Boundaries issues in SB/SD relationships?

[Frenchy]

For those who are or were engaged in this kind of relationship (either side), do you have boundaries issues and how do you handle them?

I mean, at some point of time the “proximity” may lead to some kind of blurred feelings about what this is exactly. Dont mean necessarily in a romantic way , but more generally about balance between what you give and get out of it, what you share or not about your private life, how do you introduce or talk about the other person to your friends (if you do), jealousy, respect, self-respect etc etc

Interested in any experience or view you may have (but only if you had at least one such relationship)

 

[MikeH]

Interested in any experience or view you may have (but only if you had at least one such relationship)

Never had an SB/SD relationship but several other long-time relationships which do not fall to the traditional "let's date until we get married and start making small humans". When these relationships go for a year or longer I believe I have experienced some of the things you are referring.

My rule is never introduce them to my friends and never meet their friends either. Yeah, it's limiting but I feel it would be too hard to keep limits other way. There are also always discussion topics that are off limits and smart girls will avoid those automatically. But sometimes I do need to keep guard on what comes out of my mouth.

Never really had much of a jealousy thing going on, though most of the girls don't tell me if they sleep with other guys and I won't be asking. Some of them have been married so I know they do occasionally have sex with their husbands and I am totally cool with that, I mean if I was not better they would not meet me, right?

But I do have to confess that once when I was meeting this one girl I met through a dating site and when I noticed after six months or so that she was still active on that site it did make me feel a bit uncomfortable. It took me couple of days to shake that feeling off and of course I never mentioned anything about it to her. But the moral of the story was even when you think you are cool with everything you might not be.

 

[Frenchy]

Never had an SB/SD relationship but several other long-time relationships which do not fall to the traditional "let's date until we get married and start making small humans". When these relationships go for a year or longer I believe I have experienced some of the things you are referring.

My rule is never introduce them to my friends and never meet their friends either. Yeah, it's limiting but I feel it would be too hard to keep limits other way. There are also always discussion topics that are off limits and smart girls will avoid those automatically. But sometimes I do need to keep guard on what comes out of my mouth.

Never really had much of a jealousy thing going on, though most of the girls don't tell me if they sleep with other guys and I won't be asking. Some of them have been married so I know they do occasionally have sex with their husbands and I am totally cool with that, I mean if I was not better they would not meet me, right?

But I do have to confess that once when I was meeting this one girl I met through a dating site and when I noticed after six months or so that she was still active on that site it did make me feel a bit uncomfortable. It took me couple of days to shake that feeling off and of course I never mentioned anything about it to her. But the moral of the story was even when you think you are cool with everything you might not be.

Yes, very true. On the introducing friends thing I think we made a blunder. Not so much about potential “leakage” into the rest of our lives, but rather it changes the dynamic of the relationship itself, expectations on both sides etc. Some things are better kept separate.

Also at what level offering stuff becomes unhealthy? I struggle with that I must admit. Well in your case you seem to offer only the BO and that’s obviously enough I suppose

 

[MikeH]

but rather it changes the dynamic of the relationship itself

Exactly this.

Well in your case you seem to offer only the BO and that’s obviously enough I suppose

Yeah, I am trying to keep these relationships in non-professional settings and therefore I do not accept money from the girls.

Some of them do want to bring me to their favourite restaurants and pick up the bill or split the hotel fees but other than that it is favour for favour exchanges only.

 

[Frenchy]

Exactly this.



Yeah, I am trying to keep these relationships in non-professional settings and therefore I do not accept money from the girls.

Some of them do want to bring me to their favourite restaurants and pick up the bill or split the hotel fees but other than that it is favour for favour exchanges only.

Yeah, ultimately when it’s just “I give you my dick and you give me your pussy” , it’s a fair deal, I guess !

 

[Rusty Trombone]

But I do have to confess that once when I was meeting this one girl I met through a dating site and when I noticed after six months or so that she was still active on that site it did make me feel a bit uncomfortable. It took me couple of days to shake that feeling off and of course I never mentioned anything about it to her. But the moral of the story was even when you think you are cool with everything you might not be.

Very similar thing happened to me recently. On the dating site she updated all the photos a few days after spending the day with me. I was thinking it may head to a more exclusive type thing.
Thought it was a bit off, and felt a bit bad for a short time. But life's too short to dwell.

Like you I didn't tell her I saw the activity, but made me rethink things a bit

 

[Frenchy]

Very similar thing happened to me recently. On the dating site she updated all the photos a few days after spending the day with me. I was thinking it may head to a more exclusive type thing.
Thought it was a bit off, and felt a bit bad for a short time. But life's too short to dwell.

Like you I didn't tell her I saw the activity, but made me rethink things a bit

Interesting. It never occurred to me that could even be exclusive, nor do I wish it to be (both ways). We openly discussed about that , she has another SD, but no boyfriend, she knows I continue to see escorts too , well, tbh recently that’s Sophie only... [ hi querida! Thanks for last time ]
Of course I would probably react differently if I really see her at the arms of another guy, but I don’t feel “jealous” in that sense.

However sometimes I feel envy, and she probably does too, for opposite reasons ... That’s more murky in a way... like me being envious of her being still young and hot and clubbing all night with her 20-something friends as I used to do when I was her age, and she would be so ashamed of me if I go with her. And tbh I would be ashamed to be with her in some other parties or events I go to. However we introduced our close friends to each other. This is where it gets a bit messy because the limit is really hard to draw, and I introduced her as my “girlfriend” , but her close friends know I’m her SD. And maybe she’s also envious of whatever little status/fortune I was lucky to get which allows me to be intimate with her... although I genuinely think she enjoys my company too.

Oh well, I make no sense, anyway as long as it’s good and it lasts, these are not huge issues to tackle.

 

[Majestyk]

Oh well, I make no sense, anyway as long as it’s good and it lasts, these are not huge issues to tackle.

Thank you, sir, for sharing those very honest thoughts.
Life is too short. Enjoy the moment.

 

[Frenchy]

Thank you, sir, for sharing those very honest thoughts.
Life is too short. Enjoy the moment.

Ah ah, very true. Funny thing is that I wanted to try such a relationship because I was fed up of all the drama that always happens in “normal” ones, yet I’m stupid enough to create different types of dramas, mostly in my head! Dumb Frenchy

 

[Majestyk]

Ah ah, very true. Funny thing is that I wanted to try such a relationship because I was fed up of all the drama that always happens in “normal” ones, yet I’m stupid enough tobre-create different types of dramas, mostly in my head! Dumb Frenchy

I’ve tried so hard to steer clear of drama in relationships, too.
Obviously, I’ve failed. Repeatedly. I have the tire marks to show for all that shit.
Thanks to P4P in Tokyo and TAG, I can carry on drama-free where I live and work.

 

[Majestyk]

So when I finally toss my hat in the SD/SB arena, it’s reassuring to know that there’s an online platform where I can do my research, vent my feelings or just laugh about my decision and what happened next.
Cheers!

 

[Frenchy]

So when I finally toss my hat in the SD/SB arena, it’s reassuring to know that there’s an online platform where I can do my research, vent my feelings or just laugh about my decision and what happened next.
Cheers!

Yes, please share! Escorts reviews tend to be a tad repetitive because, well, not so much happens beyond the usual kama-sutra stuff. But in SD/SB relationships you get the whole spectrum !

 

[MikeH]

It never occurred to me that could even be exclusive, nor do I wish it to be (both ways).

Same with me and in that one case I would have been totally cool if I found out she was sleeping with other guys she met previous to me.

But somehow the fact she was still actively looking after meeting me was different in my head. Yeah, makes no logical sense and if nothing at all I am know as the logical guy.

Anyway, I was able to get past that and in the end it was a good leaning experience for me.

 

[Frenchy]

Same with me and in that one case I would have been totally cool if I found out she was sleeping with other guys she met previous to me.

But somehow the fact she was still actively looking after meeting me was different in my head. Yeah, makes no logical sense and if nothing at all I am know as the logical guy.

Anyway, I was able to get past that and in the end it was a good leaning experience for me.

I beat you on the non-logical thing. With my previous GF (not a SB) , she told me about her sexcapades with her boyfriends when she was a teenager and... I became insanely jealous of them. Multiple decades after the facts.
I think the next step in lunacy will be to want to kill the guys that my next lady (if any) would have met in a previous life.

 

[MikeH]

I think the next step in lunacy will be to want to kill the guys that my next lady (if any) would have met in a previous life.

Hunt them down me says! I'll help you.

Better yet; start before she becomes you next lady and because you don't know who she is pick up a random dude to punish. It as well might have been him!

 

[Frenchy]

Ah ah, speaking about boundaries, was walking on a Kabukicho street with darling SB today , and suddenly I see an escort I used to meet , just a few meters in front of us. Would have been both comical and super akward to stop and make the introductions.

 

[MikeH]

Ah ah, speaking about boundaries, was walking on a Kabukicho street with darling SB today , and suddenly I see an escort I used to meet , just a few meters in front of us. Would have been both comical and super akward to stop and make the introductions.

Let me help you with a script I use: "Hello Ai-chan, this is Hana-chan. Hana, this is Ai; I used to fuck her before I met you. You give better head but her pussy is tighter".

See, that's easy. I don't understand what could be so awkward about that?

 

[Ken1988]

Ah ah, speaking about boundaries, was walking on a Kabukicho street with darling SB today , and suddenly I see an escort I used to meet , just a few meters in front of us. Would have been both comical and super akward to stop and make the introductions.

This reminds me of a song by Sister Sledge...,no, that's Frankie.

 

[Simonka]

Let me help you with a script I use: "Hello Ai-chan, this is Hana-chan. Hana, this is Ai; I used to fuck her before I met you. You give better head but her pussy is tighter".

See, that's easy. I don't understand what could be so awkward about that?

Truer words have never been spoken. Who knows? Ai chan and Hana chan may really like each other and it could be the beginning of a new era.

 

[Ken1988]

Back to the OP's question: No, I've never reached that stage actually. Any of my past sugar relationships didn't last more than two months. With a new SB we sort of agreed to keep it low-key but long-term, but I'm not sure how it goes.

 

[MikeH]

Ai chan and Hana chan may really like each other and it could be the beginning of a new era.

Yeah, the SD is then left home alone while the two SBs have fun together. Of course he gets to pay for the fun, so it's not like he ain't got no involvement at all.

 

[hkAlone]

// just realize it was inappropriate //

 

[Frenchy]

// just realize it was inappropriate //

You mean , my little missed opportunity to introduce the two ladies to each other? Oh yeah, it would have been super inappropriate! (Cannot disclose all the parameters here though)

 

[hkAlone]

You mean , my little missed opportunity to introduce the two ladies to each other? Oh yeah, it would have been super inappropriate! (Cannot disclose all the parameters here though)

Not at all mate. Introducing escorts / BD / GF to each others is not something I would dare qualifying as inappropriate.
I had to kind of empty my post realizing suddenly I was not in a private forum... My mistake.

 

[Frenchy]

Not at all mate. Introducing escorts / BD / GF to each others is not something I would dare qualifying as inappropriate.
I had to kind of empty my post realizing suddenly I was not in a private forum... My mistake.

Ah, ok, got it