- Joined
- Feb 24, 2018
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Sorry for so much text, but I felt like keeping a lot of the details were important to the story. I appreciate everyone taking the time to read everything though.
A few nights ago I was out with some friends from work having a good time. At one point we were talking about 2 of the women who work at the apartments we live at. They both speak English quite well so we can easily talk to them. I find the younger one, Keiko, more attractive as she is my type and I have made some humorous comments about wanting to date her, but the other night started to talk about it in a more serious way since one friend that lives there said there shouldn't be any problem with Keiko dating people that live in the building as long as they don't get special treatment. So anyway shortly after that my other friend pulls me aside when I went to go get some more food and we weren't near everyone else. He tells me he is sorry to say this and he doesn't want to hurt me, but he has been dating Keiko. He said he didn't say anything before because he didn't realize dating her was actually something I was seriously thinking about until 10 minutes ago.
I told him I understood and thanked him for telling me. Of course I was upset and had to hold it in since we were at diner despite something like this has happened multiple times before in my life. I am into a woman and either someone I know ends up dating her or trying to date her while ignoring me or I find out she has a boyfriend after I started liking her and think of a plan to get to know her enough to ask her out. By the time I got back home I was able to let it all out. Despite all the crying, anger, pacing, and depression I felt I couldn't be mad at my friend. First of all he was the only friend to ever tell me he was dating a woman I liked because he felt I should know so that way I wouldn't find out later, he took me aside to make sure others wouldn't hear, and he asked if I was ok. Also while I did actually want to ask her out and would have wanted to date Keiko I never sounded that serious in front of my friends because 1. I was not sure if she could date tenants and 2. I don't have the game, looks, or skills to just ask a woman out just because I like her. If I was going to ask her out I felt I would need to know her for another 6 months at least. And to my friends credit he is taller then me, better looking then me, has more hair, and much better game.
I told my self I do not want to lose a friend over a woman, especially a woman who even if I dated her it could have turned out we had nothing in common in the long run or we might just not have been compatible in the first place. One could say he should have asked me first if I really was considering dating when I would make jokes about asking her out all the time, but then again you can also say because I never made it sound too serious it is my fault. I was able to work out today so I felt better for awhile, but then I did not get angry again like last night just upset and depressed about the situation. I know I can't do anything about the situation and being depressed about it isn't going to help either, but it was such a hard hitting moment that happened last night while having a good time. I think the thing that really is making me upset is that he isn't looking for anything serious yet I am. So if they keep dating he will most likely eventually break up with her and move on to someone else and I will be stuck wondering what could have been. If I also wasn't looking for anything serious then it would just have been a potential easy casual sex for 6-months to a year lost.
I have also learned some new information as of just yesterday too. My friend said she was interested in him as soon as he sent his passport photo to the office when he applied for an apartment. While in the office one day he said he mentioned needing to go to the immigration office and she said " oh I have never been there". With me she never did anything like that so one could conclude she would have never been attracted to me in the first place or even if she did go out with me she would have wanted to date my friend as soon as she saw him. Also my friend is 25 and said she is younger then him, I am 31 almost 32. Even if she was 24 that would make me 8 years older minimum and I don't know if I would be up for that big of an age different. I also want children sooner then later and she may want to wait a bit. Then there is the possibility of her not wanting to date someone that much older. My friend also mentioned how she somewhat moved in with him too and I know they are having sex and I saw her futon and some stuff of her over there today too. I have started to get more angry again and still feeling depressed and anxious too. I can't sleep and working out is the only thing that calms me down. Just today alone I spent 3 hours in the afternoon working out, mostly lifting weights, and then tonight spent another 2 and half hours at the gym again. My muscles hurt, my thighs are chaffed, but it felt so good to left keep lifting and when something like them having sex or out on a date pops into my head the rage just pushes me further and harder.
Of course after I am done working out the stress and anxiety come back. I am out on my balcony at 2 AM having anxiety over a hypothetical situation that never happened and never will happen. Even playing video games and reading comics isn't all that fun for me right now. Sleeping is hard to do as well and I am waking up an hour or 2 after going to bed. Like I mentioned earlier I have no right to be mad and yet this is really bothering me. I can even still hang out with my friend no problem. We still have fun hanging out together and there is no bad blood although I have yet to hang out with him when she is around.
So what does everyone think? Was that shitty of him to do or just a unfortunate series of events? Any advice, thoughts, or personal experience would be appreciated. Any advice for me? I am sure some of you have had something similar happen to you.
A few nights ago I was out with some friends from work having a good time. At one point we were talking about 2 of the women who work at the apartments we live at. They both speak English quite well so we can easily talk to them. I find the younger one, Keiko, more attractive as she is my type and I have made some humorous comments about wanting to date her, but the other night started to talk about it in a more serious way since one friend that lives there said there shouldn't be any problem with Keiko dating people that live in the building as long as they don't get special treatment. So anyway shortly after that my other friend pulls me aside when I went to go get some more food and we weren't near everyone else. He tells me he is sorry to say this and he doesn't want to hurt me, but he has been dating Keiko. He said he didn't say anything before because he didn't realize dating her was actually something I was seriously thinking about until 10 minutes ago.
I told him I understood and thanked him for telling me. Of course I was upset and had to hold it in since we were at diner despite something like this has happened multiple times before in my life. I am into a woman and either someone I know ends up dating her or trying to date her while ignoring me or I find out she has a boyfriend after I started liking her and think of a plan to get to know her enough to ask her out. By the time I got back home I was able to let it all out. Despite all the crying, anger, pacing, and depression I felt I couldn't be mad at my friend. First of all he was the only friend to ever tell me he was dating a woman I liked because he felt I should know so that way I wouldn't find out later, he took me aside to make sure others wouldn't hear, and he asked if I was ok. Also while I did actually want to ask her out and would have wanted to date Keiko I never sounded that serious in front of my friends because 1. I was not sure if she could date tenants and 2. I don't have the game, looks, or skills to just ask a woman out just because I like her. If I was going to ask her out I felt I would need to know her for another 6 months at least. And to my friends credit he is taller then me, better looking then me, has more hair, and much better game.
I told my self I do not want to lose a friend over a woman, especially a woman who even if I dated her it could have turned out we had nothing in common in the long run or we might just not have been compatible in the first place. One could say he should have asked me first if I really was considering dating when I would make jokes about asking her out all the time, but then again you can also say because I never made it sound too serious it is my fault. I was able to work out today so I felt better for awhile, but then I did not get angry again like last night just upset and depressed about the situation. I know I can't do anything about the situation and being depressed about it isn't going to help either, but it was such a hard hitting moment that happened last night while having a good time. I think the thing that really is making me upset is that he isn't looking for anything serious yet I am. So if they keep dating he will most likely eventually break up with her and move on to someone else and I will be stuck wondering what could have been. If I also wasn't looking for anything serious then it would just have been a potential easy casual sex for 6-months to a year lost.
I have also learned some new information as of just yesterday too. My friend said she was interested in him as soon as he sent his passport photo to the office when he applied for an apartment. While in the office one day he said he mentioned needing to go to the immigration office and she said " oh I have never been there". With me she never did anything like that so one could conclude she would have never been attracted to me in the first place or even if she did go out with me she would have wanted to date my friend as soon as she saw him. Also my friend is 25 and said she is younger then him, I am 31 almost 32. Even if she was 24 that would make me 8 years older minimum and I don't know if I would be up for that big of an age different. I also want children sooner then later and she may want to wait a bit. Then there is the possibility of her not wanting to date someone that much older. My friend also mentioned how she somewhat moved in with him too and I know they are having sex and I saw her futon and some stuff of her over there today too. I have started to get more angry again and still feeling depressed and anxious too. I can't sleep and working out is the only thing that calms me down. Just today alone I spent 3 hours in the afternoon working out, mostly lifting weights, and then tonight spent another 2 and half hours at the gym again. My muscles hurt, my thighs are chaffed, but it felt so good to left keep lifting and when something like them having sex or out on a date pops into my head the rage just pushes me further and harder.
Of course after I am done working out the stress and anxiety come back. I am out on my balcony at 2 AM having anxiety over a hypothetical situation that never happened and never will happen. Even playing video games and reading comics isn't all that fun for me right now. Sleeping is hard to do as well and I am waking up an hour or 2 after going to bed. Like I mentioned earlier I have no right to be mad and yet this is really bothering me. I can even still hang out with my friend no problem. We still have fun hanging out together and there is no bad blood although I have yet to hang out with him when she is around.
So what does everyone think? Was that shitty of him to do or just a unfortunate series of events? Any advice, thoughts, or personal experience would be appreciated. Any advice for me? I am sure some of you have had something similar happen to you.