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Ashley Maddison

I can't be held responsible for TAGsters incapable of using the interwebs. :stop:
 
The scuttlebutt is that it was assisted from the inside.
 
I'm an American guy, 49, average looks, "dad bod" in a mostly sexless marriage (big surprise). I've been in Japan for about 19 years, but working in expat situations with no real opportunities to speak Japanese. I studied for a few years and have about a low, intermediate level. I can communicate everyday things, directions, order lunch or dinner, book reservations at hotels and restaurants and chit-chat about basic things. I've had a relationship in the past with a woman who didn't speak English (communicating only in Japanese) but she really liked me and did eventually complain that we couldn't really "share our real feelings". Things worked better with another woman who spoke some English and between the two of us, we did OK.

I don't have the personality type to do the PUA thing - it doesn't work for me at all. I'm shy and socially awkward and never managed to pick up anyone in any public setting. I'm just mentioning this to give some idea of what I have to work with. Also, I can't be out every night - the vast amount of time I would have to spend attempting pick ups, not to mention the fact that I look ridiculous in a club at my age, means searching for someone at night spots is just not possible and would bring trouble at home.

My Japanese level is what it is. I have enough time and money to either 1) pursue some fun or 2) study Japanese, but not both. I can probably compose an introductory message in Japanese, but to make it even halfway decent would take me about 5 hours and a lot of reference materials/web sites. I can probably trim that down to 2- 3 hours a message after I have a pool of sentences and phrases to copy from and re-use, but it's always going to sound kind of like a bright elementary school student (just being realistic here). I wouldn't even try translation software - that just results in garbage.

I saw the excellent write up by Iron Giant about his experiences with Ashley Madison, and it seems to me that he had about "average" difficulty with it - about the same as normal, in-your-own-language online dating. But his Japanese level was very fluent and he could carry on conversations at a high level (and relate well). I don't want to attempt Ashley Madison if it would be much more difficult than that.

My contract in Japan is about 2 more years, so studying Japanese to a much higher level or developing PUA skills are not a realistic possibility. And I can't spend more than about $700 USD a month for "fun" without causing problems at home. I'm looking for a decent looking, slim woman, 28 - 48, preferably in the same situation I'm in (looking for a little extra fun on the side) for a long-term NSA/sexfriend relationship with some passion and kinkyness (yes, I know, aren't we all? LOL)

My question to the more experienced forum members (especially those who speak Japanese well) - 1) Would I be wasting my time trying to get something going on Ashley Madison? The site appears to have the exact women I'm looking for, but I don't want to waste a year of my limited time with painfully crafted messages that get no responses. There is exactly 1 (yes, ONE) profile in English - all the rest are Japanese. And would I just be setting myself up for failure when we meet and I can only stumble through a basic conversation in Japanese? Should I just blunder ahead in English and hope that my experience in Japan and being honest and clear is enough? I've been able to get a few things going in dating in the past this way (but with a LOT of failure along the way). Would trying in English be a waste of time? Or 2) P4P is OK, but I'm looking to establish a long-term, on-going relationship so we can explore some new things, experiment and get much kinkier (ie. soft BDSM and role-playing that P4P providers won't do). Should I be focusing my limited time and money on something more like Universe Club - ie. developing a "sugar baby" type thing and spend my time and money finding a good match on there?

I'll consider all opinions - go ahead and be brutally honest here. But I'm looking for constructive advice more than criticism.

Thanks in advance to everyone who takes the time to reply and a lot of thanks to those like Iron Giant who have shared their experiences here. Much appreciated.

Nawadude

1) Ashley Madison is nothing special, other than trying to offer married women, who don't care if you are married.

And they fucked that up by being scammers, greedy, and fraud. They had a golden idea, but failed at executing it properly.

2) Other dating sites better

Plenty Of Fish, Okcupid, Japan Cupid, Match, AdultFriendFinder, Tinder, etc…

They have real women and can get you dates. Hell, you could put up a language exchange/friendship ad on Metropolis and do as well as Ashley Madison.

3) PUA is about CONVERSATIONS with women

When a guy says he can't do PUA with women, it's like saying he can't talk to women. This means that such a guy would fail on dates too. At 49, get over the fear of rejection or egotistically thinking you must have a 100% success rate. You will strikeout, but if you keep at it and learn to present yourself in a friendly conversational manner, you can be successful too.

4) English Can Be Enough

Many Japanese women are learning or can speak some English. Use the little Japanese that you do know, and speak slow and clear English. Focus also on reading faces and body language too, which is actually 50% of communication.

You can be successful with that, you just have to apply yourself and not worry about striking out.

5) Women Good At Sex or Kinky

You are correct that P4P won't usually be the long-term answer. It's geared more to taking your money for a short thrill, giving you a "new face" for sex, and very shallow or superficial emotional connections (with lots of faking and acting). And the women are more likely not to really like you or not even like sex, just the money.

Sugarbaby, dating sites, and PUA might help you find such a woman. The Universe Club might help you screen for such a woman, though it might get very expensive. You can screen potential women yourself at the popular sugarbaby site- https://www.seekingarrangement.com/, at AdiltFriendFinder, or Fetlife ( https://fetlife.com/ )

You have to realize that women actually good at sex, into BDSM, and will be into you are the minority. It will be search, unless you are lucky or highly skillful. Which is why PUA is also a useful tool, to help in such a quest.
 
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1) Ashley Madison is nothing special, other than trying to offer married women, who don't care if you are married.

And they fucked that up by being scammers, greedy, and fraud. They had a golden idea, but failed at executing it properly.

2) Other dating sites better

Plenty Of Fish, Okcupid, Japan Cupid, Match, AdultFriendFinder, Tinder, etc…

They have real women and can get you dates. Hell, you could put up a language exchange/friendship ad on Metropolis and do as well as Ashley Madison.

3) PUA is about CONVERSATIONS with women

When a guy says he can't do PUA with women, it's like saying he can't talk to women. This means that such a guy would fail on dates too. At 49, get over the fear of rejection or egotistically thinking you must have a 100% success rate. You will strikeout, but if you keep at it and learn to present yourself in a friendly conversational manner, you can be successful too.

4) English Can Be Enough

Many Japanese women are learning or can speak some English. Use the little Japanese that you do know, and speak slow and clear English. Focus also on reading faces and body language too, which is actually 50% of communication.

You can be successful with that, you just have to apply yourself and not worry about striking out.

5) Women Good At Sex or Kinky

You are correct that P4P won't usually be the long-term answer. It's geared more to taking your money for a short thrill, giving you a "new face" for sex, and very shallow or superficial emotional connections (with lots of faking and acting). And the women are more likely not to really like you or not even like sex, just the money.

Sugarbaby, dating sites, and PUA might help you find such a woman. The Universe Club might help you screen for such a woman, though it might get very expensive. You can screen potential women yourself at the popular sugarbaby site- https://www.seekingarrangement.com/, at AdiltFriendFinder, or Fetlife ( https://fetlife.com/ )

You have to realize that women actually good at sex, into BDSM, and will be into you are the minority. It will be search, unless you are lucky or highly skillful. Which is why PUA is also a useful tool, to help in such a quest.
Can I like this a 2nd time please?
 
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I`ve joined Ashley Madison. I am taking it as a challenge. Wish me luck! I have had some responses but haven`t met any ladies yet. Maybe I will end up TOFTT, but we`ll see. One lady and I seemed to be hitting it off and then her
profile is now offline and you cannot communicate with her.

Is this the so-called Sakura that people are talking about?

I would imagine the sakura are the young single ones (If I am understanding that Sakura means P4P ladies?)

Anyway, I appreciate all the opinions here on different ways to do Nampa. My problem is time and money. It takes a lot of time to write the Emails (especially in Japanese) and then I have read that most guys fall down at convincing the ladies at what great guys they are.

I am not a stud by any means, but I think I do better in person, than struggling what to say in English or Japanese to some lady at the other end. I have opportunities at work here and there, but really don`t want to go that route.

I may hit some bars sometimes. But I have heard that without a wingman, it may be tough to pick up the ladies.

Or I may stick to P4P. Ashley Madison is interesting for the possibilities. I wish my written Japanese was better!
 
Is this the so-called Sakura that people are talking about?

I would imagine the sakura are the young single ones (If I am understanding that Sakura means P4P ladies?)

Sakura were originally couple that were hired by dance halls to go out and dance on the floor to break the ice and encourage others to get out and shuffle their feet.

These days, it's any kind of phony employee used to bait punters into spending more money, usually in the pseudo-sex industry or in pay-per-message personals. Deai cafes are one good example - usually about half or more of the girls in a deai cafe will be sakura - paid a thousand or fifteen hundred yen an hour to be there and chat with guys but not let it go anywhere. A lot of pay-per-message online personals sites employ sakura to run up the men's bills chatting with a pretty girl who's always up to talk but never down to meet.

A girl who vanishes? More likely she heard about the hack and blitzed her account.
 
Sakura were originally couple that were hired by dance halls to go out and dance on the floor to break the ice and encourage others to get out and shuffle their feet.

These days, it's any kind of phony employee used to bait punters into spending more money, usually in the pseudo-sex industry or in pay-per-message personals. Deai cafes are one good example - usually about half or more of the girls in a deai cafe will be sakura - paid a thousand or fifteen hundred yen an hour to be there and chat with guys but not let it go anywhere. A lot of pay-per-message online personals sites employ sakura to run up the men's bills chatting with a pretty girl who's always up to talk but never down to meet.

A girl who vanishes? More likely she heard about the hack and blitzed her account.

This is the danger of paid sites, versus free sites. The money incentive can cause massive fake profile scams, or paid sites and services attacking free sites or personal/classified ads, trying to direct you to their pay sites. Even on free sites/classified ads, you have attention-whores, pranksters, money scammers (think Nigerian and Russian e-mails asking for money), and weird or mentally unbalanced people involved in catfishing ( http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=catfish ).

Another thing, on Ashley Madison, was running into lots of prostitutes who misrepresented themselves. They would lie and pretend to be lonely housewives, then ask for 30,000 yen to meet up. The rate that I encountered them was higher than any other date website I've been on.

For Dating Websites in general, you should cut off excessive message exchanges or playing games with people. Don't keep going back and forth on the website, playground of many fake profiles and Sakura. Take the message exchange off the website and NOT to another website, but personal message exchange. Now, even regular e-mail is suspect. Even Skype, as cam-girls love pulling guys there as well, and screen-shots of you naked/half-naked can be used for blackmail. If they are real (in Japan), get their: LINE, mobile phone, or mobile phone e-mail. With LINE or mobile phones, you can talk to them. If you think they are fake or cat-fishing, call or talk. Then/or ask to MEET. Meeting should be in that 1st week (preferable/goal) or 2nd week (if you are busy/schedule conflict) that you started exchanging message. Don't waste excessive time or money, and particularly don't fall for the trap (popular in Japan) of the woman being so shy or so scared, she only wants to keep you on the website or her website. If they won't meet you, cut them off.
 
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A girl who vanishes? More likely she heard about the hack and blitzed her account.

Probably true, but it is an obvious case of nailing the barn door shut after the horses have all run off. The hackers already had her info before the news of the hack became known.

-Ww
 
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I`m not so worried about the hack. There are over 37 million members worldwide. I`m not sure anyone can even find you were they to leak it all. The New York Times is not going to publish it. Myself.
I have never bothered to go to the Anonymous site to read what they have hacked. When Sony got hacked. I didn`t try to find their information. I think this will hurt Ashley Madison.
It won`t hurt people like me. There are too many - 37 million. Like the lottery.
 
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Update on Ashley Madison: There are definitely real women on the site. Some nice ones too. I think it is just time and effort as others have said. I already have some could potentials. There are a lot of sexless marriages in Japan!
 
I`m not so worried about the hack. There are over 37 million members worldwide. I`m not sure anyone can even find you were they to leak it all. The New York Times is not going to publish it. Myself.
I have never bothered to go to the Anonymous site to read what they have hacked. When Sony got hacked. I didn`t try to find their information. I think this will hurt Ashley Madison.
It won`t hurt people like me. There are too many - 37 million. Like the lottery.

It's not necessarily about 'finding you', although that's a pretty easy possibility if you are using an identifiable email address.

The bigger problem with this and other hacks is identity theft both via using the information they collect from those sites, or by social engineering.

IF you didn't use an identifiable email address (i.e., you have a hobby email, which you should have anyway) and IF you didn't use the same password you use to log in to everything else in your daily life (your bank accounts, email accounts, etc) and IF you didn't use your name or address and IF you used a pre-paid gift credit card (or some other non-exploitable payment method) to pay for your membership, then the most you might need to worry about is someone pretending to be Ashley Madison sending you phishing email trying to get you to log in.

If any of the above are things you did do, then you certainly can be hurt by this.
 
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My Ashley Madison phase had ended. I deleted my account. Not because of the hack. The hackers will do what they want with that information. I cannot stop anything they do. But it just wasn`t working for me.
Very time consuming and not much in the way of results. I got a few replies, some potential dates but not with anyone I would really apporach in real life. So I didn`t intend to meet those women. Maybe if you are younger
you will have more success. I think online, as soon as you put that you are over 45 or so, it becomes difficult. In person, I think I would have a shot at a lot of ladies and do in fact. But these women are often people I work with or teach.
So in my mind, are off limits for me. I will keep exploring Nampa.

I do not want to end up in a situation where it threatens my marriage and life. So P4P is probably better that way. It is just expensive.

Yet the other route is expensive in its own way, and very time consuming. I like P4P and was considering nampa due to fear of catching a disease. As others have said here though, you can get it through nampa. I just felt it was safer.

That said, I have never caught anything in P4P so far. Condoms!!!!
 
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95% of Ashley Madison profiles were male.

Supposedly a 19 to 1, male to female ratio.

Nothing much going on but fraud, insecurity, and scams.
 
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Fwiiw I know a stunning professional model who met and did a few guys, maybe only two, via AM...so it wasn't/isn't a completely dry well, but by all accounts it is very very low yield. And no, I did not meet her by the AM route.

-Ww
 
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Fwiiw I know a stunning professional model who met and did a few guys, maybe only two, via AM...so it wasn't/isn't a completely dry well, but by all accounts it is very very low yield. And no, I did not meet her by the AM route.

-Ww
SA?
 
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70 percent according to the website I looked at...
The hackers who posted the data stated many of the female profiles were fake and it was 90% to 95% male accounts.

As the hackers had the actual data for quite a while, kind of believe that part.

http://www.wired.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/AshleyMadison-Data-Dump2.jpg

There may have been some real females, but it appears Ashley Madison was too much about fraud and cheating customers to worry about increasing their legit female customer numbers. They chose to create lots of fake accounts or fraudulently reuse old accounts of females that canceled.
 
Read somewhere that quite a few of email addresses had the .mil indicating military people using their official accounts to access the website. Some just don't learn.
 
Heard from some IT guys that it was an inside job.

A disgruntled IT guy set up a backdoor, left the company and then came back to hack. Could be rumor though.

It is a very plausible rumor.

Pissed off former IT employees are said to be responsible, directly or indirectly, for a majority of major hacks against corporations. Who protects you from your bodyguards?

-Ww
 
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Heard from some IT guys that it was an inside job.

A disgruntled IT guy set up a backdoor, left the company and then came back to hack. Could be rumor though.
I`ve read that too. So why is it so difficult to arrest this person I wonder?