions he pointed out the girls he liked then leave it to the State Troopers to invite them back to his office / room. He would be waiting for them with trousers and pants off. Some women stayed, some ran off. Clinton being a gentleman didn’t force the issue.

All this was an open secret in Arkansas. And any reasonably attractive waitress in the state would have experienced the charms of Bill Clinton and seen his pecker in all its glory.

I've heard stories about Bill during his days as governor, but the ones about Hillary are even better. I actually respect her style. Forget about all the Russia and collusion and the server and Benghazi, just for both of their roles in the sexual assaults and threats and cover-ups, they both should've spent at least 20 years in prison. And the ironic part is it wasn't until the #metoo movement that the national Democratic establishment finally had to stop regarding Bill as some sort of political hero.
 
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interesting. I thought they were only doing VIP protection. But apparently you mention they start with other duties (chasing counterfeiters etc). What’s the missions-split with the FBI and local police departments then?
They were actually part of the Treasury department until 2003, then Bush moved them under the Department of Homeland Security. Outside of the safety of the upper levels of government, they handle investigations that pertain to the national payment systems and financial infrastructure, so these days a LOT of cybercrime stuff. Since becoming part of DHS they also do some counterterrorism.
 
interesting. I thought they were only doing VIP protection. But apparently you mention they start with other duties (chasing counterfeiters etc). What’s the missions-split with the FBI and local police departments then?

The Secret Service was originally established during the Civil War period to counteract all of the Confederacy's attempts at counterfeiting U.S. currency. That's why they were always under the jurisdiction of the Treasury Department. Most new agents undergo training that focuses primarily on financial/currency crimes, as well as all standard federal law enforcement training (weapons, tactics, etc.). There's just a very small, very exclusive section dedicated to providing executive security details, which I think was established after one of the presidents was assassinated...but I can't recall which one. But it's very exclusive, and for the most part, the SS guards the presidents, vice presidents, their families and all past living presidents and vice presidents are assigned a small SS detail for the rest of their lives. Also, after presidential primary elections are over, a SS detail is assigned to the leading candidates. You can usually identify SS agents by their lapel pins, which are currently blue diamonds. That, and they generally look like former college football stars.

There's always inter-agency coordination between federal agencies--SS, FBI, DEA, BATF, etc.--such as on the national JTTF (Joint Terrorism Task Force) but for the most part the SS seems to mind its own business and do its own thing. In D.C., law enforcement in the capitol area is generally split into four wings: U.S.S.S. and its special agents, the Secret Service Uniformed Police Division (these are the uniformed cops you see standing around the White House), the U.S. Capitol Police (the SWAT-looking guys who guard the federal buildings and Capitol, and also provide security details for the Speaker, Senate President and other high-ranking legislators) and then the regular, overweight D.C. police department cops sleeping in their patrol cars. I believe the last group is also the very, very last to get called for anything on The Hill. Just look at them. Why would you?

For the most part, if you were interested in an actual respected and exciting career, you'd try for either the Secret Service special agent position or one with the Capitol Police. Those guys get seriously badass training and toys to play with. Remember in House of Cards, the Agent Meechum that Kevin Spacey hand picks (so he and his wife can fuck)? Meechum was originally Capitol Police assigned to protective detail of Spacey, who was the House Majority Whip, and when Spacey becomes president he forces SS to hire Meechum as a special agent so he can keep him on his personal detail and continue cornholing him. I tell you, HoC did an amazing job of paying attention to details and getting the roles right.
 
They were actually part of the Treasury department until 2003, then Bush moved them under the Department of Homeland Security. Outside of the safety of the upper levels of government, they handle investigations that pertain to the national payment systems and financial infrastructure, so these days a LOT of cybercrime stuff. Since becoming part of DHS they also do some counterterrorism.

Yes, you're correct and I forgot to add that. When GWB moved them to DHS (and the Air Marshals to TSA) things were a fucking nightmare at first. Mass resignations and early retirements, everything was fucked. I'm guessing things have settled down. I never much even considered trying out for SS because of the academic grade requirements, which I clearly did not meet.
 
Yes, you're correct and I forgot to add that. When GWB moved them to DHS (and the Air Marshals to TSA) things were a fucking nightmare at first. Mass resignations and early retirements, everything was fucked. I'm guessing things have settled down. I never much even considered trying out for SS because of the academic grade requirements, which I clearly did not meet.
The DHS was a hasty knee jerk response to 9/11.

Interestingly, the SS apparently has a division that's dedicated to investigating child abductions and exploitation. Wouldn't have guessed that would fall under their parachute.
 
What's the pay like?

Not good at all, considering what you have to go through to get hired and the sacrifices you have to make. But it depends on which agency you go with. I haven't been around that stuff much for a number of years so my info might be dated.

Basically, no matter which agency you're looking at--FBI, DEA, BATF, USSS, and a few others--the flagship gig there is called an "1811," the federal classification also known as a "special agent." If you're going to work for a federal agency, this is the position you want. Better pay, benefits and pension, and let's face it, your badge and credentials say "SPECIAL AGENT" (good for getting pussy)...but they all fucking suck donkey balls in the beginning.

The best of them is the FBI, which has a budget that dwarfs all other agencies combined and therefore has the best perks. But even there, you start off starving. Federal law enforcement agencies pay you based on a "GL" payscale, which is very similar to the "GS" scale used by most other federal employees. They go from a level 5 up to 13, with 10 "steps" in each level. An FBI Special Agent recruit, on the day he/she reports to Quantico for the academy, begins as a GL-11, Step 1. Base GL-11 pay, combined with all other allowances and locality pay for the D.C. area, last time I checked, was just over $59,000/year. That means your monthly take-home pay is just over $3k. Considering a 1BR apartment in metro D.C. is at least $2,500/month, I don't know how the fuck you're supposed to feed yourself.

However, there are automatic incremental raises. Within 5 years, you're at a GL-12 mid-step, which right now should earn you about $110,000/year including all allowances. Decent pay but if you're still in D.C., that's just enough to have a family and scrape by, assuming your wife also works. If you're smart, savvy, good at kissing ass and playing politics, you can "test" into a competitive supervisory GL-13 spot toward the end of your career (you watch Criminal Minds? Notice how Hotch is "Supervisory Special Agent"? That's a GL-13) and that probably gets you into the $125,000/year range and then you retire after 20 years with right around six figures for the rest of your life.

Other agencies are worse. I've heard USSS, DEA and BATF will hire new agents at GL-9, or even GL-7, which means your starting annual pay with allowances is around $45,000 or even as low as around $37,000. In any event, becoming a federal agent isn't something you do for money.

The age cut-off (without prior military service) is 37, as 1811 retirement is mandatory by your 57th birthday and they want you to finish up your 20 years and get your full pension. Most agencies prefer to hire candidates around 30 years old. That means most federal agents are eligible for retirement around 50, and most of them end up going into consultancy positions in the private sector after that. I go to the gym with a lot of retired agents. Most of them end up having kids later in life so they're stuck paying college tuition well into their 60s and have to take on second careers. Also, most agencies require a commitment after graduation. I know the FBI was 3 years. That's because a lot of young guys like to add "FBI Special Agent" to their resumes and then take off looking for higher-paying security consultancy gigs in the private sector.

Anyhow, like I said, that's from a number of years ago. Thing could've changed since then.
 
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Yes, you're correct and I forgot to add that. When GWB moved them to DHS (and the Air Marshals to TSA) things were a fucking nightmare at first. Mass resignations and early retirements, everything was fucked. I'm guessing things have settled down. I never much even considered trying out for SS because of the academic grade requirements, which I clearly did not meet.
It makes more sense than being under the Treasury though ... maybe the Treasury left them completely autonomous and the DHS, less so?
 
It makes more sense than being under the Treasury though ... maybe the Treasury left them completely autonomous and the DHS, less so?

It's possible that being under the umbrella of DHS has allowed them increased access to funding, vs being under the Treasury. I haven't had access to congressional funding data in a number of years so I have no idea but ever since the GWB admin DHS has had massive funding, far more than I imagine Treasury would ever get. But DHS already has its own wing of 1811 special agents, called HSI (Homeland Security Investigations) so it would seem redundant to have the USSS guys wasting their time interfering. And to be honest, in law enforcement circles, HSI "agents" are considered by most 1811s (particularly FBI agents) to be the equivalent of mall security. The next time some idiot tries mailing an envelope of baby powder to the capitol and it ends up on the news, look for the overweight assholes in blue HSI jackets on CNN. DHS has significantly lower PFT (physical fitness test) standards and it shows.
 
The Walk of Shame ....


Whether you agree with the message or not, that’s one of the more clever political ads I’ve seen in a long time.
 
Not good at all, considering what you have to go through to get hired and the sacrifices you have to make. But it depends on which agency you go with. I haven't been around that stuff much for a number of years so my info might be dated.

Basically, no matter which agency you're looking at--FBI, DEA, BATF, USSS, and a few others--the flagship gig there is called an "1811," the federal classification also known as a "special agent." If you're going to work for a federal agency, this is the position you want. Better pay, benefits and pension, and let's face it, your badge and credentials say "SPECIAL AGENT" (good for getting pussy)...but they all fucking suck donkey balls in the beginning.

The best of them is the FBI, which has a budget that dwarfs all other agencies combined and therefore has the best perks. But even there, you start off starving. Federal law enforcement agencies pay you based on a "GL" payscale, which is very similar to the "GS" scale used by most other federal employees. They go from a level 5 up to 13, with 10 "steps" in each level. An FBI Special Agent recruit, on the day he/she reports to Quantico for the academy, begins as a GL-11, Step 1. Base GL-11 pay, combined with all other allowances and locality pay for the D.C. area, last time I checked, was just over $59,000/year. That means your monthly take-home pay is just over $3k. Considering a 1BR apartment in metro D.C. is at least $2,500/month, I don't know how the fuck you're supposed to feed yourself.

However, there are automatic incremental raises. Within 5 years, you're at a GL-12 mid-step, which right now should earn you about $110,000/year including all allowances. Decent pay but if you're still in D.C., that's just enough to have a family and scrape by, assuming your wife also works. If you're smart, savvy, good at kissing ass and playing politics, you can "test" into a competitive supervisory GL-13 spot toward the end of your career (you watch Criminal Minds? Notice how Hotch is "Supervisory Special Agent"? That's a GL-13) and that probably gets you into the $125,000/year range and then you retire after 20 years with right around six figures for the rest of your life.

Other agencies are worse. I've heard USSS, DEA and BATF will hire new agents at GL-9, or even GL-7, which means your starting annual pay with allowances is around $45,000 or even as low as around $37,000. In any event, becoming a federal agent isn't something you do for money.

The age cut-off (without prior military service) is 37, as 1811 retirement is mandatory by your 57th birthday and they want you to finish up your 20 years and get your full pension. Most agencies prefer to hire candidates around 30 years old. That means most federal agents are eligible for retirement around 50, and most of them end up going into consultancy positions in the private sector after that. I go to the gym with a lot of retired agents. Most of them end up having kids later in life so they're stuck paying college tuition well into their 60s and have to take on second careers. Also, most agencies require a commitment after graduation. I know the FBI was 3 years. That's because a lot of young guys like to add "FBI Special Agent" to their resumes and then take off looking for higher-paying security consultancy gigs in the private sector.

Anyhow, like I said, that's from a number of years ago. Thing could've changed since then.

Would they be able to get COLA?
 
Would they be able to get COLA?

No, COLA is no longer included in the pay for 1811 special agents. They instead replaced it with "locality pay," which is an allowance based on the cost of living in the city you're assigned to, and a system called LEAP (Law Enforcement Availability Pay), which is basically a replacement for overtime pay. Special Agents, particularly FBI special agents, are almost always going to work far, far more than the 40 hours you're supposedly being paid for. Probably closer to 60-70 hours/week. So rather than give you time-and-a-half for an extra 80-120 hours a month, they give you the flat LEAP allowance and send you off to fight crime and never see your family.

If you want COLA and overtime and more time to see your family, you're better off looking at federal LEO positions lower down on the totem pole, like CBP (Customs and Border Protection). They're basically the mall security of federal law enforcement. You get hired at around a GL-5 or GL-7, which is in the mid $30k/year range, to wear an ugly blue uniform, badge and inferior pistol and sit at the airport harassing tourists. However, if you're lucky enough to get stuck at one of the big airports, like LAX or JFK, there's a shit-ton of overtime available and you can easily pull six-figures in your first year on the job for essentially doing nothing. Stamping passports, leering at pretty girls and occasionally waddling over to the airport Burger King.

Overall, it's a pretty sweet gig if you have zero ambitions or simply aren't very bright. Or, more likely, you really, really wanted to be a Special Agent but were either too dumb to pass the Phase I written exams (weeds out over half of applicants), too fat to pass the fitness test and/or too strange and stunted to pass the meet-and-greets or panel interviews (weeds out most of the rest), and then there's the background check and polygraph to cull what's left of the heard. Competitive agencies like the FBI have an applicant hire rate of around 2-3%, and that's with the new minority/diversity hire policies. If you're white, you'd better be one fucking hell of an athlete and gifted performer with a spotless resume if you ever want to be one of Hoover's Finest.
 
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The Lincoln Project are the true Republicans. If only they had a decent candidate for 2024! Well there’s still time...

The buzz is already going, but should Trump lose in November, RNC insiders are already laying the groundwork for a Nikki Haley candidacy. Makes sense if you're thinking about taking on an incumbent Kamala Harris. Black/Indian woman VS Punjabi Sikh-American woman. I've never met her but I have heard some not quite pleasant things about how she treats her staff, and there's also the rumors that she's had several flings with her own staffers while married. Par for the course in D.C., but never underestimate the DNC's disregard for laying off families during an election season.

Obviously, Mike Pence's name is still being tossed around, but I think either way he won't be in the running. If Trump loses next month, Pence is damaged goods. And even if Trump wins, I honestly don't think Pence wants the gig. I do think he'd serve as a phenomenal advisor. But regardless of whether Trump has a few months or four more years left in the WH, I think it's an absolutely inevitability that once he's finally gone, the GOP will have to do some serious soul-searching as to how the party proceeds and moves forward. That's kinda where I've been involved--ghost-writing and maneuvering (just a bit) for the movement of disgruntled establishment Republicans (like the Lincoln Project, and a couple others) that think it's better to dump him ASAP and try to salvage what's left of our party now and rebuild in time for 2024. But again, I'm also planning to vote for Trump. I like to fashion myself an enigma.

But heed my words! I'll give you my own predictions as to 2024 GOP candidates that the MSM isn't talking about right now. People I think you should watch, besides Nikki Haley:

1) Senator Tim Scott. The only black GOP Senator who's framing himself much like Marco Rubio did four years ago but he's doing a better job of it. Very inspiring story. Very charismatic guy. None of the sneer and arrogance of Obama. A southern church boy, optimistic and earnest.

2) Senator Tom Cotton. This guy is a serious badass. BA and JD from Harvard, left a cushy lawyer gig in the private sector to join the Army and did two tours in Iraq and Afghanistan and was awarded the Bronze Star. I watch his interviews and agree with just about everything he's ever said. He's definitely of the Paul Ryan mold--a calculated thinker and academic, rather than bullshit performer, plus he's got the service record to prove he's not just some intellectual pussy like Obama. And he's only a few years older than I am.

At the end of the day, however, you never know and what seems to make sense doesn't always prevail. In 2016 the GOP had some phenomenal candidates (like Scott Walker) who I was sure would be our pick, and we ended up with Trump. This past year, the Democrats started off with a couple dozen of their shining stars, assholes they touted as "the next Obama" like Mayor Pete and Douchebag O'Rourke, along with seasoned communists like Warren and Bernie, and in the end they ended up with a senile 77yo has-been who can't even read his teleprompter properly.

Presidential races are just frustrating. I'm glad I never had to work one.
 
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