Addiction to adult services. / oversexed

I'm no expert on it, but I do have a couple of friends who are like that. One of them had an addictive personality from very young, but in his early 20s, turned that passion to exercise and health. He literally gets anxious and frustrated when he hasn't had a hard workout that day. While that might not necessarily be a mentally healthy state to be in, it's probably better than other addictions. Another one turned to fine carpentry, woodwork and cabinet making. He used to be hardcore addicted to gaming. But now he'll get 3-4 hours of sleep a day because he's in his workshop til dawn, not because he's on the computer. He's freaking talented and making some good money from it. Again, not entirely healthy, but you've got to channel that obsessiveness somewhere.
Yes I see that, thanks. In a way the “healthiest” habits I had were when I was between two jobs: had to be careful on my spending (nearly no P4P, booze, expensive restaurants etc) and lots of exercise , nature walking and charity work. Was stressful to face the uncertainty of a job search , but at least I was not thinking all the time about which nice pair of tits I wanted to see...:D
 
If you're happily sexed, I think men wouldn't be here mongering...

I don't think that is entirely true. I know several guys who get it regularly at home but are still mongering. The difference is they do only p4p as it is safer for them.

It is not only about quantity, and not even about quality. Guys want variety too and even if you get perfectly prepared steak every day for dinner sometimes you just want to get fast food or Chinese. :D
 
but at least I was not thinking all the time about which nice pair of tits I wanted to see...:D

I don't understand, you say that like it was a good thing? :D
 
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I don't think that is entirely true. I know several guys who get it regularly at home but are still mongering. The difference is they do only p4p as it is safer for them.

It is not only about quantity, and not even about quality. Guys want variety too and even if you get perfectly prepared steak every day for dinner sometimes you just want to get fast food or Chinese. :D

This is so true...I ask myself sometimes why I think about other sex options so much... My wife is very nice to me. And she is very pretty. All of the outside sex I got was with a much less nice lady... But for some reason I keep thinking of other ways. Mostly situation that the person itself.


I wish my wife would be open to 3some or exchange. Things like that. But this is her limit. I must respect that. I still want to experience several things.

Its not easy and I am not happy to keep some things secret.
 
So in the past 2 and a half years I`ve received pay raises that allow me to have hundreds of thousands of yen in disposable income that I did not have before.

I still have been spending the same percentage of my disposable income on mid-level priced adult services though. This literally means I now go 3-4 times a week spending 2 or more hours at these places (We are talking cheap Sexy Pubs to Full blown services). The level and quality of services in this country are just so high, the ability to buy a incredibly cute 22 years old for 10000 yen an hour make-out sessions has to be only Japan.

Lately I`ve become null to it all, no real pleasure in these acts, just going through the motions for human contact.
I feel like a druggie, I need to get my hit, but the actual hits don`t make me feel anything. Go to these sexy pubs and while it might be nice to get a massage, I I feel like just going through the motions if the girls come on to me.

Was curious if anyone else has seeked helped for this type of addiction?

Thanks!
@okayspot thanks for starting this thread. Acknowledging you have an issue is the first step, it's imortant to get things off your chest and there's some great advice from TAG members as usual. Personally, I have quite an addictive personality so the discussion struck a chord. Fortunately I have always been able to realise things are spiralling out of control or lucky enough that friends or professionals have intervened. I do not think I can give any hard and fast advice, your situation is unique to you, but maybe there are some basic suggestions:
1) Disrupt the pattern
2) Step back and try to understand what is driving this behaviour
3) Decide how to place limits on your activity or decide to stop completely ("go cold turkey")
4) Address the fundamental reasons for the unhappiness that is driving the unhealthy habits (this takes a lot of time and you may never vanquish your demons)
Some examples from my life:
Gaming - realised I was losing it when I played overnight the weekend before my end of high school exams - got lucky (with questions) and did fine on the exams - was so shook up about it that I have never gamed since
Alcohol - whilst at university my family doctor asked me about my alcohol consumption (I halved it) and took a blood test in the knowledge I had been drinking the night before. She prodded me in my liver and it hurt like hell. A few days later she called me, pointed out that 8 hours after stopping drinking I had been 5 times the legal driving limit, she thought I was lying about my consumption and she expected me to die by the age of 30 if I didn't moderate my behaviour. I started driving a lot more when going out with friends (I never drink and drive) and resolved to never drink alone. I have pretty much managed to stick to this approach and with age I have followed the classic "premiumisation" route, spending more on quality alcohol and consuming less when I do drink
P4P - I have been lucky that it has never really been an addiction or got out of hand. It kind of happened by accident (helping a business partner navigate a soapland) and although I have been tempted in my home country, I simply made it a red line to only ever do it in Japan.
So, my P4P experience is probably not helpful, but I would suggest you try to do less and "better" as a first step. Maybe decide to only play during the week (to limit opportunities) or at weekends or a set number of times per week/month.
As others have already said. exercising is good for stress management and overall mental health, whatever the reasons that are driving your unhappiness, exercse will help with it. Also, if you look and feel fitter, the sex is better. You'll feel more confident and your providers will probably be more into it as well.
I hope that is helpful, in case it sounds like I am lecturing, I am still battling my food consumption (we all need to eat and I love food) and to manage to exercise enough (back issues mean I can no longer run which I had become mildly addicted to (a "good" addiction as other have mentioned). I am typically 10-15 kgs overweight when working. In fact my work life was so out of balance (insane boss) I quit my job and am currently considering my next move. We all have our demons, thanks for sharing and good luck vanquishing them!
 
This is so true...I ask myself sometimes why I think about other sex options so much... My wife is very nice to me. And she is very pretty. All of the outside sex I got was with a much less nice lady... But for some reason I keep thinking of other ways. Mostly situation that the person itself.
.

I wouldn’t be too hard on yourself in terms of having the desires to explore other sexual experiences and with other partners. My husband and I are still very much in love with one another after being married for 19 years. We are both attracted to each other and have a healthy sex life. But we both have the desire to spice up our marriage by engaging in p4p. I personally believe it’s normal, healthy and common for both men and women to want multiple partners in general but our society makes us wrong for having these thoughts and desires.

I wish my wife would be open to 3some or exchange. Things like that. But this is her limit. I must respect that. I still want to experience several things.

Its not easy and I am not happy to keep some things secret.

It’s nice of you to have respect for her boundaries but have you asked your wife why she is not open to a threesome? Is it because she is not attracted to women? Is it due to societal stigmas or jealousy?

I am simply asking because sometimes the “nice” guys have a tendency to not push the subject further due to fear of what their wife might feel or think of them. You might be surprised on how many women and especially “married women” are willing to entertain and explore the idea of a threesome if you approach the conversation in a loving manner and in a non threatening and non creepy way.
 
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As the Buta sashays through life, just like about every other slob with a penis on the planet, he has a little Devil sitting on one shoulder and a little Angel sitting on the other shoulder. The Devil is for the most part just a spokesman for his dick. Simple to understand: FUCK! SUCK! FUCK! SUCK! NOW! NOW! NOW! The Angel on the other shoulder is thinking about all kinds of stupid shit including morality, wasting money, common sense, health, fear of STDs, getting caught and hurting loved ones, etc. Sometimes the Devil wins the arguement and the Buta finds himself forking out some Yokichi bills to Make the Devil Happy. Oh well. It happens. The Devil Made Me Do It. The thing is though, the Angel is OK with it because she knows I got it completely under control. As long as I am careful about STDs and about not getting caught by someone who would be hurt emotionally. And as long as I dont spend more that a small percentage of a small rounding error of my vast Buta fortune on it. As long as I don't let it interfere or take the place of more noble endeavours such as drinking fine claret, eating fine delicacies, and sporting about in the Great World we live in. In other words, it is just a minor hobby for the Buta, and that is what it should be for all who partake, IMO. If it is more than that, then you need to re-evaluate and get help if you can't tone it down. Over and Out.
 
As the Buta sashays through life, just like about every other slob with a penis on the planet, he has a little Devil sitting on one shoulder and a little Angel sitting on the other shoulder. The Devil is for the most part just a spokesman for his dick. Simple to understand: FUCK! SUCK! FUCK! SUCK! NOW! NOW! NOW! The Angel on the other shoulder is thinking about all kinds of stupid shit including morality, wasting money, common sense, health, fear of STDs, getting caught and hurting loved ones, etc. Sometimes the Devil wins the arguement and the Buta finds himself forking out some Yokichi bills to Make the Devil Happy. Oh well. It happens. The Devil Made Me Do It. The thing is though, the Angel is OK with it because she knows I got it completely under control. As long as I am careful about STDs and about not getting caught by someone who would be hurt emotionally. And as long as I dont spend more that a small percentage of a small rounding error of my vast Buta fortune on it. As long as I don't let it interfere or take the place of more noble endeavours such as drinking fine claret, eating fine delicacies, and sporting about in the Great World we live in. In other words, it is just a minor hobby for the Buta, and that is what it should be for all who partake, IMO. If it is more than that, then you need to re-evaluate and get help if you can't tone it down. Over and Out.
A pig with ethical dilemmas , my favorites!
By the way this year is your year , Omedetoo!
 
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A pig with ethical dilemmas , my favorites!
By the way this year is your year , Omedetoo!
These are not dilemmas. This is the duality of Humanity. Or Pigigity in my case. It’s a Jungian thing. I am completely comfortable in my pig skin.
 
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