Advice in 2020 for finding sefure and fwb in Tokyo (mid30s-50s)

[slam01]

Thanks In Advanced
I’ve been on tag quite a while.

This is intended to open a conversation with those who can contribute-

Looking to meet mid 30s to early 50s for nsa/fwb/sefure situation. Not into paying for play, definitely want to avoid anyone hubby hunting. A bit kinky here but not into pain or anything too far out.

My Japanese is good enough to hang out, can read texts and menus. chat about a lot- but I’m still working on it. tricky to employ nuance, and sometimes casual bar talk and dating vocab and double meanings escape me.

Im young looking mid 40s, married/wife has a health issue that totally crushed her libido so there’s a DADT, not looking to divorce. I have a small business and work alone so I can find time in the day. Sometimes can go out at night and weekends.

- Going to events and bars to flirt is fun but time consuming
- I don’t want to use foreign aps: tinder/pof
- id prefer domestic aps but many are just sakura fodder
- not into paying for play.

I’m 100% sure there are some similarly married or occupied women that would absolutely enjoy a foreign guy who’s attractive and fun, and not asking for anything then showing them a good time and some adult excitement. I’d prefer someone that’s an actual FREIND w benefit. It’s fine to be hunter for numbers (been there done that) or to pay but that’s not me.

I’m looking at different threads here to get ideas as well!

Thanks!

 

[majimekun]

Not married but same age(48)/profile as you.
My Japanese is fluent, and I refuse to speak English with anyone.

Currently having two Japanese sex friends.
One found on Japan Cupid (36yo), one found on Tinder (23yo).
I'm not counting the several ONS that occurred with 20~40 yo girls, all found on Tinder.
As you see, it's not impossible to find them ... as long as you're not married.
From my experience, non-married girls avoid married men at any cost even for a sefure relationship.
And I doubt you'd be able to hide the fact that you're married long enough.

What you could do is target the married women only (if you're not afraid of any potential lawsuit).
So, just look at the profiles stating that they are 既婚者 and super-like them all.

Other than that it's going to be difficult IMHO.

 

[MikeH]

From my experience, non-married girls avoid married men at any cost even for a sefure relationship.

Because they can also easily get a single guy and avoid all the complications and even possibly law suits.

I don't think most of them have any moral barriers not to fuck married guys, they just rather go with the safer options.

 

[Lukes]

I think your focus is too narrow here. You're married, middle-aged and gaijin (I'm assuming). That's like the trifecta of what most Japanese women *don't* want in a casual dating partner.

Really I think the foreign apps *are* the way to go if you're determined. These women are already looking for foreigners and are less conservative. Yes there's weirdos and gaijin hunters but you're going to have to do a good amount of work anyways to weed out the undesirables. If you have nights and weekends free you should also be hitting up bars in person and casting a wider net.

 

[Frenchy]

I think your focus is too narrow here. You're married, middle-aged and gaijin (I'm assuming). That's like the trifecta of what most Japanese women *don't* want in a casual dating partner.

Really I think the foreign apps *are* the way to go if you're determined. These women are already looking for foreigners and are less conservative. Yes there's weirdos and gaijin hunters but you're going to have to do a good amount of work anyways to weed out the undesirables. If you have nights and weekends free you should also be hitting up bars in person and casting a wider net.

Just my 2 yens but in this case gaijin hunters are exactly what is required isn’t it?
If you don’t bring any money , long-term relationships prospects , and you’re a gaijin and middle-aged on top of that, it must be pretty hard to get into the pants of a lady who’s not interested in foreigners

 

[warubuta]

May I repeat your order? Young, attractive Japanese woman to have 'a little bit' kinky sex with you when you feel like it, does not want money, isn't crazy, does not want a relationship or long term commitment, and will not cause any trouble for you and your wife. And in exchange, you will be 'friends' with her. Have I got that right? Is there anything else you would like? Perhaps someone to come to your house and wipe your ass for you when you take a shit? No thanks? OK, good. Now please wait here for about a billion fucking years. I am sure someone will be along eventually.

 

[Lukes]

Just my 2 yens but in this case gaijin hunters are exactly what is required isn’t it?
If you don’t bring any money , long-term relationships prospects , and you’re a gaijin and middle-aged on top of that, it must be pretty hard to get into the pants of a lady who’s not interested in foreigners

True they need to be interested in foreigners or at least open to it but I think a gaijin hunter (at least my understanding of them) is that they aren't really looking for a meaningful connection - they're like serial daters that see their gaijin boyfriends as showpieces of sorts. But I know there's no hard rule on what constitutes a hunter so you could be right about that.

 

[MikeH]

True they need to be interested in foreigners or at least open to it but I think a gaijin hunter (at least my understanding of them) is that they aren't really looking for a meaningful connection - they're like serial daters that see their gaijin boyfriends as showpieces of sorts. But I know there's no hard rule on what constitutes a hunter so you could be right about that.

The showcase bf is certainly one class of gaijin hunters and was the main one when I got here ages ago. But would that be so common nowadays when gaijins are not so rare anymore and most Japanese have figured out most of us are the crazy ones?

What I have encountered more lately is the ones that want to get married and taken away from Japan and then those who lived abroad and got too straight talking and independent for the Japanese guys.

Probably no need to mention I prefer the latter ones.

 

[majimekun]

Just my 2 yens but in this case gaijin hunters are exactly what is required isn’t it?
If you don’t bring any money , long-term relationships prospects , and you’re a gaijin and middle-aged on top of that, it must be pretty hard to get into the pants of a lady who’s not interested in foreigners

Sorry French mate but I beg to differ on this one.
If you speak fluent Japanese many will choose to have fun with you independently of your race.
For instance one of my sexfriend doesn't care at all of gaijins. Not even interested in speaking English.
What made her choosing me was the simple fact that I live 5 minutes away from her place by walking distance and that I always let her stay till the next morning. Plus I always wear a condom. Near, Safe and Handy. These three together beat any racial background.

 

[majimekun]

May I repeat your order? Young, attractive Japanese woman to have 'a little bit' kinky sex with you when you feel like it, does not want money, isn't crazy, does not want a relationship or long term commitment, and will not cause any trouble for you and your wife. And in exchange, you will be 'friends' with her. Have I got that right? Is there anything else you would like? Perhaps someone to come to your house and wipe your ass for you when you take a shit? No thanks? OK, good. Now please wait here for about a billion fucking years. I am sure someone will be along eventually.

Remove the "attractive" requirement and then you can find such a girl quite easily.
I had, multiple of times.
Finding them can be time consuming though.

 

[Frenchy]

Sorry French mate but I beg to differ on this one.
If you speak fluent Japanese many will choose to have fun with you independently of your race.
For instance one of my sexfriend doesn't care at all of gaijins. Not even interested in speaking English.
What made her choosing me was the simple fact that I live 5 minutes away from her place by walking distance and that I always let her stay till the next morning. Plus I always wear a condom. Near, Safe and Handy. These three together beat any racial background.

Yeah but we’re French , we don’t play by the same rules

 

[majimekun]

There is some hope though if the OP is good at cleaning places.

 

[warubuta]

Sorry French mate but I beg to differ on this one.
If you speak fluent Japanese many will choose to have fun with you independently of your race.
For instance one of my sexfriend doesn't care at all of gaijins. Not even interested in speaking English.
What made her choosing me was the simple fact that I live 5 minutes away from her place by walking distance and that I always let her stay till the next morning. Plus I always wear a condom. Near, Safe and Handy. These three together beat any racial background.

That is fucking awesome. How did you find her?

 

[Frenchy]

That is fucking awesome. How did you find her?

... and as important , what keeps her wanting to stay in his place at night when she’s living just 5mn from it?
A) awesome all-night sex
B) well stacked fridge, king-size bed with silk sheets , golden Washlet etc
C) dozens of thugs and rapists at night on the way between both places
D) all of the above

 

[warubuta]

... and as important , what keeps her wanting to stay in his place at night when she’s living just 5mn from it?
A) awesome all-night sex
B) well stacked fridge, king-size bed with silk sheets , golden Washlet etc
C) dozens of thugs and rapists at night on the way between both places
D) all of the above

Some combination of the above, or she is a low-energy, average looking lazy bitch who needs to get fucked every now and then but just cant be bothered to go to the Hub.

 

[Frenchy]

Some combination of the above, or she is a low-energy, average looking lazy bitch who needs to get fucked every now and then but just cant be bothered to go to the Hub.

... or we’re just insanely jealous

 

[slam01]

May I repeat your order? Young, attractive Japanese woman to have 'a little bit' kinky sex with you when you feel like it, does not want money, isn't crazy, does not want a relationship or long term commitment, and will not cause any trouble for you and your wife. And in exchange, you will be 'friends' with her. Have I got that right? Is there anything else you would like? Perhaps someone to come to your house and wipe your ass for you when you take a shit? No thanks? OK, good. Now please wait here for about a billion fucking years. I am sure someone will be along eventually.

Sorry French mate but I beg to differ on this one.
If you speak fluent Japanese many will choose to have fun with you independently of your race.
For instance one of my sexfriend doesn't care at all of gaijins. Not even interested in speaking English.
What made her choosing me was the simple fact that I live 5 minutes away from her place by walking distance and that I always let her stay till the next morning. Plus I always wear a condom. Near, Safe and Handy. These three together beat any racial background.

totally. I'm not inexperienced here. I have had some amazing experiences. I'm not expecting magic. In any major big city, its reasonable to find someone to have some fun with. I just had been occupied the past few years and the scene and apps and bars and options change-- it's funny how there seems to be a strong difference between respondents. Those that find it unreasonable and those that see practical approaches. I dont speak "fluently" but enough to flirt and have conversation. If a woman speaks even a tiny bit of English the gaps dissolve almost completely. There are literally millions of women in Kanto-- some are more open than others, it would be the same ANYWHERE. It's just making the right connection.

 

[majimekun]

That is fucking awesome. How did you find her?

On Tinder by simply restricting the search area to a 2 km range.

This is the secret sauce for finding lazy/hikikomori girls who need sex from time to time without the hassle.

 

[majimekun]

.
A) awesome all-night sex

I'm not that genki
1 night session + 1 morning session is largely enough.

 

[Frenchy]

I'm not that genki
1 night session + 1 morning session is largely enough.

Yeah I get that. With current partner who likes to stay at my place for the more logical reasons (hers is far , and she hates her husband) I have a problem though: she wants more. Usually « normal » SBs are happy to get the deed done just once, relatively quickly, then leave or sleep or watch their cellphone etc... i used to resent that. But now I have second thoughts , because its more humiliating to be the guy who doesn’t need nor want 3 sessions or more per date and have to say « sorry baby, too tired ». Never happened before. I only have a statistical sample of one with filipinas , and she tells me she’s the shy/good girl type!

 

[MikeH]

But now I have second thoughts , because its more humiliating to be the guy who doesn’t need nor want 3 sessions or more per date and have to say « sorry baby, too tired ».

A friend told me the solution is to limit your pops and max hers. Usually letting her go three times before your first should make her sleep peacefully in your arms.

Or so I have been told.

 

[Frenchy]

A friend told me the solution is to limit your pops and max hers. Usually letting her go three times before your first should make her sleep peacefully in your arms.

Or so I have been told.

your friend is wise...
But he probably doesn’t pay the lady so it makes more sense. I do, so I will continue to be an egoistic prick when it comes to pleasure

 

[MikeH]

But he probably doesn’t pay the lady so it makes more sense.

Yeah, of course I don't know the details because it's a friend. Me, like most of us here in TAG, am a sex god that can have sex 24/7, has tremendous abs and three foot cock which can have and make my partners have countless of orgasms all through the night and day.

But maybe you should renegotiate with your SB? Just tell her the first X number of times per date you are paying, but if she wants more then she has to pay. Or does your "no penetration"-policy prevent this?

 

[Frenchy]

Yeah, of course I don't know the details because it's a friend. Me, like most of us here in TAG, am a sex god that can have sex 24/7, has tremendous abs and three foot cock which can have and make my partners have countless of orgasms all through the night and day.

But maybe you should renegotiate with your SB? Just tell her the first X number of times per date you are paying, but if she wants more then she has to pay. Or does your "no penetration"-policy prevent this?

well after the second time in as many hours its not so much a « policy » , just a physical impossibility
(But getting her to take care of the morning wood is awesome, I must admit - at no extra charge, on top of that )

 

[Jenkins55]

You guys are having sex?!

I walked into a bar yesterday. Most social thing I ever did. Baby steps I suppose.