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Monotonous Routine

Remember The Tarzan Theory. That's what I've always done.
 
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It's good that you are trying to work through this and I think your relationship will be stronger in the long run. It sounds like she needs 100% trust for things to be good in the bedroom and rightly or wrongly she thinks you have broken this trust (if it was me, I'd have been banging the neighbor).

I don't understand the people who post for you to get out of the relationship because you have started having bedroom issues. I guess they have never really been in love, or forget that sometimes you need to work on something for it to grow. I'm pretty sure they'd be upset if through work stress or some other mental influence they just had a low period, ED or loss of libido and their other half divorced them and shacked up with some other guy after a couple of weeks, but it seems "no sex, get the fuck out" is the normal response here.

If everything else is great then it's worth working out. If it's just the sexual side then there are things to do to try to fix it, but if it's a long term issue then you also need to discuss the options available.
 
I don't understand the people who post for you to get out of the relationship because you have started having bedroom issues. I guess they have never really been in love, or forget that sometimes you need to work on something for it to grow. I'm pretty sure they'd be upset if through work stress or some other mental influence they just had a low period, ED or loss of libido and their other half divorced them and shacked up with some other guy after a couple of weeks, but it seems "no sex, get the fuck out" is the normal response here.

That is exactly how it looks to me too, but I wouldn't exactly say that I "don't understand" the guys who look at it that way. Sadly many men, especially but not only young men, have not discovered/understood how very very much more a relationship with a woman offers that just sex. You see this attitude, or perhaps it would be better called a lack of experience and understanding, reflected in many TAG threads, by no means just this one. It is the classic "a woman is a life support system for a pussy" form of misogyny. To some extent it is just machismo posturing though and not how the guy would actually react to a bad sex life situation with a woman he loved.

-Ww
 
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I'd have to wonder how some can just write off the man as being wrong not to want intimacy from the woman he has accepted as a mate. Mate is a key word. I read somewhere that a woman that is healthy has no right to deny sex just because she can. Similar thing happened to a man that did that to his wife. Both lost their divorce cases. I can't remember the particulars, but they got divorced.

When the spring in the chicken leaves and the "been there done that, this sex shit is old" kicks in, perhaps one should try to rebuild that chemistry. I saw a movie where a the husband pampered his middle-aged wife every night before going to bed. He never missed a beat. Why don't you try spicing up things? Send her to the spa, give her neck massages, and other stuff. Why not ask why she has taken on such a view of intimacy? Turn that attention back to her. The one that is broke needs working on. Rather than devote time to running around, devote time to your own. Been there, done that.

Go to a couples spa! For me that worked well until I voluntarily quit my job. She divorced me soon after. Took everything I had plus some more. I feel a lot of pain everytime I see her new man riding my fucking Harley.

God damn American court system. She even got my second house. The killer is that when something breaks, she calls me to come and repair it or have it repaired. I digress.

Before that I felt like I was in HS again. Sex all the time, going out, and having a pretty damn good time. But she couldn't understand why I'd quit my job to pursue another career. Did she marry me or the job? When you marry, do you marry for sex or for the woman?

As I am in the States, I realized that she is miserable. Her decisions have made her realize that she married a man, not a job. You don't marry a woman or a man solely for sex or a career. What are you going to do when you get old and all that physical stuff doesn't work? I never expected this end. I spent a lot of years with a seriously driven woman. Maybe that blinded her and lead her to where she is. Who knows! Maybe I should have done more. But I had this idea that hating a job meant quitting a job. But it ended up being quitting a family. I think you can do more. Don't end up like me and lose the very thing that made you and come to the fullness of this pain. After I do this final business, it's back to Japan. Hopefully bubbly girl won't bubble out of my life. Well, out of all the post I read, this one hit home cause I see myself in you. Good luck to you!
 
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It's good that you are trying to work through this and I think your relationship will be stronger in the long run. It sounds like she needs 100% trust for things to be good in the bedroom and rightly or wrongly she thinks you have broken this trust (if it was me, I'd have been banging the neighbor).

I don't understand the people who post for you to get out of the relationship because you have started having bedroom issues. I guess they have never really been in love, or forget that sometimes you need to work on something for it to grow. I'm pretty sure they'd be upset if through work stress or some other mental influence they just had a low period, ED or loss of libido and their other half divorced them and shacked up with some other guy after a couple of weeks, but it seems "no sex, get the fuck out" is the normal response here.

If everything else is great then it's worth working out. If it's just the sexual side then there are things to do to try to fix it, but if it's a long term issue then you also need to discuss the options available.


I agree with what you're saying especially with your observation and not just in this particular thread as well. Some guys tend to be onesided and be fixated but i'm very logical and do weigh things.

The relationship I have will always have an ongoing discussion but its not holding me back with anything so far. it now feels routine and eventually I know that we'll get back in the groove of things.
 
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That is exactly how it looks to me too, but I wouldn't exactly say that I "don't understand" the guys who look at it that way. Sadly many men, especially but not only young men, have not discovered/understood how very very much more a relationship with a woman offers that just sex. You see this attitude, or perhaps it would be better called a lack of experience and understanding, reflected in many TAG threads, by no means just this one. It is the classic "a woman is a life support system for a pussy" form of misogyny. To some extent it is just machismo posturing though and not how the guy would actually react to a bad sex life situation with a woman he loved.

-Ww
then again, as always, right-on with the wisdom @Wwanderer
 
I'd have to wonder how some can just write off the man as being wrong not to want intimacy from the woman he has accepted as a mate. Mate is a key word. I read somewhere that a woman that is healthy has no right to deny sex just because she can. Similar thing happened to a man that did that to his wife. Both lost their divorce cases. I can't remember the particulars, but they got divorced.

When the spring in the chicken leaves and the "been there done that, this sex shit is old" kicks in, perhaps one should try to rebuild that chemistry. I saw a movie where a the husband pampered his middle-aged wife every night before going to bed. He never missed a beat. Why don't you try spicing up things? Send her to the spa, give her neck massages, and other stuff. Why not ask why she has taken on such a view of intimacy? Turn that attention back to her. The one that is broke needs working on. Rather than devote time to running around, devote time to your own. Been there, done that.

Go to a couples spa! For me that worked well until I voluntarily quit my job. She divorced me soon after. Took everything I had plus some more. I feel a lot of pain everytime I see her new man riding my fucking Harley.

God damn American court system. She even got my second house. The killer is that when something breaks, she calls me to come and repair it or have it repaired. I digress.

Before that I felt like I was in HS again. Sex all the time, going out, and having a pretty damn good time. But she couldn't understand why I'd quit my job to pursue another career. Did she marry me or the job? When you marry, do you marry for sex or for the woman?

As I am in the States, I realized that she is miserable. Her decisions have made her realize that she married a man, not a job. You don't marry a woman or a man solely for sex or a career. What are you going to do when you get old and all that physical stuff doesn't work? I never expected this end. I spent a lot of years with a seriously driven woman. Maybe that blinded her and lead her to where she is. Who knows! Maybe I should have done more. But I had this idea that hating a job meant quitting a job. But it ended up being quitting a family. I think you can do more. Don't end up like me and lose the very thing that made you and come to the fullness of this pain. After I do this final business, it's back to Japan. Hopefully bubbly girl won't bubble out of my life. Well, out of all the post I read, this one hit home cause I see myself in you. Good luck to you!


Our situation are both unfortunate and funny at the same time because where youve been is somewhere I see myself (worst case scenario). I am lucky because im not on that verge yet and i am doing the "little" things to spice things up or to mix hings up a bit but so far no luck. I am going to get some sooner or later either through her or someone else but I refuse to dig my own grave.

for clarification, just think back from when initially posted my thread I was very irritable, frustrated and blue balled ( i would say a combination of those plus alcohol). But looking back, i was definitely being honest and just letting it all out for everyone to read and hoping to see several perspective to the fact.

So far Ive been receiving very good feedback and I Thank everybody for that. I also would oike to apologize for my delayed replies since I'm currently traveling. Thanks again and I appreciate everyone's ¥10
 
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There's definitely risks with a FWB, but if you can find a sane married one it's pretty great! I've met plenty of ladies in the same spot, dead bedroom and plenty of libido, 'course chemistry is still hard to find.

_________
meetwife blog
 
There's definitely risks with a FWB, but if you can find a sane married one it's pretty great! I've met plenty of ladies in the same spot, dead bedroom and plenty of libido, 'course chemistry is still hard to find.

_________
meetwife blog


I almost had the opportunit, I think, to have met a casual friend or should I say neighbor who would have been an ideal occasional encounter. But as one member said on my other thread, you dont shit where you sleep (or around those lines.)

Theres also the risk of the attachment and psycho-tendencies. I had crazy exes before but I cant deal with someone turning on me and ruining what I have.
 
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She still doesnt know my alternate lifestyle and I dont intend to let anyone else know, I am treading carefuly.

Which leads me to my new thread.

Gone are the days where I get amazing head. Spontaneous sex and all-nighters are gone as well or hopefully temporarily disappeared. Its been one-sided and feels more of a routine. Sex has been lazy and doesnt feel intimate. But everything else seems to be fineand doing well when it comes to other aspects in life. It all sucks (ironic) in the sack.

I almost had to send a calendar invite to hint any intentions of having sex. We're pretty open to each other but she acts like nothing is wrong when I brough it up. I'd be licky if I even get to nut three times a month. Sheesh, torture right?

I understand!!

I nearly ended up in your situation, but I never gave up and now things are great, but you have to understand first why you are in this situation.

PM me if you do not want to discuss this on the thread.
 
There's definitely risks with a FWB, but if you can find a sane married one it's pretty great! I've met plenty of ladies in the same spot, dead bedroom and plenty of libido, 'course chemistry is still hard to find.

_________
meetwife blog

You are playing with fire if you go those route. Women cannot have sex for free without feelings getting involved. Take it from someone who once had a married FWB. It started out as fun and casual, but ended up with him accidentally revealing all to his wife, and me wanting to die from a broken heart.

By the way, women are far, far superior at stealth when it comes to extra-maritial liaisons with no money changing hands. Maybe that's why you can't catch her doing anything. Unless you go through her phone.

Definitely go to therapy and try to work it out. If that fails, either walk away or stay and look at seeing an escort on a casual basis.
But remember, you didn't get yourselves into this situation overnight, and it won't be repaired overnight.

Prior to leaving my partner last year, I went through the same process. We were great mates, but no sex anymore. I chose to take a financial hit and walk away. Now- I've never been happier.

Feel free to PM if you want to chat.

Please keep us updated as to how you get on.
 
You are playing with fire if you go those route. Women cannot have sex for free without feelings getting involved. Take it from someone who once had a married FWB. It started out as fun and casual, but ended up with him accidentally revealing all to his wife, and me wanting to die from a broken heart.

By the way, women are far, far superior at stealth when it comes to extra-maritial liaisons with no money changing hands. Maybe that's why you can't catch her doing anything. Unless you go through her phone.

Definitely go to therapy and try to work it out. If that fails, either walk away or stay and look at seeing an escort on a casual basis.
But remember, you didn't get yourselves into this situation overnight, and it won't be repaired overnight.

Prior to leaving my partner last year, I went through the same process. We were great mates, but no sex anymore. I chose to take a financial hit and walk away. Now- I've never been happier.

Feel free to PM if you want to chat.

Please keep us updated as to how you get on.

That was very interesting , thanks. I've read and heard the "women can't have sex for free without feelings being involved" thing many times and think it's generally true. But is the corrolar then that when they stop wanting sex they don't have feelings anymore? Coz I also think it's true based on my and some friends experiences.
 
Pretty much spot on @Mischa Maxwell and im sorry to hear what you had yo go through but glad to hear that you've bounced back.

We are trying something out soon, as Ive mentioned on my earlier posts, and I'm curious to see where it goes. Like many men (and ladies) with my lifestyle choice, I have a back up for the what-if's in life. I cant confidently say that I'll be ready to let go if things dont work out but knowing myself it'll be a fight well fought if it did.

Seeing eacorts is definitely an option and I've asked a couple of ladies that I've been eye-ing for a while if I get to another dry-spell. I'm trying hard not to practice mongering close to home but with my conpany limiting trips outside Japan then I dont know how long I'm going to last following my rule lol

We shall see and so far, as for the update, the relationship is still pretty dry with a couple of one-sided sex ( i wish it was my side) which took the edge off of my dry spell but had to do some self-work afterwards since I never reached my peak release.

Thanks Mischa and will be laying low until then.
 
That was very interesting , thanks. I've read and heard the "women can't have sex for free without feelings being involved" thing many times and think it's generally true. But is the corrolar then that when they stop wanting sex they don't have feelings anymore? Coz I also think it's true based on my and some friends experiences.

Men - Women, either way, Its a biological need but its more convenient if you've had a previous connection with the other person rather than hooking up with someone random. I guess it feels more 'intimate' rather than casual.

Back in College, an old ex hit me up on mobile out of the blue and started chatting me up. Hours of talking passed and 600 miles later, we were in a loft having sex like it was our last. After that, she told me her bit and back on the road I went.

Cruel but convenient. It also varies per person, either way, I'm wiser brcause of it.
 
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Men - Women, either way, Its a biological need but its more convenient if you've had a previous connection with the other person rather than hooking up with someone random. I guess it feels more 'intimate' rather than casual.

Back in College, an old ex hit me up on mobile out of the blue and started chatting me up. Hours of talking passed and 600 miles later, we were in a loft having sex like it was our last. After that, she told me her bit and back on the road I went.

Cruel but convenient. It also varies per person, either way, I'm wiser brcause of it.

Yes of course we talk about generalities but each person is different , granted. And congrats for rekindling in such a good manner with your ex. I just meant that I heard so many times the "oh I can't have sex without feeeeeeelings , I'm a sensitive / romantic Lady you know" talk (which again , I don't deny, is probably and on average truer for ladies than men), that you can't help thinking the reverse is also true (no sex = no feeling then. Sayonara!)

Whereas (and again on average , generally speaking etc) a guy is more inclined to separate the two. Certainly the guys on TAG at least ! ;)
 
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That was very interesting , thanks. I've read and heard the "women can't have sex for free without feelings being involved" thing many times and think it's generally true. But is the corrolar then that when they stop wanting sex they don't have feelings anymore? Coz I also think it's true based on my and some friends experiences.

No, when I woman stops wanting sex, it could mean several things, but not that they don't have feelings for you anymore.

Basically, they have so much going on (fatigue, stress, menstrual/hormone stuff, unresolved issues), that sex slips to last place on their list of priorities. Women in long-term relationships and marriages know that it's difficult for you to walk away from the relationship, so they're not concerned if you're deprived of sexual intimacy for a period of time. After all, don't most married men complain of not getting enough sex?

But smart women know that there is more than one way to keep a man happy in bed. If she is dying of period pain, some snuggling and a hand job might send her husband out the door with a smile. If she is exhausted, a sneaky BJ takes only 10 minutes out of her day. However, these things are only effective in keeping hubby happy if they are freely offered, not begged for and offered begrudgingly in return.

Having an unresolved issue with you is another reason that a woman won't be in the mood for sex. She herself may not even realise that this is the reason why her libido has plummeted. Ask her if she's getting enough time away from the kids, if you're listening to her enough, if you're drinking too much, if there's anything that you can do to make her happier. You need to spend enough time with a woman in a platonic, light, non-bedroom sense FIRST before she will readily be in the mood for some bedroom fun.

For men, sex is a biological need that must be fulfilled. Paid or unpaid, it releases tension and feels fucking awesome.

For women, there must be some sort of investment involved. Either emotional or financial.

Escorts win over FWBs every time because they are not going to ruin your life, get clingy or open their mouths to 'out' you when they're drunk.

If you go down the escort route, I have a theory that the perfect number of ladies for a man to see is three. Seeing each and every woman increases your risk of 'outing', in my opinion. Restricting your mongering to three women only limits that risk. You can build rapport without getting overly attached. There's less anxiety for you about bumping into someone you have slept with. If one or two are the girls aren't available, hopefully the third is. You don't need to repeat your backstory over and over again.

Anyway, just my thoughts. :)
 
I'm pretty much open to whatever feedback I receive from my partner and we've established a good communication based on years of being together. Dry-spell or not, if she has a grudge or just feeling something different then she'll eventually tell me. It's only a matter of time and I can wait.

I can confidently say that we do spend time together. I'm not one of those suits who always have to constantly check their emails and make phone calls. I've established that fine line and my peers (to include my Japanese Co-workers) understand that. Only on emergencies they are to contact me but I still yet to hear anything negative about it from my Bosses so it shall remain that way.

I really have no time for drama of having a third party.. thats why I didnt advance on to my neighbor's advances. Would've been fun and adds thrill to my daily routine but not worth losing anything over it.

If I go by your theory then I think you'd fit well as my number 3 on my list.. which completes my Euro-Line of Women Wishlist.

My palate changes every other year or two and had a fare share of Asians and North and South American Women. Now its European...
I've daddled briefly on the Syndney Scene in the past and had gotten lucky with a random in the Gold Coast. Aussie Women have a special place in my heart and would love to relive those experiences again. One day perhaps...
 
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So...

I broke my rule. I went and saw a provider. It wasnt long after my last post that I had an itching for some intimacy. I saw an opportunity when I was told to meet some people near Yokohama and just couldnt resist to add some pleasure with business.

I haven't added my review yet since I've some-what busy (mostly lazy) but I think it was a waste of time and money.

It was a last minute and late night decision that I regret mostly because of the experience. I honestly wished that I shouldve reached out to some of our Independent Providers instead but its a lesson learned.

How do I feel about the whole experience?

Unsatisfied and craving for more. Craving not because of the service was that good but rather craving because it wasnt satisfying. The language barrier was minimal to almost none and the provider was beautiful.. but it didnt feel personal and there wasnt a connection. There's no sensenof depth compared to the other providers I've had in other countries from recent encounters.

Frustrated. I definitely am and its not really anything to do with money but mostly that insiatiable sexual thirst of intimacy. Where you've resorted to the 'Pros' to handle or fill in the void but end up the same (and I think worst).

Now I'm on the fence if I should even try again. This upcoming trip back home should help turn things around but its still quite a bit of time before I would probably start feeling any changes. Its definitely disappointing.

I shouldve just reached out to either Ms Anna or Ms Alice and see if an arrangement couldve been made. or if theyre willing to accomodate such hectic schedule.

Shoulda woulda coulda..
 
Greetings from Colorado! Its wicked cold out here and wishing that I'm back in Japan.

As I've mentioned before, the couples counseling is in progress and we've had a couple of sessions so far aince I got here.

Though informational, I think more has to be revealed for this session to be productive. Since my last session with Maki, I only had sex twice. Its better than nothing but its not fulfilling. It can never curb the craving.

Is it weird that I'm searching for AMP in my area? Its a day in and day out of routine already.. or skiing or snowboarding. Fun but something else is missing. I guess I'm missing intimacy. Is it weird that you just feel lonely at time without really feeling lonely.

I just need to feel that intimacy again where two bodies become one and have that physical connection without being smutty.

I will he coming back soon and I hope to take back something that I can use in my relationship. My mongering will continue since it is a part of me longer than I could remember.

I shouldnt say that I'm happy with what I have now but I am content with where I am in my life. Bits and pieces are missing but over-all, its okay. I can settle with okay... than broke from a divorce. Haha.

Its almost 8pm on my side of the globe and I think we might be heading out to watch Rogue 1.

Cheers!
 
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