In around 2003 3am on a wednesday in that little park outside gaspanic roppongi i was making out with a young lady, she was good to go home with me.
her friend walked over to us and said (in english, i didnt speak japanese at the time); she’s ****teen years old, are you sure you wanna do this?
im pretty sure i owe that friend my freedom (or at least my visa)
Seriously, did something happen in 2003--something supernatural, maybe the stars aligned or some other cosmic phenomenon--that lured the worst of the world's perverts and degenerates to Japan? Spring '03 here, and I know there are a couple others on TAG.
I had a somewhat similar experience coming home on the train one night, although not nearly as exciting. I was coming home from my regular bar, nice and toasted and quietly reading some random novel. Young girl, and not bad looking but obviously a teen, gets on the train, sits down on my right and I notice she's watching me read my novel. After a minute or so, she pipes up, in surprisingly good English and with an obviously American accent:
"CAN YOU ACTUALLY UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'RE READING? OR ARE YOU JUST PRETENDING?"
I don't like being bothered on trains and I'm an irritable drunk, so I reply, in English: "I SHOULD FUCKING HOPE SO, OR I WASTED 900 YEN AT KINOKUNIYA."
I guess that wasn't the sort of answer the wiseass little twat was hoping for, so she goes quiet for a bit. But that shit just rubbed me the wrong way, plus I still had a good buzz going, plus I get angry very easily when someone interrupts me while reading, so I decided to push things a bit.
Me: "WHY ARE YOU BOTHERING ME? WHAT...YOU WANNA FUCK? MY APARTMENT IS A COUPLE STOPS AWAY."
Her: "UMMM...I'M A HIGH SCHOOL STUDENT!"
Me: "WELL, I'M A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER, SO WE'RE A PERFECT MATCH! YOU STILL A VIRGIN?"
The look on her face was worth it. At this point I figured I was courting trouble, plus my stop was coming up, so I got up to move to the next car but I couldn't just leave it like that.
"NOT SURE IF YOU LEARNED THIS DURING YOUR STAY IN MY COUNTRY BUT IN AMERICA WE CALL GIRLS LIKE YOU 'CUNTS.' GO LOOK THAT UP IN YOUR FUCKING DICTIONARY WHEN YOU GET HOME."
I actually think about that girl from time to time. She'd be about 30 now. Wonder where she ended up in life. My guess is she found some weak, dickless English teacher at a language exchange program and forced him to bring her back with him stateside to some shithole like Akron, OH, where she spends her days taking cunty selfies with her cats and captions like "LOVIN' LIFE IN AMERICA!" and posting them up on social media for all five of her friends to see. Even sadder that just the memory is still irritating me all these years later. Another vodka soda should fix that.