A date with my wife

Not Even Dave said:
20 years, plus 3 dating before marriage, and we've basically been roommates (in terms of desire) for at least 10. This, I think, is consistent with most post-children Japanese wives.

If she even knew I was a member of a site like this, we would have a problem.

I don't want to make this thread too serious-- it was a drunken attempt at humor not a cry for help -- but I'll say we've discussed divorce before and rather seriously the last time, but child custody would be a sticking point and since I provide all the money, house, etc., it would not be in her best interest to go quietly (to say nothing of the fact that she would not accept any responsibility for the unhappiness that led to divorce).


I, in turn, envy your lack of hangover (assuming you are not hungover). :D
Click to expand...


"she would not accept any responsibility for the unhappinessthat led to divorce": exactly same with mine. Not that I put all the responsibility on her of course, I did and said my share of stuff I regret. But it's this stubborn arrogance of not accepting any single fault , even minor, even proven and blatantly obvious , which I can't understand. Well to be honest once she admitted that she was not grateful enough (but only because a Japanese counselor- a lady- explained her that... and she never wanted to see her again!)
 
patty diaz said:
From not only this thread but many many others. Im taking that marrying a Japanese women might not be the best idea lol dating yes..
Click to expand...

It still might be that marrying a Japanese woman could be the best idea in the world. But now we definitely know that divorcing a Japanese woman is the worst thing that can happen to a man :eek::ROFLMAO:.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Lars Lust, AMcguyver, ur19877 and 2 others
patty diaz said:
From not only this thread but many many others. Im taking that marrying a Japanese women might not be the best idea lol dating yes..
Click to expand...
Yes, that, or there is just a mysterious correlation between being a married man on TAG ... and having a crappy marriage. Well maybe not so mysterious after all:(
 
Last edited:
  • Like
Reactions: Lars Lust, Malick, chaztagster and 1 other person
Frenchy said:
Yes, that, or there is just a mysterious correlation between being a married man on TAG ... and having a crappy marriage. Well maybe not so mysterious after all:(
Click to expand...

Wouldn't be very surprising, if there was a strong correlation at all;)

On the other hand Japanese wifes seem to be more willing to turn a blind eye on a lot of stuff as long as you don't rub it in their face.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Rusty Trombone, Sinapse and MikeH
I can sympathize with you, NED. The めんどくさい comment hit me in the gut.
I am about to hand over significantly more than 50% of "our assets" to avoid many years of alimony. My lawyer tells me that I'm pretty fortunate that we agreed this settlement, since the courts here could easily decide a worse outcome.
I recently spent some time chatting with a provider from Central Asia. She told me that her wealthy western husband divorced her, kept all his money, took her child, and left her country. From our different perspectives, we both agreed "I don't know why anyone gets married."
 
  • Like
Reactions: scorpioni6ths, Not Even Dave, impish and 1 other person
patty diaz said:
From not only this thread but many many others. Im taking that marrying a Japanese women might not be the best idea lol dating yes..
Click to expand...
reminder : one of the common point of those thread is that they are made by members of this forum and this forum isn't necessarily made for those who are the most happy with their marriage :p

also those who are happy don't have to complain so you don't hear about them. I've said it before but I'm having a good relation with my Japanese wife. It could be better of course but I'm not sure I would be happier with a non Japanese wife. from my perspective and for many reasons I'd rather date a non Japanese woman than marry one.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Legarto, AliceInWonderland, Not Even Dave and 1 other person
chaztagster said:
I can sympathize with you, NED. The めんどくさい comment hit me in the gut.
I am about to hand over significantly more than 50% of "our assets" to avoid many years of alimony. My lawyer tells me that I'm pretty fortunate that we agreed this settlement, since the courts here could easily decide a worse outcome.
I recently spent some time chatting with a provider from Central Asia. She told me that her wealthy western husband divorced her, kept all his money, took her child, and left her country. From our different perspectives, we both agreed "I don't know why anyone gets married."
Click to expand...
the assets you're talking about are bought by both ?
 
e-smile said:
the assets you're talking about are bought by both ?
Click to expand...
The assets (real estate, financial investments, pension etc.) were overwhelmingly paid for with money that I earned.
Hey, at least I keep my air miles and my father's paintings.
 
chaztagster said:
The assets (real estate, financial investments, pension etc.) were overwhelmingly paid for with money that I earned.
Hey, at least I keep my air miles and my father's paintings.
Click to expand...
I thought the standard marital regime in Japan was the Separation of goods regime (means buyer = owner). :confused:
 
e-smile said:
I thought the standard marital regime in Japan was the Separation of goods regime (means buyer = owner). :confused:
Click to expand...
Answering you properly would require me to share more than I am willing to.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Sudsy
chaztagster said:
Answering you properly would require me to share more than I am willing to.
Click to expand...
just a general answer to avoid being in such a situation would be appreciated.
I'm planning to buy a house and don't to pay 100% if I'll only own 50% of it. I read that unlike most western countries that are under the regime of community of property, Japan isn't and that should mean the house's buyer should keep 100% of it in case of divorce.
 
e-smile said:
just a general answer to avoid being in such a situation would be appreciated.
I'm planning to buy a house and don't to pay 100% if I'll only own 50% of it. I read that unlike most western countries that are under the regime of community of property, Japan isn't and that should mean the house's buyer should keep 100% of it in case of divorce.
Click to expand...
When a marriage fails, there are more often two culprits than one.
Before ending in a situation of mutual complaints, lack of mutual esteem and deep disinterest, your relationship is going thru many phases where the emotional attachment disappeared little by little by a lack of empathy for your partner insecurity and a too strong focus on your own insecurity within the couple.
I understand it is a long sentence but it basically resumes how to fail a marriage.
The two best books I've read on the topic would be : "Hold Me Tight" for Sue Johnson and "the Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work" from John Gottam.
To be read before being overwhelmed by your frustrations and anger.

At least I can see that @Not Even Dave despite the bad experience is still able to take some distance with humor and his usual literary talent.
 
  • Like
Reactions: zecarioca, AliceInWonderland, Not Even Dave and 2 others
hkAlone said:
When a marriage fails, there are more often two culprits than one.
Before ending in a situation of mutual complaints, lack of mutual esteem and deep disinterest, your relationship is going thru many phases where the emotional attachment disappeared little by little by a lack of empathy for your partner insecurity and a too strong focus on your own insecurity within the couple.
I understand it is a long sentence but it basically resumes how to fail a marriage.
The two best books I've read on the topic would be : "Hold Me Tight" for Sue Johnson and "the Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work" from John Gottam.
To be read before being overwhelmed by your frustrations and anger.

At least I can see that @Not Even Dave despite the bad experience is still able to take some distance with humor and his usual literary talent.
Click to expand...
I don't see the link with what I said (I was talking about property), but failing a marriage isn't a crime and there is not necessarily a culprit.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Wwanderer, Kulbutor, patty diaz and 1 other person
Good luck bro with your wife, sincerely!
 
  • Like
Reactions: Wwanderer
zecarioca said:
@Not Even Dave, this review reminded me of the best moments of Woody Allen, the relationship-focused movies from his early career... that's how talented you are. Thanks and ganbatte yo.
Click to expand...
You flatter me sir. :writer:
 
  • Like
Reactions: zecarioca
e-smile said:
I don't see the link with what I said (I was talking about property), but failing a marriage isn't a crime and there is not necessarily a culprit.
Click to expand...
Indeed...that was a weak link.
I read a bit too fast your post and wanted to contribute to avoid you any split of asset under any jurisdiction by avoidind you a divorce in the first place.

It happens that I developed some expertise for divorce (not because of some geeky interest but more out of necessity) under the common law and had interest following my remarriage about the family law of Japan.

My understanding from the family law of Japan, is that there are no such things as alimony.
Basically whatever belongs to you.. belongs to you and you don't have to ensure a maintenance of lifestyle to you wife, even if you have lived with your wife for decades (Very very different from the common law).
The issue here gets more complicated with kids custody. If you go to court, it will be given to one parent or the other. i.e very surely to your wife.
Reason why there are some negotiations involved if you want to see them. At the end, like in any other country, it rarely goes to court and end up in mediation or friendly agreement.
In Japan, it is a bit dirty as you end up bargaining your visit rights versus some money...
A quite disastrous approach for the well being of all those involved.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Wwanderer, DocMcStuffins and MikeH
hkAlone said:
Indeed...that was a weak link.
I read a bit too fast your post and wanted to contribute to avoid you any split of asset under any jurisdiction by avoidind you a divorce in the first place.

It happens that I developed some expertise for divorce (not because of some geeky interest but more out of necessity) under the common law and had interest following my remarriage about the family law of Japan.

My understanding from the family law of Japan, is that there are no such things as alimony.
Basically whatever belongs to you.. belongs to you and you don't have to ensure a maintenance of lifestyle to you wife, even if you have lived with your wife for decades (Very very different from the common law).
The issue here gets more complicated with kids custody. If you go to court, it will be given to one parent or the other. i.e very surely to your wife.
Reason why there are some negotiations involved if you want to see them. At the end, like in any other country, it rarely goes to court and end up in mediation or friendly agreement.
In Japan, it is a bit dirty as you end up bargaining your visit rights versus some money...
A quite disastrous approach for the well being of all those involved.
Click to expand...
yeah the kids are the main issue but I will surely not divorce before mine leaves the house (doesn't mean I'm planning to divorce after he leaves).
I was only thinking about the divorce case because I'm planning to buy a house and got worried after reading the 50% split stuff.
 
  • Like
Reactions: patty diaz, MikeH, MissInsomnia and 2 others
You must log in or register to reply here.