.

The women on dating site are actively and openly looking for a relationship, which can be unattractive or unnatural for some men who might prefer random encounter. "I was wasn't looking for anything but then I found him/her " is a nice story.
Then to add something of my personal experience since I've tried dating site (japan cupid) is that ALL the women I met from there were either weird, desperate, horny but never just regular girl next door I was looking for. I always found serious relationship material girlfriend through home party, or meeting/bumping into each other in the street, without it being weird nor being myself a pua

The appeal for me would the the challenge of it and if it ends in good results, then you can destroy any stereotypes other foreigners or even Japanese people have about hitting on women in Japan and how pua in Japan doesn't work due to the lack of pua culture.

I know some foreigners here in Japan that have tried doing pua in Japan and outside of the international/gaijin bars and clubs, they often tell me they have had no luck. Then they start to assume all Japanese women just have no interest in them, so they quit pua. I already know this isn't true because I have done pua on the streets in both Tokyo and in Shizuoka and I have hooked up with a few women because of it. I will admit that the majority of the time, I have my proposals rejected, but once in a while, it actually works.

I think all guys assume that all women wearing headphones are just "bitches" that don't want to be hit on by guys. This stereotype pisses me off because I have hit on a woman wearing headphones and although she didn't take me up on my offer to hangout, she was far from rude. I guess for me it is a mix of testing my seduction skills, negotiation skills and tying to break stupid stereotypes that develop between the sexes.

I always assumed women wearing headphones in public do it for the same two reasons I do. Either I want to listen to music as I commute, or I just don't want to be bothered by anybody... Especially touts

Verbal said:

I always assumed women wearing headphones in public do it for the same two reasons I do. Either I want to listen to music as I commute, or I just don't want to be bothered by anybody... Especially touts

Click to expand...

Yes, I strongly believe these are the main reasons. I know there are woman who choose to wear headphones, whether or not they are even plugged into a music player at all, doesn't really matter. It works as a deterrent against annoying touts for sure.

It's funny. A friend just shared her opinion of the same issue on Twitter right after you posted this thread.. and said she thought it was an awful way to approach a lady.. but later shared a link on the subject and said that she agreed with the advice this time.

This is the link:
http://howtoapproachawomanwearingheadphones.com/

As far as I can see, the basic issue in this thread and in a number of others in the PUA wars (e.g., https://tokyoadultguide.com/threads/am-i-harassing-a-girl-by-approaching-her-on-the-street.9450/) is quite similar to the one in the recent weight thread (https://tokyoadultguide.com/threads/the-issue-of-weight.12201/). It comes down to how willing one is to restrain oneself from exercising what everyone agrees is your right to avoid bothering, upsetting, offending etc other people. Individual's judgements vary a lot, thus giving rise to controversy and argument.

"The PUA wars" make me think of "The Clone Wars" for some reason!

-Ww

Read the initial list and the point that sticks out as most fucked up is "Giving Up too Easily"...

I get that sometimes you need to be persistent in life to be successful but in situations where women are already on the defensive (apparently 1/3 women have experienced some kind of physical or sexual violence so they're right to be on guard) its kind of an asshole move to not "give up" if the woman clearly doesn't want to talk to you.

I'm sure that the guy who wrote this would say of course he means this within the realm of common sense or basic social decency but the fact remains that there are a ton of guys out there who don't have either.

I don't think most guys get how stressful it can be for women just going about their business day to day - I'd say easily over half of the women I know have experienced some kind of assault or general shittiness (groping, stalking, purse snatching, etc) in their past so I can totally see why they'd be leery of some dude trying to get them to remove their headphones and chat them up.

User#16452 said:

Interesting reply article of that title here. One part that really stuck out to me was the closing paragraph:

"But how about this; take up a hobby, ask your friends if they know of someone looking to date or (brace yourself for a whopper of a revelation) if you’re looking for a horde of single, eligible women all looking for friendship-maybe-more in one convenient place, try a dating site."

Now, I can understand that it can be difficult for men to make an impact on dating websites as women tend to receive a high volume of messages, however the idea of wanting to approach any woman, anytime strikes me more as a sort of show of dominance than only being about finding a girlfriend.

I'm not trying to make another pro/anti-PUA thread here, but I'm curious about what the appeal of approaching women in everyday settings (such as the ones wearing headphones or even just walking down the street) versus more traditional dating venues is. Is there not a lack of appeal, knowing that she might not be looking for a partner? Or is there a feeling that you have a high chance to win over any woman who speaks to you?

Of course, I don't mean to imply that no one should ever approach anyone in an everyday situation, but what is the appeal of specifically going out looking for these types of interactions?

Click to expand...

If your main problem is that you are so good looking that you have to brush men off like flies, then is it an problem you want fixed?

An issue with dating sites is that you never know what the person really looks like nor personality. Would you not prefer to buy a dress in person as you can check the fabric and size? Likewise, I would prefer to talk to someone in person and have an attraction and get to know them.

Also, men end up doing irrational things based off the urge to get rid of our evil as I call it. If a man is not careful and things get backed up then we are more likely to try stupid things. A way I can explain it is as such. When nature calls, sometimes nature is urgent. So urgent that anyplace and situation will suffice.

If business is a-boomin', then don't rock the boat.

Imo, most men have a built-in reserve regarding the inappropriate, out of sequence approach.
Some kind of natural timidity compensating their sexual excitation.
In my personal case, it may soften under the influence of alcohol or peer pressure to act (not over the last decade for the latter).

The fact that many men would act in any situation without any consideration for the fact that they may be perceived as a threat should be studied further. Lack of empathy, very high level of sexual arousal, disconnection of their natural timidity due to a participation to a bootcamp (sorry @Sinapse for this one.... It's just an interrogation), presence of male peers and need to look manly ??

User#16452 said:

I'm curious about what the appeal of approaching women in everyday settings

Click to expand...

This is really very simple for me. So simple, in fact, that I have a difficult time understanding why it's so difficult to imagine for others.

If I see something that interests me, I stop and talk. It could be a cute dog, a silly costume in the middle of the day, a guy with a sweet gadget, or a woman. I stopped to talk to someone just today with a drone, and had no concerns I was "bothering" him or anything like that. He was happy to talk. If he was busy and didn't appreciate my approach, I have no doubt he'd make an excuse and leave me there - no hard feelings - And women are exactly the same. If they are bothered, they will TELL YOU.

On the other hand, the crippling inability to approach something or someone which excites and intrigues you seems the odd tendency to me. I think most guys say it's "restraint" or "consideration" but in reality it's just a form of cowardice - if I said go talk to that construction worker, or old man, or staff member - even about something they didn't previously indicate they wanted to discuss, anyone could do it, very easily and without the slightest restraint. But suddenly when it's a hot girl they are full of "consideration". Let's call a spade a spade. It's cowardice, cleverly masked under the excuse of "empathy" or "consideration".

I also find it refreshing to not feel that where and when and who I meet is dictated by anyone else. Put simply, online dating, and those who demand people only approach in certain zones and arenas is the fascism of romance - carefully controlled, regulated, and frowned upon when you step outside of it.

On a more practical note, I've still yet to meet anyone on online dating that was anywhere near my standards of attractiveness or sanity - it largely seems like a mass of vultures swarming for the meager refuse of society which gets inflated egos at the volume of attention and messages they receive. If a girl can't get a boyfriend in her normal life and has to resort to online she is probably either VERY busy (like, work to home and back without change) or very crazy, neither of which really appeal to me.

hkAlone said:

The fact that many men would act in any situation without any consideration for the fact that they may be perceived as a threat should be studied further. Lack of empathy, very high level of sexual arousal, disconnection of their natural timidity due to a participation to a bootcamp (sorry @Sinapse for this one.... It's just an interrogation), presence of male peers and need to look manly

Click to expand...

I'm not sure why you tagged me here and I can't really make head nor tails of your point here since the last sentence just trails off and isn't really a sentence but I'll try to address it anyway. Someone approaching a woman in broad daylight in a generally crowded, public area in a respectful manner is in no way a threat. Happens to probably every woman every day.

Your (and others') casual insinuations about men who do it (that we are sociopathic, or "need to look manly" and that's why we approach) totally misses the mark. Men approach women because they like women. Period. Sit yourself in a room with a guy who approaches and you'll notice they're pretty much the same as you - hopes, fears, and desires. The difference is when they see a woman they like, they talk. Meaning, they have the same fear as you about being intimidated by an attractive woman, but they try to get over it. Coincidentally many gamers I know also try to conquer other fears and try new experiences, more than the average person.

On another note, I don't think the timidity is natural nor "built-in". We are socialized into paralysis via the media, our family, and the politics of relationships. See above point re: fascism. The "natural" state of humans is to approach anything they find attractive and interesting, not to shy away from it. I think if you find yourself shying away from something which you would otherwise be compelled to approach, there indeed IS something there worth investigating, because no it isn't normal, it's indoctrinated into you.

Sinapse said:

This is really very simple for me. So simple, in fact, that I have a difficult time understanding why it's so difficult to imagine for others.

If I see something that interests me, I stop and talk. It could be a cute dog, a silly costume in the middle of the day, a guy with a sweet gadget, or a woman. I stopped to talk to someone just today with a drone, and had no concerns I was "bothering" him or anything like that. He was happy to talk. If he was busy and didn't appreciate my approach, I have no doubt he'd make an excuse and leave me there - no hard feelings - And women are exactly the same. If they are bothered, they will TELL YOU.

On the other hand, the crippling inability to approach something or someone which excites and intrigues you seems the odd tendency to me. I think most guys say it's "restraint" or "consideration" but in reality it's just a form of cowardice - if I said go talk to that construction worker, or old man, or staff member - even about something they didn't previously indicate they wanted to discuss, anyone could do it, very easily and without the slightest restraint. But suddenly when it's a hot girl they are full of "consideration". Let's call a spade a spade. It's cowardice, cleverly masked under the excuse of "empathy" or "consideration".

I also find it refreshing to not feel that where and when and who I meet is dictated by anyone else. Put simply, online dating, and those who demand people only approach in certain zones and arenas is the fascism of romance - carefully controlled, regulated, and frowned upon when you step outside of it.

On a more practical note, I've still yet to meet anyone on online dating that was anywhere near my standards of attractiveness or sanity - it largely seems like a mass of vultures swarming for the meager refuse of society which gets inflated egos at the volume of attention and messages they receive. If a girl can't get a boyfriend in her normal life and has to resort to online she is probably either VERY busy (like, work to home and back without change) or very crazy, neither of which really appeal to me.



I'm not sure why you tagged me here and I can't really make head nor tails of your point here since the last sentence just trails off and isn't really a sentence but I'll try to address it anyway. Someone approaching a woman in broad daylight in a generally crowded, public area in a respectful manner is in no way a threat. Happens to probably every woman every day.

Your (and others') casual insinuations about men who do it (that we are sociopathic, or "need to look manly" and that's why we approach) totally misses the mark. Men approach women because they like women. Period. Sit yourself in a room with a guy who approaches and you'll notice they're pretty much the same as you - hopes, fears, and desires. The difference is when they see a woman they like, they talk. Meaning, they have the same fear as you about being intimidated by an attractive woman, but they try to get over it. Coincidentally many gamers I know also try to conquer other fears and try new experiences, more than the average person.

On another note, I don't think the timidity is natural nor "built-in". We are socialized into paralysis via the media, our family, and the politics of relationships. See above point re: fascism. The "natural" state of humans is to approach anything they find attractive and interesting, not to shy away from it. I think if you find yourself shying away from something which you would otherwise be compelled to approach, there indeed IS something there worth investigating, because no it isn't normal, it's indoctrinated into you.

Click to expand...

A few interesting ideas here.
Sorry, for the confusion (ok... I was teasing), my point is not to qualify any approach in public space as inappropriate. It's just to rebound on the topic that according to some women some approaches are.
We have definitely a point of disagreement on the built-in aspect of timidity, for the rest I guess it's more a misunderstanding.

Let's take as a fact that some women are annoyed by what they call "inappropriate approaches".
I guess some guys don't get the idea that they can be out of sync and may be perceived as a threat for whatever reason.
In a normal environment, you would simply pay attention to the desire or not of the other to communicate, to her "indication of interest".
If not, I feel good to live in a city with millions of souls with different interests.
The feeling that you may disturb the other should not be switched off imo.
The idea that despite many negative signs you may with a lot of efforts create a positive interaction doesn't seem natural.
Basically, we are talking about a situation where there is zero IOI. In such case, because the approach is out of sync, I perfectly understand it may be seen as a threat.
Furthermore, if the guy ignores both the body language and facial expressions, he is lacking some basic respect.
To rebound on your analogy, would you keep on having a conversation with the same dog, if for whatever reason you feel that his owner is seriously pissed off for whatever reason?
I guess giving up or passing despite your desire, should not be seen as a weakness. People are just not your fantasy.
And on any case, there are so many other opportunities...

TokyoJoeblow said:

The appeal for me would the the challenge of it

Click to expand...

Please, just walk away. She may have an entire group of relatives laughing at you.

One point that I don't recall being mentioned much in the many discussions of this and related topics on TAG is its connection to Blackstone's Formulation (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blackstone's_formulation), which btw goes back far earlier than its enunciation by Blackstone in the 18th century. This is the oft quoted principle that it is better to let ten guilty people escape punishment than to punish a single innocent one. It is a principle of *restraint*, in the Blackstone case concerning the exercise of justice by government/courts.

The connection is that most guys who feel that it is OK to approach women going about their own business on the street believe that the majority of women don't mind and that some welcome it. They generally agree, however, that it bothers some women, some quite a lot. This is pretty clear because quite a few women say so VERY clearly! So, then the issue is whether or not one's respect for the desire of the (presumed) minority to be left alone is great enough to out weigh the fact that the (presumed) majority don't mind being approached. In other words is it better to let ten willing or unconcerned women escape being approached to avoid harassing one who dislikes it? Opinions differ and controversy thus ensues.

The "wearing headphones" part is relevant because the fraction of women wishing not to be approached is probably greater among those wearing headphones than among those not.

-Ww

hkAlone said:

A few interesting ideas here.
Sorry, for the confusion (ok... I was teasing), my point is not to qualify any approach in public space as inappropriate. It's just to rebound on the topic that according to some women some approaches are.
We have definitely a point of disagreement on the built-in aspect of timidity, for the rest I guess it's more a misunderstanding.

Let's take as a fact that some women are annoyed by what they call "inappropriate approaches".
I guess some guys don't get the idea that they can be out of sync and may be perceived as a threat for whatever reason.
In a normal environment, you would simply pay attention to the desire or not of the other to communicate, to her "indication of interest".
If not, I feel good to live in a city with millions of souls with different interests.
The feeling that you may disturb the other should not be switched off imo.
The idea that despite many negative signs you may with a lot of efforts create a positive interaction doesn't seem natural.
Basically, we are talking about a situation where there is zero IOI. In such case, because the approach is out of sync, I perfectly understand it may be seen as a threat.
Furthermore, if the guy ignores both the body language and facial expressions, he is lacking some basic respect.
To rebound on your analogy, would you keep on having a conversation with the same dog, if for whatever reason you feel that his owner is seriously pissed off for whatever reason?
I guess giving up or passing despite your desire, should not be seen as a weakness. People are just not your fantasy.
And on any case, there are so many other opportunities...

Click to expand...

You say there is no IOI but there also is no "IOD". There is merely a neutral girl. How is one supposed to be psychic? Just go talk to her. If she doesn't want you to keep talking to her, she'll let you know.

meiji said:

when they've made it obvious they want to be left alone (wearing headphones, etc)

Click to expand...

OR maybe she is just listening to music. I don't think its "obvious" at all. And if she wants to be left alone, she'll let you know.

meiji said:

1. Because when a guy is approaching her, she doesn't know if you are safe or not. Maybe one guy approaches her a day it might not be a big deal, but men are dogs and it's more likely quite a few times if she's in public.

2. Because often times the guy HIMSELF doesn't realize he's unsafe or at least making a girl feel unsafe. There's tons of guys out there that think they are gods gift to women and are just horrible at it.

Now, if you respect a woman's right to feel moderately safe on the street you can't really just say "only guys that know what they are doing should approach women" because there's guys who are mistakenly putting themselves in the wrong bucket.

Click to expand...

I never said anything like that. I think that, given your intentions are good, you shouldn't feel worried about bothering anybody simply be the act of approaching them. If they are bothered or don't want to talk, she'll let you know.

To illustrate the absurdity of these arguments this further, let's use two more examples.

1. Directions

I assume nearly everybody here is comfortable asking for directions. While the "target" gets literally nothing (except maybe a slight feeling of good will for helping someone in need), very few of you (I assume) would think twice about asking someone for directions if you are lost. Presumably the idea being here, you need help, and therefore your need trumps the other persons "right to not be bothered".

With a pickup, the both parties have the ability to benefit (quite a bit actually). The downside is similarly small - you can simply say you don't have time or aren't interested. The difference is, people think that because you need help getting somewhere, it's okay to interrupt someone's day, but if you are just curious about them, that reason is invalid. So when it comes down to it, the issue is NOT that you are worried about bothering them or not, it's that you don't think potential romance is a valid enough reason. But what could be a MORE valid reason than beauty, curiosity, and excitement?


2. Minorities

Wwanderer said:

The connection is that most guys who feel that it is OK to approach women going about their own business on the street believe that the majority of women don't mind and that some welcome it. They generally agree, however, that it bothers some women, some quite a lot. This is pretty clear because quite a few women say so VERY clearly! So, then the issue is whether or not one's respect for the desire of the (presumed) minority to be left alone is great enough to out weigh the fact that the (presumed) majority don't mind being approached.

Click to expand...

Let's imagine that we have a white supremacist, who bristles whenever, for example, a muslim talks to him. He is angry that a "rag head" would harass him and contends that all people have a right not to be bothered by such menaces to society. as a good, normal, law abiding muslim person, should you then not talk to people ever, for fear of offending someone? Or, for fear of being mislabeled as a terrorist and making people uncomfortable or being perceived as a threat?

Simply because *some* guys (generally guys who have put little thought / practice into it - for example "cat calling) are lumped into the same group as gamers (who generally avoid catcalling in general, in favor of talking to women normally, albeit spontaneously), does that mean that it is the gamers responsibility to steer clear of all women simply because some men in the past have been aggressive or verbally annoying? On the contrary, you might say its their responsibility to NOT let the bad behavior of others deter them and lead by example, showing that there is a better way to talk to women.

3. She will tell you.

My final point (which I have alluded to in bold above) is that with every MALE voice (and moreover every voice which wasnt there in person) which makes the point that "women should be left alone in public", the underlying assumption is that the woman herself is incapable of communicating her own desires (whether it is to accept the approach and sleep with the guy, or to tell him she's busy and shoo him away). In effect, I think this sort of "white knighting" done primarily by men is in essence a subtle form of sexism which implies that women are incapable of communicating their own desires, so much so that it requires men to step in and tell other men what to do or not do. Most women on this board (who responded in one thread about the topic) have mentioned that they appreciate a good approach, or have been picked up in public successfully. Perhaps we should let those women, in that situation, deal with it themselves. The grandstanding from an anonymous distance and painting ALL cold approach as "bad" actually does a disservice to the reality of catcalling - something I dislike as much as the rest. More nuance, not less is better.

Sinapse said:

You say there is no IOI but there also is no "IOD". There is merely a neutral girl. How is one supposed to be psychic? Just go talk to her. If she doesn't want you to keep talking to her, she'll let you know.



OR maybe she is just listening to music. I don't think its "obvious" at all. And if she wants to be left alone, she'll let you know.



I never said anything like that. I think that, given your intentions are good, you shouldn't feel worried about bothering anybody simply be the act of approaching them. If they are bothered or don't want to talk, she'll let you know.

To illustrate the absurdity of these arguments this further, let's use two more examples.

1. Directions

I assume nearly everybody here is comfortable asking for directions. While the "target" gets literally nothing (except maybe a slight feeling of good will for helping someone in need), very few of you (I assume) would think twice about asking someone for directions if you are lost. Presumably the idea being here, you need help, and therefore your need trumps the other persons "right to not be bothered".

With a pickup, the both parties have the ability to benefit (quite a bit actually). The downside is similarly small - you can simply say you don't have time or aren't interested. The difference is, people think that because you need help getting somewhere, it's okay to interrupt someone's day, but if you are just curious about them, that reason is invalid. So when it comes down to it, the issue is NOT that you are worried about bothering them or not, it's that you don't think potential romance is a valid enough reason. But what could be a MORE valid reason than beauty, curiosity, and excitement?


2. Minorities



Let's imagine that we have a white supremacist, who bristles whenever, for example, a muslim talks to him. He is angry that a "rag head" would harass him and contends that all people have a right not to be bothered by such menaces to society. as a good, normal, law abiding muslim person, should you then not talk to people ever, for fear of offending someone? Or, for fear of being mislabeled as a terrorist and making people uncomfortable or being perceived as a threat?

Simply because *some* guys (generally guys who have put little thought / practice into it - for example "cat calling) are lumped into the same group as gamers (who generally avoid catcalling in general, in favor of talking to women normally, albeit spontaneously), does that mean that it is the gamers responsibility to steer clear of all women simply because some men in the past have been aggressive or verbally annoying? On the contrary, you might say its their responsibility to NOT let the bad behavior of others deter them and lead by example, showing that there is a better way to talk to women.

3. She will tell you.

My final point (which I have alluded to in bold above) is that with every MALE voice (and moreover every voice which wasnt there in person) which makes the point that "women should be left alone in public", the underlying assumption is that the woman herself is incapable of communicating her own desires (whether it is to accept the approach and sleep with the guy, or to tell him she's busy and shoo him away). In effect, I think this sort of "white knighting" done primarily by men is in essence a subtle form of sexism which implies that women are incapable of communicating their own desires, so much so that it requires men to step in and tell other men what to do or not do. Most women on this board (who responded in one thread about the topic) have mentioned that they appreciate a good approach, or have been picked up in public successfully. Perhaps we should let those women, in that situation, deal with it themselves. The grandstanding from an anonymous distance and painting ALL cold approach as "bad" actually does a disservice to the reality of catcalling - something I dislike as much as the rest. More nuance, not less is better.

Click to expand...

Sinapse.... Let's slow down a bit. I do feel you take it a bit too personally.

Some women mention regularly how annoyed they are by some guys interrupting them in any circumstances despite some obvious signals of their lack of interest to interact.
What do you think about it?

I honestly feel there is some substance there based on many conversations I had these last couple of years.

I would be interested about your opinion about the above.

hkAlone said:

Sinapse.... Let's slow down a bit. I do feel you take it a bit too personally.

Some women mention regularly how annoyed they are by some guys interrupting them in any circumstances despite some obvious signals of their lack of interest to interact.
What do you think about it?

I honestly feel there is some substance there based on many conversations I had these last couple of years.

I would be interested about your opinion about the above.

Click to expand...

Did you read my posts? I've pretty much said everything I wanted to say.

Sinapse said:

Did you read my posts? I've pretty much said everything I wanted to say.

Click to expand...

Not really.
You just justified why you feel comfortable about what you're doing (or teaching).
You don't mention anything about women's feelings over there.
Or may be your parable on white supremacist regarding Muslims resumed your opinion about women s feeling?

hkAlone said:

Not really.
You just justified why you feel comfortable about what you're doing (or teaching).
You don't mention anything about women's feelings over there.
Or may be your parable on white supremacist regarding Muslims resumed your opinion about women s feeling?

Click to expand...

It's pretty much impossible to be good with women without considering their feelings

I don't know... I would never do the "I thought you looked hot so I just wanted to say hi" routine mentioned in the article. It works for some guys for sure, but it feels somewhat contrived to me.

Honestly, you don't even need to say anything. Just a smile and some body language and girls will take off their headphones as they see you want to talk to them. If they just walk past after seeing you, no need to chase them.

But the author makes it out to be such a huge crime... I understand the whole desire not to disturb others in public when they give signals, but personally, when I wear headphones, I'm always ready to take them off and talk. As such, I don't see it as a "don't disturb me" kind of vibe. Some people just enjoy listening to music at a higher fidelity.

User#16452 said:

Let's not get into an argument here, I was just looking for opinions

Click to expand...

I'm not sure if my tone came across as argumentative or angry, but it isnt / wasnt intended that way. It's more like... if there's a huge table full of cookies out on the street and everybody is curious like "What's the appeal of cookies, why don't you just go to a store like everybody else?"


Because... COOKIES!!! Right there!! YUM!!

It's not like I'm power tripping over my ability to get cookies even if the cookies don't expect it or something weird like that... I just really like cookies. It is just that simple. I just cant understand why others don't!!!

User#16452 said:

I'm not trying to make another pro/anti-PUA thread here, but I'm curious about what the appeal of approaching women in everyday settings (such as the ones wearing headphones or even just walking down the street) versus more traditional dating venues is. Is there not a lack of appeal, knowing that she might not be looking for a partner? Or is there a feeling that you have a high chance to win over any woman who speaks to you?

Of course, I don't mean to imply that no one should ever approach anyone in an everyday situation, but what is the appeal of specifically going out looking for these types of interactions?

Click to expand...

Realised I didn't answer this part of your post. I've always felt from a young age that love needs to be something spontaneous and natural. When you go to a dating activity (? don't know what it's called, the one where they arrange people to meet, matchmaking?), it's like you've admitted that you are out of options for love to blossom naturally. And you're with other people who are similarly out of options.

Going out to look for those kind of interactions... you know how they say there are a lot of fish in the sea? If you want to find the best fish, you can't keep fishing in the same area (school, workplace, matchmaking, online) if it yields nothing of quality. You need to keep trying to find the best fish for you.

I appreciate your response in my other thread (you know the one), and I think it reflects similarly here. I want to find the girl that I have the potential for a great relationship with, that I can love fully because we meet each other's needs almost perfectly.

In other words, rather than work hard DURING a relationship sorting out differences, I prefer to work hard to FIND the right relationship where I don't have to do work in.

Is there not a lack of appeal, knowing that she might not be looking for a partner?

Click to expand...

No, I don't really see how that lack of interest affects my own actions. I can't let other people dictate what I do without knowing what they want in the first place. If she isn't looking, fine. But I can't know that unless I approach her first.