A date with my wife

Frenchy said:
They probably see this as a trade-off with the FKK then.
Yes it could happen. It's also the only country I visited so far where men and women are together naked in saunas ... in normal saunas
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What is wrong with that please? ;) it's funny when you stay in some of the upper tier hotels and some of those Russian muchos come to the sauna with their girlfriend doll and both wear long pants :ROFLMAO:
 
RandomTokyoGuy said:
What is wrong with that please? ;) it's funny when you stay in some of the upper tier hotels and some of those Russian muchos come to the sauna with their girlfriend doll and both wear long pants :ROFLMAO:
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Really?! Now that must be fun to watch! I have nothing against German saunas, it was just surprising at first! :)
 
Troilist said:
I'm a little curious to know during your "discussions" with your wife, either in private or with a counselor, at any point did you or the counselor ask your wife why they no longer have any interest in having sex with you? If so, what was her answer?
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She said that taking care of three kids and working was tiring, sometime stressful. I can understand that, I feel that too sometimes. But I try as much as possible to help with the kids and other things (cooking, house cleaning, etc).
Also she claims that we do not talk enough. I have a more difficult time understanding this one. We talk constantly about the kids, work (we are in the same profession), and other things.
She also said we don't do enough fun things together. So I have tried to take her on "dates" (w/o our kids). We started to travel more the last few years. I even started taking tennis lessons, because she is an avid tennis player.

I think she is just not that interested in sex in general. She was never a particularly sexual person. Maybe with age, her sex drive is slowing down.
Or she is not attracted to me (even though she wont say that). I've aged and now in my late 40s. Sure some more grey hair and a few wrinkles. But I don't think I have changed too much as far as my weight, shape. And I keep myself reasonably groomed.
 
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Coda87 said:
She said that taking care of three kids and working was tiring, sometime stressful. I can understand that, I feel that too sometimes. But I try as much as possible to help with the kids and other things (cooking, house cleaning, etc).
Also she claims that we do not talk enough. I have a more difficult time understanding this one. We talk constantly about the kids, work (we are in the same profession), and other things.
She also said we don't do enough fun things together. So I have tried to take her on "dates" (w/o our kids). We started to travel more the last few years. I even started taking tennis lessons, because she is an avid tennis player.

I think she is just not that interested in sex in general. She was never a particularly sexual person. Maybe with age, her sex drive is slowing down.
Or she is not attracted to me (even though she wont say that). I've aged and now in my late 40s. Sure some more grey hair and a few wrinkles. But I don't think I have changed too much as far as my weight, shape. And I keep myself reasonably groomed.
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I am almost 40 and have been married for 17 years and within the past 10 years, my context and view on sex has shifted somewhat. In the beginning, before kids came into the picture, sex was something I physically, emotionally and mentally desired. Now, as my days are busier and by the time I am done with all the daily required tasks, I feel physically, mentally and sometimes emotionally drained. I sometimes view sex as another chore I needed to complete. Now understand this is 100% a story I created on my own and has nothing to do with what my husband is doing or not doing for me. Presently, sex is actually better than ever for my husband and I. We figured out a formula that works for the both of us which involves a lot of communication. For most women, the pleasure of sex and intimacy has a lot to do with their mental state of being rather than the physical attributes of their partner. Most men on the other hand, view sex as something pleasurable and relaxing regardless of their mental state or circumstances. So with such a drastic difference in view/context on the exact same subject, you need to figure out a way to communicate in order to come to a happy medium for both parties.


Another thing to also consider are the hormonal changes women go through as they get older where sex can actually be painful. Ask your wife if this is a factor for her and if so, you just need to use lots of lube during intercourse. Most women just want to feel loved and appreciated and have their husband show them love in their own way without the expectations of needing to have sex in return. This is the key, everyone give and receive love differently, you need to figure out what is your wife's "love language." The five love languages by Gary Chapman is a great book to figure this out.


From what you wrote, it sounds like your wife is willing to have sex with you most of the time you ask for it. Consider that what is bothering you is simply your interpretation of the situation in which your ego is bruised because she is not asking or initiating it. In my marriage, my husband is the one asking and initiating 99% of the time and sometimes I say "yes" and sometimes I say "no." He also want to have sex a lot more often than I do and we probably average between 3-4 times per week. He does not make up any stories about himself based on who is initiating it and his self esteem is not predicated on whether or not I initiate sex. He is always happy to receive it. In other words, he is in complete control over his own emotions, and he does not allow the circumstances to dictate how he feels about himself. Also, let me be clear, just because I am not the one initiating it, it doesn't mean I am not enjoying it.


I am just guessing when she said that you guys don't talk that much, she is not referring to the conversation about work or kids or other mundane topics. Have you recently talk to her about her passion, her desires, her dreams and what makes her excited to wake up to every morning?
 
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Wow, just realised this thread must be a TAG comments Guiness record!!! 180 comments!!! Really??? Wow(๑>◡<๑)
 
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Yuriko said:
Wow, just realised this thread must be a TAG comments Guiness record!!! 180 comments!!! Really??? Wow(๑>◡<๑)
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i'm sure there are longer threads than this one... the Yoshiwara thread for example :D
 
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I just discovered this massive thread that appeared during one of my TAG respites.

Wow, absolutely amazed at the number of posts-yes WOW!!!

Since I sometimes miss a few months here and there, I find an interesting thread is shut down before I am able to post.

First of all, Not Even Dave, sorry I don't feel I know you well enough to call you "Ned," I've admired your previous posts, so we are not complete strangers. You have a real talent with written expression. I always look forward to your threads.

Most of the veteran TAG folks know that I am happily married to a Japanese woman, fifteen years now, with two children, ages ten and thirteen..

I'm in the same boat with most of you in that my wife is a fantastic mother. She exhausts herself taking care of them; driving to soccer and back six days a week. (five days just dropping off and picking up at train station), up early to prepare bento boxes for the kids, constant laundry, cleaning the house (something we do equally), cooking, (me a couple times a week), shopping, and mercy, sometimes when I ask her to translate or call someone for me, she explodes-completely losing her ability to function-on overload. Fortunately, with proper soothing, she recovers and always come through for me.

She doesn't get enough sleep. She's exhausted. I get it.

Yet, that's who she is. She does it to herself. She does it for herself, as well.

She does respond well when I reach out to help and she is getting better at taking care of herself.

And...almost every night we have time together, when the kids are upstairs in bed. We drink a little wine, watch TV, talk.

Sometimes, the talk is her complaining. I call her the "Complain Queen" and tell her that she should be grateful when I give her something to complain about. I know how much pleasure she derives from complaining!

Still, she cuddles up to me every night on the couch. I feel loved and wanted. Yet, if I try to get closer, she moves my hand away, saying, "day after tomorrow," or "this weekend."

When the time comes, about once a week, it's the best sex of my life-not every time, but often! And, if she's on her period or just not in the mood, she'll say, "only you." Not as good as FS, but still pretty good.

I've had many relationships, most of them lasting five years-or should I say, just five years?

I've never been happier in a relationship.
 
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roots reggae said:
I just discovered this massive thread that appeared during one of my TAG respites.

Wow, absolutely amazed at the number of posts-yes WOW!!!

Since I sometimes miss a few months here and there, I find an interesting thread is shut down before I am able to post.

First of all, Not Even Dave, sorry I don't feel I know you well enough to call you "Ned," I've admired your previous posts, so we are not complete strangers. You have a real talent with written expression. I always look forward to your threads.

Most of the veteran TAG folks know that I am happily married to a Japanese woman, fifteen years now, with two children, ages ten and thirteen..

I'm in the same boat with most of you in that my wife is a fantastic mother. She exhausts herself taking care of them; driving to soccer and back six days a week. (five days just dropping off and picking up at train station), up early to prepare bento boxes for the kids, constant laundry, cleaning the house (something we do equally), cooking, (me a couple times a week), shopping, and mercy, sometimes when I ask her to translate or call someone for me, she explodes-completely losing her ability to function-on overload. Fortunately, with proper soothing, she recovers and always come through for me.

She doesn't get enough sleep. She's exhausted. I get it.

Yet, that's who she is. She does it to herself. She does it for herself, as well.

She does respond well when I reach out to help and she is getting better at taking care of herself.

And...almost every night we have time together, when the kids are upstairs in bed. We drink a little wine, watch TV, talk.

Sometimes, the talk is her complaining. I call her the "Complain Queen" and tell her that she should be grateful when I give her something to complain about. I know how much pleasure she derives from complaining!

Still, she cuddles up to me every night on the couch. I feel loved and wanted. Yet, if I try to get closer, she moves my hand away, saying, "day after tomorrow," or "this weekend."

When the time comes, about once a week, it's the best sex of my life-not every time, but often! And, if she's on her period or just not in the mood, she'll say, "only you." Not as good as FS, but still pretty good.

I've had many relationships, most of them lasting five years-or should I say, just five years?

I've never been happier in a relationship.
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... so with all due respect WTF are you doing here?! :mad:
 
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User#19043 said:
Variety! YES!
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I get it, but I was under the impression thats exactly what Roots does NOT have (but maybe I'm mistaken and anyway there is nothing wrong with being in a committed mono-partner relationship of course, if it works for both)
 
Frenchy said:
... so with all due respect WTF are you doing here?! :mad:
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No offense taken mon ami.:cool:

Well, I do admit to a dip in the pool quite awhile ago, and have not absolutely ruled out the possibility in the future.

This is Tokyo Adult Guide, and while a bit immature, I still qualify as an adult. Many of my posts have nothing to do with "adult" activities, yet folks around here have made me feel at home. I guess that's it.

At work, I was not even close to being able to express myself honestly. Here on TAG, I'm mild compared to all you young studs.

I lurked on TAG for years. I'm not sure when I finally became a member. If I recall correctly, much more content was originally available to the public compared to now. Anyway, I was intrigued by posts from quite a few TAG folks and wanted to respond.

Oh, I might not exist, by the way. You never know. Like you, Frenchy, I am...
unverified.jpg


Except for a lunch date with JBlair, I have not met anyone on TAG.

Edit: To me TAG is, in a way, a form of porn, somewhat stimulating, and interactive, as well! And as you well know, we all need our porn.:whistle:
 
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roots reggae said:
No offense taken mon ami.:cool:

Well, I do admit to a dip in the pool quite awhile ago, and have not absolutely ruled out the possibility in the future.

This is Tokyo Adult Guide, and while a bit immature, I still qualify as an adult. Many of my posts have nothing to do with "adult" activities, yet folks around here have made me feel at home. I guess that's it.

At work, I was not even close to being able to express myself honestly. Here on TAG, I'm mild compared to all you young studs.

I lurked on TAG for years. I'm not sure when I finally became a member. If I recall correctly, much more content was originally available to the public compared to now. Anyway, I was intrigued by posts from quite a few TAG folks and wanted to respond.

Oh, I might not exist, by the way. You never know. Like you, Frenchy, I am...
View attachment 4743

Except for a lunch date with JBlair, I have not met anyone on TAG.
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Well we all dont really exist, we are all part of the Matrix. :D
thanks and sorry for my aggressive questioning... happy married couples get on my nerves cause they remind me how much of a failure my own marriage was. But i should display respect, not anger :notworthy:
 
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Your question was not aggressive. Here on TAG you can ask and post just about anything (TokyoJoeBlow) and expect a variety of amazing opinions.


Sorry to be happily married. I was always a bit strange.;)

And one other thought before I go for a ride by the ocean...

I believe there have been many TAG members in a mono-exclusive, or close to it relationship and quite possibly many hidden ones. Some have bid the board farewell after finding the "love of their lives." If they had remained, you might hear about more happily married men married to Japanese women-the rare ones:p that have a good sex life, as well. Maybe?:unsure:
 
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Frenchy said:
I get it, but I was under the impression thats exactly what Roots does NOT have (but maybe I'm mistaken and anyway there is nothing wrong with being in a committed mono-partner relationship of course, if it works for both)
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True, if it works for both.
 
I love the Monty Python's perspectives on marriage... works with any nationalities I guess... :D

 
Whenever I hear that -"have you really talked to her about it" line it reminds me of my ex. After 10 years of dreadfully minimal sex, which I had brought up often and tried to understand the root of the problem, as we were moving to formal divorce she admitted that she had never been honest when discussing sex. She had always just gone along with the conversation waiting for me to shut up.
 
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ShowaJidai said:
Whenever I hear that -"have you really talked to her about it" line it reminds me of my ex. After 10 years of dreadfully minimal sex, which I had brought up often and tried to understand the root of the problem, as we were moving to formal divorce she admitted that she had never been honest when discussing sex. She had always just gone along with the conversation waiting for me to shut up.
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At least she was honest in admitting she wasnt honest. For mine, as soon as she understood i was leaving her for good, it was a deluge of hypocrisy , lies and "alternative facts" (often conflicting each other) which would put Trump&Co to shame. Such as "but I always wanted it but only when you were sleeping". Tough luck uh! :wacky:
 
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Frenchy said:
it was a deluge of hypocrisy , lies and "alternative facts" (often conflicting each other) which would put Trump&Co to shame.
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I have been told by friends that the best idea in the world is to get married to a Japanese girl. And I have been told, sometimes by the same friends, that the worst idea in the world is to get divorced from a Japanese girl. Hell has no fury...
 
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