Good Adult Jokes

Nuggets of wisdom via TikTok. (y)

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A sci-fi oldie: Sex in Mars

The year is 2230. Charlie and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating enough frequent flyer points.

While sightseeing, they meet a Martian couple and talk about all sorts of things.

Charlie asks how most Martians make money, if there was a stock market and the way mobile communications works there, compared to Earth’s.

Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex. She asks: “How do you guys do it?”

The Martian female responds: “Pretty much the same way you do.”

A lengthy discussion then ensues about this subject, concluding with an agreement to swap partners for the night so they can experience sex with a person from another planet. They head to a motel.

In their room, Maureen and the male Martian quickly strip. He shows a teeny-weeny member about a half inch, or 1.27cm, long and just a quarter inch, or 0.635cm, thick.

“I don't think this is going to work,” Maureen says.

He asks: “Why? What’s the matter?”

“Well, that’s just not long enough to reach me,” she replies.

“No problem,” he says, and proceeds to slap his forehead with his palm. With each slap, his member grows until it becomes prodigiously long.

“Now that's quite impressive, but it is still narrow,” she says.

“No problem,” he says again. He starts to pull his ears. With each pull, his member grows wider and wider until its hefty girth made Maureen very excited.

“Wow!” she exclaims, as they fell on the bed and started passionate lovemaking.

The next day, the couples rejoin their other partner and went their separate ways.

As they walked along, Charlie asks: “Well, was it any good?”

“I hate to say it, but it was wonderful,” Maureen replies. “How about you?”

Charlie declares: “It was horrible! All I got was a headache … She kept slapping my forehead and pulling my ears.” :p
 
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They say one in ten people want a sex toy for Christmas, and that’s a lie, isn’t it? You open presents in front of your family! Who’s there going, ‘What have you got, Nan? A b**t plug? Same here!” – Russell Howard
 
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