Forever Alone

astonmartini99 said:

Sadly this is true here. If I am talking to a J-girl in a bar, say, she is enjoying the conversation, and a white guy joins our conversation, no matter how dull the guy is, the girl will totally come on to him. And this is from experience. It's same like, a guy having a really good conversation with a girl and he sees a hot piece of ass passing he'll be distracted.

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White guys were stealing your Japanese women during the middle of the conversation you were having? Damn!

Solong said:

White guys were stealing your Japanese women during the middle of the conversation you were having? Damn!

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To much cologne maybe?

If I were Indian I'd frequent the events were Japanese ladies like bellydance or Indo dance. First of all these ladies are hot & they travel to India to just learn.
Hang out at the bars/venues that have these ladies as customers.
Many guys giving advice think of the circumstances of the average Caucasian here. Race does play a factor but you can do better by looking into groups that are into men like you.

astonmartini99 said:

I would just like to know, what's wrong with me? Is there something I am not doing?

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First of all there is nothing "wrong with you" and it is definitely NOT because you're Indian. I'm also non-white, and one of my best friends here is a young (23yr old) Indian dude who had slept with two girls in his whole life until showing up a year ago and now is juggling J idols and hot chicks around on his plate. He has a serious problem on his hands this Christmas season!

But yeah, it's not the Indian thing. We often joke about how the white card expired and the brown card is in vogue!

Talking to women in a way they will respond to is not something that is usually readily apparent to modern men, and we aren't socialized very well from a young age to do it. Instead, we are told to be nice, not offensive, wait our turn, and eventually someone will come to us. This is wrong and will mess you up.

It seems like you have a lot of advantages! Young, athletic, decent looking.

But, perhaps it's time to examine yourself critically in the social department.

astonmartini99 said:

Not only looks, I am, on an average okay to talk to guy. I never ask very personal questions or make sexual remarks. And as far as the things I hear from friends that people are comfortable to talk to me.

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This description is not really what I would call "attractive conversational material" for women. It sounds like you are trying to nice as to not offend the girl, but instead are coming across as so bland she'd really like to do anything BUT be with you. Before you assume that the guy who took your girl did so because he was white (there are SOME girls like this, but your "game" or, more accurately, your personality should hold her over his race), first assume that maybe the way you are communicating with women is not the most conducive to attraction.

The first major shift I think you could make is from "trying to get the girl to stay" with you to "expressing yourself honestly". What would you say to her if you were totally sure she wouldn't leave. How do you joke around and talk to your guy friends? I don't mean for you to gush your soul about how she is beautiful and rare, but rather, relax and let loose. Speak your mind.

When guys focus so hard on stepping on eggshells and trying to be inoffensive and keep the girl there, the usual effect is the exact opposite - she runs for the hills. Far better to be bold and risk offending her by being hyper-honest in your expression. That way, if she leaves you know it was better off that way anyway.

It sounds like you are trying to be "friends" with the girl, like a big grizzly bear trying to sneak its way into a party of bunnies...



Kill the bunny, dude

astonmartini99 said:

Hi,

I will try my best to make this post as less depressing as I can. I am a 23 year old, Indian guy. I have been in Japan for now almost 2 years as I work for a Japanese company full time. The job is not that challenging and I could do it in my sleep too. The problem I am facing is, I have been single the whole time and never got laid without having to pay for it. I'm kind of moving to the depression slope slowly slowly.

Before you make assumptions, let me describe myself. I am tall about 180cm, a little hunky (a guy who'll never miss a leg day). Average in face and other features. Overall not too bad to look at. Also I work full time and get paid real good too. Not only looks, I am, on an average okay to talk to guy. I never ask very personal questions or make sexual remarks. And as far as the things I hear from friends that people are comfortable to talk to me.

Now, in above description I might give a little lift up to my image as I am the one describing it. But, to sum it up I'm similar to an average good looking guy you see.

I don't know why I'm single and unable to find a person who likes me. Forget the case where, a person might like me and I'm the one who have to make choice. I have never seen a girl approaching me or a girl favoring towards me at all. So, for sometime I really became desperate and I would let'em know that, still it didn't help.

I am definitely not looking for sympathy, as I am way away from that phase. I would just like to know, what's wrong with me? Is there something I am not doing?

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My advice homie, is to be confident. Ive lived in USA and MEXICO and gotten alot of chicks, confidence is a MUST. You also gotta accept rejection, and be positive. keep trying, if im ever in japan id buy you some drinks for a chat!

I think you gotta accept that being Indian makes it harder than if you was exactly the same guy but European. Many J girls harbors this dream of a house in London or Vancouver, not Chennai and Bangalore. But this don't mean you can't find someone. Follow the good advice you been given by the guys here and be patient. Remember, you are only looking for that one girl, not a whole bunch.

Many white guys also have trouble finding a girl. So don't feel left out.

astonmartini99 said:

Update: I tried bunch of things you guys mentioned here. ( by the way thank you )

Nothing worked out for me.

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Yup, don't get discouraged. Keep going. It's not going to happen overnight. Reward yourself for action taken and reflection done

astonmartini99 said:

Update: I tried bunch of things you guys mentioned here. ( by the way thank you )

Nothing worked out for me.

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How long has it been now?

astonmartini99 said:

Update: I tried bunch of things you guys mentioned here. ( by the way thank you )

Nothing worked out for me.

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I don't believe that you did

Now you're feeling sorry for yourself - not good. To be loved you need to love yourself and you got a negative self image. The good news is that YOU can change if you want to.

None of the hommies here as ever met you so we don't know if you got bad breathe, aggressive body language etc which puts people off you.

Since you got money, you should seriously consider counseling. You can find ads in English in the free Metropolis magazine. A skilled counsellor will be able to identify the issues which are holding you back in relationships. No good asking friends who will not speak their true mind for risk of upsetting you.

Meanwhile, if you got time or willpower, put an ad in the Friends Wanted section of Metropolis. Also try Japan Travel. Forget the other online dating sites which will just compound your frustration.

How about getting a job in a busy Indian restaurant one night a week? You'll meet women easily there who might even be interested in your country.

Salsa class is the best idea I seen here. There are always a lot more women than men.

You don't know how lucky you are. Some people are freezing to death on beaches in Europe if they survived getting there. My own situation is terrible compared to yours.

Hamerare said:

I don't believe that you did

Now you're feeling sorry for yourself - not good. To be loved you need to love yourself and you got a negative self image. The good news is that YOU can change if you want to.

None of the hommies here as ever met you so we don't know if you got bad breathe, aggressive body language etc which puts people off you.

Since you got money, you should seriously consider counseling. You can find ads in English in the free Metropolis magazine. A skilled counsellor will be able to identify the issues which are holding you back in relationships. No good asking friends who will not speak their true mind for risk of upsetting you.

Meanwhile, if you got time or willpower, put an ad in the Friends Wanted section of Metropolis. Also try Japan Travel. Forget the other online dating sites which will just compound your frustration.

How about getting a job in a busy Indian restaurant one night a week? You'll meet women easily there who might even be interested in your country.

Salsa class is the best idea I seen here. There are always a lot more women than men.

You don't know how lucky you are. Some people are freezing to death on beaches in Europe if they survived getting there. My own situation is terrible compared to yours.

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Wow bro, you got smarts on you. Totally right on the money, well in my case if i was a friend of his i would speak the truth, i choose my friends, and i would always want them to speak truthful to me.

Speaking from friends who live in japan, and from facebook friends, and few people that i know that have visited japan, the advice i hear is that mostly, the middle aged females are easier to hit up..bang or fall in love, from what they said, middle aged females are desperate, and you gotta act confident (i take it as be confident in yourself and your limits) and then act quirky, smart in the sense that you gotta get their attention of the females. You dont want to talk about money, about you... talk about them, as friend, dont let them know you want to fuck, that the night will end with a fuck, or in the future, you gotta act mysterious. Gotta get their attention!!

tonydiediedie said:

Wow bro, you got smarts on you. Totally right on the money, well in my case if i was a friend of his i would speak the truth, i choose my friends, and i would always want them to speak truthful to me.

Speaking from friends who live in japan, and from facebook friends, and few people that i know that have visited japan, the advice i hear is that mostly, the middle aged females are easier to hit up..bang or fall in love, from what they said, middle aged females are desperate, and you gotta act confident (i take it as be confident in yourself and your limits) and then act quirky, smart in the sense that you gotta get their attention of the females. You dont want to talk about money, about you... talk about them, as friend, dont let them know you want to fuck, that the night will end with a fuck, or in the future, you gotta act mysterious. Gotta get their attention!!

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You got a good point there bro

Japan got tons of middle aged women in loveless marriages or even single. They don't care where a guy is from or how confident he is. They just want attention and affection. Gyms and coffee shops and English language schools are full of them at certain times of day.

In the last few years it's become less unusual to see young guys dating older women. There are even hostess bars with older women.

The OP should not ignore this option.

You sound like a good guy bro and someone who is loyal to his friends which is a lot more difficult to find thAn you might think. If I was here in Japan I'd invite you over

My tip is to conciously 'bank' any breakthroughs or significant progress you make, however small. Make a strong mental note or even write it in a journal, text on your phone etc. For example first time you manage to get a girl out for coffee and can tell she's really happy to see you. Dunno about you but I forget shit like that real easy. Remember it though, in as much detail as possible. You just raised your 'bar', got a new 'personal best', and if you did it once you can do it again. Use it as a reference point to motivate you next time you're feeling low and useless.

bruv said:

My tip is to conciously 'bank' any breakthroughs or significant progress you make, however small. Make a strong mental note or even write it in a journal, text on your phone etc. For example first time you manage to get a girl out for coffee and can tell she's really happy to see you. Dunno about you but I forget shit like that real easy. Remember it though, in as much detail as possible. You just raised your 'bar', got a new 'personal best', and if you did it once you can do it again. Use it as a reference point to motivate you next time you're feeling low and useless.

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That's excellent advice and can be applied to many situations.

I'm doing something similar myself

To the OP :

It looks that the obvious hasn't been stated yet in the whole thread :

look for Jgirls who are specifically interested in Indian guys ... because they exist for sure.

A lot of women know what they are looking for.
If they want an Indian guy, they will participate to events related to India, see Indian movies, go to indian restaurant etc.

You could for example create a group dedicated to inter-cultural exchanges on meetup.com

Looking for the typical Jgirl will lead you nowhere.

One of my Japanese friends (girl) stayed several months with a Nepalese, and he was just average.

Hamerare said:

You got a good point there bro

Japan got tons of middle aged women in loveless marriages or even single. They don't care where a guy is from or how confident he is. They just want attention and affection. Gyms and coffee shops and English language schools are full of them at certain times of day.

In the last few years it's become less unusual to see young guys dating older women. There are even hostess bars with older women.

The OP should not ignore this option.

You sound like a good guy bro and someone who is loyal to his friends which is a lot more difficult to find thAn you might think. If I was here in Japan I'd invite you over

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Yes im pretty sure OP can score a MILF/middle age female.

Hamerare said:

I think you gotta accept that being Indian makes it harder than if you was exactly the same guy but European. Many J girls harbors this dream of a house in London or Vancouver, not Chennai and Bangalore. But this don't mean you can't find someone. Follow the good advice you been given by the guys here and be patient. Remember, you are only looking for that one girl, not a whole bunch.

Many white guys also have trouble finding a girl. So don't feel left out.

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White guys having trouble finding a girl? Haha,is this a joke? They have all the advantages than the rest of the races in Japan!

I guess the gals who can't get a white guy should be available for our Indian cousins.

Good Luck!

MossBoss

Seems to me from seeing coworkers' experiences and just people-watching in bars etc, whites get it better at the beginning for sure. So call it a rolling start, but you still gotta finish.
Personally I tag it alongside any other visually attractive traits (muscular body, incredible fashion style etc). Meaning, you can even up the score with a little work. Me too, since I aint white

bruv said:

Seems to me from seeing coworkers' experiences and just people-watching in bars etc, whites get it better at the beginning at for sure. So call it a rolling start, but you still gotta finish.
Personally I tag it alongside any other visually attractive traits (muscular body, incredible fashion style etc). Meaning, you you can even up the score with a little work. Me too, since I aint white

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what nationality bro?

Londoner. Black... er, caramel-ish skin

im mexican american, olive skin lol