Best Adult Jokes

hawaiianhawk

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French and Australian guy in a bar arguing about which country has best kissers. French guy argues everyone knows about the legendary French Kiss. Australian guy says no Australian Kiss is even better. In walks a beautiful brunette, sits between the two arguing guys. Frenchman asks her what is better a French Kiss or an Australian Kiss. Brunette says it must be the French Kiss cause who has ever heard of an Australian Kiss. So French guy proceeds to gloat and gives the gorgeous brunette a French Kiss. She is shocked but responds by kissing him back. She then turns to the Australian guy and says I think the French Kiss is hard to beat. She then tells the Australian guy, by the way, what the hell is an Australian Kiss anyway. Australian guy says let me show you since the Frenchman got to give you a French Kiss. She responds, well just tell me first so I can decide if I want an Australian Kiss or not. Australian says fair enough. Australian Kiss is the same as the French Kiss but we do it downunder.
 
A guy goes into a bar with his pet monkey. Bartender says "hey, no monkey's in the bar " guy says but he is my pet he is well behaved there won't be any problems. Bartender replies "OK, but if there are ur paying for damages " guy says OK and orders a drink.....

About 10 minutes later the monkey goes berserk.. Runs up and down the bar tearing up the peanut baskets then jumps on the pool table and eats the cue ball...

Bartender yells " THAT'S IT.... YOU AND YOUR FUCKING MONKEY OUT NOW!!! and u owe me $200 bucks for damages "

Guy apologizes profusely... Says nothing like this has ever happened before and leaves the money and walks out with the monkey....

One month later... Same bar.... Same bartender and same guy with monkey...

Bartender says "hey I remember you and ur monkey... I see u have him on a leash now.." Guy says "yes I'm really really sorry... "

Bartender says " same deal as last time "

Guy says " sure... " and orders a whiskey sour.....

Bartender makes the drink and puts it in front of the guy...

The monkey leans over and grabs the cherry.... Shoves the cherry up it's ass then pulls it back and eats it...

The bartender exclaims " Hey did u see what that monkey did?? "

The guys says " yes.... I did... After that cue ball the monkey measures everything.......
 
French and Australian guy in a bar arguing about which country has best kissers. French guy argues everyone knows about the legendary French Kiss. Australian guy says no Australian Kiss is even better. In walks a beautiful brunette, sits between the two arguing guys. Frenchman asks her what is better a French Kiss or an Australian Kiss. Brunette says it must be the French Kiss cause who has ever heard of an Australian Kiss. So French guy proceeds to gloat and gives the gorgeous brunette a French Kiss. She is shocked but responds by kissing him back. She then turns to the Australian guy and says I think the French Kiss is hard to beat. She then tells the Australian guy, by the way, what the hell is an Australian Kiss anyway. Australian guy says let me show you since the Frenchman got to give you a French Kiss. She responds, well just tell me first so I can decide if I want an Australian Kiss or not. Australian says fair enough. Australian Kiss is the same as the French Kiss but we do it downunder.
Good one! :D
 
Already posted it a while ago, but I think it has its place in this thread ...

2 mid age homeless (man + woman) are lying on their blue tarp in a remote park of Tokyo. The night is pitch dark and there is no noise apart from a few birds frolicking in the trees. The couple has a thin blanket on to protect them from the cold. The sky is clear and they can see stars twinkling. The atmophere is romantic. The girl cuddles and hugs her man feeling his warmth. Suddenly she feels something hard on her tighs... Aroused, she tells him with envy "are you erect ?" He waits a little while, moaning softly then says "no I am just shitting !"