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Acceptable Japanese wife behavior and story

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monger3000

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None of my Japanese friends are married so I have no idea about the culture.

Is it normal for married women to hang out with a guy friend alone?

I met her randomly, said she wanted to make foreign friends. Married 1 year, mid late twenties but has better skin than students so of course I say yes. Izayaka twice in a row in booths two weeks a part. Light touching from me, shows me picture of husband, wedding pics. Laughs a lot. Towards then end I ask for next time, when and where. She pauses, looks straight どうしよう。家近いの?of course I say yes. I thought I had this in the bag. It was the day after her birthday, her husband was away so they celebrated earlier, anyway she said we can celebrate together.

Brings tiny cake. We sit beside each other. Here is where I kind of fuck up or may be I was just a coward. We start drinking. Talking like we normally do, no sexual stuff at all. We do this for 1 hour, I get antsy, start to get more handsy. At one point my whole arm was around her and and my other hand was on thigh. Yet, when I bring my face closer to her she ever so slightly turns away so I pull back. We do this couple of times, same reaction. Two hours passed and I stand up to ask her to see my bedroom.

Before I could say anything she said she has to go. I ask her twice are you sure?she said she has work blah blah. She leaves tell me she'll text me about next time. Next couple of days we exchange innocuous text once a day. Tails off. I've pinged her twice after she told me she's going to Thailand. No response for couple weeks. It's probably over but I'm not blocked yet lol.

My cope is that she changed her mind and wanted to stay loyal, but what I really think is that I should made bolder moves. Normally girls would say too close or something in a joking fashion but she just kept talking and moved her head away when I wanted to go closer. Or did she do that instinctually because I was breathing in her ear?idk man

Now my question, is this acceptable in Japan? Did I just give her free companionship when she felt lonely?I would be pissed if I was the husband even if she didn't fuck me, but not sure about the culture nuances here.
 
I don’t think it’s a cultural thing, every marriage is different.
I wouldn’t see this as something to be pissed about.
wow that's crazy! So any thing is ok before I put my pp in her? Japanese with girlfriends told me they won't let them see any guy 1 on 1. Same thing is expected of them though.
 
I have a married Japanese female friend and we hang out often when her husband isn't around.

Japanese people are very secure in their relationships, at least from my perspective. While I'm sure jealousy sometimes exists and everyone is different as Alice said, I also realize they are not insecure. Men and women, travel with their friends, go out drinking, etc. Maybe it's an out of sight, out of mind situation or not knowing is better, but I do feel like just because they spend time alone with you, or even go to your apartment, doesn't mean they want to sleep with you. It also doesn't mean they are lonely.

Sometimes, it's nice to have a complete stranger you can talk to, without having to face the pressures of seeing them at work or in your daily life.

Even though I find my friend very attractive, never tried to make a move on her because I absolutely adore her as a friend, so the circumstances are different.
 
wow that's crazy! So any thing is ok before I put my pp in her? Japanese with girlfriends told me they won't let them see any guy 1 on 1. Same thing is expected of them though.
What’s crazy about it? You didn’t get to do any heavy petting or whatever.
She went to your house. You put your arm behind her and tried to put your face close to her. She didn’t react to it.
If anything I would be proud of my partner for showing restraint I think.
The monos are seriously a boring bunch.
 
Japanese people are very secure in their relationships, at least from my perspective. While I'm sure jealousy sometimes exists and everyone is different as Alice said, I also realize they are not insecure. Men and women, travel with their friends, go out drinking, etc. Maybe it's an out of sight, out of mind situation or not knowing is better, but I do feel like just because they spend time alone with you, or even go to your apartment, doesn't mean they want to sleep with you. It also doesn't mean they are lonely.
I would definitely agree on this. Even though divorce rates are not low, people don’t divorce over every little thing so quickly as in the west.
 
Is TokyoJoe back?
 
What’s crazy about it? You didn’t get to do any heavy petting or whatever.
She went to your house. You put your arm behind her and tried to put your face close to her. She didn’t react to it.
If anything I would be proud of my partner for showing restraint I think.
The monos are seriously a boring bunch.
I would be pissed if my wife went to another guys house to be handled like that. I had my hands 2 inches from her private parts. If I overlooked that tiny movement I would've proceeded, although I have no idea what would have happen if she really didn't want it though, I haven't had a girl say dame to me yet. I keep telling myself that she didn't want it but a good girl surely would have said something wayyy before that lol, assuming she would be there in the first place! All girls who were receptive actually react the same way, they pretend I'm not doing anything strange even when my hand is literally under their bra lol. It could be because they are in their twenties and are just shy? Anyway only 1 girl who was very clear about hook up reacted liked a western girl in terms of responsiveness to touching.
I have a married Japanese female friend and we hang out often when her husband isn't around.

Japanese people are very secure in their relationships, at least from my perspective. While I'm sure jealousy sometimes exists and everyone is different as Alice said, I also realize they are not insecure. Men and women, travel with their friends, go out drinking, etc. Maybe it's an out of sight, out of mind situation or not knowing is better, but I do feel like just because they spend time alone with you, or even go to your apartment, doesn't mean they want to sleep with you. It also doesn't mean they are lonely.

Sometimes, it's nice to have a complete stranger you can talk to, without having to face the pressures of seeing them at work or in your daily life.

Even though I find my friend very attractive, never tried to make a move on her because I absolutely adore her as a friend, so the circumstances are different.
I don't know about marriage, but before that many girls are forbidden to see the opposite sex 1 on 1. Not even platonically, if there is such a thing. They basically stop making new male friends who are not coworkers. Maybe you should broach the topic and see what happens. i can tell you from my conversations that Japanese women don't say that they want. One girl went on many dates with guy she liked but he didn't do anything so she just always went home alone lol.
 
keep telling myself that she didn't want it but a good girl surely would have said something wayyy before that lol, assuming she would be there in the first place!
we don't know each other and I'm not trying to be judgmental here, but before I started my current career, I used to work as a DV lawyer and this is so far from the truth. Different traumas and life experience make people react to situations differently. But, it can be intimidating to be in the apartment of someone of the opposite sex (who could potentially be physically stronger than yourself), so you react the way that makes you feel safe, and take your exit when you can.

I'm really not trying to question your character, but I would rethink this train of thought. Also, mind you, I don't know about the woman in your situation, but most females have undergone some form of pressurized sexual harassment or worse in their life, so it's not a fair statement.
 
forbidden during which century exactly? :ROFLMAO:

Because that doesn't apply in Japan. Most people build their own lives arguably from the age of 15, when they start アルバイト with little to no parental support, unlike most East Asian countries.
I mean girls who are in relationships. Forbidden by their boyfriends. Those that did turn me down didn't like me enough however probably hahah. But seriously though they are cool to chat in groups but when you invite them one on one it's a no. Not all girls are like that but most based on my experience. Also they are under 30 so maybe it's a bit different for divevorcees and what not.

we don't know each other and I'm not trying to be judgmental here, but before I started my current career, I used to work as a DV lawyer and this is so far from the truth. Different traumas and life experience make people react to situations differently. But, it can be intimidating to be in the apartment of someone of the opposite sex (who could potentially be physically stronger than yourself), so you react the way that makes you feel safe, and take your exit when you can.

I'm really not trying to question your character, but I would rethink this train of thought. Also, mind you, I don't know about the woman in your situation, but most females have undergone some form of pressurized sexual harassment or worse in their life, so it's not a fair statement.
I get where you are coming from but I think in this instance, specific to Japan, it is basically "implied" that something will happen, especially at night, it's like when they say let's "rest" at a love hotel. I hope I wasn't being overly cautious but it feels like it. I didn't feel comfortable continuing with her reaction so I stopped. but still. My friends all told me I am an idiot lol.
 
I get where you are coming from but I think in this instance, specific to Japan, it is basically "implied" that something will happen
I appreciate you replying, but I don't think this conversation is for me anymore. I would like to part with some words of wisdom, nothing is ever implied.

That's like saying a short dress implies something, but it doesn't. It just implies, that women have the right to chose their clothing. Mutual consent is always needed. In the 21st century, it's more important than ever to make a woman feel comfortable and secure, before any physical touches happen.

Again, this isn't for you. We haven't met and I don't know you, but when she pulled away the first time and didn't kiss you back when you leaned in, everything that was implied or felt, she said it the first time. I've done something similar even with all my experience, where I tried my luck again when I was in my early 20s, but the truth is, we like to see the world through our own perspectives but no, means no, on the first time.

Women shouldn't need to spell it out for us. And, we should take care of all women, because all lives, colors and people matter, none of us better or wiser than the other.
 
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