Writing Up And Signing A Private Divorce Contract?

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TokyoJoeblow

TokyoJoeblow

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My wife keeps telling me crazy shit like how she wants me to pay her every month until she meets another guy or gets married again. Her mom also got angry with me once and said to her in Japanese that we should divorce and that I should receive a judgement. She hates me so much lol.

I'm trying to improve my relationship with her and her mom, but nothing seems to be working. I wake up earlier, I clean up the apartment, I speak super polite...nothing works.

I'm tempted to try to just draw up some sort of reasonable contract we can agree on and both sign and hanko stamp (without her mom around of course) and present it to City Hall? Would they accept something like this as official or just shrug in confusion? I know that we would obviously have to also sign and hanko stamp divorce papers, but I want to divorce smoothly.

I'm just trying to figure out how we can both officially divorce without her later trying to take my ass to the cleaners. If we are divorced already and she agreed by signing and stamping, then there isn't anything she could do right (aside from just spouting lies)?

The idea of just leaving Japan isn't my main plan because I don't like running from problems. I would rather ride it out and face it, but this wave feels like it's going to be a long one with a strong crash at the end lol.

If my wife doesn't agree to any of the reasonable terms stated in the contract I draw up...then if I were to go sign off on divorce papers alone...will City Hall call her or her mother up right away or within a couple days to let them know I did so? I assume that is what they do, just to make sure the spouse has agreed to a divorce..since they weren't even there to sign off as well.

Another reason for the contract is to have her bring out the hanko stamps because I still can't find where she put them...

Any divorce experts on here have any advice on how to smoothly divorce with the more amount of damage control...besides just leaving Japan?
 
Just go to see a lawyer if it's got this bad. Or get someone on here to advise on a lawyer, not the solution.

Any strangers advice on the internet should not be used if you are in a situation where fucking up could affect your life, so this time it would be best to go see a specialist that will have your best interests in mind
 
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I can help you untill a certain point. I don't have a solution, but i second NormalGuy when he says u need a lawyer. You do. Divorces are not simple. I mean, law wise you need a lawyer. You can't divorce without one, and if you can't afford one, the court will provide. Since you are a foreigner, and your wife is japanese, and the court is japanese, and the lawyer they will get you WILL BE japanese, maybe you should search a lawyer from your own nationality who is used to the divorce procedures in Japan.

Divorces are not simple. I'm getting a divorce too, right now, and the first thing i did was going after a lawyer. I managed to find one who has 20 years plus experience with family related laws in Japan, i can send you his contact info, if you want to. He charged me a bit more than 200,000 yen to represent me in court. Also, he is from the same country as me, so i'm not sure if he speaks english or japanese, but i really think he does. My wife is also from the same country as me and we are not going to get involved with japanese court, but im sure this lawyer had previous clients that were married to japanese people. Actually, the person who gave me his number is a friend that recently divorced her japanese (ex) husband, so i guess you can count on him. I may contact him asking that, if you will.
 
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Your situation is ugly enough that you really should talk to a lawyer.

If you do conclude a private agreement, city hall has nothing to do with it, and will not need to see it. All they need to see is the divorce application form.

Post-divorce, she can still sue you, but her chances of succeeding in a lawsuit would be very slim.

Just remember that once the divorce goes through, you have six months on your spouse visa until you have to change status or leave Japan.
 
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You are in a tough situation & should get a lawyer but divorces in Japanese are as simple as signing a paper & turning it to City Hall. There is an official form sign it, turn it in.
 
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lennylenny said:
I can help you untill a certain point. I don't have a solution, but i second NormalGuy when he says u need a lawyer. You do. Divorces are not simple. I mean, law wise you need a lawyer. You can't divorce without one, and if you can't afford one, the court will provide. Since you are a foreigner, and your wife is japanese, and the court is japanese, and the lawyer they will get you WILL BE japanese, maybe you should search a lawyer from your own nationality who is used to the divorce procedures in Japan.

Divorces are not simple. I'm getting a divorce too, right now, and the first thing i did was going after a lawyer. I managed to find one who has 20 years plus experience with family related laws in Japan, i can send you his contact info, if you want to. He charged me a bit more than 200,000 yen to represent me in court. Also, he is from the same country as me, so i'm not sure if he speaks english or japanese, but i really think he does. My wife is also from the same country as me and we are not going to get involved with japanese court, but im sure this lawyer had previous clients that were married to japanese people. Actually, the person who gave me his number is a friend that recently divorced her japanese (ex) husband, so i guess you can count on him. I may contact him asking that, if you will.
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I really appreciate the reference. Could you PM me his contact information? I probably can't afford his services, but I will still see what I can work out with him. Do any lawyers in Japan work on payment systems or do they want all the money up front? In the US, there are quite a few fee arrangements one could make, but I'm sure it is probably different here.
 
I realize I need to be talking with a lawyer, but they are just so expensive. I would literally go broke hiring one to deal with this potential mess.

Wouldn't I be able to sue for blackmail? I mean her and her mother are threatening to have me judged and her mother has threatened to kill me in anger on multiple occasions...isn't something like that taken serious in Japan?

They probably don't give a shit since I'm just a foreigner right? Her mother once had the nerve to say that I was the reason why my wife's father died. I spoke with a doctor about this at a hospital during an annual check up once because we were on the subject of me being married and I just wanted a second opinion. We both concluded that it is impossible for someone to develop stage 4, small cell lung cancer within 2 months (he passed 2 months after I moved in with them)...from stress alone. There had to have been other factors and he definitely had cancer BEFORE he even knew who I was!

Anyway, her and her mother have been saying some insane shit that I don't think would fly in court...unless the judge is batshit crazy.
 
TokyoJoeblow said:
I really appreciate the reference. Could you PM me his contact information? I probably can't afford his services, but I will still see what I can work out with him. Do any lawyers in Japan work on payment systems or do they want all the money up front? In the US, there are quite a few fee arrangements one could make, but I'm sure it is probably different here.
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So, i just called him and unfortunately he only works for nationals from my own country. But, he told me that if you look for the consulate or embassy of your country, they would help you out at least on finding a lawyer. He also said that you can try look for the ~hoterasu~ or something like that, which is the government provided lawyer service or something like that. I cant translate it to english right now, sorry. Also, he said divorce laws in japan are somewhat different, and that if you have an agreement you can settle everything at the prefecture, quickly and painless. But, since they seem to want to strip you off, that should not be the case, unless you are willing to give them whatever they want. So make sure u look for someone that understands the laws of divorce here.

Now, as a person going through a similar situation, i would advise you to keep calm, dont buy into her bullshit. Dont argue. Dont say anything and keep it to yourself. Just watch her overflowing ranting and tantrums as if you were sitting at home, watching a storm by the window while having a nice cup of coffee. Unfortunately, women have a far higher developed emotional inteligence than men, so you dont wanna battle on that grounds. Shut yourself from them and keep yourself safe. And talk to your consulate, they will be able to help you. Thats why u pay ur taxes for.
 
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You could contact Timothy Langley: http://www.langleyesquire.com
I don't know about the quality of the services he provides, but judging from his podcast you won't find someone as knowledgeable as him easily. Also, his fee for first consultations seems reasonable.
 
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Stop wasting your time here and getting false security either from us (no offence meant to those sincerely trying to help) or your naive ideas. They clearly hate your guts and would like them dried as Christmas decorations. They may have good reason. Ask the embassy of wherever you are from and shell out. The money you save for a lawyer NOW will be a lot less than you doing something bloody stupid later (a hole in Mum not the wall). Borrow money from people back home. Spend as less time antagonising them as possible. Keep your pants on. You are copping out by dicking around here asking advice, no matter how thoughtfully given. No-one is going to fix this for you except you.
 
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R.O.B said:
They clearly hate your guts and would like them dried as Christmas decorations.
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New one on me! I think I like it.

The usual expression in my family is that they'd have his guts for garters.
 
lennylenny said:
So, i just called him and unfortunately he only works for nationals from my own country. But, he told me that if you look for the consulate or embassy of your country, they would help you out at least on finding a lawyer. He also said that you can try look for the ~hoterasu~ or something like that, which is the government provided lawyer service or something like that. I cant translate it to english right now, sorry. Also, he said divorce laws in japan are somewhat different, and that if you have an agreement you can settle everything at the prefecture, quickly and painless. But, since they seem to want to strip you off, that should not be the case, unless you are willing to give them whatever they want. So make sure u look for someone that understands the laws of divorce here.

Now, as a person going through a similar situation, i would advise you to keep calm, dont buy into her bullshit. Dont argue. Dont say anything and keep it to yourself. Just watch her overflowing ranting and tantrums as if you were sitting at home, watching a storm by the window while having a nice cup of coffee. Unfortunately, women have a far higher developed emotional inteligence than men, so you dont wanna battle on that grounds. Shut yourself from them and keep yourself safe. And talk to your consulate, they will be able to help you. Thats why u pay ur taxes for.
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Stop wasting effort for TokyoJoeBlow, he is just a bored expat with nothing to do and his pasttime is TAG. You are putting yourself into too much trouble. He entertains himself through tag, we get entertained as well, as audience. Don't waste effort in that asshole, he is not true.
 
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While he maybe be facing burnout (or being burned at the stake), have contracted hopelessly twisted plots, or be developing writer's block, we do sometimes need to stoke the fire of imagination, Ches.
 
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Ches said:
Stop wasting effort for TokyoJoeBlow, he is just a bored expat with nothing to do and his pasttime is TAG. You are putting yourself into too much trouble. He entertains himself through tag, we get entertained as well, as audience. Don't waste effort in that asshole, he is not true.
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you bait, but i dont wanna bite, sorry =)

and yep, TAG seems to be a nice place online to pass time!

edit: i understand that you might hold grudges that go way back, but he is a person who needed help with a subject that i could kindof help, so i just did. it wasnt an effort, but pretty much a pasttime, aswell. i dont mind helping people out, and he never did anything bad to me, so i think we are looking at this from different points of view. i appreciate your concern, anyway.
 
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R.O.B said:
Ask the embassy of wherever you are from and shell out. The money you save for a lawyer NOW will be a lot less than you doing something bloody stupid later (a hole in Mum not the wall). Borrow money from people back home. Spend as less time antagonising them as possible. Keep your pants on. You are copping out by dicking around here asking advice, no matter how thoughtfully given. No-one is going to fix this for you except you.
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Yeah, really! 200k to 300k is a decent price to pay actually for a good agreement. I'm sure that would be much more back in the US if you want real results.

TJB: What the hell assets do you have anyway? Do you have a trust, inheritance or property? Is any of it is based in Japan? Did you get legally married in the US too? If 'nonatheabove' then relax.
 
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R.O.B said:
While he maybe be facing burnout (or being burned at the stake), have contracted hopelessly twisted plots, or be developing writer's block, we do sometimes need to stoke the fire of imagination, Ches.
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You need something to stroke your imagination? Try Mia Khalifa... jk ;)
 
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Ches said:
Stop wasting effort for TokyoJoeBlow, he is just a bored expat with nothing to do and his pasttime is TAG. You are putting yourself into too much trouble. He entertains himself through tag, we get entertained as well, as audience. Don't waste effort in that asshole, he is not true.
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Ches, borderline.
 
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