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A friend of mine is dating a woman I was into. Was it a shitty thing to do?

Re-read yourself , Keihan etc...
You just notice you went a bit far in the comical « Be an alpha-male, dude » register and now try to backpedal. It’s cute by the way. Shows you are human

You get triggered when someone posts solid advice. Do PUA and "alpha males" (your words) intimidate you?
 
You get triggered when someone posts solid advice.

I don't think you read carefully enough. At least Keihan recommended liquid advice like beer. :D
 
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Took me half an hour to wade through this thread.
It should have been done and dusted in one page.

To summarize,
1. Don't wait 6 months to ask a girl out, longer than a week and you are dead to her.
2. Picking up in bars requires the appearance of drinking alcohol, and growing a set of balls.

Anything more than the above 2 points is overthinking, so give your self a swift uppercut and go back to 1 & 2.
 
This thread reminds me of a squirrel in the middle of the road which can not decide which way to go... the side he came from or the other side... the only thing missing is just when that squirrel decides to cross the entire road and on-coming car comes and ... BAM.. no more squirrel.... well flat squirrel... :rolleyes:
 
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source.gif

You mean someone actually doubted that I was a kind, compassionate, caring humanitarian? I'm offended, really.
 
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Anything more than the above 2 points is overthinking, so give your self a swift uppercut and go back to 1 & 2.

Well, yeah, but I don’t think it’s growing balls, it’s just paying attention. You make a point of bumping into the girl in a few days, you remember her name, compliment her. ‘Oh those are the same earrings you had on the last time, they’re nice.’ Or something different. Notice and compliment a haircut is bonus points. If you sit down to talk with her, turn off your fucking phone and ask questions that show your interest. Even if you forget her name (maybe your shit at remembering names) show that you were paying attention to her ‘geez, we met at xxx, and you told me your name and I’m so embarrassed I forgot, can you tell me again?’ Then find out why she got that name, etc etc.

If she’s not interested in you, you’ll know soon enough.
 
Well, yeah, but I don’t think it’s growing balls, it’s just paying attention. You make a point of bumping into the girl in a few days, you remember her name, compliment her. ‘Oh those are the same earrings you had on the last time, they’re nice.’ Or something different. Notice and compliment a haircut is bonus points. If you sit down to talk with her, turn off your fucking phone and ask questions that show your interest. Even if you forget her name (maybe your shit at remembering names) show that you were paying attention to her ‘geez, we met at xxx, and you told me your name and I’m so embarrassed I forgot, can you tell me again?’ Then find out why she got that name, etc etc.

If she’s not interested in you, you’ll know soon enough.

Good advice but be sure to warn the OP not to take this too far. It's great to remember her name, or maybe what she was up to the last time you ran into her, but if you go too far you end up looking like a fucking stalker.

OP, this is good: Hey ********, nice to see you again! Say, how was that conference you were headed to last Thursday?

OP, this is bad: Hey *********, nice to see you again! You're wearing those same beautiful earrings again! And wow, are those the same shoes you were wearing on Thursday? Because last Thursday the laces were slightly undone and today they're tied up tight! And how was that conference you were headed to last Thursday at 11:25am when I saw you at the corner of 1-14 Stalker-Cho when you were exiting the 7-11 with a 14oz Mitsuya Cider, konbu musubi and a pack of Frisk and after we spoke you crossed the street at that stoplight and headed up that street but I kept watching and remember the observing the gray skirt you were wearing and noticed from the imprint that you were wearing very stylish panties and I just wondered if you color coordinated those with that black and white lace bra you were wearing that I noticed when you bent over to pick up that 100-yen coin you dropped while standing in line and I was staring down your shirt and say, you're about what...a 34B?

In positions I've held in the past it was always my job to be very observant, read people and figure out things about people they didn't want figured out (to use against them later). Body language is one of the key things I watch when I'm observing a target individual, but that's work and not a date. OP, it's good to seem interested, but not overly interested. There's often a fine line between coming off as an engaging, interested person and a fucking stalker.
 
In positions I've held in the past it was always my job to be very observant, read people and figure out things about people they didn't want figured out (
Lol! We must have had the same job...
6th sense (and a bit of reasoning and face-reading) for BS detection is a very useful yet under-rated skill which unfortunately is not taught in any school, as far as I know
 
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Good advice but be sure to warn the OP not to take this too far. It's great to remember her name, or maybe what she was up to the last time you ran into her, but if you go too far you end up looking like a fucking stalker.

This is the thing, and so it's not that the guy has no balls, he just doesn't want to get close enough to that line that he could cross it. The stereotype of a guy with big balls doesn't care whether he crosses the line.

If you look at what I suggest, you don't say as much as KC writes. The goal is to get _her_ to talk rather than you showing how observant you are. Or you come off like trying to do an impersonation of Sherlock Holmes....

So you try to ask her questions that make her realize you are not trying to figure out where she lives, what time she gets off, where she goes on weekends. That can be hard, and trying to make conversation with 'do you live around here?' or 'so where do you work?' are questions that could shit the bed. You ask questions that give her a chance to answer in the way she wants to, so instead of 'where is your hometown?', try 'I guess you're not from Tokyo, do you like living here?'

And do the whole aizuchi thing and tell her that it is interesting. If you are as lovelorn as your OP suggests, I'm sure you are going to think that every word that drops out of her mouth is a pearl...
 
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You were a pussy. You stalled because you lacked the balls to make a move. You missed your shot. Sorry. You've done it before, you'll do it again.




I'm going to be very blunt because you need to hear this and you do seem genuinely nice (to a degree) and I hope your luck will change: You sound like a weak, whiny fucking bitch, and that's probably why you live a life of repeated cockblocks.

When a normal guy seeks a hot girl he thinks, "FUCKING EH, I'M GONNA GO ASK HER OUT!" And then he pounds four of five beers, staggers over and gives it a go. Shut down? Fuck it, do it again thirty minutes later with a different girl. You see a girl you like and your immediate thoughts are: OH NO, AM I TOO FAT? AM I TOO UGLY? AM I TOO BALD? AM I TOO POOR? MAYBE I'M A CLOSET FAG AND JUST LIKE HER SHOES? Then you wring your hands for an hour, all the while droning on to anyone nearby about your feelings, and your fears and your insecurities, and when you look up one of the normal guys has already bought her a second round of chu-hais and practically has her panties down.

There is a defined group of males who make educated arguments that females are drawn toward men who are sensitive, and in-touch with their emotions and inner-beauty, and who love to express their feelings; these men are called PUSSIES, and are usually virgins who will die lonely (or married to a grotesque thing 30lbs heavier and 40 years older than them). You need to knock that shit off NOW.

I don't give a shit what your friends from the high school chess club told you. Women don't want a whining, insecure pussy who bleats on about his feelings and cries like a fucking adolescent girl. What can you do? Marlon Brando put it well: "YOU CAN ACT LIKE A MAN."

First, you say that when you're attracted to a female, you worry you aren't good enough. This is easy. YOU PROBABLY AREN'T. So lower your expectations.

Next, ACT LIKE A MAN. Go to a large party, gathering or gaijin bar. See any girls you think are attractive? Found one? Nope, you're probably too fucking ugly. Lower expectations, remember? So now try to pick out one you think inhabits roughly the same level of unattractiveness that you do. Preferably a lonely looking one with prettier friends. Found her? Good, now pound a few drinks and walk over and start talking. You do NOT talk about yourself, do NOT talk about your feelings, do NOT whine about anything. For once in your life, ask her about HER and stick with that conversation as long as possible because you already know you have a habit of focusing on yourself.

If you can manage to successfully man-the-fuck-up and get her into bed, then congrats...you've now established a baseline. You can score with a girl "that" ugly. Now, you work your way up. Keep trying it out with a girl just slightly prettier, until you've hit a level of attractiveness where you keep getting shut down. Then you know your limits.

I've just solved your life for you. Next, I run for President.

Fuckin harsh.
But I agree with most of it.

The quality that attracts the opposite sex most is: Confidence.
Fake it if not natural, and it'll become natural soon
 
Fuckin harsh.
But I agree with most of it.

The quality that attracts the opposite sex most is: Confidence.
Fake it if not natural, and it'll become natural soon

Not really that harsh considering the full story. Sometimes people are so dense they need a wake up call. People often look for confirmation bias online, so all those 'sweet' posts (with good intentions) are not going to help him. On contrary they often do more harm then good. The chessclub metaphore being the perfect example. This post is brilliant. Straight to the point like a wrecking ball.
 
Not really that harsh considering the full story. Sometimes people are so dense they need a wake up call. People often look for confirmation bias online, so all those 'sweet' posts (with good intentions) are not going to help him. On contrary they often do more harm then good. The chessclub metaphore being the perfect example. This post is brilliant. Straight to the point like a wrecking ball.

Yup. As I said, I agree with it.
I might have delivered the message as a 'shit sandwich', but maybe I'm just too soft :D
 
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You should really be in charge of the « Dear Uncle » feature for a men’s site or mag. Answering readers’ letters about matters of the heart is your forte :D
(With Buta as a back-up)

I second this.

Lots of kids could use a role model these days. I've been as pathetic as OP until my late twenties. That's when I realized the nice guy bs didn't get me anywhere in life both professionally and with women.

It's like you said. The only women who appreciate that sensitive nice guy narrative are 10 years older or unattractive. Usually both.

You have an eloquent and pleasant writing style. I'd definitely read your book/blog/whatever
 
One serious question. Are you a virgin?

Just a troll looking for reactions. If this story is real he really needs to visit a psychiatrist. This is a future schoolshooter. Doubt its real though