Forever Alone

since you got money, I would start going to hostess bars. Not to meet a girl working there altho it could happen, but to build up your confidence speaking to Japanese women and get some feedback why you cant get a girlfriend. It will improve your Japanese too

Take pressure offa yourself by not trying to get laid. Just find a woman to be friends with first.

Things will work themselves out

Hamerare said:

since you got money, I would start going to hostess bars. Not to meet a girl working there altho it could happen, but to build up your confidence speaking to Japanese women and get some feedback why you cant get a girlfriend. It will improve your Japanese too

Take pressure offa yourself by not trying to get laid. Just find a woman to be friends with first.

Things will work themselves out

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Last statement is a contender for post of the year.

Hamerare said:

since you got money, I would start going to hostess bars. Not to meet a girl working there altho it could happen, but to build up your confidence speaking to Japanese women and get some feedback why you cant get a girlfriend. It will improve your Japanese too

Take pressure offa yourself by not trying to get laid. Just find a woman to be friends with first.

Things will work themselves out

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What you are saying is completely illogical and not respecting this man's options or what he wants to do.

It might be that he wants to start a serious relationship or have a real girlfriend, not waste money on buying women or worse, buying women to just talk to him (hostesses) and he goes home with blue balls.

astonmartini99 said:

> Just find a woman to be friends with first.

That's always been my first goal.
If I just wanted to get laid, I would have been happy with the paid sex.

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You are going to have to assess your situation and how you are going about the process. Where pick up methods or talking to guys you know that are successfully meeting Japanese women can help, is in learning how they are doing it. You can COMPARE what they are doing, with what you are doing. If there are some new methods or approaches that you like or haven't thought of, then incorporate that into your style.

There is an image of foreign "charisma man" playboys that is perpetuated by Western and Japanese media that is old, outdated, or straight up negative propaganda and lies. The real stealth "playboys", are often women, and are "playgirls". Certain women (Japanese or foreigner) are quietly racking up massive body counts on the down low or even for money. But the problem is that foreign men are often portrayed extremely negatively (criminals, con-men...) or even as "race traitors" (in the reverse so can Japanese women dating foreigners), for even wanting to talk or trying to date Japanese women. This can make various Japanese women excessively fearful or paranoid when around foreigners or the other human beings on the big planet earth outside their small Japanese bubble. Despite that, if you want to date Japanese women, you will have to overcome this.

I've had pals in Japan, of all races, that had extreme difficulty trying to date Japanese women. Some things that helped their situation, might be useful for you, as you begin to assess and solve your problem:

1) Effort & Numbers

If you are not making the effort to talk to MORE women, then you can be artificially limiting yourself. I give guys a simple math equation, which comes from years of experience, plus conversations with other swingers (my niche) and expats.

Try to approach or reach out to at least 27 women a week. Preferably in person, and if not, then try via online. Note- Talking to women in person is preferable to online, because you can immediately tell if you are physically compatible, if there is some chemistry, and she is not a fake account trying to swindle you for money or pulling pranks.

Out of 27 women talked to, most guys can get 9 contacts (the more experienced, well groomed, or good looking, often the better). Out of 9 contacts, 3 can usually turn into a date. That can be you going on at least 3 dates a week. Out of the 3 dates, often at least 1 becomes sexual or the start of a longer relationship.

You can do better than 1 out of 27, by learning to become better at approaching, talking to women, and identifying your type. Very highly skilled guys can be 1 out of 3. But even at 1 out 27, it can take you no more than 3 to 4 hours (9 approaches per hour), or ar least 1 free day, to approach 27 women.

Don't be lazy or take a feminine approach as a heterosexual man. That is thinking women will approach you. As the man, you are the one with the testosterone and penis. Waiting to be approached, usually only works better for effeminate homosexual men (in gay environments) or very famous men.

2) Fear Of Rejection

What happens with some guys is they try talking to Japanese women initially, then failed miserably. They then took this high failure rate to heart, as rejection of their person or even racism. With other men, they were so afraid that an approach would lead to failure, they never or rarely ever tried.

As a heterosexual man, you must overcome your fears of possible rejection or failure. Better for you to take a warrior's spirit of trying your best, and if you fail, try to be better the next time. Don't let fear or failure define who you are.

What many such men also failed to do is assess themselves and their approach. Do you need to: shave, wear better/fashionable clothes, wash better/hygiene/smell, lose weight, speak SLOWER (especially in Japan), learn more Japanese, choose a better location, get better at CONVERSATIONS, etc...

3) Opportunistic Conversationalist

It might be highly to your advantage to become the type of guy that takes any viable opportunity to start conversations with women. Getting in to this habit, alleviates fear, and gets you more comfortable with talking and dealing with Japanese women.

go to bar and club and speak and meet as much girls as you can. even if you get rejected, forget her fast and go speak to another, statisticly you will get 1 who likes you. You can try to go to gokon with japaneses friends also !

You say that you don't ask personal questions or talk about sex, is it because you're being too polite, or are not comfortable with it ?
At what point do you get rejected ? Do you establish some common ground/interest before asking out ?
Also there's a chance you don't get interest because you might lack some. What are the reasons a girl should/would go out with you ?

Most of the time,skin colour does matter.

I know exactly what you're going through and had your same anxieties, but with the right patience and the right timing, all things are possible.

For starters, Are there any women at work you can talk to? Any one you have a good professional relationship with? Does your company have a policy on office romance? If not, try work. I had my first serious relationship with a co-worker. We started off as great co-workers who really helped each other and slowly worked our way as friends, and then we became a couple. I just eased my way by making her laugh at my jokes and just casually getting to know each other. After that, we just had lunch and we opened up to each other more and more. Our boss thought we were a great couple and she was very encouraging of us.

Unfortunately, we were working in a place were transfers were common and transfers was what ended our great relationship and I will admit breaking up with a great person under such circumstances was very devastating for me for a very long time. If that kind of thing happens at your job, maybe avoid office romance. But if that's not the case, take it slow and don't try to make an uncomfortable environment. As a matter of fact, office romance isn't all that rare in Japan from time to time, but after that experience, I couldn't bring myself to date co-workers again.

After that, I went to the punting scene. I guess punting and visiting hostess clubs can help. Find a girl you like and keep seeing her. Try to have a good GFE and open up just a bit. Thankfully, I found one escort/delivery health girl who reminded me of that ex and I admitted that to her. After a few visits, I brought myself to ask her for advice on relationships. I asked her if she introduced me to a friend to go out with, what would be the reasons for her to go out with me. She just simply said I was a nice and passionate guy who was a good listener. I asked her about my bad qualities and she just joked that my erection might frighten girls who are not in the industry and/or have no experience with foreigners.

Not too long ago, I entered a new relationship. I tried the basic dating sites like Japan Cupid, but they were shit. I tried Japan Guide, which disclaims should not be used for dating, but it doesn't stop some people. I just happened to find a female friend who lived around the corner from me. We started out as friends but we weren't dating right away. I just simply got to know her, let her know me, my humor and all that. I listened to her and she liked that about me and it happened that way.

I say find someone where yoi know you can find one, and work your way in by being yourself.

To the OP: (@astonmartini99) are you just chasing J-girls or you don't care which type?

There are friends in my circle, including Mr. Blue Eyes himself, Chris (TAG Manager) and all mostly single, just dating.
In our group, we've got black, white, Asian but no Indian type. However, I know Indian guys from my office and have heard their struggles.

It's very obvious between us that the white guys have it the easiest when talking to random girls and having them approach.
The black guys and Indian guys are on the same level, they will get attention from those girls that are looking for that specific type.

Easily, it's twice as hard for non-white men to successfully strike up and maintain conversation with a J-girl.
When you scale it up to other groups, everyone becomes more equal again. People will disagree and that's fine, this is just our observations from our group.

Sorry, point is: It just takes more effort, but follow advice given here. It will help.

Bro I feel you man.. Sometimes its your confidence and how you project yoursef. I know its hard sometimes but if you change your Aura then someone will notice.

I did a couple of permanent moves ( cant reqlly say permanent but its a big relocation) to a couple of countries in my lifetime and as much as you try to blend or fit in you just cant. So I used that to my advantage and built up my confidence to project the kind of person that I am.

Who are you inside? I learned a long time ago that change must happen from within before your environment starts to accept you.

You need some mad confidence booster and figure out your identity. Become who you want to be... sheesh, you landed a good paying job that you say you can do in your sleep then whats holding you back in taking charge of your life.

Good luck bro and wish you the best this holiday season.

@astonmartini99 - I don't think any of us really have enough information from your posts to tell you the answer to your questions: "what's wrong with me? Is there something I am not doing?" Everyone is guessing, and there may well be partial truth and good advice in many of the responses, but fwiiw, this comment

TAG Manager said:

....and don't let a woman know you're desperate... they can smell that bleeding miles away.

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seems most likely to be on-target to me. The very title you gave this thread and your statement you are "moving to the depression slope slowly slowly" broadcast frantic desperation and near panic in regards to sex and women. Such feelings in a man are intensely unattractive to nearly (but not quite all) women. You might get some pity and even an occasional pity-fuck, but for the *large* majority of women, you are instantly off her radar as soon as she perceives those emotions in you.

It is also worth keeping in mind that most women read other people's emotions, intentions and social situations *far* better than most men. Neuroscience has demonstrated that on average females literally use more parts of their brains and use them more intensely than males to process social relationship information and situations. (As a small scientific aside, this is true in other "higher" social mammals as well, not just humans.) This means that it is not at all easy to fool women when your mental state is what might be called "pussy desperation".

Again, I'm not sure that the above is relevant to your problem; it is just my best guess.

As for a suggested remedy (as opposed to a "diagnosis"), you might consider giving a sugar arrangement a try if you can afford it. What people call sugar dating varies incredibly and includes both situations that resemble simple prostitution/escort ones and relationships that are really quite a lot like conventional dating. If you can find one toward the latter end of the spectrum, it might accomplish several things for you: 1 - It may partly relieve the loneliness and feelings of failure/isolation that are making you unhappy and desperate...which is both a good thing in itself and also may make it easier to attract women in conventional contexts, 2 - It will help build your confidence that you can succeed under the right circumstance, 3 - It will give you practice at interacting with women and maintaining a relationship with one *beyond* the (relatively simple) first stages of meeting and seducing them, and 4 - Your sugar partner might even be able to give you direct advice about how to better deal with women. In other words a sugar baby can give you all those things an escort does plus those that hostesses provide and more beyond. Anyway, that's my thought...

-Ww

BlackJack1 said:

Most of the time,skin colour does matter.

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Skin color shouldn't stop you from achieving your dating goals.

There are vastly more Japanese women in Japan than there are dark skin men. Even if some Japanese women were bias or racist about skin color, there is still a huge number that are not. And the number of Japanese not bias or racist far exceeds the number of men of color or who have dark skin in Japan. There are plenty of Japanese women to date.

I have no idea what it is like for Indian guys in Japan. i did have an Indian coworker here in the US that banged all the Japanese girls in his salsa class. Hardly a representative sample, but it makes me wonder how you spend your weekend. Find some group activities.

Since you are in a bad situation, you might consider your options regarding leaving Japan. There are some hot Indian girls here in the states looking to get married.

My 2 Cents

It sounds like you are saying "I am unhappy, because i do not have a girlfriend and women are not interested in me"

How you should see it is "I am unhappy: that is why women are not attracted to me, hence no girlfriend"

A good way to increase your happiness and self esteem is:

- Self Care: exercise, diet, meditation, grooming, wardrobe

- Enjoy your life: get out there, there are plenty of websites (meet-up etc) and there is so much going on in tokyo all the time, cultivate new interests, try new things (and as you are doing all this of course you are meeting new people)

right now all you have said is, you are an ok looking guy and you have money. thats not enough.. put yourself in the womans shoes, "ok there is this guy who likes me, but he just seems lonely.. if we started seeing each other i am worried he would be unstable and make this big drama if it didn't work out.. also he is not very interesting"

Basically, you need to ask yourself "what can i bring to a relationship? Why would someone want to date me? What would it be like to be my girlfriend?".

if you dont have a good story and some things you are really passionate about, its hard for others to get excited about you. so get out there, find what you love and ENJOY being single.

Take it from me, there are lots of people trapped in relationships they feel they cant break out of who would LOVE to be in your shoes .. also you are only 23, you have your whole life in front of you!

I would ignore the indian / race aspect - it is not useful to assume that woman are not interested in indian men - use it to your advantage, you are exotic and can introduce her to a whole new culture - you tell us, what are the positives of dating a indian man? I am sure there are many - but the point is you need to sell yourself

Argh.. nearly forgot about one of the most important ones.. GREAT POSTURE!!

sending you good vibes!

and if you are doing p4p make sure to do it right and stay safe

Go to any gym in any country, chances are you'll see hard working, ripped, really good looking Indian guys.

Should this be moved to a different thread?