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Asking Her Out, Yes Or No?

Desktop said:
I don't get the "confess" thing.
Ask her out, make a plan.
Also Japanese also call the married men they are dating their boyfriends too. So usually no pix to show.
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I think the confession is more often practiced between Japanese people, I've never heard of a foreigner doing kokuhaku.

After going out with each other for a while, the confession ensures that the couple becomes exclusive. Basically, while they were going out on the first few dates nothing was official and they were free to see other people romantically. However, once you've 'chosen' each other and done the whole confession thing, seeing other people would be cheating.

It's a way to be clear about the relationship and set boundaries.

This is why some Japanese girls will tell you they have a boyfriend while going out with you. It's likely they haven't set that boundary so she is still free to play the field and change her mind.

Some people do it before the relationship even begins, though, which I think has a high chance of failure.
 
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deckard said:
Some people do it before the relationship even begins, though, which I think has a high chance of failure.
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In the few (5 or 6) cases in which a girl has told me a story of a confession to her or her friend, there was either mocking of or apprehension at the prospect of dating the guy. They have always said they would prefer to start with a kiss or hand holding, etc. I've always heard of the confession seemingly coming out of the blue from a guy who they thought was a friend. It's possible that I haven't heard enough stories and/or that I heard them from western-thinking girls.

These confessions make it so confusing for me to watch Terrace House when I think of it in the context of Real World.
 
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Oh I didn't think people (guys) actually thought that worked with women. I've also heard about this about guys who got rejected or frustrated.
 
Desktop said:
Oh I didn't think people (guys) actually thought that worked with women. I've also heard about this about guys who got rejected or frustrated.
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Girls confess to guys too. It's just a facet of Japanese culture.

Like I said, timing of the confession remains the most important thing. If the girl/guy likes you already and wants to go steady, the confession is just to formalise the dating aspect.

Using it as a declaration of love and setting boundaries at the same time is highly unlikely to succeed, regardless of your gender.
It's just like telling your crush you like them when he/she hasn't gotten to know you yet - which is not unique to Japan - and expecting them to somehow go, "Yeah, I like you too!" Unless they already had those feelings (and sometimes people do, which is the whole idea behind that), she's not going to suddenly realise how desirable you are.

Imho people who do that don't really have many ideas about how to approach a relationship, hence the "ripping off the band-aid" approach.

However, sometimes it helps if the person you like is clueless about your feelings. There was a girl who liked me in high school and I never realised it until she told me after. She was always nice to me and asked me out on a few dates, but I didn't think of it that way. If she had confessed, I might have been willing to give it a chance.

Regardless, I don't recommend confessing to someone to show that you like them.
 
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exactly, i always went for confessing, since its common, but you usually do that, when you are more or less sure that you dont get rejected, otherwise it is most likely to fail...
as deckard said, some should do it to make people realise, but of course there are situations, when its so out of the blue, that he or she wont suddenly think youre the one... bet its the opposite...
 
Hi guys thanks for the advice , and yes i wont be confessing until we went out on several dates.
i asked her to go out somewhere in Her rest day, but because of the typhoon we couldnt!
Should i ask her again? im afraid that she will think that im so persistent.
And any suggestions on how to invite her to go out and do something?
 
Kurisudesuu said:
Hi guys thanks for the advice , and yes i wont be confessing until we went out on several dates.
i asked her to go out somewhere in Her rest day, but because of the typhoon we couldnt!
Should i ask her again? im afraid that she will think that im so persistent.
And any suggestions on how to invite her to go out and do something?
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Don't ask her.... tell her you'd like to go with her.

She was going to go with you, right? Why would she change her mind?

Stop overthinking, start doing! Ganbare!

I am drunk as per usual Thursday night so ymmv. Messaging a cute girl and she is receptive. Date set tomorrow. Don't hold yourself back, it may sound cliche but you only live once so do shit and don't think too much. Life is too short to waste it hesitating.
 
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Kurisudesuu said:
Should i ask her again? im afraid that she will think that im so persistent.
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Yes!

What is the downside? Is it better not to ever ask her again? Why? What is she to think in that case? That you lost interest maybe... Is it better to never find out what would have happened if you were a little more bold?

And btw, if her opinion of you is so easily damaged that being a little persistent causes her to lose interest, then you and she are never going far together anyway.

Try to keep in mind that there is a VERY GOOD possibility that she is as tortured and nervous as you are about the situation and is worrying and worrying that she has done something or said something wrong to you that makes you hesitant to approach her. She may very well be counting on you to take a little initiative and get things rolling, hoping against hope that you will give her a chance in some way.

Ask her again...and report back!

-Ww
 
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Dude, don't be such a weakling tobthe opposite sex! Reschedule the date. And never be so fearful of being a man.

Just think you are a manager, make a plan! Then make sure that the plan goes smoothly. Women hate poorly thought out plans more than being asked out.
 
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I asked her again she said if only we finish work at the same time we can go anytime!
And she said if she has nothing to do she will tell me but i doubt that time will come.

Let me tell you guys what we had been doing this past days...
She said she liked chocolates so i give her everytime shes hungry! and then she still makes my homework everytime i cant do it myself! So i get carried away and said , ill give you a reward for doing my homework, and then i hugged her, she didnt get angry but she laughed and then continues to touch my arm then he draws something on it LOL!
i hugged her 2 times she doesnt seem to get angry! I texted her and asked how she felt when i hugged her she said it was embarassing and my face was also red!

but yesterday i was upset on many things, including the headquarters didnt permit me to get promoted into being a Front staff! i was so upset and then she asked me why am i not energetic today?(because i am always energetic XD) i said no its normal !

Do you guys think she also likes me or what?
But everytime i say some cheesy Lines she always bully me with "urusai!" "ah sou!" which i think is a joke, but im in doubt....
 
Kurisudesuu said:
but the fact that she doesnt have time to go out with me seems a hint that shes not interested?
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Be persistent and let her know you're really interested in doing something with her outside of work. Don't be stalker'ish about though...

We all know J-girls can be flaky, but some want to be chased to an extent.
 
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owlet said:
don't settle for hints, ask this girl again
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Haha, does he have to ask for a date?

Just kiss her and then you'll know. She held your arm after you hugged her! It'll relieve all of this tension for you and her (and all of us).
 
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@Kurisudesuu - She seems to be sending you mixed signals, or at least that is what you are reporting here and probably receiving. This could mean different things. She might like you, maybe a lot, as a friend and work partner but not want you as a romantic partner. She might want you as a romantic partner but be afraid to encourage you too much or too directly for fear of offending you or losing you as a friend and work partner (in other words, the same situation as you). She might be feeling confused and conflicted and not be sure what she wants. She might just enjoy the game, the flrting and chase and keeping you interested and fascinated. Etc etc. The good news is that you can find out which it is if you wish.

-Ww
 
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Kurisudesuu said:
she didnt like that i may get fired for that LOL
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Please don't force yourself on her! Also, to answer your previous question, the longer this goes on and the more you ask her out and the more you hug her without kissing her, the more like a stalker you're becoming.

As someone who waited way too long to kiss way too many girls in my life, what I would try to do is the following:
Next time you ask her on a date and she inevitably answers vaguely, say "well I guess I have to kiss you at work then". Don't lean into her or touch her at all at this point. Just watch her eyes and reaction. If she doesn't move away or say no, slowly move your face towards hers. And at that point she can move to meet your kiss or not.
 
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It seems that she really has this 40-year old man as a boyfriend! when i ask her about why did you chose an old man as a boyfriend , she laughingly said "nandemo kattekureru kara!"
yes i hate the fact that japanese girls has this attitude! they think they will be happy with oldman buying them stuffs but when the time comes! im sure they will just regret it..

But yes im an idiot who still has a will to wait for her, even i just have 10percent chance, i want to bet on that !
 
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