Can Anybody Explain These Behaviours? Mentally Challenged Or Just Plain Jerks?

[Ches]

Okay, I've been trying to put myself out there and trying to meet people and I got three different experiences that I considered are the worsts. I will start from the least annoying.

(1) Been looking up in personal section in craigslist, there's these posts that look for beautiful woman, for hang out (no sex), lunch dinner and it says model/fashionable girl for going out, the post said he loves fashion and he is a guy so he would like to take a beautiful girl out shopping. There are about 5 different posts like that and different captions that looks for a beautiful model like girl and the guy is willing to pay for dinner/ shopping, travel and stuffs like that,I message those all and turned out to be coming from one guy. So when I had to go to tokyo, I met up with him, at my convenient place, the guy is very nice, very polite, but he looks like a homeless guy, not dirty and all just his clothes and bag are all worn off like completely broke. Even if I saw how unsophisticated he was, I didn't dare judge a book by it's cover. I still went to a restaurant with him, since he came to the place I chose. When we were talking he was very nice. However, he started telling me that he was unemployed because he is taking care of a disabled family member, and they probably lives on welfare I'm not sure. I also notice we just had one food, drinks were non existent and I figured he probably doesn't have money, so when the bill came I paid out of consideration and went to the station and bid goodbye. Why would he post stuff like he will shop for the girl, whatever if he has practically nothing, is he crazy?

(2) There was this older guy I met on seeking arrangement site. We decided to go for dinner, the meeting place was 2 hour away from me. So I went there and even got lost, eventually we found each other , we went to dinner in an upscale hotel restaurant and he enjoyed soo much, he even keep telling me how beautiful, good conversationalist I am, I on the other hand was soooo pissed but contained it. He was soo literally fucking arrogant. He has god complex and he think that he is the most precious, powerful in the world. His ego is as high as the everest. He even told me about all his other potential sugar baby first date and how he hated every girl who just seeks money from him, there was this girl who wanted to start the arrangement immediately (i was thinking, coz you probably wanna fuck her immediately) I put up with him coz he could be a potential sugar daddy. And then dinner was finished we decided to take a stroll, when we were out and walking, he would always want to put his hand on my shoulder, which they don't reach lol. I needed to stoop to his level which is super duper tiring. I tried just holding his hand but he wont budge he really want to hold me on the shoulder and probably get the feeling of dominating me. Lol. Until we saw a tall apartment he asked me to come over to his places saying sexy suggestive things, but those words coming from him are not sexy, they were disgusting and considering how he bad mouthed the girls he went out with who wanted arrangment he seemed like he didn't even want an arrangement just free fuck, lol (he would be too lucky for that) so before going back to the station I was expecting some gift cash for my fare and time, he gave me a bottle of water, I'm like what the fuck. I wasted too much time and I had to go home and travel for another two fucking hours standing on the train.

(3) This is the worst and a nightmare for me. When I wad looking up for a sugar daddy a guy messaged me. He sent me a photo he is young and white. I told him no, I am not interested in him as I am interested more on older gentlemen who could be a regular sugar daddy. He said I could give you this amout (which is quite high) I really needed the money so I agreed. We talked on phone for quite a long time, and out convesation was great he was really nice. We previously arrranged to meet somewhere in between out place as I am three hours away from him. But then last minute he had to make it him place and offered additional money for my trouble. So I went to his station which was soooo fucking far took me 4 changes of trains, there were incidents of train stopping and everything, I was one heck of a ride and it was freezing cold. Found his there and we decided to go for coffee, he is indeed nice. So after coffee we went to the parking lot and get in his car, and before we pass by the ticket parking he told me, I am not sure if I have enough for parking, he seemed nervous. And I just disregard it, pretended to ignore it. And then his ticket got okay and he enthusiastically said, it worked! And then I thought we would be heading for a love hotel or something, but no, we just kept rounding and rounding the place. And I asked him where are we going and he said just showing me the place (there is nothing interesting to look at), and then we pulled over into this dark residential area and he said listen, I gotta be very honest with you, the money that I promise, I haven't really got it, and he said he promise he would get me the next time (which is bullshit) if I continue seeing him. He tried to touch me on the car in the dsrk residential area, turns out he didn't even have money for a love hotel, and he noticed I tensed up so he stopped just went back to where we were before and I told him (feeling very very upset) to just take me back to the station and I'm off to go back to my home and take 3 hours of train ride and got nothing butt wasted time, effort and train money. Just to be clear the night before we decided to meet, we talked on phone agreed on the amount by email, I wasn't even the one who suggested, it was him who offered. So I thought he have it. Turns out that he didn't even have a parking ticket money. After that he called on phone i gave him a chance to explain but all he was saying was sorry sorry sorry, I understand you had to go through that trouble, I'm so sorry. His sorry couldn't do anything now. He is such a liar jerk who doesn't have a word.

These people I met are probably mentally challenged or they probably have issues. The first one, why would he offer to take a girl out shooping if he is fucking unemployed? The second one,why would he be in seeking arrangement if he didn't want an arrangement and just want free fuck which he wouldn't get from anybody considering how old and ugly and short he is but more importantly, how his attitude sucks he is such a stucked up asshole. And the last one, don't even get me started. Why would you promise money to someone and make then travel a total of more than 6 hours to your place if you literally have nothing even for a parking fee? The only consolation I have is that I never have had sex with of those mentally ill people. I should probably stop meeting people considering how it turned out.

 

[Wwanderer]

I'm sorry to hear these stories and to know that you had such bad experiences. Although it sounds like you have had fairly bad luck, such experiences are fairly common, sadly enough. The "sugar bowl is the street" as one SB I knew put it. In other words, you have to be alert to scammers and be careful not to let guys take advantage of you; many will try. A lot of them will try to take advantage of you even without meeting you. It is no justifications for what these assholes posing as SDs do, but scams going the other way, SBs trying to take advantage of SDs are also extremely common. I have been on SA (seekingarrangement.com) for just short of 9 years, since shortly after the site was founded, and I have been a fairly active SD for around 5 years (early on there were very very few SA members in Japan), and I have seen and heard about lots of it going in both directions. Believe it or not there are even websites where guys trade tips on how to take advantage of naive SBs...tricks to get free or cheap sex or revealing photos etc. The situation causes lots of women who try SA to soon take down their profile and leave it.

All that said, it is not hopeless. If you persevere, learn how to operate in the sugar world and stay watchful for scams, it is possible to find really wonderful sugar partners that make up for all of the downsides and disappointments. I could write a book about it. In fact more than one of my SBs have suggested that I do just that. (But I won't.)

If you decide to stay active in the sugar life, I hope your next experiences are sweet ones.

-Ww

 

[just4fun]

Sorry to hear about these experiences.......it happens to a lot of people daily.......don't give up hope though.....there are some guys out there where you can find a true mutual agreement.

 

[meiji]

These guys sound like clueless tools, who think you'd be happy to fuck them after you meeting them in person.

But it sounds like you are compounding matters by having to go all the way in to Tokyo to meet these guys. That's kind of what you have to deal with, since that's where most of the action is going to be, but you can probably reduce the damage by, say, arranging dates for when you are going to already be in Tokyo, or set up several initial meet and greets for the same day so you are spending less money and time. Good luck!

 

[Ches]

My time and effort and train fare, they're just such a huge waste. I just feel very very bad, but you are right, I was wrong to think that sugar bowl is a piece of cake, I'm probable gonna stop. It's just probably not worth the trouble

 

[Wwanderer]

If you read the SB forums on SA, I think you will find tips (from other SBs) on how to recognize and avoid the bad SDs (not that they are really SDs at all)...just in case you decide that you don't want to give up quite yet.

-Ww

 

[Solong]

Okay, I've been trying to put myself out there and trying to meet people and I got three different experiences that I considered are the worsts. I will start from the least annoying.

(1) Been looking up in personal section in craigslist, there's these posts that look for beautiful woman, for hang out (no sex), lunch dinner and it says model/fashionable girl for going out, the post said he loves fashion and he is a guy so he would like to take a beautiful girl out shopping. There are about 5 different posts like that and different captions that looks for a beautiful model like girl and the guy is willing to pay for dinner/ shopping, travel and stuffs like that,I message those all and turned out to be coming from one guy. So when I had to go to tokyo, I met up with him, at my convenient place, the guy is very nice, very polite, but he looks like a homeless guy, not dirty and all just his clothes and bag are all worn off like completely broke. Even if I saw how unsophisticated he was, I didn't dare judge a book by it's cover. I still went to a restaurant with him, since he came to the place I chose. When we were talking he was very nice. However, he started telling me that he was unemployed because he is taking care of a disabled family member, and they probably lives on welfare I'm not sure. I also notice we just had one food, drinks were non existent and I figured he probably doesn't have money, so when the bill came I paid out of consideration and went to the station and bid goodbye. Why would he post stuff like he will shop for the girl, whatever if he has practically nothing, is he crazy?

(2) There was this older guy I met on seeking arrangement site. We decided to go for dinner, the meeting place was 2 hour away from me. So I went there and even got lost, eventually we found each other he looks soo small haha, we went to dinner in an upscale hotel restaurant and he enjoyed soo much, he even keep telling me how beautiful, good conversationalist I am, I on the other hand was soooo pissed but contained it. He was soo literally fucking arrogant. He has god complex and he think that he is the most precious, powerful in the world. His ego is as high as the everest and I petted him. He even told me about all his other potential sugar baby first date and how he hated every girl who just seeks money from him, there was this girl who wanted to start the arrangement immediately (i was thinking, coz you probably wanna fuck her immediately) I put up with him coz he could be a potential sugar daddy. And then dinner was finished we decided to take a stroll, when we were out and walking, he would always want to put his hand on my shoulder, which they don't reach lol. I needed to stoop to his level which is super duper tiring. I tried just holding his hand but he wont budge he really want to hold me on the shoulder and probably get the feeling of dominating me. Lol. Until we saw a tall apartment he asked me to come over to his places saying sexy suggestive things, but those words coming from him are not sex, they were disgusting and considering how he bad mouthed the girls he went out with who wanted arrangment he seemed like he didn't even want an arrangement just free fuck, lol (he would be too lucky for that) so before going back to the station I was expecting some gift cash for my fare and time, he gave me a bottle of water, I'm like what the fuck. I wasted too much time and I had to go home and travel for another two fucking hours standing on the train.

(3) This is the worst and a nightmare for me. When I wad looking up for a sugar daddy a guy messaged me. He sent me a photo he is young and white. I told him no, I am not interested in him as I am interested more on older gentlemen who could be a regular sugar daddy. He said I could pay you this amout (which is quite high) for a one night hook up, I really needed the money so I agreed. We talked on phone for quite a long time, and out convesation was great he was really nice. We previously arrranged to meet somewhere in between out place as I am three hours away from him. But then last minute he had to make it him place and offered additional money for my trouble. So I went to his station which was soooo fucking far took me 4 changes of trains, there were incidents of train stopping and everything, I was one heck of a ride and it was freezing cold. Found his there and we decided to go for coffee, he is indeed nice. So after coffee we went to the parking lot and get in his car, and before we pass by the ticket parking he told me, I am not sure if I have enough for parking, he seemed nervous. And I just disregard it, pretended to ignore it. And then his ticket got okay and he enthusiastically said, it worked! And then I thought we would be heading for a love hotel or something, but no, we just kept rounding and rounding the place. And I asked him where are we going and he said just showing me the place (there is nothing interesting to look at), and then we pulled over into this dark residential area and he said listen, I gotta be very honest with you, the money that I promise, I haven't really got it, and he said he promise he would get me the next time (which is bullshit) if I continue seeing him. He tried to touch me on the car in the dsrk residential area, turns out he didn't even have money for a love hotel, and he noticed I tensed up so he stopped just went back to where we were before and I told him (feeling very very upset) to just take me back to the station and I'm off to go back to my home and take 3 hours of train ride and got nothing butt wasted time, effort and train money. Just to be clear the night before we decided to meet, we talked on phone agreed on the amount by email, I wasn't even the one who suggested, it was him who offered. So I thought he have it. Turns out that he didn't even have a parking ticket money. WTF!!!!! After that he called on phone i gave him a chance to explain but all he was saying was sorry sorry sorry, I understand you had to go through that trouble, I'm so sorry. His sorry couldn't do anything now. He is such a liar jerk who doesn't have a word.

These people I met are probably mentally challenged or they probably have issues. The first one, why would he offer to take a girl out shooping if he is fucking unemployed? The second one,why would he be in seeking arrangement if he didn't want an arrangement and just want free fuck which he wouldn't get from anybody considering how old and ugly and short he is but more importantly, how his attitude sucks he is such a stucked up asshole. And the last one, don't even get me started. Why would you promise money to someone and make then travel a total of more than 6 hours to your place if you literally have nothing even for a parking fee? The only consolation I have is that I never have had sex with of those mentally ill people. I should probably stop meeting people considering how it turned out.

A problem that I see here, is it seems you are mixing up personal relationships and business. If you are selling your body for money, you are doing a business transaction. In a business transaction, it's common for people to attempt to cheat each other or try to get the best deal. It should NOT be surprising such guys are trying to play you, as they see you trying to play them for money.

If you are seeking a sexual hookup or relationship, then your focus would arguably be on his personality or looks. In that context, how much money he has or you think he has shouldn't matter, relative to how attracted you are to him. If you are attracted to him, just go to a hotel and have sex, then leave. That's Craigslist, Tinder, etc... If you like each other, then see each other again, and start a relationship.

 

[Expired Beef!]

I was going to say, most sugar daddy types are looking to fill a void in their life. They will pay to fill this void. I can think of a few sugar babes that I was friends with. First, the man always provided them with a house or apartment. Second, they got cash payments every month in the form of transfers. After payments were made, they did their thing. But if not, they didn't do anything for the sugar daddy. Perhaps you should have an upfront policy. Otherwise, I think this will happen to you more often. Just my feeling anyways. I can think of a sugar baby (trustable) that makes you deposit funds in her account before she even meets her new sugar daddy. She even screens them somehow.

 

[Wwanderer]

A problem that I see here, is it seems you are mixing up personal relationships and business.

Uh...I think you are missing the whole idea of sugar dating. It differs from conventional forms of sex work precisely in that it allows the two people to choose a mixture of personal and business relationships that mutually suits them (when it is possible to find one). Some of the connections that emerge from SA are barely distinguishable from straight forward prostitution and others are almost indistinguishable from conventional romantic dating and, most interestingly, many many variations in between. Sugar dating is attractive to many exactly because it breaks that old-school, last millennium black-and-white distinction between purely commercial and purely social interactions. Imo and experience, it takes a fair amount of experience in the sugar bowl to get the hang of this novel interpersonal terrain.

-Ww

 

[Expired Beef!]

So that brings to mind is it prostitution or is it "dating with perks"? And what is the difference from just being glitzy from just saying " I want to fuck you, how much"?

 

[Wwanderer]

So that brings to mind is it prostitution or is it "dating with perks"? And what is the difference from just being glitzy from just saying " I want to fuck you, how much"?

I don't think there is any single or simple answer because there are such huge variations in what happens under the designation of sugar arrangements/dating.

But for starters, here are some ways it is different from conventional prostitution: If you have a look at SB profiles on SA (which you can do by making a free SD account...you only have to pay if you want to communicate with an SB), you will see many that specify that there will no sex involved unless/until she feels some authentic "chemistry" and attraction. Often you will see SBs list requirements that the relationship be exclusive. Some will only accept SDs who are fit, well-dressed, attractive, into travel or "high culture", well educated, religious, family-oriented, interested in a long-term relationship, available to meet at least once per week etc etc. These are very definitely NOT the sorts of things you see on escort websites, to put it mildly.

-Ww

 

[Expired Beef!]

I don't think there is any single or simple answer because there are such huge variations in what happens under the designation of sugar arrangements/dating.

But for starters, here are some ways it is different from conventional prostitution: If you have a look at SB profiles on SA (which you can do by making a free SD account...you only have to pay if you want to communicate with an SB), you will see many that specify that they will no sex involved unless/until she feels some authentic "chemistry" and attraction. Often you will see SBs list requirements that the relationship be exclusive. Some will only accept SDs who are fit, well-dressed, attractive, into travel or "high culture", well educated, religious, family-oriented, interested in a long-term relationship, available to meet at least once per week etc etc. These are very definitely NOT the sorts of things you see on escort websites, to put it mildly.

-Ww

True! I have seen these types of ads in the past on profiles. Yes, status is a big factor for a lot of sugar babes. The types I knew varied. But all had similar arrangements. Reminds me of a sperm bank actually.

 

[Ches]

I don't think there is any single or simple answer because there are such huge variations in what happens under the designation of sugar arrangements/dating.

But for starters, here are some ways it is different from conventional prostitution: If you have a look at SB profiles on SA (which you can do by making a free SD account...you only have to pay if you want to communicate with an SB), you will see many that specify that they will no sex involved unless/until she feels some authentic "chemistry" and attraction. Often you will see SBs list requirements that the relationship be exclusive. Some will only accept SDs who are fit, well-dressed, attractive, into travel or "high culture", well educated, religious, family-oriented, interested in a long-term relationship, available to meet at least once per week etc etc. These are very definitely NOT the sorts of things you see on escort websites, to put it mildly.

-Ww

That's exactly what I am looking for. That's why I don't meet up and process to love hotel immediately, I go for coffee to know about each other, to know each other's personality and if we have real chemistry. I would not want to regard myself a prostitute but I want to be a sugar baby, that's the kind if relationship I ak seeking, long term and sustained.

 

[Wwanderer]

I have also seen (a few) SB profiles which specify that the SB will not accept any money at all but just wants to find a man who is fun to date and who has enough money to take her out to nice places and to have upscale experiences. They often say things like "I'm tired of dating guys who are so broke it is a joke." I have even met and dated such SBs. Refusing to accept any money is another thing you will not see on pro escort websites! LOL!

-Ww

 

[Expired Beef!]

Again True. Well, good luck to you Ches. I hope you find yourself a good SD.

 

[Solong]

Uh...I think you are missing the whole idea of sugar dating. It differs from conventional forms of sex work precisely in that it allows the two people to choose a mixture of personal and business relationships that mutually suits them (when it is possible to find one). Some of the connections that emerge from SA are barely distinguishable from straight forward prostitution and others are almost indistinguishable from conventional romantic dating and, most interestingly, many many variations in between. Sugar dating is attractive to many exactly because it breaks that old-school, last millennium black-and-white distinction between purely commercial and purely social interactions. Imo and experience, it takes a fair amount of experience in the sugar bowl to get the hang of this novel interpersonal terrain.

-Ww

Dating and relationships (note the category) aren't quite the same as prostitution and selling your body.

 

[Expired Beef!]

Dating and relationships (note the category) aren't quite the same as prostitution and selling your body.

This why I asked for clarification.

 

[Wwanderer]

Dating and relationships (note the category) aren't quite the same as prostitution and selling your body.

And sugar dating can be not at all the same as either.

-Ww

 

[Solong]

That's exactly what I am looking for. That's why I don't meet up and process to love hotel immediately, I go for coffee to know about each other, to know each other's personality and if we have real chemistry. I would not want to regard myself a prostitute but I want to be a sugar baby, that's the kind if relationship I ak seeking, long term and sustained.

Sugar baby and prostitute are basically the same, a woman selling her body for money.

The differences is arguably with how much time spent with the paying customer and the facade of a GFE. A "standard" prostitute tends to wants to spend short time with customers and giving a GFE isn't a requirement and less necessary. Where a sugar baby spends longer amounts of time and there is a greater tendency to pretend it's a real relationship (GFE), though occasionally sugar baby relationships can become real relationships, but usually "money or gift based". As in rich guy "taking care" of her. But in that context, standard prostitutes occasionally have actual relationships with customers too.

 

[Ches]

For me sugar dating and prostitution is differenr. In sugar dating there is mutual chemistry and attraction, respect and care, there is open communication and you actually talk to each other about yourself about who you are and what you do. There is trust and you know he won't do things that aren't part of your deal. Prostitution is more like fuck and go, and you probably don't even know each other's name.

 

[Solong]

For me sugar dating and prostitution is differenr. In sugar dating there is mutual chemistry and attraction, respect and care, there is open communication and you actually talk to each other about yourself about who you are and what you do. There is trust and you know he won't do things that aren't part of your deal. Prostitution is more like fuck and go, no respect and you probably don't even know each other's name.

Yes, sugar dating usually means more interaction and communication with the paying customer. But this is usually pretense and a facade, rather than real love or a real attraction. It's still sex provider and paying customer, at the core of the relationship. The man can't be sure if you like him or like his money. And if he isn't paying, most sugar babies are running off to the next paying customer.

 

[Expired Beef!]

Sugar babe gets something, then gives something. It could be just talking or it could be sex. However, if the man quit giving, the woman would drop him like a bodybuilder drops 100 lb Dumbbells. There are the one's that are into married men in a fetish kind of way. Again, they are getting paid or using the man to get something. Now a player uses the woman as a sex toy. Notable cases where this ended very badly. Mutual sugar baby arrangements, benefit the man and the woman, but it is still a form of prostitution unless no money or gifting took place. Sure bonds result from spending time together, but at the moment money is in play or living quarters are in play, things get as fuzzy as a gal after drinking 10 fuzzy navels. I am still confused. I am off to get my sugar daddy lesson from a Madame. I will find out what she thinks. The French must have the answer.

 

[Ches]

Being very young and naive, as I said on other post, I had a boyfriend, handsome, nice and everything but broke, so when we go out, all the tabs are on my, everything, I just figured I don't wanna feel that the next time, I wanna feel taken care of, so this is the kind of arrangement I am willing to give a try.

 

[Expired Beef!]

I feel your pain! If you were in Tokyo, I'd buy your dinner. French cuisine.

 

[Solong]

Being very young and naive, as I said on other post, I had a boyfriend, handsome, nice and everything but broke, so when we go out, all the tabs are on my, everything, I just figured I don't wanna feel that the next time, I wanna feel taken care of, so this is the kind of arrangement I am willing to give a try.

I can understand such thinking, to an extent. Don't worry, I'm not your judge or jury. Do what is best for you.

I'm just pointing out what is summed up by the popular expression, "Don't mix business with pleasure." Can create a lot of confusion.