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Sep 11, 2013
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twice a month i often attend an IT open group meetings
we use the meeting rooms of which companys are available, discuss about our work watch some presentation then hit off to a izakaya.

and i always get distracted when we get to sit next to a group of wonderfull OL or college looking girls with guys, not just because theyre very noisy, but i wish i can experience mingling out with the locals (preferably younger aged people this time ) like them. its hard being a gaijin. one can say "go out and make friends"
all i can say about that is ". . . "

so to all gaijins out there whos experiencing a normal japanese life, mingling with the locals, day life, night life. sex life,

kudos to you!
I "mingle" a lot with normal Japanese crowds, but of course I am gajin and will always be. Which has both merits and demerits; you just have to accept that. If you feel excluded from normal Japanese crowds, then how about putting yourself in a situation where you become included? For example by joining a sports group or going to the same Japanese pub regularly and make friends there. Random mingling does not work all that well in a group oriented society.
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but i dont want to make excuses or sound like a bitchy little girl.
to be honest im not the social type, not good in starting a conversation. and i also hate the feeling of wanting to fit in.
dont get me wrong i am not asking for any advice but i do appreciate YOUR insight.

wish i was in a better environment, like hanging out with your officemates.
just want things to happen naturally and not intended.
I know you aren't asking for advice, but I'd like some advice for the next time I'm out there. I find Japanese men completely closed off to any firm of acquaintanceship/friendship. That could be the way I am, causing a problem without realizing it. Is that just a fact of life over there? My hope is to get back out there and do some serious work one day and learning from veterans is informative.

Hope my post isn't going to hijack your thread.
There was a psychological study done on Japanese men and American men in terms of how intimate they can become with friends. Intimate meaning how much they will reveal of themselves -what and how much they will talk about etc.
Japanese men would reveal something like 60% of what they felt, whereas the American men it was more like 90%. If the friendship between an American man and the Japanese man was Japanese style ie) revealing 60% of each other, to each other,
the Japanese man was happy with the friendship, but the American felt something was lacking. If the American pushed for more intimacy, the Japanese man would feel uncomfortable. So probably the answer is enjoying your Japanese friends for what they are, and having some Western friends for more meaty discussion and instant knowledge of Western culture.

I find the Japanese woman much more communicative and better friends in general. I think they are more like Western men in how honest they are with their feelings. Not exactly alike by any means, but they reveal more. Hence there are a lot of Japanese women and Western male couples.

I agree with comments here that to be "in the group," you have to get involved with a group. To make it happen naturally, you have to work at it. Sounds silly, but I think it is true. It doesn`t just happen. I never found it just happened back home either.
You always have to work at it. For me tennis and basketball have been one way of getting into the group. Work has been another.

I think you have to work harder at socializing here. You really need to put yourself out there and get involved in some groups. Dance classes are phenomenal here for meeting people of the female persuasion BTW. You`ll probably end up with a great
Japanese or Filippina girlfriend as opposed to a group of friends though.
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I think you have to work harder at socializing here. You really need to put yourself out there and get involved in some groups. Dance classes are phenomenal here for meeting people of the female persuasion BTW.

Absolutely! Also, anything that has to do with horses. The relationship between females and horses is something psychoanalysts could ponder about. I have a wealthy friend in Denmark who bought a horse only for the purpose of meeting women, and it works.