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Did I screw up or was she just not interested?

FoolOfTheFall

FoolOfTheFall

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Hi, I'm a total clubbing newb and this is also one of the first times I have ever approached a girl in a place like this.

So I was at Camelot, and it took me a long time to garner up the courage to approach this 9/10(in my eyes)

(Personal details about me : 6 feet tall pale-skinned student in Japan. I'm 1/4 Italian and 3/4 Chinese and I guess I would fit the pretty boy stereotype really well. Also from what I experience in daily life, I get stares and girls touching their hair as soon as they walk past me. Girls usually never say it to my face, but I hear nice stuff about me when I walk past them. I also have the feeling guys are intimidated by me as they are more direct when staring at me. Sorry if I sound like a total narcissist but I'm trying to provide as many details as possible so the experts and gurus here can help me out!

Here's the whole story(almost albeit really bad structure because I'm sleepy as hell),

I go in the club with a friend, I see this really pretty girl, I tell my friend that, and he tells me to go for it. Instead, I just focused on having fun with my friend and the new people I met (I have dancing history so I guess you can say many eyes were on me).

Those who have been to Camelot probably know how huge it is(huge for a club in Tokyo), but this girl and her friend are basically just hanging out near me. She goes with her friend to get new drinks every now and then but she always comes back to where I am. When she starts dancing, she basically rubs her back against mine. I also felt someone poking my butt(when I turned around, there she was standing behind me(if it was her, she pretended like nothing happened)

To be honest, my peripheral vision is pretty damn good, I know when someone's looking at me usually.(And she was surely but subtlely glancing at me) I know for a fact that she searching for me because when I went to sit down at the side, she kept looking everywhere and when she saw me, she just turned back.


As I went back to dancing, I finally gained enough courage to raise my cup and she raised hers. She gave a smile and continued dancing. I backed off after that. My friend keeps telling me to go talk to her, and so I did. The first thing that came out of my mouth was, "Are you Japanese?", to which she whispers to me "No." and turns back to face the stage (I really regret this part because I could have done better with the first question.)(What I'm thinking is that, perhaps she thought I was looking for a Japanese girl)

Until now she has basically rejected every guy who has tried to get fresh with her. Now she's dancing with a guy in front of me. (This guy is dancing with other girls too) Though when he tried to do more than that, she pushed him away)

After that awkward conversation between us, all I could think of doing then was looking at her from a distance while still pretend to enjoy the dancing. She was still looking in my direction though.

When everything was finally over, I looked at her one final time and started walking to the station. When I reached Hachiko, I basically just sat there for 30 minutes waiting for her to show up. Was really hoping to make up for what happened in the club. Did not see her, or my poor eyesight probably missed her so I went home.

I'm really confused as to what this really means.

What do you guys think? I'm sure many of you know much better than me.

I really have no idea what to think, she basically

Thank you and sorry you had to read my shitty long fail.
 
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Hey dude..

Camelot is a pretty difficult venue, and it defintely does sound like you had some serious interest coming your way.

One thing I'd just emphasize here is that it's pretty much always (especially in Japan) the man's job to make things happen. The most the girl will do is get close to you and look over now and then. You have to be the one to talk to her, move her around the bar, get drinks and dance, and leave the venue with her. If you don't do this (take the lead) very little will usually happen - you are counting on her making the moves, which she will only do if she's quite sexually aggressive, Scandanavian, over 30, or some combination of those factors (exaggerating here, but you get the point - it's VERY RARE for a cute 18-25yr old Japanese girl to initiate and move the entire interaction).

So yeah, if you go clubbing, the only thing you really need to do is talk to girls you like, move them around the bar ("let's go dance" or "let's go get a drink" "lets go look at the bunnies".. WHATEVER.. it doesn't really matter), then leave with them around 4am or whenever everybody is tired of the club anyway. Head out and walk to a hotel and go in. If you already have the interest, it really is that simple.

But I get that it's difficult or guys can be shy - I know I certainly was. Best thing to do is swallow your pride and realize you generally have to do most of the leading and just get in there, don't worry about looking like a fool, and talk to the girl!!
 
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FoolOfTheFall said:
As I went back to dancing, I finally gained enough courage to raise my cup and she raised hers. She gave a smile and continued dancing. I backed off after that. My friend keeps telling me to go talk to her, and so I did. The first thing that came out of my mouth was, "Are you Japanese?", to which she whispers to me "No." and turns back to face the stage (I really regret this part because I could have done better with the first question.)(What I'm thinking is that, perhaps she thought I was looking for a Japanese girl)

Until now she has basically rejected every guy who has tried to get fresh with her. Now she's dancing with a guy in front of me. (This guy is dancing with other girls too) Though when he tried to do more than that, she pushed him away)

After that awkward conversation between us, all I could think of doing then was looking at her from a distance while still pretend to enjoy the dancing. She was still looking in my direction though.

When everything was finally over, I looked at her one final time and started walking to the station. When I reached Hachiko, I basically just sat there for 30 minutes waiting for her to show up. Was really hoping to make up for what happened in the club. Did not see her, or my poor eyesight probably missed her so I went home.
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It wasn't a great first question, but it doesn't matter that much, you could have tried saving it by moving to her side and continuing to talk.

At least you went up in the first place, which is great. Sounds like you were a little nervous and felt blown out after the first exchange. Try talking to girls that are just over average at first, it goes a lot smoother and helps with confidence.
 
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Either she was expecting more from you or - the more likely one in my opinion - she was just an attention grabber and a teaser.
 
Starting a conversation with anyone that you are interested in can be real difficult.

Some suggestions.

Don't start off a conversation with a question. Start it off with a compliment. Find something about her to compliment and make her feel good about herself.

Don't talk about ethnicity until you've gotten the conversation going. Would it be nice to know if she's Japanese sure, but don't use that kind of question as an ice-breaker. Questions like this can generally turn people off in general. Especially among non-whites.

Try to make your conversation more interesting than the next guy. Example.

General boring everybody question "What do you do for work?"

More interesting version. "What are your passions/aspirations in life?"

Question 1) tells you about their job.

Question 2) gives them a chance to control the conversation and talk about themselves beyond their work. Which gives you more topics to ask questions about.

I am by no means an expert, but to me this is a better approach...
 
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My clubbing days are long over, but I never liked going to them much anyway.

I was always frustrated by the way the noise level in most clubs completely disrupts one's talking game.

The raised glass was a good opener in my opinion. I think a good follow up to that would have been to invite her and her friend over to your table for a drink. Assuming you had a wingman with you to handle her friend, but even if you didn't, talking to both of them would have worked.

In some of the better clubs there is often a patio, or another room away from the dance floor that allows for easier conversation. It is always a good idea to go there for fresh air and try to talk a bit more.

The way you describe yourself, as a pretty boy, means you are properly equipped to operate in a noisy club where it is initially physical attraction at play.

Sounds like all you needed to do was to get her to a part of the club where you could follow it up with some conversation.
 
Thank you all for your generous feedback! Yeah, she was pretty much throwing signals at me, but after that fail of a conversation, I was lost for words lol.
 
Clubbing is different from other forms of picking up girls, so you will need more experience on how to approach the night based on the venue, time, and people currently in the club.
So let's take your word on that girls find you attractive, that shouldn't be an issue. Basically all you have to do is to get on the dancefloor, dance a few minutes with any girl you see, then move on to the next.
Keep doing this until you return to a girl you fancy, dance some more with her, and if she seems to enjoy herself try to take her to somewhere where you can talk. From there on it should be a piece of cake if the girl is in to you, and her friends don't cockblock you. One more general advice: don't get fixated on a single girl, especially not in a night club.
 
impish said:
More interesting version. "What are your passions/aspirations in life?"
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^ Good luck getting a response with this with from a hot young 20-year old Japanese girl in a loud club with lasers and people everywhere. A subdued cocktail party, maybe.

@OP In clubs just be physical. Dance, get silly, let loose. Nonsensical statements. Call her a camel. Twirl her hair. Swing spin her. Pull her in. Whatever - it really doesn't matter - but definitely take action. The worst possible outcome is you getting worried about what to say or do and then defaulting to not doing anything.

FoolOfTheFall said:
fail of a conversation
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I wouldn't really place a lot of emphasis on the actual content of the conversation in a club. Clubs really aren't a place to wow her with your eloquent literary mind or dig into the core of her beliefs and values. Just have fun and don't worry too much about what you are saying. Stick in there, and bounce around the club with her. This reduces the need for more conversation and keeps things less awkward. The leading itself and the physicality IS the conversation between you two.
 
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@retek mentioned "cockblocking" friends.

That may or may not be an accurate term for what complicates leaving the club with a girl who came with friends.

Many times it is just the logistics involved of getting home, and not some desire of the friend to cockblock, assuming we are talking about female friends.

A way to counter that is to invite her group to join yours to go to another location. Be it an afterhours spot, late night eats, coffee, or whatever is nearby.

It should be a place that is easy to get to from your current location, so be familiar with what is within a few minutes walk from the club you are at.

That will give her and her friends time to sort out what they are going to do about getting home. Don't be high pressure about it, because chances are that she will be inclined to stick with her friends.

All you should be doing is creating a window of opportunity for her to jettison the girlfriends. Be cool to them, don't view them as adversaries or "cockblockers". They are actually you best allies, if you play your cards right.

If things don't workout, don't sweat it. Chances are that you've already got her contact info anyway.
 
You have to handle your business in the club and take her with you. At least that is how we do it back home! Waiting outside the club would have been better. But why did you think she would go to the station?
 
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Partylyk1999 said:
You have to handle your business in the club and take her with you. At least that is how we do it back home! Waiting outside the club would have been better. But why did you think she would go to the station?
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Yes it seems so weird to me to wait for her somewhere if you didn't even have an appointment with her. Why would she be passing there?
 
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first i wanted to say you didnt screw up, because you didnt do anything...

but for sure i know that conversation is over when someone asks me about my nationality too soon...
i also never met a japanese person who wants to hear that... since that means: i want japanese only and from what i know, they dont like it that much... id even say that most japanese do not like foreigners hook up with japanese and i personally know a lot of people who maybe tolerate somebodies foreign husband/wife, but barely ever would accept them (sure thats far from hooking up, just to say that its not too popular to make it obvious that you like them because they are japanese... they know that most are here for jpartners anyway)...
 
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vondoom said:
first i wanted to say you didnt screw up, because you didnt do anything...

but for sure i know that conversation is over when someone asks me about my nationality too soon...
i also never met a japanese person who wants to hear that... since that means: i want japanese only and from what i know, they dont like it that much... id even say that most japanese do not like foreigners hook up with japanese and i personally know a lot of people who maybe tolerate somebodies foreign husband/wife, but barely ever would accept them (sure thats far from hooking up, just to say that its not too popular to make it obvious that you like them because they are japanese... they know that most are here for jpartners anyway)...
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That's a good point!
 
Yeah the nationality thing is a deal breaker.

Btw, re your good looks, are you sure? Girls also play with their hair when a serial murderer walks by, making them nervous.
 
DocMcStuffins said:
Yeah the nationality thing is a deal breaker.

Btw, re your good looks, are you sure? Girls also play with their hair when a serial murderer walks by, making them nervous.
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Wherever I go, girls look at me or pretend not to, and when I look at them, they're there eyef**king me. Maybe I look like a freak. Haha.

I've had girls touch their hair when they walk past me, also tons of gossip that they thought I couldn't hear. Again, I feel bad I sound like a total conceited asshole for saying <<

I was at Roppongi yesterday and had 5 girls approach me while I was at the bar.(Easily 7/8s but not my type.)
 
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Partylyk1999 said:
I have been wondering why he did that! Not everyone is going to take the train and they never talked about hooking up and a meeting place.
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I know what you're getting at. Yeah, I mean I live within walking distance, so it's no loss for me to wait for a bit. I was actually kinda hoping to see her face, for better or worst lol. I'm a really emotional person like that.
User#8628 said:
Yes it seems so weird to me to wait for her somewhere if you didn't even have an appointment with her. Why would she be passing there?
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God knows what was going through my mind :p Most people who finish partying at Shibuya have to head to the station in the end. Unless they live nearby like me or have a vehicle(own car/taxi/bicycle)
 
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FoolOfTheFall said:
Wherever I go, girls look at me or pretend not to, and when I look at them, they're there eyef**king me. Maybe I look like a freak. Haha.

I've had girls touch their hair when they walk past me, also tons of gossip that they thought I couldn't hear. Again, I feel bad I sound like a total conceited asshole for saying <<
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Hey, don't sweat it! If you look good, rock it, and then don't take it for granted and don't become conceited. We all use the gifts that nature gave us and work to build on top of that!

I do know a few people have "whined" that they are too good looking and that has hurt them as they don't get approached or are only approached by certain types.
I will say, based on this particular case and in general.. if you're as dashing as you suggest, then you'll have to work on getting good at putting a lady at ease, especially if your look is "sharp"
..This is all hopefully helped by having a charming and relaxed demeanour behind your sparkly aura of handsomeness :p
 
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Exnocomment said:
Hey, don't sweat it! If you look good, rock it, and then don't take it for granted and don't become conceited. We all use the gifts that nature gave us and work to build on top of that!

I do know a few people have "whined" that they are too good looking and that has hurt them as they don't get approached or are only approached by certain types.
I will say, based on this particular case and in general.. if you're as dashing as you suggest, then you'll have to work on getting good at putting a lady at ease, especially if your look is "sharp"
..This is all hopefully helped by having a charming and relaxed demeanour behind your sparkly aura of handsomeness :p
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I'm pretty new at all this and mostly just want to have fun at the club, looking at other guys getting girls just looks like fun to me!
I would like to say that I've been told I fit more in the pretty boy category than the handsome category. Like people would use 美形 with me, but less ハンサム so to speak. Girls probably prefer the latter...
 
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Its Saturday night! Remember, focus on the girl not yourself. You'll be fine.
 
In one of Japan's most popular sports, a player is revered for batting over 350.

I dare say most guys would love that average, as well, in their club outings.

Much of the time you won't connect, but at least you stepped up to the plate swinging.
 
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Someone watched a TEDTalks ;)
roots reggae said:
In one of Japan's most popular sports, a player is revered for batting over 350.

I dare say most guys would love that average, as well, in their club outings.

Much of the time you won't connect, but at least you stepped up to the plate swinging.
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omeone
 
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