Advice for someone new to sugar dating

[moonbunny]

Hello~ I'm hoping to get some advice regarding sugar dating. I'm very new to it and haven't seem to quite grasp how to best go about it. So far, it's been a bit of trial and error and learning as I go.

Mainly I'm wondering what potential SDs are looking or hoping for right at the beginning from a pot. SB. Do you want the SB to initiate conversations often? Are you able to tell whether someone is a right fit for you off the bat? Anything I should avoid? Or do?

I had set up a meeting with someone on SA but they cancelled suddenly, saying that they weren't excited about the meeting because we had no chemistry (even though we only talked to set up the meeting) and blocked me immediately after. We had set a meeting for I think 5 days later due to schedules and didn't speak for the past few days. I'm a little shy, on top of being new to this, so I didn't initiate conversation anytime during this... figuring we would get to know each other more over dinner. I was a bit surprised by the blocking, but I get it... however, I'm wondering if it's something that I did , or didn't do here.

For another situation, I exchanged LINE with someone and we talked a bit the first night. They live in Kyoto whereas I live in Tokyo so an immediate meetup is not possible. After a few days, I sent another message just to see how they are doing and got left on read.

 

[TAG Manager]

Mainly I'm wondering what potential SDs are looking or hoping for right at the beginning from a pot. SB. Do you want the SB to initiate conversations often? Are you able to tell whether someone is a right fit for you off the bat? Anything I should avoid? Or do?

You're going to a lot of varied answers on this. The only right answer is to set your own limits of what you will and will not do, etc. A lot of people treat SB's as pseudo-escorts and tend to look for quick chemistry and a trip to a hotel. (That's not everyone, but it is a high percentage) -- Always arrange meetings in public, setting your own limits as I noted already.. some SD's will offer up a social meet-n-greet first, others may be more direct. A lot of common sense, extended with experience as you venture into this world.

I had set up a meeting with someone on SA but they cancelled suddenly, saying that they weren't excited about the meeting because we had no chemistry (even though we only talked to set up the meeting) and blocked me immediately after. We had set a meeting for I think 5 days later due to schedules and didn't speak for the past few days. I'm a little shy, on top of being new to this, so I didn't initiate conversation anytime during this... figuring we would get to know each other more over dinner. I was a bit surprised by the blocking, but I get it... however, I'm wondering if it's something that I did , or didn't do here.

Goes to the everyone's different clause -- I don't like making sweeping opinions on people, but in my own experience with SB's I've met -- they all have really good stories and really bad ones.
Some people want active communication, others don't. There's no way to know for sure, so it's in your best interest to not waste too much time wondering what happened. The approach here, I don't see any problem with. The meeting is set and the only communication needed is if there are any changes or perhaps special requests.

For another situation, I exchanged LINE with someone and we talked a bit the first night. They live in Kyoto whereas I live in Tokyo so an immediate meetup is not possible. After a few days, I sent another message just to see how they are doing and got left on read.

Most likely, they took another bite from someone that was local and ghosted you. That's the problem with social media these days - ghosting is widely practiced whereas a polite no thanks or sorry, I'm not interested would be more appreciated. (Note: this applies to escorts too - people make requests and never follow-up with a 'no thanks' once the escort responds, leaving them hanging while holding the time slot in case the client wanted to confirm... some just ghost and never follow-up)

 

[TAG Manager]

Hello~ I'm hoping to get some advice regarding sugar dating. I'm very new to it and haven't seem to quite grasp how to best go about it. So far, it's been a bit of trial and error and learning as I go.

I guess at first, you need to set your parameters on what you are looking for:

A) Monthly allowance - a set amount you get each month for a certain number of meetings for pre-discussed activities. (I've seen as little as 50k/month to as much as 500k/month for those that I've been in touch with)

B) PPM - Pay Per Meet -- This ranges anywhere from 20k-50k on average, depending on the situation (social outing vs. hotel, etc. etc.) - It's more like an escort situation where it's a set amount for a range of time, to be decided by you and your SD. Some SB's have different opinions on what a good ratio is here.

C) A combination of the above - a custom arrangement either by pre-agreed terms or ad hoc depending on the time of year. (students, tourists, business travelers, etc.)

You also have to consider social events: Shopping, Dining Out, Shows, Travel, Outdoors Activity or Cultural Activities, etc. -- Usually the SD's take care of the travel expense, food expense and some shopping allowance... but it's something you have to workout.

You have to consider if you can handle more than one SD, or just find one good SD that meets your needs and not worry about trying to meeting many people in a given time period.

 

[moonbunny]

In my experience so far, it's all been PPM from people looking for someone just to go to a hotel with. My Japanese unfortunately isn't so great so my options are pretty limited. With English speaking people, they'll ask me what I'm looking for but I'm a bit scared to say things like I'm looking for an allowance or things like that but I'll tell them I'm looking for financial assistance. However, it seems with the ones I have conversed with so far, they are also just looking for PPM at a hotel.

 

[TAG Manager]

With English speaking people, they'll ask me what I'm looking for but I'm a bit scared to say things like I'm looking for an allowance or things like that but I'll tell them I'm looking for financial assistance.

No need to be shy - That's the whole reason that this whole process exists. You're just going to have to watch out for those who will promise the world and then say, "Can I pay you later?". Never ends well. It's much better to just go ahead and get that part out of the way... but I get your point about being scared, it's understable when you're new to this world.

However, it seems with the ones I have conversed with so far, they are also just looking for PPM at a hotel.

Yes, most common.... and this is where I'd bring up the escort argument. I've spoken to SB's when they are comparing the SB life vs the Escort life. When you're doing PPM at a hotel, it's the same exact thing. Escorts get a set amount of money for a set duration of time, but it's automatically understand that you're going to a hotel to have sex with a client. SB's are not always like that, but for at least one woman I worked with - she gave up SB'ing to just do escorting. She was doing fine until corona, like everyone else, the market took a dump.

In any case - you've seen the PPM-Hotel version -- luckily, you're in Japan, so it's generally safe most of the time. I just highly recommend you get regular testing if the hotels will be the most common destination.

 

[just4fun]

What a great topic.

 

[EnglishVisitor]

Good luck moonbunny!

Everyone is looking for something different and clearly the chemistry is key. From my experience I had better chemistry with people that we didn’t text much than those we did.

best of luck

 

[moonbunny]

Good luck moonbunny!

Everyone is looking for something different and clearly the chemistry is key. From my experience I had better chemistry with people that we didn’t text much than those we did.

best of luck

I understand but we didn't even meet and barely talked so I was confused as to why he said we had no chemistry. But I assume he just found something more suitable to his liking.

 

[just4fun]

Well, you know, men decide with their eyes and women with their ears.
Which is why women spend so much on make-up and guys lie their ass off

 

[moonbunny]

haha yea, it's something i keep in mind. i'm not ugly but i don't look like a model either so can't be helped I guess

I appreciate the help and advice guys!

 

[EnglishVisitor]

B

haha yea, it's something i keep in mind. i'm not ugly but i don't look like a model either so can't be helped I guess

I appreciate the help and advice guys!

Best of luck!

We’ll I’m just about to sign up for SA, so I’ve got a lot to learn too

 

[bobharris]

you've seen the PPM-Hotel version -- luckily, you're in Japan, so it's generally safe most of the time. I just highly recommend you get regular testing if the hotels will be the most common destination

Totally agree. It seems hard to imagine this in other countries, but in Japan it's very safe and I don't think you are going to have problems.

I need to learn more about SA as well, I made an account, but I think my profile is not complete.

 

[TAG Manager]

I need to learn more about SA as well, I made an account, but I think my profile is not complete.

If you didn’t pay, then it’s not compete.
You can browse all you want, but won’t be able to contact anyone until you’ve paid.

 

[bobharris]

@moonbunny any chance to get your DM for chatting?

 

[moonbunny]

@moonbunny any chance to get your DM for chatting?

Sure, but how do I go about getting the DM info? I looked and couldn't find anything. Sorry, new here as well xD

 

[bobharris]

how do I go about getting the DM info

@moonbunny I guess you can set up this on your profile, privacy section and set "Members only" on "Start conversations with you", if I'm not wrong.

 

[Tokidoki]

@moonbunny I guess you can set up this on your profile, privacy section and set "Members only" on "Start conversations with you", if I'm not wrong.

TAG probably does not permit SB's from working on their site without compensation. Just get her SA name, seems like you're already joining anyway.

(I have SA too on occasion, join the club and pay the fee like the rest of us. Sugardaddy.jp is better though...)

 

[bobharris]

I don't have any intention to take any advantage. As I mentioned, I joined SA, and the idea to DM was to ask her name there.
I consulted Chris before posting, but if there's any problem I can delete anytime.

 

[TAG Manager]

By general policy and in fairness - we don't typically allow sugar arrangements on TAG (we do not see any revenue, why should we support it?). That is what SA/SD.jp is for.