Almost there.. How do I go one step further

[Gunmachan]

I was panicking a bit at that point but didn't want to show it.
Her house smells strongly of perfume (probably to hide for the pets' smell) and I was also reeking of her cosmetics so I asked if I could take a shower. I basically just rinsed my body with water as soap smell is suspicious, but didn't want to rinse my hair as it might have not dried in time.
I dressed up, we spent 5 minutes wishing each other a good night and kissing (her lipstick has a strong smell ). Then I was finally on my way.
I stopped at a konbini, went to the toilets and used a wet paper towel to try and remove more of the smell, changed my clothes, texted my student to thank her and texted my wife to inform her I was going home. (and posted a message on TAG)

The 2 problems at that point were :
1) my coat smelled strongly of perfume
2) my guilty face when I go home

 

[Gunmachan]

When I arrived home my wife was in bed with her laptop. I surprised myself with perfect acting, not talking too much, answering normally...
I just got scared when she said "your coat is smelly"
I ignored it and we kept talking normally. I think she might have the whole situation figured out but doesn't want to confront me about it... She once told me a long time ago that if her boyfriend ever cheated on her, she'd prefer not to know.
I took a shower and we slept.
Next morning we had sex and it felt great.

 

[TAG Manager]

Thanks for the updates, intriguing story... but why so many posts to tell it?

 

[roots reggae]

Sometimes I am glad I am happy un-married

I understand your sentiments.

I've been happily married to a Japanese woman going on fifteen years now.

I read the posts here on TAG and admit to a twinge of jealousy every now and then.

Still, during my long single life, I recall many, many, painfully lonely days and nights.

Just another perspective. We all find happiness in our own way and on our own road.

 

[Gunmachan]

Thanks for the updates, intriguing story... but why so many posts to tell it?

I reckoned a massive post would've been stodgy...

 

[TAG Manager]

I reckoned a massive post would've been stodgy...

It would have been alright as long as it had paragraphs and wasn't a wall-o-text.

 

[rick]

Your wife knows, I think.

There's still a way out of this...

The first thing to do is pick up smoking. Start smoking at home so your wife gets used to you smelling like smoke. It'll also blunt her sense of smell. If she asks you why you are smoking just say you're stressed.

Start buying cologne or eau de parfum. Spray it on yourself and tell her you're covering up the smoke smell.

Go to student's place, fuck her, smoke a cigarette and spray your scent.

Tell me that's not a good idea. I mean, I would tell you not to cheat, but you've already done it, so.

 

[MikeH]

Tell me that's not a good idea. I mean, I would tell you not to cheat, but you've already done it, so.

I don't know. Honestly this all sounds like really much work, lying, guilt and fear for quick and mediocre sex.

 

[hkAlone]

I don't know. Honestly this all sounds like really much work, lying, guilt and fear for quick and mediocre sex.

I understand @deckard was joking there.

Anyway, if you believe in a system of values that promotes sexual monogamy as a virtue, and at the same time, you are facing urging desires, you are really in a tough situation.
Facing an impossible dilemma.
There is no win there.
Either you resist, knowing that the more you resist, the stronger the urge. Even in this situation, you could feel miserable and face some frustration and regrets that could impact anyway your relationship.
Or you let it go and feel miserable considering yourself as an unreliable cheater.

Don't you think there is something wrong there ?

The solution is : Know thyself.
In other words, understand why you feel all these emotions and in the process get rid of some of your inhibitions.

I have no time to write a 50 pages post about.

But, if you need to, you can start readying "Sex At Dawn" (https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B007679QTG/ref=tmm_kin_title_0?ie=UTF8&qid=&sr=) to be completely convinced that human beings is a promiscuous species that was forced to be monogamous as a side effect of settlement.

Guilt feeling is terrible. I do feel really bad for the OP.

Sure P4P is much less trouble. But many men not only need sexual release but also enjoy feeling desirable. It's not completely impossible to satisfy such needs which P4P but it gets seriously complex.
Anyway, it's done.

Let's try to help instead of being judgemental.

I'm pretty much sure your wife doesn't know but she feels there is something wrong. She's surely worried to see you like that and among many other possibilities could think that may be you met somebody. Women have this capacity to worry a lot about anything anyway.

Then, instead of feeling guilt, and showing how bad you feel, take care of her !
That's what she needs right now.

 

[MikeH]

I understand @deckard was joking there.

No way, is that even allowed here in TAG?

In a more serious note; very solid advice here from @hkAlone. I was not trying to be judgemental, sorry if it came out that way.

But if you are in a monogamous relationship then I think there is only two options; either don't play outside or if you do then deal with it yourself. And by that I mean never tell your partner. I know it is not a very popular opinion as we all should be open and honest but you already broken that one by doing it, haven't you? So by confessing you are just trying to get rid of that quilt and feel better about yourself. At the same time you are just shifting all those bad feelings to your partner.

 

[hkAlone]

No way, is that even allowed here in TAG?

In a more serious note; very solid advice here from @hkAlone. I was not trying to be judgemental, sorry if it came out that way.

But if you are in a monogamous relationship then I think there is only two options; either don't play outside or if you do then deal with it yourself. And by that I mean never tell your partner. I know it is not a very popular opinion as we all should be open and honest but you already broken that one by doing it, haven't you? So by confessing you are just trying to get rid of that quilt and feel better about yourself. At the same time you are just shifting all those bad feelings to your partner.

We are indeed quite aligned there...

 

[Gunmachan]

I understand @deckard was joking there.

Anyway, if you believe in a system of values that promotes sexual monogamy as a virtue, and at the same time, you are facing urging desires, you are really in a tough situation.
Facing an impossible dilemma.
There is no win there.
Either you resist, knowing that the more you resist, the stronger the urge. Even in this situation, you could feel miserable and face some frustration and regrets that could impact anyway your relationship.
Or you let it go and feel miserable considering yourself as an unreliable cheater.

Don't you think there is something wrong there ?

The solution is : Know thyself.
In other words, understand why you feel all these emotions and in the process get rid of some of your inhibitions.

I have no time to write a 50 pages post about.

But, if you need to, you can start readying "Sex At Dawn" (https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B007679QTG/ref=tmm_kin_title_0?ie=UTF8&qid=&sr=) to be completely convinced that human beings is a promiscuous species that was forced to be monogamous as a side effect of settlement.

Guilt feeling is terrible. I do feel really bad for the OP.

Sure P4P is much less trouble. But many men not only need sexual release but also enjoy feeling desirable. It's not completely impossible to satisfy such needs which P4P but it gets seriously complex.
Anyway, it's done.

Let's try to help instead of being judgemental.

I'm pretty much sure your wife doesn't know but she feels there is something wrong. She's surely worried to see you like that and among many other possibilities could think that may be you met somebody. Women have this capacity to worry a lot about anything anyway.

Then, instead of feeling guilt, and showing how bad you feel, take care of her !
That's what she needs right now.

Thank you hkAlone, I appreciate your advice and I agree with most of what you wrote in this thread.

I don't have any feelings of guilt so far, I feel pretty good about having done it. It was an amazing experience and, had I not done it, I would have regretted and fantasised about it forever.
I don't feel like I have betrayed my wife either because it was purely sexual. I still love my wife and I don't have any strong emotional connection to my student and while she's a nice girl, I would never see us as a couple.

Now, my wife knows something has been going on, she's smelt the perfume, she's seen my strange reactions over the past 3 weeks when she asked about my private lessons, and while I was out fucking my student last Saturday, she reorganised my wardrobe, re-folding every single piece of cloth I own. And I don't own so many, so she knows 1 sweater and 1 shirt are missing (still in my car.. still smells perfume...taking care of that tonight). I hope it won't consume her to the point she would confront me about it.
One thing is sure, I can't keep coming home with my student's smell on my coat and in my hair every weekend.

For these reasons I want to reassure my wife of my love for her, but wouldn't suddenly buying her a present or taking her on a date make it look like I'm making up for something I shouldn't have done?

 

[Gunmachan]

I would just practice your sanity for the next few months haha. Paranoia incoming! I'm betting you did not have a sit-down with your student to talk about any of this before the sex happened, as you wrote "fuck me" (I sense a tinge of regret?), I sure hope you and your student figure something out so your marriage won't be in jeopardy. On a side note, congratulations on completing your original task!

Had we talked about it beforehand and the sex might have not happened, which I think would have been very frustrating in the future (I could have... but I ruined it.)
After the sex, I got a bit scared so I indeed had a tinge of regret, which is all gone now.
The paranoia is not very strong, but it is here, yes. I even thought maybe an acquaintance might be looking at this forum. Spooky!

 

[TAG Manager]

I even thought maybe an acquaintance might be looking at this forum. Spooky!

TAG is still a relatively unknown site. I wouldn't worry about this part so much unless you've let people access devices you use which have retained your browsing history!

 

[Gunmachan]

TAG is still a relatively unknown site. I wouldn't worry about this part so much unless you've let people access devices you use which have retained your browsing history!

No worries, I only use the privacy mode and have to type my password everytime which is "1234oppai"
...

 

[User#8628]

suddenly buying her a present

That is definitely the most stereotype thing a cheater could do, yes.

 

[dreams]

Coming back on this thread after some time, and so many interesting, valid, comments..

My own experience: I have "cheated" on my wife only once ( I don't consider my 1000+ p4p encounters cheating) in 40 years of marriage. It was a torrid affair, which lasted almost a full year. She was happily married as well, and we both had great kids, and loved our family. So we agreed to let the flow go, for the time it would, and enjoyed the wild sex ( in a plane, at the back of a car, in a lift, in a barn....), which was awesome. Since we were traveling a lot for work, there was no problem to meet, until I changed job, and it become progressively too difficult t met, and the affair died down. We are stll meeting regularly with our respective partners

I had sometimes thought that my wife knew... I will never know, unless I ask her on my deathbed... She once told me that her Grand Ma told he , just before we got married, that if her man cheated her, to just ignore it... Wise advice, I think.
Surprisingly, I never felt guilty. I excused myself in thinking that I still loved her, wanted to spend my later years with her, and did everything I could to spare her any humiliation or embarrassment. And always gave her priority whenever there was conflicting agendas.
As for our friend, his comment that he just wanted to leave after the act, speaks a lot... I feel that he should forget about his student, before things get more messy..
And forget about affairs.
And if his sexual needs are not fully met by his wife, he should go his initial plan: Tomoka form Putit Royal will be an excellent choice!

 

[User#8628]

So how will things continue?

You're leaving Japan soon, right.
I'd say, let the girl down softly. Have some more makeout sessions and talk to her a lot but make it clear that you cant cancel private lessons again (money trouble as exuse maybe) and cant get away from home at other times so that a chance at sex is not there. Good chance your student doesn't care about fucking so much and will be pleased with talking and some kisses and cuddles.
And if you dont do suspecious things anymore, your wife will also forget about the incident.
And then off to another country soonish!

 

[Gunmachan]

Coming back on this thread after some time, and so many interesting, valid, comments..

My own experience: I have "cheated" on my wife only once ( I don't consider my 1000+ p4p encounters cheating) in 40 years of marriage. It was a torrid affair, which lasted almost a full year. She was happily married as well, and we both had great kids, and loved our family. So we agreed to let the flow go, for the time it would, and enjoyed the wild sex ( in a plane, at the back of a car, in a lift, in a barn....), which was awesome. Since we were traveling a lot for work, there was no problem to meet, until I changed job, and it become progressively too difficult t met, and the affair died down. We are stll meeting regularly with our respective partners

I had sometimes thought that my wife knew... I will never know, unless I ask her on my deathbed... She once told me that her Grand Ma told he , just before we got married, that if her man cheated her, to just ignore it... Wise advice, I think.
Surprisingly, I never felt guilty. I excused myself in thinking that I still loved her, wanted to spend my later years with her, and did everything I could to spare her any humiliation or embarrassment. And always gave her priority whenever there was conflicting agendas.
As for our friend, his comment that he just wanted to leave after the act, speaks a lot... I feel that he should forget about his student, before things get more messy..
And forget about affairs.
And if his sexual needs are not fully met by his wife, he should go his initial plan: Tomoka form Putit Royal will be an excellent choice!

Very interesting, thank you for sharing your experience !

 

[Gunmachan]

So how will things continue?

You're leaving Japan soon, right.
I'd say, let the girl down softly. Have some more makeout sessions and talk to her a lot but make it clear that you cant cancel private lessons again (money trouble as exuse maybe) and cant get away from home at other times so that a chance at sex is not there. Good chance your student doesn't care about fucking so much and will be pleased with talking and some kisses and cuddles.
And if you dont do suspecious things anymore, your wife will also forget about the incident.
And then off to another country soonish!

My thought exactly! I won't go to her house anymore because I know what would happen. (don't take me wrong, I do want to fuck her again, but I understand now it's not worth the trouble)
We exchange short emails almost every day and I'm trying to slow that down. I think she's lonely...
I'm going to meet her this weekend, I don't know where yet (probably at some coffee shop) and I will tell her I only got 2 hours.
The problem is that just hugging her a few minutes is enough for my coat to smell of her perfume! It might be the fabric... I wish it wasn't February so that I wouldn't need this damn coat!

 

[Glock]

Get a bottle of fabreeze... that shit will neutralize any smell... well almost any...

 

[roots reggae]

Get a bottle of fabreeze... that shit will neutralize any smell... well almost any...

I think the best stuff to get rid of smoke odors is something called Ozium. I travel with the spray to get rid of telltale odors at the ryokan when I go to onsen. Not sure if you can get it in Japan.

Update, just checked Amazon Japan and it's available. The spray is the best choice for immediate use.

https://www.amazon.co.jp/s/ref=nb_s...タカナ&url=search-alias=aps&field-keywords=ozium

 

[Gunmachan]

Get a bottle of fabreeze... that shit will neutralize any smell... well almost any...

I think the best stuff to get rid of smoke odors is something called Ozium. I travel with the spray to get rid of telltale odors at the ryokan when I go to onsen. Not sure if you can get it in Japan.

Update, just checked Amazon Japan and it's available. The spray is the best choice for immediate use.

https://www.amazon.co.jp/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1/352-6796998-0394733?__mk_ja_JP=カタカナ&url=search-alias=aps&field-keywords=ozium

Thanks guys! That's a great idea

 

[Jbagz]

No way, is that even allowed here in TAG?

In a more serious note; very solid advice here from @hkAlone. I was not trying to be judgemental, sorry if it came out that way.

But if you are in a monogamous relationship then I think there is only two options; either don't play outside or if you do then deal with it yourself. And by that I mean never tell your partner. I know it is not a very popular opinion as we all should be open and honest but you already broken that one by doing it, haven't you? So by confessing you are just trying to get rid of that quilt and feel better about yourself. At the same time you are just shifting all those bad feelings to your partner.

Oh my god! I will reiterate your advice because it is so damn good.

Never confess!

Let me say that again. Never confess!

Nothing good will come of it at all.

I have only been married once, and it was to a total shrew.

We had both had affairs, but I caught her red-handed in hers. Yes, I was pissed but eventually I started feeling bad because of the amount of shame she was showing. I stupidly confessed my dalliances and "poof" it was if she never did anything wrong.

I'm not judging the OP, but he is treading in some deep ass water with a dumbbell around is neck right now.

A can of Fabreeze isn't going to do a damned thing for him.

 

[hkAlone]

Oh my god! I will reiterate your advice because it is so damn good.

Never confess!

Let me say that again. Never confess!

Nothing good will come of it at all.

I have only been married once, and it was to a total shrew.

We had both had affairs, but I caught her red-handed in hers. Yes, I was pissed but eventually I started feeling bad because of the amount of shame she was showing. I stupidly confessed my dalliances and "poof" it was if she never did anything wrong.

I'm not judging the OP, but he is treading in some deep ass water with a dumbbell around is neck right now.

A can of Fabreeze isn't going to do a damned thing for him.

Never confess!

If she has a doubt, deny
If she has no more doubt, deny

She can forgive your weakness.
She won't easily forgive your clumsiness in hiding it.

Anyway, cheating near home is both tiring and dangerous. From my own experience, it is not worth the trouble. If it ever happens, it means I was drunk, and some random woman almost kidnapped me and forced me to have sex with her. Fortunately these days, I cannot perform under the influence of too much alcohol.
During business trips, I do feel much more relax about it.
And yes, p4p is a much better option in general.

But let's be honest, in p4p, you rarely have the time to build the same level of sexual tension that makes the sexual release a bit more rewarding.
Or it requires a excellent connection to find a provider that may give you the"FULL" service.