A date with my wife

[Wwanderer]

I was thinking 10-12, cause you don't wanna leave at the first possible "honorable" moment. It makes it all too clear to all concerned, but especially the child, what was going on .

-Ww

 

[Frenchy]

I was thinking 10-12, cause you don't wanna leave at the first possible "honorable" moment. It makes it all too clear to all concerned, but especially the child, what was going on .

-Ww

I think the children know or at least sense those things much sooner anyway... there is no "honorable" moment , just some shittier than others.

 

[User#18046]

My kids know we don't get along. I've had conversations with them to make sure they know that mom's not always wrong, dad can be a pain to live with, etc.

 

[e-smile]

My kids know we don't get along. I've had conversations with them to make sure they know that mom's not always wrong, dad can be a pain to live with, etc.

it's important to tell them that it's not always one being wrong and one being right. both can be right and good but not happy together and that's what it's often about.

 

[Ladylisa]

From not only this thread but many many others. Im taking that marrying a Japanese women might not be the best idea lol dating yes..

Marrying a Japanese man isn't such a great idea either

 

[patty diaz]

Marrying a Japanese man isn't such a great idea either

Yes I know from personal experience

 

[Ladylisa]

Yes I know from personal experience

So do I.
I spent years without sex, and I was the one who wanted it.

 

[e-smile]

So do I.
I spent years without sex, and I was the one who wanted it.

by "it" you mean "sex" or "the years without sex"

 

[Ladylisa]

by "it" you mean "sex" or "the years without sex"

Haha... I can see how that's vague.

"It"means sex baby
I wanted that sweet marital hanky panky - at least more than a once a year mercy fuck.

I've had a lot of dates like OP's - and I was some sort of absolute pervert for suggesting we go to a love hotel, even though we went to lots when we were dating.

The sad thing is that I don't even think he was getting it elsewhere - he just turned it off. And I didn't suddenly get absolutely hideous - I was still getting plenty of attention from men, just not my husband.
I guess it was the classic madonna/whore bullshit, combined with the fucked up transitional way of looking at marriage.

When I finally left him he couldn't believe it and ranted about how hard he had worked to support the family.
I guess that was supposed to make up for the lack of sex and intimacy and the utter miserable loneliness.

 

[User#19043]

Well I hope you get "it" now!

 

[Ladylisa]

Well I hope you get "it" now!

Well right now there are a lot of things going on, so "it" is on the back burner for a while, but yes I've had "it" and had it well.

One day I decided that I wasn't dead yet and I wasn't going to live like I was.
I have had the fortune to meet some wonderful people who have not only treated me beautifully but also fucked me wonderfully

And I may not be as young as I was, but I've noticed that the men are

 

[User#19043]

Good for you! Don't let it stay on the back burner too long..... i

 

[Frenchy]

Well right now there are a lot of things going on, so "it" is on the back burner for a while, but yes I've had "it" and had it well.

One day I decided that I wasn't dead yet and I wasn't going to live like I was.
I have had the fortune to meet some wonderful people who have not only treated me beautifully but also fucked me wonderfully

And I may not be as young as I was, but I've noticed that the men are

That's great! Usually members here are elder gentlemen talking about younger ladies , I would love to hear opposite stories sometimes!

 

[Ladylisa]

Good for you! Don't let it stay on the back burner too long..... i

A very special friend is visiting in a few weeks - so the heat is going to be turned up high.

That's great! Usually members here are elder gentlemen talking about younger ladies , I would love to hear opposite stories sometimes!

The funny thing is that it's really not intentional. I'm not a cougar going deliberately for the younger guys - it's just that the guys I end up dating all just end up being younger. My special friend is 5 years younger, and I've dated 9, 12 and 17 years younger.
There is a sweet spot though. Sorry to any younger guys here, but 28 is really when men start to get sense (and know what they are doing in bed).
I did enjoy getting nampaed by a hot 24 year old on the train though. It never really went anywhere and his flakiness became annoying, but I giggled at the wonderful inappropriateness.

 

[e-smile]

Haha... I can see how that's vague.

"It"means sex baby
I wanted that sweet marital hanky panky - at least more than a once a year mercy fuck.

I've had a lot of dates like OP's - and I was some sort of absolute pervert for suggesting we go to a love hotel, even though we went to lots when we were dating.

The sad thing is that I don't even think he was getting it elsewhere - he just turned it off. And I didn't suddenly get absolutely hideous - I was still getting plenty of attention from men, just not my husband.
I guess it was the classic madonna/whore bullshit, combined with the fucked up transitional way of looking at marriage.

When I finally left him he couldn't believe it and ranted about how hard he had worked to support the family.
I guess that was supposed to make up for the lack of sex and intimacy and the utter miserable loneliness.

it's very interesting to read this because that's something I usually read/hear from men with Japanese wife.

so it's not only Japanese women, their men have this post marriage transformation as well ? there must be something wrong in the Japanese definition of marriage. or maybe the way divorce is seen as not normal make them take their husband/wife for granted.

what's also interesting is how society will see the two situation differently. if a man complains about how his wife doesn't want to have sex with him he'll be seen as a loser, if a woman complains about how her husband doesn't want to have sex with her the husband will be seen as a loser.

 

[Jbagz]

I don't think humans are biologically wired for monogamous relationships.

The concept of marriage seems to be a misstep in evolution.

Human consciousness created an aspect of nature, outside nature and completely at odds with nature.

Matrimony is a mistake, and I think it probably all started back in the Bronze Age as a desperate attempt to maintain order and discipline in tribal groups.

When that didn't work we created gods, devils, spirits, ghosts, leprechauns and pixies to tell us to fuck only one person and forsake all others.

When religion didn't work we created lawyers to punish us when we fuck around.

One day maybe we will get it right and be a bit more realistic about our relationships, but I doubt it.

 

[Ladylisa]

it's very interesting to read this because that's something I usually read/hear from men with Japanese wife.

so it's not only Japanese women, their men have this post marriage transformation as well ? there must be something wrong in the Japanese definition of marriage. or maybe the way divorce is seen as not normal make them take their husband/wife for granted.

what's also interesting is how society will see the two situation differently. if a man complains about how his wife doesn't want to have sex with him he'll be seen as a loser, if a woman complains about how her husband doesn't want to have sex with her the husband will be seen as a loser.

Well there's also the assumption that if your husband doesn't want to have sex with you that you've let yourself go, or that he's getting it elsewhere or that he's gay.

I guess that taps into the view that men always want sex and women don't.

I felt horribly defective - "what's wrong with me that my husband doesn't want to have sex with me"

Well I do think there is a very transactional view of marriage, as was demonstrated by my husband continually talking about how much he worked to earn money (I also worked btw) when I tried to talk about issues of intimacy. It seemed that was the only thing he thought I should be concerned about....

 

[Frenchy]

Well there's also the assumption that if your husband doesn't want to have sex with you that you've let yourself go, or that he's getting it elsewhere or that he's gay.

I guess that taps into the view that men always want sex and women don't.

I felt horribly defective - "what's wrong with me that my husband doesn't want to have sex with me"

Well I do think there is a very transactional view of marriage, as was demonstrated by my husband continually talking about how much he worked to earn money (I also worked btw) when I tried to talk about issues of intimacy. It seemed that was the only thing he thought I should be concerned about....

I feel a bit guilty of the latter behavior (often reminding her how much money I made for all of us) but it's a bit different : she was the one not wanting sex and she didn't work. And still complained about pretty much everything.
Sex is just a small part of a wider issue, imho . I could have continued living with her even without sex (which indeed can be found elsewhere) but at least with affection, gratitude, support etc...
Of course those issues happen in other countries as well but specifically here it seems like after marriage (and even more so after kids are born) feelings are not supposed to be expressed anymore, like it's nearly rude to say "hey, are you OK, you look like you need a hug..."

 

[e-smile]

Well there's also the assumption that if your husband doesn't want to have sex with you that you've let yourself go, or that he's getting it elsewhere or that he's gay.

I guess that taps into the view that men always want sex and women don't.

I felt horribly defective - "what's wrong with me that my husband doesn't want to have sex with me"

Well I do think there is a very transactional view of marriage, as was demonstrated by my husband continually talking about how much he worked to earn money (I also worked btw) when I tried to talk about issues of intimacy. It seemed that was the only thing he thought I should be concerned about....

that would be a assumption for forums (and still maybe not the 1st ranked one), but IRL people see you and will sweep aside this assumption.

I may be wrong but I think women and men in this situation will be treated differently. same goes for cheated women vs cheated men. I have the feeling women can easily complain about being deceived while men will be ashamed to talk about it because their virility will be questioned.

back to the "neglecting topic", recently I've been with a girl and after sex she complimented me and asked me "how can your wife not take care of you ?". I couldn't accept such an assumption from her and I had to tell her "she is taking care of me !" as if I would have to be ashamed if she wasn't.

 

[e-smile]

I feel a bit guilty of the latter behavior (often reminding her how much money I made for all of us) but it's a bit different : she was the one not wanting sex and she didn't work. And still complained about pretty much everything.
Sex is just a small part of a wider issue, imho . I could have continued living with her even without sex (which indeed can be found elsewhere) but at least with affection, gratitude, support etc...
Of course those issues happen in other countries as well but specifically here it seems like after marriage (and even more so after kids are born) feelings are not supposed to be expressed anymore, like it's nearly rude to say "hey, are you OK, you look like you need a hug..."

sex with a partner is mainly about affection, if it wasn't masturbation would be sufficient.

 

[User#8628]

I don't think humans are biologically wired for monogamous relationships.

The concept of marriage seems to be a misstep in evolution.

Human consciousness created an aspect of nature, outside nature and completely at odds with nature.

Matrimony is a mistake, and I think it probably all started back in the Bronze Age as a desperate attempt to maintain order and discipline in tribal groups.

When that didn't work we created gods, devils, spirits, ghosts, leprechauns and pixies to tell us to fuck only one person and forsake all others.

When religion didn't work we created lawyers to punish us when we fuck around.

One day maybe we will get it right and be a bit more realistic about our relationships, but I doubt it.

I highly agree with most of this.
Monogamy seems like a mistake to me.

I do see importance in steady partners (and possibly marriage, although the paperwork is all a manmade concept of course) but why would that have to mean jealousy and never getting to sleep with anyone else. If you love someone, set them free, and if they love you too they'll always return to the homebase.

Poly relationships DO seem to be more accepted recently, but even many people who are not negative about them do say that they wouldn't be able to have one themselves. It really takes a lot of trust to set your partner free.

 

[Frenchy]

sex with a partner is mainly about affection, if it wasn't masturbation would be sufficient.

Yes that's why I think the lack of sex is just part of a wider problem i.e. lack of affection. In France, for what it's worth (and certainly not a model of perfect couples heaven either) at least we kiss, hug, talk more, we show our feelings, including when we disagree (well, especially when we disagree!) it's not always pretty but it happens. Here it seems that the goal is that not much happens.

 

[e-smile]

I highly agree with most of this.
Monogamy seems like a mistake to me.

I do see importance in steady partners (and possibly marriage, although the paperwork is all a manmade concept of course) but why would that have to mean jealousy and never getting to sleep with anyone else. If you love someone, set them free, and if they love you too they'll always return to the homebase.

Poly relationships DO seem to be more accepted recently, but even many people who are not negative about them do say that they wouldn't be able to have one themselves. It really takes a lot of trust to set your partner free.

I get it when the husband/wife is ready to satisfy the other party but jealousy in sexless couples is a joke. it's like signing an exclusivity contract with a supplier who doesn't want to supply.

 

[e-smile]

Yes that's why I think the lack of sex is just part of a wider problem i.e. lack of affection. In France, for what it's worth (and certainly not a model of perfect couples heaven either) at least we kiss, hug, talk more, we show our feelings, including when we disagree (well, especially when we disagree!) it's not always pretty but it happens. Here it seems that the goal is that not much happens.

yeah that's the same in most countries but in Japan people are used to distance and even friendship is lacking affection. in France or in other countries you shake hands, you tap shoulders, you talk about your feelings and problems with your buddies ... but in Japan salutations are wireless and deep conversations are really rare.

luckily my wife is very affectionate even after being together for around 15 years. we cuddle a lot, kiss each other every day, hug often, scream sometime when we argue and reconciliate with passion ...

 

[Frenchy]

yeah that's the same in most countries but in Japan people are used to distance and even friendship is lacking affection. in France or in other countries you shake hands, you tap shoulders, you talk about your feelings and problems with your buddies ... but in Japan salutations are wireless and deep conversations are really rare.

luckily my wife is very affectionate even after being together for around 15 years. we cuddle a lot, kiss each other every day, hug often, scream sometime when we argue and reconciliate with passion ...

I'm in awe! Keep it that way my friend!