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Can Anybody Explain These Behaviours? Mentally Challenged Or Just Plain Jerks?

Ah, I see. In my experience all other websites are a waste of time. I would stick to SA only.

Yeah, agreed.. I already apologized to her personally about this TAG person. :/ I'm beginning to understand more about our readers. :cautious:
 
Maybe TAG could consider making a pinned suggested guidelines post for sugar dating and date clubs, such are there is for meeting escorts? I know these topics aren't discussed as much here but I think it would certianly be useful for some readers.

I think it's been discussed before, I'll have to dig through our archives and see what became of it.
 
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I think it's been discussed before, I'll have to dig through our archives and see what became of it.

I have posted a moderate amount (by my standards) about sugar dating in the past, and if such a set of pinned guidelines were established, I'd be happy to contribute to it.

-Ww
 
Okay, I've been trying to put myself out there and trying to meet people and I got three different experiences that I considered are the worsts. I will start from the least annoying.

(1) Been looking up in personal section in craigslist, there's these posts that look for beautiful woman, for hang out (no sex), lunch dinner and it says model/fashionable girl for going out, the post said he loves fashion and he is a guy so he would like to take a beautiful girl out shopping. There are about 5 different posts like that and different captions that looks for a beautiful model like girl and the guy is willing to pay for dinner/ shopping, travel and stuffs like that,I message those all and turned out to be coming from one guy. So when I had to go to tokyo, I met up with him, at my convenient place, the guy is very nice, very polite, but he looks like a homeless guy, not dirty and all just his clothes and bag are all worn off like completely broke. Even if I saw how unsophisticated he was, I didn't dare judge a book by it's cover. I still went to a restaurant with him, since he came to the place I chose. When we were talking he was very nice. However, he started telling me that he was unemployed because he is taking care of a disabled family member, and they probably lives on welfare I'm not sure. I also notice we just had one food, drinks were non existent and I figured he probably doesn't have money, so when the bill came I paid out of consideration and went to the station and bid goodbye. Why would he post stuff like he will shop for the girl, whatever if he has practically nothing, is he crazy?

(2) There was this older guy I met on seeking arrangement site. We decided to go for dinner, the meeting place was 2 hour away from me. So I went there and even got lost, eventually we found each other he looks soo small haha, we went to dinner in an upscale hotel restaurant and he enjoyed soo much, he even keep telling me how beautiful, good conversationalist I am, I on the other hand was soooo pissed but contained it. He was soo literally fucking arrogant. He has god complex and he think that he is the most precious, powerful in the world. His ego is as high as the everest and I petted him. He even told me about all his other potential sugar baby first date and how he hated every girl who just seeks money from him, there was this girl who wanted to start the arrangement immediately (i was thinking, coz you probably wanna fuck her immediately) I put up with him coz he could be a potential sugar daddy. And then dinner was finished we decided to take a stroll, when we were out and walking, he would always want to put his hand on my shoulder, which they don't reach lol. I needed to stoop to his level which is super duper tiring. I tried just holding his hand but he wont budge he really want to hold me on the shoulder and probably get the feeling of dominating me. Lol. Until we saw a tall apartment he asked me to come over to his places saying sexy suggestive things, but those words coming from him are not sex, they were disgusting and considering how he bad mouthed the girls he went out with who wanted arrangment he seemed like he didn't even want an arrangement just free fuck, lol (he would be too lucky for that) so before going back to the station I was expecting some gift cash for my fare and time, he gave me a bottle of water, I'm like what the fuck. I wasted too much time and I had to go home and travel for another two fucking hours standing on the train.

(3) This is the worst and a nightmare for me. When I wad looking up for a sugar daddy a guy messaged me. He sent me a photo he is young and white. I told him no, I am not interested in him as I am interested more on older gentlemen who could be a regular sugar daddy. He said I could pay you this amout (which is quite high) for a one night hook up, I really needed the money so I agreed. We talked on phone for quite a long time, and out convesation was great he was really nice. We previously arrranged to meet somewhere in between out place as I am three hours away from him. But then last minute he had to make it him place and offered additional money for my trouble. So I went to his station which was soooo fucking far took me 4 changes of trains, there were incidents of train stopping and everything, I was one heck of a ride and it was freezing cold. Found his there and we decided to go for coffee, he is indeed nice. So after coffee we went to the parking lot and get in his car, and before we pass by the ticket parking he told me, I am not sure if I have enough for parking, he seemed nervous. And I just disregard it, pretended to ignore it. And then his ticket got okay and he enthusiastically said, it worked! And then I thought we would be heading for a love hotel or something, but no, we just kept rounding and rounding the place. And I asked him where are we going and he said just showing me the place (there is nothing interesting to look at), and then we pulled over into this dark residential area and he said listen, I gotta be very honest with you, the money that I promise, I haven't really got it, and he said he promise he would get me the next time (which is bullshit) if I continue seeing him. He tried to touch me on the car in the dsrk residential area, turns out he didn't even have money for a love hotel, and he noticed I tensed up so he stopped just went back to where we were before and I told him (feeling very very upset) to just take me back to the station and I'm off to go back to my home and take 3 hours of train ride and got nothing butt wasted time, effort and train money. Just to be clear the night before we decided to meet, we talked on phone agreed on the amount by email, I wasn't even the one who suggested, it was him who offered. So I thought he have it. Turns out that he didn't even have a parking ticket money. WTF!!!!! After that he called on phone i gave him a chance to explain but all he was saying was sorry sorry sorry, I understand you had to go through that trouble, I'm so sorry. His sorry couldn't do anything now. He is such a liar jerk who doesn't have a word.

These people I met are probably mentally challenged or they probably have issues. The first one, why would he offer to take a girl out shooping if he is fucking unemployed? The second one,why would he be in seeking arrangement if he didn't want an arrangement and just want free fuck which he wouldn't get from anybody considering how old and ugly and short he is but more importantly, how his attitude sucks he is such a stucked up asshole. And the last one, don't even get me started. Why would you promise money to someone and make then travel a total of more than 6 hours to your place if you literally have nothing even for a parking fee? The only consolation I have is that I never have had sex with of those mentally ill people. I should probably stop meeting people considering how it turned out.

Are you Japanese by chance?

Let me get this straight...you are looking for a sugar daddy and yet you have the nerve to judge a guy because he wants sex?

Maybe some of these guys wanted to use you for sex...but wasn't your purpose to use them for money and free shit?
 
Let me get this straight...you are looking for a sugar daddy and yet you have the nerve to judge a guy because he wants sex?

Maybe some of these guys wanted to use you for sex...but wasn't your purpose to use them for money and free shit?

She is judging them because they were a bunch of ass clowns who lied about having money. And trying to get freebie sex.
 
She is judging them because they were a bunch of ass clowns who lied about having money. And trying to get freebie sex.

Yes, but in the same vein, she is trying to use them for free shit. Her lie would be pretending to be whatever they want her to be as long they aren't asking for free sex lol.

Why not just meet a man and have a relationship? Why all the gold digging drama?
 
Yes, but in the same vein, she is trying to use them for free shit. Her lie would be pretending to be whatever they want her to be as long they aren't asking for free sex lol.

Why not just meet a man and have a relationship? Why all the gold digging drama?

She is offering a service for money / goods. As you do at that language school run by the horny grandma.
 
She is offering a service for money / goods. As you do at that language school run by the horny grandma.

Alright, so not your average gold digging operation...fair enough.

Yes, my horny boss needs to get laid and still hits on me, takes me to restaurants...

I will leave that job to another.
 
Are you Japanese by chance?

Let me get this straight...you are looking for a sugar daddy and yet you have the nerve to judge a guy because he wants sex?

Maybe some of these guys wanted to use you for sex...but wasn't your purpose to use them for money and free shit?

I am japanese by citizenship, but not by culture and upbringing.
I am not trying to gold dig, everything is clear right from the beginning. They offer money, in exchange to be with someone young and beautiful. I would not waste my youth dating broke guys with nothing.
 
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Try Universe Club. Their customers are all reasonably rich and you can put your setting that you don't want sex on the first date.
They are supposed to pay 10.000 for your time if you go dinner and/or at least your travel expenses. You can ask the staff to clarify though because the 10.000 rule is usually for if guys go dinner with you but turn you down because there is no click or they want to get to know you better first.
However, if you tell the staff what kind of relationship you are looking for they will inform the guy about your expectations. Also absolutely no broke guys because they guys have to pay universe club to get a date with you. And its discreet.
Most of the guys i met where gentlemen, nothing too bad.
 
As for seeking arrangement, there are definitely gentlemen on there but you have to be clear about your intentions. Tell them your conditions and if they don't agree, dont travel all the way to meet them! Nobody likes nasty surprises in this job. So being honest is best policy unless its dangerous in the legal situation.
Anyway, if you want travel compensation and being paid for a few hours dinner and talk and dont wanna go further until there is a click, very well. There are guys who will do that. Tell them clearly what to expect and watch them agree or not. Never just hint at wanting to be compensated, be clear. Of course there will be guys who are not gonna keep their promises and you cant ask money upfront like girls who hit the hotelrooms with guys but you have less to lose. Still a nasty situation. Anyway, keep looking. Usually guys who are on a business trip to Tokyo have a lot of money to spend but are only available for a few days. There are some sweet rich expats living in tokyo as well. Anyway, scan their profiles, read their messages carefully and dont be naive or drop your guard.
 
Never just hint at wanting to be compensated, be clear.

I second that point particularly, both as far as compensation goes and in general on SA.

There are such huge variations in what people are expecting and seeking on SA that all sorts of hassles come from people trying to be discreet and ambiguous, leading to misunderstandings that then have to be straightened out later after you both have already invested a lot of time and effort. Examples: An SB's profile says, "I'm adventurous and love taking care of my SD in every way!" and a guy reading it assumes this is "code" meaning "pretty much everything goes in bed", but she doesn't mean anything sexual at all. Or an SD's profile says, "I'm sophisticated and generous" thus causing an SB to think classical music concerts and a huge monthly allowance while what he actually means is that he is ok with wine instead of beer and that he won't ask her to split the cost of dinner with him. I'm being slightly humorous/silly with the examples, but there really are lots of misunderstandings and resulting problems from SDs and SBs reading too much into each other's profiles and correspondence...as well as by missing hints and thus reading too little into them. And, obviously, it doesn't help (to put it mildly) that there is a lot of lying from both sides of the bed, so even when someone says something clearly, you can't be sure that they will live up to it.

-Ww
 
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Don't forget the classic SA profile line: "I enjoy having fun"...

I have recently been contacted by a higher level of SB; her profile instead says, "I LOVE having fun!" :rolleyes:

And, more seriously, your quoted post is an excellent and insightful way of describing sugar dating imo...spot on!

For example in my own case, while I do have some traits as a date or pseudo-bf that I believe my SBs enjoy and appreciate, I also have to face the facts that I am far older than most of them would consider acceptable in a regular relationship, am not particularly attractive even for a man of my age, am away from Tokyo for extended periods (months) on a regular basis and am about as "unfaithful" to any one partner as a man can possibly be. When the financial sugar I can bring to the relationship offsets those negatives for my SB and when we have personal chemistry/click as well, then a sugar arrangement can be just terrific for all concerned.

Your apt description also illustrates an important difference between sugar dating and conventional prostitution. An escort is motivated almost entirely by money (although she may also have requirements on such things an customer hygiene, being treated respectfully etc), but the motivations of SBs normally (but not always) include money but only as one factor among others that women normally care about in conventional dating. At one end of the spectrum sugar dating is almost indistinguishable from p4p, and at the other it is almost indistinguishable from conventional dating. As others have observed; this can lead to lots of complications and confusions and unconventional situations; they are a part of its charm imo.

-Ww
 
I must point out though, I would not agree that my own motivation as an escort is purely money.

Ah, "I cry your pardon, gunslinger!" You are quite right, not only about yourself of course (I'm not among those who will try to tell you that I know more about how women experience things than you do!) but also about many many escorts. Lots of them enjoy their work and like the profession for reasons other than money, including newly arrived on TAG @User#8628, and many others I know and have known. I misspoke (miswrote?).

What I meant is that most escorts do not select their customers on traits that would make them attractive for regular dating/relationships but only on the basis of their paying the escort's fee and meeting a few personal comfort restrictions (hygiene, being respectful etc). SBs, on the other hand, often do select their SDs on other bases. Again using myself as an example, I have had many SBs reject me as an SD (probably more than half of those I've met), but I have never had a professional escort reject me as a customer. (Well, actually there was once one, many years ago, who bolted from the room suddenly yelling that she could tell that I was a cop trying to "sting" her; she had already given me the impression of being paranoid and probably high on something...so I don't think it was me or anything I did even in that case.)

However, I do think I will try returning to sugar dating in the future, if I can find a way to overcome the things I dislike about the current set up. There is a charm to it of sorts.
:D

-Ww
 
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After the previous posts, I can't help jumping to a conclusion, one I strongly believe in :
money and perks help rationalize/justify some relationships that would seem at first totally irrational or immoral.
 
Yes, but in the same vein, she is trying to use them for free shit. Her lie would be pretending to be whatever they want her to be as long they aren't asking for free sex lol.

Why not just meet a man and have a relationship? Why all the gold digging drama?
I am definitely not pretending anything they want me to be because they already want me as I am, meaning my looks. I have youth and the wonderful gift of beauty and body (not trying to brag here) I am never gonna get guy who would use me and I would get nothing, relationship dramas and all that shit. I am not into relationship, I don't need conmittment that would only break people on the end. If a man, would benefit from me, I needed to benefit from him too. Mutualism, not parasiticism.
 
Mutualism, not parasiticism.

That phrasing captures it perfectly! They ought to use it on the SA website.

Imo, the confusion about and problems in sugar dating often come from people regarding money as some sort of ultimate, all important and unique resource that is far more important than anything else either partner might bring to the table. So, people say/think things like, "Once money is involved, you can never be sure what the other person is really thinking or really wants in the relationship" etc. But imo that is foolish. Having money is simple one more quality one person can bring to the relationship; there is not reason to regard it as more important than energy, enthusiasm, time, schedule flexibility (to say nothing of physical flexibility! :D ), creativity, beauty, knowledge and experience (of many sorts), ability to speak Japanese, IT know-how and so on. Moreover, money can be acquired more easily and in many more ways than many other resources, among those listed above and many others not listed of course. This makes it less important in some respects. In a good relationship, sugar or conventional, both partners are contributing things that are valuable to both of them, and the connection should operate to the benefit of both in a sharing spirit...not in the sense of keeping careful track of who contributes more or who benefits more. It is a sort of mutually beneficial partnership, not a business deal. "Mutualism, not parasitism" indeed!

-Ww
 
This thread which @Ches started to get comments on some of her bad experiences in the sugar bowl has ended up with a fair amount of good (imo) info, insights and tips on sugar dating in general...that will unfortunately be relatively hard for anyone coming to the site later to find. The comments of newbie SB @Ches and veteran SBs @User#16452 and @User#8628 make it particularly valuable AND quite unusual compared to most TAG discussions in having major participation by women.

I wonder if it would be possible to transplant the relevant posts to a thread specifically about sugar dating so that it is more readily available in the future. Does that have any appeal?

-Ww