Anonymous Sugaring?

Showa Boa · Nov 25, 2020

Hey guys! Long time lurker, first time poster, pleased to meet all of you!

So long story short, I'm a young professional in Kansai, and I've been to several different fuzokus in Japan.

But recently I wanted to try something different, so I went on sugardaddy.jp and made a profile.

I got lots of messages, surprisingly (may have overstated my income a bit haha) but always made it clear that I'm looking for an "otona no kankei", I speak Japanese at an N2 level.

I really did want a kind of "escort-sugaring" hybrid, which I know is a very...messy...distinction, but 1 out of 4 girls is usually game, or at least that's what I hear haha.

So I meet this one girl, very nice, and VERY eager for sugaring. Not formal and round about like most of the girls on sugardaddy.jp, who you usually have to ask multiple times what they're looking for.

So I've been messaging her and we're meeting soon, and she seems very down for what I want, as in, one time meetings, 35k fee, sends me suggestive photos and such.

And here's my problem...I don't know what kind of relationship she wants!

I ask her if she's okay with otona no kankei, she says yes, absolutely, it wasn't even a question for her haha. I ask her if meeting just a few times is okay because I'm busy, like once or twice, and she says yes, no problem.

I even tell her that I may not be in Kansai for much longer, which is true, and she says she's sad but she understands.

I ask if she wants an allowance, and she says yeah, maybe, we can discuss it when we meet, followed by more suggestive talk, as if she's hornier than I am haha!

So my question is...is this more of an "escort-sugar" hybrid?

The thing is, I kind of *want* the escort sugar hybrid. I don't mind of she's not exclusive, I don't mind if she prioritizes other guys over me, but at the same time I do want the added level of intimacy that comes with sugaring.

But I also wanna stay private. My business is my business, and I do not want her to know about my personal business, nor do I really want to know about hers.

Is that a fair thing to ask in a sugar daddy-sugar baby relationship? Should I expect to remain anonymous if I am fine with her remaining so?

Some of this has to do with the fact that I overstated my income...and that's my fault. But so far she's agreed to everything in my budget, never once asked for an outrageous sum, only said "oh that's too bad" when I told her I might be too busy to see her every week or even every other week.

What's the normal path here?

I'm kinda in over my head haha.

My plan is just to discuss these boundaries with her on our first meeting, before anything else other than dinner and drinking occurs.

Thanks for reading!

Sincerely,

Showa Boa

TAG Manager · Nov 26, 2020

When you mention a sugar-escort-hybrid -- that pretty much boils down to a per-meeting rate and whatever goes along with agreement.
Escorts are time-based - usually 1hr, 90, 2hr and so on. Sugar dating is more malleable to whatever agreement you setup with her directly.
35k per meeting - And what does that include? (By rule & law, you're not paying for sex but her time and expenses...)
Nail down the agreement of what is expected on both sides for those 'per meet' fees. (There's usually not a hard, fast rule about time... no rulebook on that one.)

If you want to go the allowance road, it gets very murky. Allowance means a set rate per week or per month and it's not 35k.

(Unless it's once per week and well, that's just a pay-per-meet arrangement anyway...)
For that route, you'd have to nail down an agreement on number of times to meet on that per-week or per-month agreement.
You or her may eventually feel that it's imbalanced on this sort of arrangement, it just depends.

Showa Boa said:
But I also wanna stay private. My business is my business, and I do not want her to know about my personal business, nor do I really want to know about hers.

Of course you can remain anonymous... you don't have to give her your name, profession or where you live unless you want to invite her to your place, which is asking for trouble.
Stick to whatever communication is acceptable for both of you and keeps your private info, private. Don't ask her prying questions and deny answers to hers.

Don't ever go into a sugar-dating situation thinking you're the only one, no matter what they say or try to convince you.

Showa Boa said:
My plan is just to discuss these boundaries with her on our first meeting, before anything else other than dinner and drinking occurs.

That's usually the first step - but think with the right head. Don't go balls-deep into an agreement without a cool-off period.

Showa Boa · Nov 26, 2020

Thank you for the quick reply!

-YES, I will definitely be thinking with my "right head" and asking about specifics and boundaries. Sugar-ing seems so complicated at times, and this is basically my first foray into it, so I'm not sure what to expect.

-I really do want to remain ANONYMOUS, and I was worried that that would *not* be expected, because on Reddit people were talking about checking other people's ideas haha, and I had a pretty good feeling that that doesn't happen in Japan. Privacy is doubly respected here, I feel.

-Yes, the arrangement has to be agreed upon. It seems to me that the going rate is anywhere from as low as 80,000 to as high as 300,000 plus for a month? I was thinking of a happy medium of 150,000, but even then that's probably too much for me.

-I'm much more comfortable with a pay-per-meet arrangement, leaning toward that "sugar escort" hybrid arrangement I was talking about.

-I completely agree, and I am not at all naive enough to belief I am the only one haha. That's why I don't feel bad about anonymity, but I was worried I was expecting something abnormal.

So being anonymous for sugar babies is kinda the norm in Japan? Or at least, it's reasonable for both parties to request it?

Again, thanks for the quick reply! The date is tomorrow (as soon as she confirms), so wish me luck hahaha!

Simonka · Nov 26, 2020

You are basically planning to become a regular client, you want to be intimate without pushing personal boundaries, and you are adamant that you won’t be throwing tantrum over her other regular clients. You’re not aware, but you’re the ideal client for many girls lol

TAG Manager · Nov 26, 2020

Showa Boa said:
Thank you for the quick reply!

-YES, I will definitely be thinking with my "right head" and asking about specifics and boundaries. Sugar-ing seems so complicated at times, and this is basically my first foray into it, so I'm not sure what to expect.

-I really do want to remain ANONYMOUS, and I was worried that that would *not* be expected, because on Reddit people were talking about checking other people's ideas haha, and I had a pretty good feeling that that doesn't happen in Japan. Privacy is doubly respected here, I feel.

-Yes, the arrangement has to be agreed upon. It seems to me that the going rate is anywhere from as low as 80,000 to as high as 300,000 plus for a month? I was thinking of a happy medium of 150,000, but even then that's probably too much for me.

-I'm much more comfortable with a pay-per-meet arrangement, leaning toward that "sugar escort" hybrid arrangement I was talking about.

-I completely agree, and I am not at all naive enough to belief I am the only one haha. That's why I don't feel bad about anonymity, but I was worried I was expecting something abnormal.

So being anonymous for sugar babies is kinda the norm in Japan? Or at least, it's reasonable for both parties to request it?

Again, thanks for the quick reply! The date is tomorrow (as soon as she confirms), so wish me luck hahaha!

Japan is a relatively safe country - some of the things that are done in other locations, aren't done here. Particularly with ID checks & background checking, etc.
There are a very small percentage of people who prefer to check ID's and want lots of personal information. That is definitely a minority because there are plenty of options available that don't require the invasive information collection.
(If Japan were not a safe country to operate in, it would be a different picture.)

Being Anonymous is completely normal here. The only time that I can think of that you may have to reveal information is if you travel with your sugar baby. Airline tickets require real names and normal hotels have some sort of ID/DL check when you arrive.
If you aren't using transportation that requires ID or visiting hotels/locations that have some sort of ID check, then you can usually remain completely anonymous. You can even do bank transfers under a pseudonym, but that would reveal the receiver's real name on their account.

There are quite a few people on TAG that have been on both sides of the sugaring world. Plenty of experience within Japan that can be covered here.

Showa Boa said:
It seems to me that the going rate is anywhere from as low as 80,000 to as high as 300,000 plus for a month? I was thinking of a happy medium of 150,000, but even then that's probably too much for me.

On a per-month basis, 120,000-400,000 is the ranges I've personally heard about. But it will really depend how many actual meetings happen with that sort of arrangement. As I mentioned before, it can become quite imbalanced... the pay per-meet is safer to avoid conflicts in the future.
When you say 'per-meet' that would also include the costs for transport, meals, shopping and/or hotels if applicable. When you set your budget, just don't expect 35k to be the full expenditure for each session (out of your pocket).

Good luck.

Showa Boa · Nov 26, 2020

Simonka said:
You are basically planning to become a regular client, you want to be intimate without pushing personal boundaries, and you are adamant that you won’t be throwing tantrum over her other regular clients. You’re not aware, but you’re the ideal client for many girls lol

Oh okay cool! That makes me feel much better haha!

If you don't mind me asking Simonka, what do you think is the reason why some of these girls aren't independent escorts?

At least from what I've seen on the Internet and on Reddit, lots of sugar babies say that they want to choose their clients (maybe more handsome guys, more wealthy guys, guys that don't want x, y, z), but if it's all anonymous then I'm confused at what the difference would be.

I've actually been to escorts before, and each experience is different, but I feel strange that this potential sugar baby is really going all in with me when I don't really want to reveal myself, or rather, when I feel my primary (and only) duty is to deliver "sugar" hahaha.

Do you think it has something to do with the added time involved in being independent? I.e. being available more often, getting a website, potentially getting an incall, etc?

Showa Boa · Nov 26, 2020

TAG Manager said:
Japan is a relatively safe country - some of the things that are done in other locations, aren't done here. Particularly with ID checks & background checking, etc.
There are a very small percentage of people who prefer to check ID's and want lots of personal information. That is definitely a minority because there are plenty of options available that don't require the invasive information collection.
(If Japan were not a safe country to operate in, it would be a different picture.)

Being Anonymous is completely normal here. The only time that I can think of that you may have to reveal information is if you travel with your sugar baby. Airline tickets require real names and normal hotels have some sort of ID/DL check when you arrive.
If you aren't using transportation that requires ID or visiting hotels/locations that have some sort of ID check, then you can usually remain completely anonymous. You can even do bank transfers under a pseudonym, but that would reveal the receiver's real name on their account.

There are quite a few people on TAG that have been on both sides of the sugaring world. Plenty of experience within Japan that can be covered here.

Ooooooh thank you! That's good to hear! I would like to remain as anonymous as possible. Again, not planning on doing any funny stuff.

But my main motivation for seeing her is that escorts in my area are...few, haha, and when I say few I mean there are few options outside of the traditional routes. Sugaring seems more complicated but also more rewarding in some regards.

I was also thinking that not a few girls on sugardaddy.jp WOULD be escorts, but wouldn't want to put in the effort (i.e. website, scheduling, potential incall, possible legal trouble), so they kinda use the site like a "deai" cafe.

But at the same time, I don't want her to get offended that I'm not some big shot CEO, which I feel like sugar babies are looking for. But on the flipside, I am someone who can support her financially, just as we agree upon.

TAG Manager said:
On a per-month basis, 120,000-400,000 is the ranges I've personally heard about. But it will really depend how many actual meetings happen with that sort of arrangement. As I mentioned before, it can become quite imbalanced... the pay per-meet is safer to avoid conflicts in the future.
When you say 'per-meet' that would also include the costs for transport, meals, shopping and/or hotels if applicable. When you set your budget, just don't expect 35k to be the full expenditure for each session (out of your pocket).

Good luck.

Ah, I see haha. Then I might just have to stick with pay-per-meet.

And of course! Yeah that's what I figured haha. If it wasn't that way then it would just be a regular date I suppose hahaha.

And I thought Japanese fuzoku rules could be confusing, sugar dating is complicated haha!

But I won't try to dwell on it too much, just try to enjoy the date.

Thanks for the advice!

Frenchy · Nov 26, 2020

Showa Boa said:
Ooooooh thank you! That's good to hear! I would like to remain as anonymous as possible. Again, not planning on doing any funny stuff.

But my main motivation for seeing her is that escorts in my area are...few, haha, and when I say few I mean there are few options outside of the traditional routes. Sugaring seems more complicated but also more rewarding in some regards.

I was also thinking that not a few girls on sugardaddy.jp WOULD be escorts, but wouldn't want to put in the effort (i.e. website, scheduling, potential incall, possible legal trouble), so they kinda use the site like a "deai" cafe.

But at the same time, I don't want her to get offended that I'm not some big shot CEO, which I feel like sugar babies are looking for. But on the flipside, I am someone who can support her financially, just as we agree upon.

Ah, I see haha. Then I might just have to stick with pay-per-meet.

And of course! Yeah that's what I figured haha. If it wasn't that way then it would just be a regular date I suppose hahaha.

And I thought Japanese fuzoku rules could be confusing, sugar dating is complicated haha!

But I won't try to dwell on it too much, just try to enjoy the date.

Thanks for the advice!

yes , don’t overthink it that much
Just try and if it doesn’t work then get out

Rusty Trombone · Nov 26, 2020

@Showa Boa
Mate...
You are way over thinking this.

Don't waste too much time texting. Just meet her and see if it is a good fit. Be prepared to walk away if it isn't.
Nailing down every little detail before you even meet is a waste of time. Just set you general goals and go for it.

Being nervous is natural, even good as it adds spice.

It's easy to stay Anon. Just meet at a place you do not frequent often, use a fake name, and contact her only by line (as long as your name is not part of your line ID). If she's an escort, she'll be using a fake name too.

And one more thing. Please follow up here and let us know how it went.

Browcoco · Nov 26, 2020

Showa Boa said:
-Yes, the arrangement has to be agreed upon. It seems to me that the going rate is anywhere from as low as 80,000 to as high as 300,000 plus for a month? I was thinking of a happy medium of 150,000, but even then that's probably too much for me

I don’t have anything to add about anonymity except that what everyone else has said is 100% correct. There’s no need whatsoever to give your real/full name. Just make up a name and use it consistently. Even in the unlikely event that someone is trying to find out more about you than you are comfortable sharing, just move on. There are plenty of other options.

I did want to respond to your allowance thoughts though. On a per meet basis, I am pretty solid at 30,000-40,000, meeting generally up to 2x a month. If I really like someone, I will offer 100,000 for meeting 3-4 times a month (but with a guaranteed amount even if I am too busy for that). To a one, everyone I have offered that to has been very happy to accept, even if it means that the per meet number is actually lower. There’s of course some confirmation bias there - chances are that if I like someone well enough to make time to meet 3-4 times a month, they at the very least don’t dislike me or spending time with me or, more likely, genuinely enjoy spending time together (or are good enough at faking it that I can’t tell the difference). But the promise of a steady allowance, i.e. not having to worry about whether I will make the time to meet and not having to constantly search for new people on sugardaddy (some have shown me the messages they get from men, and I am always very impressed that the women on that site are willing to sift through all that garbage), generally makes up for the decrease in per meet allowance. I’m also pretty generous with people I like, and end up spending/giving more than that, but that’s up to me. I also tend not to get along well with the types who go around spending tons of money on brand name goods or host clubs (to be clear, I have no problem whatsoever with that, but in my experience, those women tend to be more transactional and more likely to never say “thank you” for anything - which is my biggest pet peeve), so the people I do see repeatedly tend to be less about maximizing their sugaring income and more holistic about the whole thing.

My point isn’t that 150,000 is too much, but that you should avoid paying too much attention to “market” rates. Go with what works for you financially, try to find someone you click with and go from there. (And of course be ready to move on from both time wasters and people who want more than what you are comfortable with.) If you find yourself with money left over, then be generous in the way she will most appreciate it - whether it’s additional allowance, a fancier than normal date, gifts or whatever (and, yeah, you should talk to her about what that is).

Simonka · Nov 26, 2020

Showa Boa said:
If you don't mind me asking Simonka, what do you think is the reason why some of these girls aren't independent escorts?

I’m in a good mood so I don’t mind

While some people consider sugar relationships a form of sex work, the SW label is rejected by many sugaring websites, sugar daddies and sugar babies. If you ask *my* opinion, that’s pretty delusional. When a partner financially supports another in return on sexual favors, whether in form of gifts, paying their rent or cold cash, that’s sex work.

Kudos to you for checking sugaring subreddits, I couldn’t spend more than five minutes reading most of them. The sugar coating is strong.. 目を通したけど。。

Another reason could be that the girl plans to work for government, or any sector that requires strict background checks in the future. Then I would recommend her to sugar or strip just to stay on the safe side.

Browcoco · Nov 27, 2020

Simonka said:
Kudos to you for checking sugaring subreddits, I couldn’t spend more than five minutes reading most of them. The sugar coating is strong.. 目を通したけど。

As with most of Reddit, there’s a huge America bias. I’m American, so great for me, but from Reddit is mostly focused on seeking.com, which is clearly not the best choice here, and the related culture.

Frenchy · Nov 27, 2020

Simonka said:
I’m in a good mood so I don’t mind

While some people consider sugar relationships a form of sex work, the SW label is rejected by many sugaring websites, sugar daddies and sugar babies. If you ask *my* opinion, that’s pretty delusional. When a partner financially supports another in return on sexual favors, whether in form of gifts, paying their rent or cold cash, that’s sex work.

Kudos to you for checking sugaring subreddits, I couldn’t spend more than five minutes reading most of them. The sugar coating is strong.. 目を通したけど。。

Another reason could be that the girl plans to work for government, or any sector that requires strict background checks in the future. Then I would recommend her to sugar or strip just to stay on the safe side.

good post. I agree with the “delusional” part , and the frontier between both is blurred.
But where I would say there is a difference is that even if both are sex work it’s more about the sex with escorts and more about the rest with sugar.

And it’s not judgemental. Perfectly OK to have guys and girls spending less time , and focus it on the “main act”, and others also enjoying travel or walks in the park or whatever together.

Just my personal case (and declining libido ) I guess , but the older I get the more I tend to like companionship and not just some good time in bed. However I had some pretty dull or even cringy dates with SBs which made me instantly regret not to have booked a great lady like you instead

(we had a nice discussion about dogs and cats after all)

Frenchy · Nov 27, 2020

OP: you will know she’s the one when you feel like this when she’s coming . Even if it doesn’t last long. And yes, double-entendre intended.

Ken1988 · Nov 29, 2020

Just say to her 割り切りでお願いします, which means "Let it be done with no string attached".

EmmaBabe · Dec 1, 2020

As a young professional who has been to several different fuzokus in Japan is impressive! Yep, I think so. Well, are you really sure that you do not mind if she prioritize other guys? You won't be thinking about her too much if you do not really mind! hahah Just ask her again and clear things up. Get a proper reply from her.

TAG Manager · Dec 1, 2020

EmmaBabe said:
As a young professional who has been to several different fuzokus in Japan is impressive! Yep, I think so. Well, are you really sure that you do not mind if she prioritize other guys? You won't be thinking about her too much if you do not really mind! hahah Just ask her again and clear things up. Get a proper reply from her.

What?

Sudsy · Dec 1, 2020

EmmaBabe said:
As a young professional who has been to several different fuzokus in Japan is impressive! Yep, I think so. Well, are you really sure that you do not mind if she prioritize other guys? You won't be thinking about her too much if you do not really mind! hahah Just ask her again and clear things up. Get a proper reply from her.

MikeH · Dec 1, 2020

Sudsy said:
View attachment 15673

Search

Search

Anonymous Sugaring?

Showa Boa

TAG Member

TAG Manager

Showa Boa

TAG Member

Simonka

simonalarossa.escortbook.com

TAG Manager

Showa Boa

TAG Member

Showa Boa

TAG Member

Frenchy

Peace, Love and Camembert

Rusty Trombone

TAG Member

Browcoco

TAG Member

Simonka

simonalarossa.escortbook.com

Browcoco

TAG Member

Frenchy

Peace, Love and Camembert

Frenchy

Peace, Love and Camembert

Ken1988

oh, you again

EmmaBabe

TAG Member

TAG Manager

Sudsy

Forever blowing bubbles....

MikeH

Presumably Male