Cheapest place for STD checks in Tokyo?

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HelloMyTwenties

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No, I’m not oozing, I just want to get checked semi-regularly. NHS only covers checks if you have “symptoms” and even then it’s not comprehensive.

I know some ku’s have free check days, but that’s too much planning. Anyone know a good clinic that does a full panel and won’t break the bank?
 
HelloMyTwenties said:
No, I’m not oozing, I just want to get checked semi-regularly. NHS only covers checks if you have “symptoms” and even then it’s not comprehensive.
Click to expand...

Can't you just lie? Tell them your dickhole hurts? Tell them you recently had unprotected sex and now your balls hurt and you feel ill? I mean, folks around here do it all the time to get the COVID test done for free at the Urgent Care clinics around town, and the nurses even encourage it (I think their funding is based on number of tests administered). If you have no symptoms, the test is $240. I had to stop by the clinic earlier this year because wearing these fucking masks all day long gave me a sinus infection, and--since this was pre-vaccine times--the nurses kept going through a list of COVID symptoms to find an excuse to shove that fucking spear up my nose.

HAVE YOU TRAVELED RECENTLY? NO. HAVE YOU BEEN NEAR AN INFECTED PERSON RECENTLY? NO. DO YOU HAVE A FEVER? NO. DO YOU HAVE CHILLS? NO. DO YOU HAVE A COUGH? NO. DO YOU HAVE BODY ACHES? NO.

I TOLD YOU, I HAVE A SINUS INFECTION!

HMMMM...DO YOU HAVE A HEADACHE?

OF COURSE I DO, A SINUS HEADACHE BECAUSE I HAVE A SINUS INFECTION.

And five minutes later I had that white spear thingy shoved so far up my fucking nose I could taste it.

Just lie to them. I learned my lesson the hard way. Years back, before settling down I wanted a full battery of tests just to be safe, so I stopped by the government-run facility for the free STD test. I did the whole questionnaire, which specifically asks if I engage in such behavior as intravenous drug use, anal sex, etc. Obviously, I ticked NO on all of them. When test-time comes, the nurse gives me a cup to piss in and sends me to the toilets. I come back with my sample and ask when the HIV test is going to happen, since I know the piss test only catches certain STIs.

"Oh, the HIV test is very expensive so it's reserved for those who engage in risky behavior. You didn't indicate that you engaged in any such qualifying behavior, like needles and anal sex."

"But, I want the HIV test. I want to be absolutely sure I don't give my other half anything," I say, a bit shocked.

"Well," says the bitch nurse, "you can go to ------- clinic, but there will be a fee involved."

"OK," says I, "never mind, I lied. I take it up the ass. Now can I have my free test?"

"If you indicate to me again that you lied on your questionnaire I will have you removed from the premises."

"Sheesh, it's not my fault you were too fucking dumb to get into med school."

Lesson learned. Even at a free clinic for junkies and homosexuals, there's nothing to gain by telling the truth.
 
Keihan said:
Can't you just lie? Tell them your dickhole hurts? Tell them you recently had unprotected sex and now your balls hurt and you feel ill? I mean, folks around here do it all the time to get the COVID test done for free at the Urgent Care clinics around town, and the nurses even encourage it (I think their funding is based on number of tests administered). If you have no symptoms, the test is $240. I had to stop by the clinic earlier this year because wearing these fucking masks all day long gave me a sinus infection, and--since this was pre-vaccine times--the nurses kept going through a list of COVID symptoms to find an excuse to shove that fucking spear up my nose.

HAVE YOU TRAVELED RECENTLY? NO. HAVE YOU BEEN NEAR AN INFECTED PERSON RECENTLY? NO. DO YOU HAVE A FEVER? NO. DO YOU HAVE CHILLS? NO. DO YOU HAVE A COUGH? NO. DO YOU HAVE BODY ACHES? NO.

I TOLD YOU, I HAVE A SINUS INFECTION!

HMMMM...DO YOU HAVE A HEADACHE?

OF COURSE I DO, A SINUS HEADACHE BECAUSE I HAVE A SINUS INFECTION.

And five minutes later I had that white spear thingy shoved so far up my fucking nose I could taste it.

Just lie to them. I learned my lesson the hard way. Years back, before settling down I wanted a full battery of tests just to be safe, so I stopped by the government-run facility for the free STD test. I did the whole questionnaire, which specifically asks if I engage in such behavior as intravenous drug use, anal sex, etc. Obviously, I ticked NO on all of them. When test-time comes, the nurse gives me a cup to piss in and sends me to the toilets. I come back with my sample and ask when the HIV test is going to happen, since I know the piss test only catches certain STIs.

"Oh, the HIV test is very expensive so it's reserved for those who engage in risky behavior. You didn't indicate that you engaged in any such qualifying behavior, like needles and anal sex."

"But, I want the HIV test. I want to be absolutely sure I don't give my other half anything," I say, a bit shocked.

"Well," says the bitch nurse, "you can go to ------- clinic, but there will be a fee involved."

"OK," says I, "never mind, I lied. I take it up the ass. Now can I have my free test?"

"If you indicate to me again that you lied on your questionnaire I will have you removed from the premises."

"Sheesh, it's not my fault you were too fucking dumb to get into med school."

Lesson learned. Even at a free clinic for junkies and homosexuals, there's nothing to gain by telling the truth.
Click to expand...

I did lie once before at a regular clinic. They asked a bunch of questions and then only tested me for a couple things. I don’t thunk there’s anyway to get them to test for everything.
 
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