Closing eyes during sex: How much of a turn off is it?

[C4ssandra]

This is something that I have gotten complaints about in both my professional and personal life. When things begin to get heated in the bedroom, I have a tendency to keep my eyes closed. It is not because I find my partner unattractive and want to imagine someone else; it's just too overwhelming. I like being able to shut off one of my senses and just focus on the physical sensations going on. If there is too much stimuli, I can get overwhelmed and taken out of the moment. I also find prolonged eye contact extremely difficult to maintain unless I am deeply in love with the other person (and even then it can be too much). However, it is something I am trying to work on as people have felt insecure about it before. How about everyone else? Do you find it off-putting if your partner has their eyes closed? Do you close your eyes at all?

 

[qcryp]

Theres no way I could do that lovey dovey eye contact as you're putting it in with just any girl. Like you say I could only imagine it with someone I am really in love with.

But I am not good with eye contact in general (and probably undiagnosed high functioning autisim) so i'm not the best person to ask on this in the first place.

Since im not looking the girl in the eyes during it, I don't really notice what they are doing, but when I glance down occasionally its normally eyes closed or head tilted a bit to the side so eye contact wouldn't really be possible anyways. Doesn't bother me, obviously. Caveat, if its eyes closed and they have a look of disgust or like they'd rather be anywhere else then thats obviously a turnoff and I've seen that once or twice in my time.

I'm curious to see the other answers because I think prolonged eye contact with a girl you don't even really know sounds super awkward and overwhelming to me.

 

[gaschdee]

I definitely agree with the stimuli overload, it's much easier to focus solely on the physical sensations with closed eyes, and it increases the intensity for me.

I much prefer occasional eye contact. I keep eye contact down to the minimum socially required level when I first meet new girls, but over time if I like the girl I will gradually increase eye contact. It's partially a preference (I don't like much eye contact with strangers), but it's also an emotional defence mechanism for me. Keeping constant eye contact makes it way too intimate for P4P, and is a dangerous emotional game to play.

If it's a partner, I don't really have a preference. Little eye contact or a lot is fine to me, I will match what she likes as that's the important thing to me.

 

[thatguythere]

Love eyecontact, especially during a bj, but i wouldnt feel offended if me or her closed her eyes during the deed. Would be weird if they kept their eyes open all the time during kissing for example, so it depends on the play.

 

[jhingy567]

Not a deal breaker, but in p4p it can be a big turn off if it feels like she's doing it because she finds me ugly or repulsive.

For me eye contact during sex is super gfe and feels amazing. In p4p I've found most providers keep their eyes closed unfortunately. All my favourites though have been keen on eye contact!

 

[Danbo]

I think it is normal if you have occasional eye contact and other times you don't look at eachother. Also really depends on if you are active or passive at the time. Closing your eyes is more something you do while receiving to just enjoy the moment. But guys are more visual creatures in general, so I guess for us it is more important to see what's going on 😅

...but there are of course some girl who will keep eye contact most of the time....and it is hot as hell. Lifts the experience to another level in my opinion.

 

[requiemmorrow]

This is something that I have gotten complaints about in both my professional and personal life. When things begin to get heated in the bedroom, I have a tendency to keep my eyes close. It is not because I find my partner unattractive and want to imagine someone else; it's just too overwhelming. I like being able to shut off one of my senses and just focus on the physical sensations going on. If there is too much stimuli, I can get overwhelmed and taken out of the moment. I also find prolonged eye contact extremely difficult to maintain unless I am deeply in love with the other person (and even then it can be too much). However, it is something I am trying to work on as people have felt insecure about it before. How about everyone else? Do you find it off-putting if your partner has their eyes closed? Do you close your eyes at all?

I really like this question, and thought about this a few hours as well as my proclivities in bed. For me it really depends on the personality and how many times I have seen her.

If it is the first time meeting her, a lot of eye contact feels forced. It is natural to be a little shy or possibly even uncomfortable. Even if I find her ridiculously attractive, to some extent at times I am afraid to keep eye contact because some small part of me can't help but believe she is unfortunately here with a fat BOSSCAN-cock-wielding pervert like me.

Bizarrely enough, when we have a second meeting I want tons of eye contact. The idea is that she agreed to meet again, meaning that even if it's a flat out lie I feel more attractive subconsciously. (She must love the BOSS CAN!) If there is very little eye contact in round two, in fact, I begin to feel like she's just putting up with me. I might hesitate for a round three unless downtime makes up for that.

Still, far more important than eye contact for me always is kissing. I love DFKs even if they are fake as hell, and typically when kissing I close my eyes, so if anything I hope it gives the girl a break from eye contact if it's an issue.

 

[FictionalFaust]

While being incredibly hot, I'm also in camp "it's kind of overwhelming" when someone's staring intently into your soul. But that's also the case outside the bedroom, I'm just not good with prolonged eye contact in general

Edit: phrasing was scuffed

 

[Cinnabums]

How about everyone else? Do you find it off-putting if your partner has their eyes closed? Do you close your eyes at all?

Not offputting at all if you are enjoying it. I sometimes close my eyes when I get really aroused especially when on my back getting attended too, an eyemask to really shut out that sense can be extremely arousing.

If I meet a girl in a professional setting I might think her closing her eyes is a way to shut out what is happening though and that might affect me negatively(screaming she doesn't want to be there with me, very off putting).

 

[thepillow]

I wouldn't say offended is the right word, but I have had experiences with providers (maybe 2 times) where they seem to keep their eyes closed enough that it feels like they are trying not to look at me. Closed while kissing is 'normal' and so is closed while receiving DATY, but if it's excessive it can feel like she really doesn't want to be there. That isn't fun and can break the illusion for sure.

I think the key thing is to make sure your partner understands that you are happy to be there and that you accept them. Eyes are one way to convey that, but there are others. So if you do want to keep your eyes closed, maybe compensate in other ways. Could be compliments, dirty talk, moaning, whatever. Just demonstrate that you are enjoying it and not closing your eyes to get away from him.

 

[thirdman]

I wouldn't find it off putting at all. In fact, it is hot as hell.

I wouldn't normally close my eyes though, because the visual stimulus is just as important as the physical. I once had a girlfriend who enjoyed blindfolding me. It was fun because she had fun with it, but it isn't something I would otherwise want.

 

[dickissuehaver]

IMO it can be extremely hot for my partner to have her eyes closed or looking off in other directions (as long as it's not some goofy artificial ahegao look lol, not into that). Of course, that's as long as it's clear she's still in the moment and not, like, dissociating, at which point I'd obviously check in which I can usually do gracefully enough but would certainly take us out of it a bit.

I like being able to shut off one of my senses and just focus on the physical sensations going on. If there is too much stimuli, I can get overwhelmed and taken out of the moment.

Making this clear is the crux of the issue — I always try to be more vocal and/or use my hands/mouth more if I'm closing my eyes, just to make it clear I'm still in the moment. Sloppy kissing is my go-to move, cause you can just kinda let your lips hover around each other and it's expected that your eyes would be closed in that context.

This is especially important for men, too, because we (at least in the US, almost certainly Japan too as well as other places) are socialized to be quiet during sex, so closing your eyes and staying mute… definitely not ideal for your partner (providers presumably wouldn't mind too much, but outside of p4p…).

However, it is something I am trying to work on as people have felt insecure about it before.

Though ultimately it comes down to this: there's only so much your partner can do; if you're not secure in yourself, you'll always find something or other to latch onto to make yourself feel inadequate, whether it's eye contact, physical signs of arousal, etc etc.

 

[FictionalFaust]

IMO it can be extremely hot for my partner to have her eyes closed or looking off in other directions (as long as it's not some goofy artificial ahegao look lol, not into that). Of course, that's as long as it's clear she's still in the moment and not, like, dissociating, at which point I'd obviously check in which I can usually do gracefully enough but would certainly take us out of it a bit.

I think that's a key point: You can't just put every "eyes closed, head tilted" in the same basket. There's a pretty wide range of emotions/variations those movements can display and I'd imagine a big part of the "risk" is in misunderstanding which one it is.

That said, I feel like you should be able to tell "in the moment" and "oh god I'm bored" apart (I say, probably being dogshit at doing so myself)

 

[bdole]

Not a turn off, as long as there is some other feedback as well when eyes are closed. Noises, movement, grabbing motions, etc, and as long as there is some eye contact at some point, because that's also hot. I like a variety

 

[Icyblu]

It depend on body language for me. If the provider has her eyes shut tight and barely shows enjoyment, it doesn't make me feel too good. If her eyes are closed and the session is passionate, it doesn't matter.

I sometimes feel pressured to make eye contact during a BJ if my partner is doing it, even though I want to shut my eyes and enjoy the sensation.

 

[zstar]

Not a turn off but depends on body language like others said. I think shutting your eyes to focus on sensations seem natural and am fine with it. I also try to make sure my body language to my partner shows that I am enjoying the moment together so we both have feedback, not necessarily just eye contact.

I don't think I close my eyes, but I think I lose eye focus and stare off instead, focus on the sensation more.

 

[ellestan]

i get it. it's hard to keep contact for more than 30 seconds at a time. Plus my eyes will naturally keep wandering and want to see all the jiggling parts. i'm trying to soak it all in. but there's gotta be some eye contact though.

 

[MikeH]

(screaming she doesn't want to be there with me, very off putting).

Wouldn't know about that, never happened to me.

Because I only date polite girls, they say it in a normal voice and don't scream.

But eye contact during BJ is really hot. During intercourse it doesn't matter that much. I especially have one girl I think is so hot I have to close my eyes not to arrive way too early.

 

[Durg50]

Do whatever you need to do to get though it. I wont take it personally.

 

[Alice]

I don't think I close my eyes, but I think I lose eye focus and stare off instead, focus on the sensation more.

Yeah same. I feel like I either stare at someone too intensely or avoid looking at them directly at all. I'm probably weird but I have had eye contact issues since I was little.

 

[Alice]

I never understand the eye contact during bj thing. Like I try, but it's difficult? Kind of hard to look up when you are so close to someone's body and have something in your mouth.

 

[thepillow]

I never understand the eye contact during bj thing

It's hard to explain, but super sexy for some reason. I get turned on when my partner is turned on, enjoying herself, and in the moment with me (not somewhere else). Maybe it's similar to dirty talk, which is also a turn on because of what it represents: desire, passion, intimacy, presence, etc.

 

[shadowO]

It's hard to explain, but super sexy for some reason. I get turned on when my partner is turned on, enjoying herself, and in the moment with me (not somewhere else). Maybe it's similar to dirty talk, which is also a turn on because of what it represents: desire, passion, intimacy, presence, etc.

I might be weird but I find dirty talk most of the time can be a huge turn off. 😅

I do agree with you though on the fact that your partner being turned on is the biggest turn on of all, be it shown with eye contact or any other way, in my experience that's mostly accomplished with passionate kissing for both parties to be fully into it.

 

[Alice]

It's hard to explain, but super sexy for some reason. I get turned on when my partner is turned on, enjoying herself, and in the moment with me (not somewhere else). Maybe it's similar to dirty talk, which is also a turn on because of what it represents: desire, passion, intimacy, presence, etc.

I understand why it's fun, just don't understand how to do it properly. I guess if you haven't given a bj before you wouldn't get how difficult it is.

 

[Alice]

I might be weird but I find dirty talk most of the time can be a huge turn off. 😅

Yeah it's laughable.