I'm not sure if I posted this in the right section. I can't say whether or not it's about dating but this is more about me than other people. I know some people here are married or in relationships and do punting to spice up their life. As for me, I think I would give it up if I ever found myself in a committed relationship again. If I do get married to the right woman, I am really giving it up. I am not saying it makes me better than the married guys who do it, but it's just how I choose to live my life. It just simply doesn't make sense to me. If I found the right woman, which I have only found on let's say two occasions, I'd make love to her every night which I have. Then again, we all change in time. She will not become the woman I fell in love with, and I will no longer be the man she may have fell in love with. The problem is, a majority of my real relationships are crap for various reasons here and there which could probably be bigger than The Song of Ice and Fire novel series. The only great relationships I had in the past 10 years was 3 years ago with a former co-worker and we broke up because I got transferred and some time later, she went to graduate school in Australia. Two years before her when I was in Hiroshima, I was dating this nurse but she moved to America for her job. Though the relationships were brief, I thought I could give up on punting and all that and save money.....or maybe not.... It's just naturally as adults, we all know that sex with the woman we love is a different kind of sensation. To me, it's more complete. Since then, things in terms of relationship and sex haven't been the same for me. I really did love these two girls. They came to me when I really needed someone in my life. Things ended and I went back to punting again. I meet girls here and there outside of punting as well but things just don't work out for me. But this girl at a place I go to in Ikebukuro reminds me of both of my girlfriends that I truly loved and it does bring me to a certain peace I haven't felt in years as pathetic that may sound to you reading. I know what she is doing is her job. But I fear that I use this girl as a fix for something I lost isn't really right and fair to myself and to her despite her job. This girl is aware of it and as her job requires, she is willing to fill that role. But I still treat these girls from punting as human beings. We've met numerous times now. I give her simple gifts such as boxes of chocolates, a bottle of wine, roses, and I also gave her a cheap necklace just recently just to thank her for her company and the fun times we have together. She tells that I treat her better than her actual boyfriends in the past have and that she enjoys me as a customer and she does wish for me to find a real nice girlfriend or if we could have met under other circumstances, we could have been lovers. Since she reminds me of my girlfriends that I've had positive experiences with, I make love to her in a way that feels more passionate since I am fantasizing about them and she feels it with the way she has always clawed my shoulders and back. But she knows if I find that special someone, she knows I will quit seeing her. Sadly, I can have better conversations with girls from punting than from most regular trial dates. With this girl, we are in a position to talk about the core of human nature and sexuality. We have a distinct sense of liberation. We don't just talk about sex, but the girls I meet through punting are more interested in my home country that the other girls I have failed with. They ask me questions about California all the time. They also ask about what sports I'm into, the things I have done with my life, movies, literature, music, etc. Some girls I have met through punting I can talk about hip hop with. Some girls I have talked about Van Halen which was cool. A part of me feels that I really should give up on punting because I do fear of something leading me to being self-destructive. Another part of me feels fuck it, 99.9% of my relationships all have been shit so what's the point anyway? A part of me feels that maybe in a past life, I was a woman who did this kind of work and I did a good job at it for all I know lol if you believe in that sort of thing. But I do think about raising kids all the time but with the shit I have done with my life, what makes me a good father. But the ultimate question is, am I really that pathetic of a person if I have better success meeting my kind of woman through punting as opposed to just ordinary girls? But I honestly have to admit, a big part of me does want to quit punting but can't because that motivation just isn't there anymore. I am not a perfect person. I have not only made some mistakes, but have royally fucked up. I really want to do the right thing and be responsible. But I am at a point that I really want to do the best I can. Other than you guys, I don't share my punting experiences with anybody. Not even my real life friends or family for obvious reasons. Nor do I want future girlfriends to be aware of it. If I happen to have the right person in my life again, I want to put that behind me. Have any of you guys been in this predicament? If so, how do you handle it?