Addiction to adult services. / oversexed

[okayspot]

So in the past 2 and a half years I`ve received pay raises that allow me to have hundreds of thousands of yen in disposable income that I did not have before.

I still have been spending the same percentage of my disposable income on mid-level priced adult services though. This literally means I now go 3-4 times a week spending 2 or more hours at these places (We are talking cheap Sexy Pubs to Full blown services). The level and quality of services in this country are just so high, the ability to buy a incredibly cute 22 years old for 10000 yen an hour make-out sessions has to be only Japan.

Lately I`ve become null to it all, no real pleasure in these acts, just going through the motions for human contact.
I feel like a druggie, I need to get my hit, but the actual hits don`t make me feel anything. Go to these sexy pubs and while it might be nice to get a massage, I I feel like just going through the motions if the girls come on to me.

Was curious if anyone else has seeked helped for this type of addiction?

Thanks!

 

[User#8628]

This is actually so concerning to me. I’ve recently watched a case of someone i know going out of control with cheating and spending money thats not only his and while i wasn’t one of the girls involved it made me aware of things and for the first time i feel sick with guilt about this line of trade. It can definitely be an addiction.
Now, i’d have a hard time going without play and human affection as well, but i find so much comfort in seeing clients that I haven’t even felt the need for a sex friend, let alone p4p.

 

[MikeH]

for the first time i feel sick with guilt about this line of trade. It can definitely be an addiction.

Anything can be an addiction. It is hardly your fault if someone spends money he doesn't have in escorts. Nobody blames the bartender either if someone drinks too much. At least if he drinks it in a different bar; the only thing you can be held responsible is if you don't stop serving even if you can certainly know the customer has a problem.

 

[Exnocomment]

This can happen with anything fun or pleasurable or even work itself

I’ve been making “real money” for a few years now and there were times I went totally overboard as well.

What I will say though is the same I say to overeating when you order too much food - you cross a line and are paying to feel bad.

Perspective is what people lose sight of frequently - all the money in the world is sometimes less fun than a good book, friends to play board games with or a nice meal. I’ve started enjoying traveling to far flung destinations and just taking in the vibe of the cities and, if I feel like it, maybe finding some companionship - but only if I want to.

Different things work for different people - so you’ll have to see what works for you to hit a soft reset.

 

[Frenchy]

So in the past 2 and a half years I`ve received pay raises that allow me to have hundreds of thousands of yen in disposable income that I did not have before.

I still have been spending the same percentage of my disposable income on mid-level priced adult services though. This literally means I now go 3-4 times a week spending 2 or more hours at these places (We are talking cheap Sexy Pubs to Full blown services). The level and quality of services in this country are just so high, the ability to buy a incredibly cute 22 years old for 10000 yen an hour make-out sessions has to be only Japan.

Lately I`ve become null to it all, no real pleasure in these acts, just going through the motions for human contact.
I feel like a druggie, I need to get my hit, but the actual hits don`t make me feel anything. Go to these sexy pubs and while it might be nice to get a massage, I I feel like just going through the motions if the girls come on to me.

Was curious if anyone else has seeked helped for this type of addiction?

Thanks!

Welcome to my world!

Yes, many times. Feeling vaguely nauseous.

Is it worth it? In the long run, no. Not at all.

 

[e-smile]

This is actually so concerning to me. I’ve recently watched a case of someone i know going out of control with cheating and spending money thats not only his and while i wasn’t one of the girls involved it made me aware of things and for the first time i feel sick with guilt about this line of trade. It can definitely be an addiction.
Now, i’d have a hard time going without play and human affection as well, but i find so much comfort in seeing clients that I haven’t even felt the need for a sex friend, let alone p4p.

sugar can also be an addiction, it doesn't mean candy maker should feel guilty

 

[e-smile]

Was curious if anyone else has seeked helped for this type of addiction?

I can't afford this kind of addiction, so I stick to nicotine

 

[Lukes]

Sorry to hear of your predicament. These things are painful to experience and hard to share I'm sure.

When I first stumbled onto P4P many years ago, I was using it as an escape from the stress of financial troubles and a bad relationship (which later became a bad marriage). I wasn't getting any emotional support from my partner so I delved deeper into the world of P4P and the kinds of services I was looking for became more extreme since the basic stuff wasn't enough anymore for me to be satisfied.

The cure (ironically) came when I went well and truly broke (not because of P4P, just other reasons) and couldn't afford the hobby anymore. When you have to decide between putting food on the table for your loved ones or paying for some strange, I guess you find out what you're made of. I ditched the strange until things improved and have kept my P4P activities to a bare minimum ever since though I've never completely been free of it (and don't think I ever will be).

Anyways, I don't recommend being broke. But I do recommend taking a step back and evaluating what's important in life and what you want out of it. I was never able to talk to a counselor about my issues for fear that this would all somehow find its way back to my family but it might be worth it to seek help or at least some support.

 

[Frenchy]

Sorry to hear of your predicament. These things are painful to experience and hard to share I'm sure.

When I first stumbled onto P4P many years ago, I was using it as an escape from the stress of financial troubles and a bad relationship (which later became a bad marriage). I wasn't getting any emotional support from my partner so I delved deeper into the world of P4P and the kinds of services I was looking for became more extreme since the basic stuff wasn't enough anymore for me to be satisfied.

The cure (ironically) came when I went well and truly broke (not because of P4P, just other reasons) and couldn't afford the hobby anymore. When you have to decide between putting food on the table for your loved ones or paying for some strange, I guess you find out what you're made of. I ditched the strange until things improved and have kept my P4P activities to a bare minimum ever since though I've never completely been free of it (and don't think I ever will be).

Anyways, I don't recommend being broke. But I do recommend taking a step back and evaluating what's important in life and what you want out of it. I was never able to talk to a counselor about my issues for fear that this would all somehow find its way back to my family but it might be worth it to seek help or at least some support.

Your experience resonates a lot .. never went broke but certainly spent way too much at some point . What you say about seeking « emotional support » is interesting because it’s not what normal people think we are looking for, they think it’s just about being sexually deprived (and depraved).
But truely any addiction including this one is about looking for something else , which one can never really find , coz it’s not in there for real. it’s just delusions and temporary (and costly) fixes or patches, and then you need more and more of them.

I decided to cool down when I noticed I was basically confusing the « GFE illusion » with the real thing. You can have a pro or SB not faking an orgasm... I know I could succeed in that. But you can’t have her not faking the rest. Money can’t buy affection, respect, attractability (is that even a word?) etc

 

[MikeH]

Money can’t buy affection, respect, attractability etc

People who say money can't buy love just don't have enough money.

I am pretty sure that if I was a billionaire there would be way more people who really believed they love me than there is now.

 

[Yuriko]

Thank you for finding Japan, as such a paradise for that.

I think it's best you spend money on what makes you happy to, If your wife doesn't provide the excitement anymore.

I think what makes men mentally unhappy, unhealthy is, when you surpress your sexual desire, knowing what you want deep down, but not allowing yourself. It also creates bad calma.

So, as far as you're controled, maybe TAG indies can be more GFE, more deeper personal fun, for those hours you spend. You can get personal satisfaction for time you spent. But, if you're wanting more, why not repeat it or find SB that can
be more of paid GF. Or finding non professional, who are worth pampered, spend money on her, and receive love, as well. I think you want "love" in return???

or why not loving yourself more, deep down...

 

[Frenchy]

People who say money can't buy love just don't have enough money.

I am pretty sure that if I was a billionaire there would be way more people who really believed they love me than there is now.

Oh I was not even going as far as using the L word (which can be the worst delusion and addiction of them all)

 

[Mrmer]

Nothing you abuse past what you can afford to spend is worth it.

Gambling is my mistress.....

Load of chips..alcohol...cute chick who imagines a billion places better to be but slaps that smile bounces those tititties is a fun thing

 

[ndvd8]

One day, I will open a title like this. I feel the same. At first dates in japan, I had some girl friends ,had intention to marry. But did not for some reasons.
At a point i realized i can get whatever service i want. And it does not harm my feelings.
young,mature,nurse,teacher..... whatever i dream i can choose that night.
some weeks i was going for 5times.
Now it became 2-3 times. not willing to much but also not willing to marry or have a girl friend.
this is a luxury zone maybe. we can experience every fantasy we want. but also we lack real emotions.
I am also not sure of what to do.

 

[jhingy567]

Anyways, I don't recommend being broke. But I do recommend taking a step back and evaluating what's important in life and what you want out of it. I was never able to talk to a counselor about my issues for fear that this would all somehow find its way back to my family but it might be worth it to seek help or at least some support.

Agreed. Talking to a mental health professional or counselor might really help (barring a few life-death/physical harm exceptions, they should keep everything confidential). Often these things defy our own logic.
Stopping cold turkey and cooling off for a while may also help in resetting the "baseline".

Having experienced some psychological dependence issues myself in the past, I can empathize with OP. I'm single, don't handle stress very well, and feel lonely at times due to work, so can easily see myself in a similar predicament if i lived in Tokyo. (partly why i'm hesitant to monger at home - would end up spending way more than I should if I met someone possessing traits discussed in the 'keeper' thread)

 

[MossBoss]

I knew one guy who was addicted to ‘adult orientsted’ services. If he didn’t spend so much money on hobbying he would have a bunch of money to spend on; better - vacations, housing, transport, clothes and food etc.... As well having money for savings, investments, other entertainment and hobbys.

Then again, if he didn’t spend money on mongering he would found another addiction like gambling. Some people are wired that way.

 

[scorpioni6ths]

i'm a was like that ... i splurged so much of my savings in P4P ... no regrets.

i was trying to try new things out and i found P4P to be lenient to my misgivings. one thing i learned/realized, and i hope other people also *addicted* will learn, is that i'm responsible for my own happiness/wellness ... i just need to find other venues ... other outlets .. and rechannel these carnal desires.

i had the desire to *give* ... i give pleasure, i give money, i give my time, but when i wanted to "take" even just a little bit i got dissapointed. there is no real give/take balance in P4P or life, in general.

 

[Frenchy]

i'm a was like that ... i splurged so much of my savings in P4P ... no regrets.

i was trying to try new things out and i found P4P to be lenient to my misgivings. one thing i learned/realized, and i hope other people also *addicted* will learn, is that i'm responsible for my own happiness/wellness ... i just need to find other venues ... other outlets .. and rechannel these carnal desires.

i had the desire to *give* ... i give pleasure, i give money, i give my time, but when i wanted to "take" even just a little bit i got dissapointed. there is no real give/take balance in P4P or life, in general.

Good points. Being more of a « giver » too it infuriates me sometimes how little I think I get back... but to be fair givers are bad at asking. And saying no. For takers its natural (please do this for me, I want that etc) they don’t even see anything wrong with it. And thats ok. But I don’t know why , I have to force myself to be like that, in any situation (business too). Or be really assertive, bossy... then takers who get asked think it’s insulting, or a joke, or a display of neediness etc...

Now I try to give less. And clearly ask what I want, seriously, not as a joke. When I asked this SB I wanted a BJ on my balcony she was happy to oblige, right away. Another one thought it was not serious, or maybe for later etc... and I felt bad if I insisted, so I did not. I don’t blame her, I blame myself.

Conclusion: surround yourself with other givers too! And truth is , I think they are in general happier than takers, besides the occasional bouts of anger and frustration

 

[Frenchy]

Come to think of it there is probably also the addiction on the providers side: getting as many clients and money as possible, at the risk of getting numb and losing sight of the essential, and basically seeing the guys as just ATMs with dicks.

I liked when @Simonka for example said she limited herself to one client a day (or maybe 2 or 3 a week, I forgot). Takes discipline I suppose coz it would be probably easier to earn more, but in the long run it’s certainly healthier.

 

[Simonka]

Come to think of it there is probably also the addiction on the providers side: getting as many clients and money as possible, at the risk of getting numb and losing sight of the essential, and basically seeing the guys as just ATMs with dicks.

I liked when @Simonka for example said she limited herself to one client a day (or maybe 2 or 3 a week, I forgot). Takes discipline I suppose coz it would be probably easier to earn more, but in the long run it’s certainly healthier.

Replying to this because I was tagged:
I prefer to not have more than one in a day because I have daytime commitments and do better at multiple hour bookings, but mainly because escorting is not my only income and I have the luxury to be low volume. We cannot call someone desensitized or addicted just because they have student loans to pay, urgent bills to take care of, or kids to look after.. everybody has their own life struggle. When I first landed in Japan I had to work in an office until the last train, not because I chose to but because I was young, my family couldn’t financially support me and I simply had to.. it’s not any different than that.

 

[Frenchy]

Replying to this because I was tagged:
I prefer to not have more than one in a day because I have daytime commitments and do better at multiple hour bookings, but mainly because escorting is not my only income and I have the luxury to be low volume. We cannot call someone desensitized or addicted just because they have student loans to pay, urgent bills to take care of, or kids to look after.. everybody has their own life struggle. When I first landed in Japan I had to work in an office until the last train, not because I chose to but because I was young, my family couldn’t financially support me and I simply had to.. it’s not any different than that.

Agreed, and sorry I was just thinking from the client’s pov. There are ladies who waste the proceeds on much less worthy endeavors though, but who am I to criticize others for wasting P4P money

 

[Viggagadye]

I knew one guy who was addicted to ‘adult orientsted’ services. If he didn’t spend so much money on hobbying he would have a bunch of money to spend on; better - vacations, housing, transport, clothes and food etc.... As well having money for savings, investments, other entertainment and hobbys.

Then again, if he didn’t spend money on mongering he would found another addiction like gambling. Some people are wired that way.

Yup, some people have extremely addictive personalities, and will always be addicted to something. Drugs, alcohol, sex, gaming, gambling, smoking, whatever it is. Some people manage to turn that into a strength though, and get "addicted" to something healthy or constructive.

 

[Frenchy]

Some people manage to turn that into a strength though, and get "addicted" to something healthy or constructive.

Do you know their secret? I guess it starts with focusing attention on that better thing, even if not doing anything yet, at least to have the unhealthy one take less mindspace?

 

[Viggagadye]

Do you know their secret? I guess it starts with focusing attention on that better thing, even if not doing anything yet, at least to have the unhealthy one take less mindspace?

I'm no expert on it, but I do have a couple of friends who are like that. One of them had an addictive personality from very young, but in his early 20s, turned that passion to exercise and health. He literally gets anxious and frustrated when he hasn't had a hard workout that day. While that might not necessarily be a mentally healthy state to be in, it's probably better than other addictions. Another one turned to fine carpentry, woodwork and cabinet making. He used to be hardcore addicted to gaming. But now he'll get 3-4 hours of sleep a day because he's in his workshop til dawn, not because he's on the computer. He's freaking talented and making some good money from it. Again, not entirely healthy, but you've got to channel that obsessiveness somewhere.

 

[Yuriko]

Come to think of it there is probably also the addiction on the providers side: getting as many clients and money as possible, at the risk of getting numb and losing sight of the essential, and basically seeing the guys as just ATMs with dicks.

I liked when @Simonka for example said she limited herself to one client a day (or maybe 2 or 3 a week, I forgot). Takes discipline I suppose coz it would be probably easier to earn more, but in the long run it’s certainly healthier.

I think there are married wives could be hubbies are "ATM" with a dick. They don't even give pleasure for that cock. I think, it all starts from there...P4P addict...You know your wife wouldn't love you the way you wanted.

If you're happily sexed, I think men wouldn't be here mongering...