Guest viewing is limited

Ashley Maddison

I'm an American guy, 49, average looks, "dad bod" in a mostly sexless marriage (big surprise). I've been in Japan for about 19 years, but working in expat situations with no real opportunities to speak Japanese. I studied for a few years and have about a low, intermediate level. I can communicate everyday things, directions, order lunch or dinner, book reservations at hotels and restaurants and chit-chat about basic things. I've had a relationship in the past with a woman who didn't speak English (communicating only in Japanese) but she really liked me and did eventually complain that we couldn't really "share our real feelings". Things worked better with another woman who spoke some English and between the two of us, we did OK.

I don't have the personality type to do the PUA thing - it doesn't work for me at all. I'm shy and socially awkward and never managed to pick up anyone in any public setting. I'm just mentioning this to give some idea of what I have to work with. Also, I can't be out every night - the vast amount of time I would have to spend attempting pick ups, not to mention the fact that I look ridiculous in a club at my age, means searching for someone at night spots is just not possible and would bring trouble at home.

My Japanese level is what it is. I have enough time and money to either 1) pursue some fun or 2) study Japanese, but not both. I can probably compose an introductory message in Japanese, but to make it even halfway decent would take me about 5 hours and a lot of reference materials/web sites. I can probably trim that down to 2- 3 hours a message after I have a pool of sentences and phrases to copy from and re-use, but it's always going to sound kind of like a bright elementary school student (just being realistic here). I wouldn't even try translation software - that just results in garbage.

I saw the excellent write up by Iron Giant about his experiences with Ashley Madison, and it seems to me that he had about "average" difficulty with it - about the same as normal, in-your-own-language online dating. But his Japanese level was very fluent and he could carry on conversations at a high level (and relate well). I don't want to attempt Ashley Madison if it would be much more difficult than that.

My contract in Japan is about 2 more years, so studying Japanese to a much higher level or developing PUA skills are not a realistic possibility. And I can't spend more than about $700 USD a month for "fun" without causing problems at home. I'm looking for a decent looking, slim woman, 28 - 48, preferably in the same situation I'm in (looking for a little extra fun on the side) for a long-term NSA/sexfriend relationship with some passion and kinkyness (yes, I know, aren't we all? LOL)

My question to the more experienced forum members (especially those who speak Japanese well) - 1) Would I be wasting my time trying to get something going on Ashley Madison? The site appears to have the exact women I'm looking for, but I don't want to waste a year of my limited time with painfully crafted messages that get no responses. There is exactly 1 (yes, ONE) profile in English - all the rest are Japanese. And would I just be setting myself up for failure when we meet and I can only stumble through a basic conversation in Japanese? Should I just blunder ahead in English and hope that my experience in Japan and being honest and clear is enough? I've been able to get a few things going in dating in the past this way (but with a LOT of failure along the way). Would trying in English be a waste of time? Or 2) P4P is OK, but I'm looking to establish a long-term, on-going relationship so we can explore some new things, experiment and get much kinkier (ie. soft BDSM and role-playing that P4P providers won't do). Should I be focusing my limited time and money on something more like Universe Club - ie. developing a "sugar baby" type thing and spend my time and money finding a good match on there?

I'll consider all opinions - go ahead and be brutally honest here. But I'm looking for constructive advice more than criticism.

Thanks in advance to everyone who takes the time to reply and a lot of thanks to those like Iron Giant who have shared their experiences here. Much appreciated.

Nawadude
 
Nawadude, I am in the same boat. A little older than you. I am thinking of Ashley Madison too. I know of one chap who has done pretty well with it. Not sure about his Japanese level, but he seems to have two or three ladies he meets with about once a month. I heard that from a good friend, who knows him well. I do not know him. I might bite the bullet and go for it. Universe Club is tempting but beyond my means. I wish I had more money.
 
  • Like
Reactions: UC International
Sorry folks, just saw this thread so I hope to put some light on the topic.

I used to be member of Ashley Madison for about 6 months and to put it in one sentence, AM works.

I dated around 10 girls / woman from there, and to sum it up, with 9 of them had an intimate time including kissing and cuddling and with 4 of them I had sex (3 on a first date, one of them afterwards). Only one of them was totally reluctant to try anything since she had boyfriend already (aside from husband), as she claimed.

So from my experience:

Good sides: - all girls you meet know what they want so you are with them on a same page usually from first minute you met them,

Bad sides: - obnoxious paying system that is based on charge / message system, additional fee for hidden account feature and more money for account closing.
- fake accounts, and this is probably leftover from the old days when they didn't had enough females to populate the network.

In spite of that, you can find decent girls (mostly all married) and have fun. You can filter your search for English speaking girls but then you risk to reduce number of candidates. From experience I can tell you NEVER to check for profiles with abnormally good looking pics of girls since they are mostly fake. You might happen to find them among those tempting profiles but statistically you are digging yourself financial grave. Unanswered (but seen messages) or short replies that lead to nowhere.

Also try to keep yourself as safe/anonymous as possible. I had two incidents over there that could seriously fuck up my life.

Hope this helps. If you have any questions, feel free to ask.
 
Thanks DinO_VelveT.

One quick question, though. I filtered for English speaking and there is exactly ONE profile. So since essentially all of them are in Japanese, did you contact women in English or Japanese? And what level of Japanese does it take to make contact (if Japanese was used)?
 
Nawadude,

thanks for feedback. I am not sure how you come up with only one English profile since most of the girls / woman I dated had profiles written in English or Japanese (with additional language as English). It could be that your search criteria was too narrow (such as only online, newly signed, English speaking girls, between 18-30 who are currently online in Tokyo). I know profiles of couple British, US and Russian girls that are most certainly not written in Japanese.

As for language all depends on the girl and her preferences. If she likes you you can use Tarzan Japanese and she will gladly meet you. My recommendation is to use Google Translate for introduction and ask her / tell her in Japanese whatever you feel like until she fells in a trap of your irresistible charm.

On yes, and one more thing. NEVER use chat feature with girls. NEVER. It does not work (for you).
 
Using the advanced search mode and selecting "English" as a principle language is a mistake...... Just browse through the "new in the last 10 days" or "past 24 hours" listings..... many women show Japanese first and English as a second language...... Still many fake profiles on the site.....but I had 2 dates so far, after a LOT of messages sent..... By the way, if you pay for a message sent to a scammer, AM refunds the credit..... but not for the "sakura" fakes posted/supported by the site......first date was a disaster...... well the restaurant was good-she picked it-in Yokohama....but at the time she was a no-photo profile.....and a lot of messages exchanged gave me confidence.....but probably much older than the 40 's old she declared....and one of the worst sets of teeth I ever saw here....but intelligent, and good conversation....but zero attraction..... 2nd was with a much younger girl....messages exchanged over 4 months!!!! and finally a dinner date in Shinjuku.....nice place with a view...... kissing in the elevator on the way out....and follow up mails to have fun in a love hotel she picked..... that7s all recnt...and the LH date is forthcoming....... it's true, AM is a labor......and I decided when my current credits run out....I'm done...... next!
 
  • Like
Reactions: User#3673
Experiences/Opinions obviously vary but it seems there are a few important things to make AM worth its while:
1. Not many other options
2. A reasonable and steady cash flow
3. Patience
4. Some level of Japanese

All of the above point to older, established guys in Japan.

The P4P options certainly do leave a big hole in the wallet.
 
  • Like
Reactions: User#3673
If you sign up and pay for Ashley Madsion, what does it say on your credit card bill? My wife does our taxes.
 
How do you tell the fake profiles from the real ones at AM?

In a nutshell; you can't. You can have only strong indication that profile is either fake or girl/guy on the other side is not interested enough. In both cases you lose money and time and that is all that should matter to you.

Beware of extraordinary nice looking girl profiles there as well as girls without any profile picture. Also profiles with very few descriptions and persons who simply check all boxes in sexual preferences. So extremes are "yada" as far as I am concerned. From my experience average girl who wants to bang has some preferences over others, usually have profile picture and / or private gallery she is eager to share. She doesn't respond in one-liners and she is willing to share her email or LINE ID after couple of message exchanges. Also I met with 2 girls that didn't had any profile picture but email conversation was very vivid, so I didn't doubt their existence.

What happens as well is that you send message to a girl, you receive notification that she opened it (from my experience priority message feature is a waste of money) but no reply at all. Also you don't have even indication that she even checked your profile after opening your email. That is highly unlikely, unless there is an anonymous check profile feature for females.

hope this helps.
 
  • Like
Reactions: User#3673
If you sign up and pay for Ashley Madsion, what does it say on your credit card bill? My wife does our taxes.

It will not be explicitly written Ashley Madison but it will be some combination of letters and number that will contain AM anagram. If your wife is suspicious I strongly advise you to give up since simple Google search will tell that it was not for those nice black shoes you spent money on that day.
 
  • Like
Reactions: User#3673 and R.O.B
I used to be member of Ashley Madison for about 6 months and to put it in one sentence, AM works.

How much does one approximately spend based on your experience? I took a look at their site. I think their 1,000 credit option is something like JPY 30,000 which is quite a lot honestly speaking. Can I assume your whole cost was less than JPY 50,000 at the end of six months?
 
  • Like
Reactions: JaquesAfrog
How much does one approximately spend based on your experience? I took a look at their site. I think their 1,000 credit option is something like JPY 30,000 which is quite a lot honestly speaking. Can I assume your whole cost was less than JPY 50,000 at the end of six months?

I bought credits 3 times (not max amount), and for security reasons I closed my account even before I even used all of the 3rd time points. But yes, I spend around 40,000 yen in total (no money for an actual dates included). Is it a lot or not, well.... it depends on how you look at it. With my current experience if I ever decide to open an account there again I could probably pull the whole act for half of that money. But it's easy to be a general after the battle.
 
If you sign up and pay for Ashley Madsion, what does it say on your credit card bill? My wife does our taxes.

You can go get one of those Visa debit cards or Visa Gift cards. Requirements for opening an account for debit cards are low, just have to wait a while for them to mail it. Few headaches and easy to maintain. Visa Gift cards are easy to buy, only problem is their 20,000 yen limit. But should work in many cases for online.
 
  • Like
Reactions: R.O.B
That's where my "Oh Shit!" link goes... ;)
 
  • Like
Reactions: John Chavers
Of course not: they're reused as sakura accounts for raking in more cash. (n)(n)(n)