Mindful
TAG Member
- Joined
- Jun 28, 2013
- Messages
- 19
- Reaction score
- 37
All I can say is you're not the only one in that situation. I feel your pain too.
Remember The Tarzan Theory. That's what I've always done.
I don't understand the people who post for you to get out of the relationship because you have started having bedroom issues. I guess they have never really been in love, or forget that sometimes you need to work on something for it to grow. I'm pretty sure they'd be upset if through work stress or some other mental influence they just had a low period, ED or loss of libido and their other half divorced them and shacked up with some other guy after a couple of weeks, but it seems "no sex, get the fuck out" is the normal response here.
All I can say is you're not the only one in that situation. I feel your pain too.
It's good that you are trying to work through this and I think your relationship will be stronger in the long run. It sounds like she needs 100% trust for things to be good in the bedroom and rightly or wrongly she thinks you have broken this trust (if it was me, I'd have been banging the neighbor).
I don't understand the people who post for you to get out of the relationship because you have started having bedroom issues. I guess they have never really been in love, or forget that sometimes you need to work on something for it to grow. I'm pretty sure they'd be upset if through work stress or some other mental influence they just had a low period, ED or loss of libido and their other half divorced them and shacked up with some other guy after a couple of weeks, but it seems "no sex, get the fuck out" is the normal response here.
If everything else is great then it's worth working out. If it's just the sexual side then there are things to do to try to fix it, but if it's a long term issue then you also need to discuss the options available.
then again, as always, right-on with the wisdom @WwandererThat is exactly how it looks to me too, but I wouldn't exactly say that I "don't understand" the guys who look at it that way. Sadly many men, especially but not only young men, have not discovered/understood how very very much more a relationship with a woman offers that just sex. You see this attitude, or perhaps it would be better called a lack of experience and understanding, reflected in many TAG threads, by no means just this one. It is the classic "a woman is a life support system for a pussy" form of misogyny. To some extent it is just machismo posturing though and not how the guy would actually react to a bad sex life situation with a woman he loved.
-Ww
I'd have to wonder how some can just write off the man as being wrong not to want intimacy from the woman he has accepted as a mate. Mate is a key word. I read somewhere that a woman that is healthy has no right to deny sex just because she can. Similar thing happened to a man that did that to his wife. Both lost their divorce cases. I can't remember the particulars, but they got divorced.
When the spring in the chicken leaves and the "been there done that, this sex shit is old" kicks in, perhaps one should try to rebuild that chemistry. I saw a movie where a the husband pampered his middle-aged wife every night before going to bed. He never missed a beat. Why don't you try spicing up things? Send her to the spa, give her neck massages, and other stuff. Why not ask why she has taken on such a view of intimacy? Turn that attention back to her. The one that is broke needs working on. Rather than devote time to running around, devote time to your own. Been there, done that.
Go to a couples spa! For me that worked well until I voluntarily quit my job. She divorced me soon after. Took everything I had plus some more. I feel a lot of pain everytime I see her new man riding my fucking Harley.
God damn American court system. She even got my second house. The killer is that when something breaks, she calls me to come and repair it or have it repaired. I digress.
Before that I felt like I was in HS again. Sex all the time, going out, and having a pretty damn good time. But she couldn't understand why I'd quit my job to pursue another career. Did she marry me or the job? When you marry, do you marry for sex or for the woman?
As I am in the States, I realized that she is miserable. Her decisions have made her realize that she married a man, not a job. You don't marry a woman or a man solely for sex or a career. What are you going to do when you get old and all that physical stuff doesn't work? I never expected this end. I spent a lot of years with a seriously driven woman. Maybe that blinded her and lead her to where she is. Who knows! Maybe I should have done more. But I had this idea that hating a job meant quitting a job. But it ended up being quitting a family. I think you can do more. Don't end up like me and lose the very thing that made you and come to the fullness of this pain. After I do this final business, it's back to Japan. Hopefully bubbly girl won't bubble out of my life. Well, out of all the post I read, this one hit home cause I see myself in you. Good luck to you!
There's definitely risks with a FWB, but if you can find a sane married one it's pretty great! I've met plenty of ladies in the same spot, dead bedroom and plenty of libido, 'course chemistry is still hard to find.
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meetwife blog
She still doesnt know my alternate lifestyle and I dont intend to let anyone else know, I am treading carefuly.
Which leads me to my new thread.
Gone are the days where I get amazing head. Spontaneous sex and all-nighters are gone as well or hopefully temporarily disappeared. Its been one-sided and feels more of a routine. Sex has been lazy and doesnt feel intimate. But everything else seems to be fineand doing well when it comes to other aspects in life. It all sucks (ironic) in the sack.
I almost had to send a calendar invite to hint any intentions of having sex. We're pretty open to each other but she acts like nothing is wrong when I brough it up. I'd be licky if I even get to nut three times a month. Sheesh, torture right?
There's definitely risks with a FWB, but if you can find a sane married one it's pretty great! I've met plenty of ladies in the same spot, dead bedroom and plenty of libido, 'course chemistry is still hard to find.
_________
meetwife blog
You are playing with fire if you go those route. Women cannot have sex for free without feelings getting involved. Take it from someone who once had a married FWB. It started out as fun and casual, but ended up with him accidentally revealing all to his wife, and me wanting to die from a broken heart.
By the way, women are far, far superior at stealth when it comes to extra-maritial liaisons with no money changing hands. Maybe that's why you can't catch her doing anything. Unless you go through her phone.
Definitely go to therapy and try to work it out. If that fails, either walk away or stay and look at seeing an escort on a casual basis.
But remember, you didn't get yourselves into this situation overnight, and it won't be repaired overnight.
Prior to leaving my partner last year, I went through the same process. We were great mates, but no sex anymore. I chose to take a financial hit and walk away. Now- I've never been happier.
Feel free to PM if you want to chat.
Please keep us updated as to how you get on.
That was very interesting , thanks. I've read and heard the "women can't have sex for free without feelings being involved" thing many times and think it's generally true. But is the corrolar then that when they stop wanting sex they don't have feelings anymore? Coz I also think it's true based on my and some friends experiences.
Men - Women, either way, Its a biological need but its more convenient if you've had a previous connection with the other person rather than hooking up with someone random. I guess it feels more 'intimate' rather than casual.
Back in College, an old ex hit me up on mobile out of the blue and started chatting me up. Hours of talking passed and 600 miles later, we were in a loft having sex like it was our last. After that, she told me her bit and back on the road I went.
Cruel but convenient. It also varies per person, either way, I'm wiser brcause of it.
That was very interesting , thanks. I've read and heard the "women can't have sex for free without feelings being involved" thing many times and think it's generally true. But is the corrolar then that when they stop wanting sex they don't have feelings anymore? Coz I also think it's true based on my and some friends experiences.