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Could You Give Up Punting A Girl? Or Was I Meant For This Life? Should I Give Up On It?

J

johnnyboy84

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I'm not sure if I posted this in the right section. I can't say whether or not it's about dating but this is more about me than other people.

I know some people here are married or in relationships and do punting to spice up their life. As for me, I think I would give it up if I ever found myself in a committed relationship again. If I do get married to the right woman, I am really giving it up. I am not saying it makes me better than the married guys who do it, but it's just how I choose to live my life. It just simply doesn't make sense to me. If I found the right woman, which I have only found on let's say two occasions, I'd make love to her every night which I have. Then again, we all change in time. She will not become the woman I fell in love with, and I will no longer be the man she may have fell in love with.

The problem is, a majority of my real relationships are crap for various reasons here and there which could probably be bigger than The Song of Ice and Fire novel series. The only great relationships I had in the past 10 years was 3 years ago with a former co-worker and we broke up because I got transferred and some time later, she went to graduate school in Australia. Two years before her when I was in Hiroshima, I was dating this nurse but she moved to America for her job. Though the relationships were brief, I thought I could give up on punting and all that and save money.....or maybe not.... It's just naturally as adults, we all know that sex with the woman we love is a different kind of sensation. To me, it's more complete. Since then, things in terms of relationship and sex haven't been the same for me. I really did love these two girls. They came to me when I really needed someone in my life. Things ended and I went back to punting again.

I meet girls here and there outside of punting as well but things just don't work out for me.

But this girl at a place I go to in Ikebukuro reminds me of both of my girlfriends that I truly loved and it does bring me to a certain peace I haven't felt in years as pathetic that may sound to you reading. I know what she is doing is her job. But I fear that I use this girl as a fix for something I lost isn't really right and fair to myself and to her despite her job. This girl is aware of it and as her job requires, she is willing to fill that role. But I still treat these girls from punting as human beings. We've met numerous times now. I give her simple gifts such as boxes of chocolates, a bottle of wine, roses, and I also gave her a cheap necklace just recently just to thank her for her company and the fun times we have together. She tells that I treat her better than her actual boyfriends in the past have and that she enjoys me as a customer and she does wish for me to find a real nice girlfriend or if we could have met under other circumstances, we could have been lovers. Since she reminds me of my girlfriends that I've had positive experiences with, I make love to her in a way that feels more passionate since I am fantasizing about them and she feels it with the way she has always clawed my shoulders and back. But she knows if I find that special someone, she knows I will quit seeing her.

Sadly, I can have better conversations with girls from punting than from most regular trial dates. With this girl, we are in a position to talk about the core of human nature and sexuality. We have a distinct sense of liberation. We don't just talk about sex, but the girls I meet through punting are more interested in my home country that the other girls I have failed with. They ask me questions about California all the time. They also ask about what sports I'm into, the things I have done with my life, movies, literature, music, etc. Some girls I have met through punting I can talk about hip hop with. Some girls I have talked about Van Halen which was cool.

A part of me feels that I really should give up on punting because I do fear of something leading me to being self-destructive. Another part of me feels fuck it, 99.9% of my relationships all have been shit so what's the point anyway? A part of me feels that maybe in a past life, I was a woman who did this kind of work and I did a good job at it for all I know lol if you believe in that sort of thing. But I do think about raising kids all the time but with the shit I have done with my life, what makes me a good father.

But the ultimate question is, am I really that pathetic of a person if I have better success meeting my kind of woman through punting as opposed to just ordinary girls? But I honestly have to admit, a big part of me does want to quit punting but can't because that motivation just isn't there anymore. I am not a perfect person. I have not only made some mistakes, but have royally fucked up. I really want to do the right thing and be responsible. But I am at a point that I really want to do the best I can. Other than you guys, I don't share my punting experiences with anybody. Not even my real life friends or family for obvious reasons. Nor do I want future girlfriends to be aware of it. If I happen to have the right person in my life again, I want to put that behind me. Have any of you guys been in this predicament? If so, how do you handle it?
 
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Wow this is deep.... It's difficult to say imho. Who is to say what is right and what is not. I think only you can figure this out. Now who knows maybe there is a chance of a conversion with this girl that you are punting on to make it a real relation but it may also be she is playing an act wonderfully well.

You can only do what you feel is right for you for now, my philosophy is do what you can, live life the best way possible and the pieces well they will fit themselves in to the correct places. Who knows what will happen in the next few years.
 
Punting is fantasy. Punting is the addiction of addiction. Punting is an emotion security net that is a mirage. Punting is the mystical curiosity that broke the back. Punting is the Harry Potter world of sex, lies, and sex. Some good, some bad. Highs, lows, but if you have tons of money and tons of time, then maybe so, but all punting does is destroy your ability to bond, care, and so on. Some mean basically date the escort. They are girlfriends to them but not in the cohabitation mode. If you are just in it for the convenience of just blowing a load, then what prevents you from doing it? You could essentially, on the other hand, hang out in a bar, pick up women, and do the same thing. You could hook up with a woman with similar beliefs and just get it on but never committing. I would think that is the issue more than anything. I know women that give up jobs to be with their man. Seems like you had to relationships that had loose strings and L4P is very similar. Otherwise. Take it from me, when there is a close bond and you see a chic, even marriage to other people won't keep you from migrating back. It would prevent leaving. Now before you get on my case, I speak from experience. I gave up the lifestyle. Live alone and have never regretted the decision. So what did that lead to?
1. Financial peace
2. Better relationships with females (plutonic)
3. No more wondering if I am going to catch a case (nama is too easy)
4. Better outlook on life
5. Hanging out and enjoying personality is more rewarding than a quick bang.
6. Being socially active is healthy.
7. Finding another mate like the other ones is easier when the senses are craving such. Most date the same woman just different names.

So I say like this dude from Florida said, at some point Punting has to stop, when is when you say it is time.
 
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Might sound weird coming from me, but I don't see anything wrong with punting, in most circumstances. I see it as: an option, where a guy doesn't want to deal with emotional relationship baggage, a convenience when a guy is traveling, when a guy is sexually frustrated, or if he wants to try something different.

The only circumstances that I see it as being problematic, is when it's become a guy's only sexual outlet and addiction, and the man himself feels he has no other option. I think everything has it's place and balance in life is needed.

Punting is providing a physical release and possibly fulfilling a fantasy, but might not be satisfying some emotional void, that a particular man has. P4P women are providing a service and giving their bodies, but they have emotions and lives too, separate from their customers. The context of being a customer and having a physical service provided has to be embraced, in order to avoid emotional confusion. Fantasy can't replace reality. The customer can't expect to possess the woman outside the context of her doing her job and service provided. When a guy understand this, it's fun for that brief time and then move on. For something more lasting and emotionally fulfilling, that requires a true relationship, where the woman is truly reciprocating this feeling. She thinks as much about you, as you think about her.

The pain or frustration that a man is expressing in such a situation, can be he isn't getting his emotional needs met and doesn't see any other alternatives, even though there are. Perhaps more balance is needed in their life. Well, at least that's my opinion about it.
 
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It can also be, as many people have this conflict, where they can't get all of their emotional and physical (to include sexual fantasies) needs met in a single relationship. Such a person might be forcing themselves into thinking they must get all their needs met by one person, versus embracing the possibility it may take MORE than one person. Polyamorous relationships, in which a P4P provider is one member of it, fulfilling part of a whole.
 
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Very heartfelt, Johnnyboy. Having stupidly let the love of my life slip away (and having then met up 20 yrs later where she basically said as much then a final goodbye - no wetness involved), marrying for probably the wrong reasons and now suffering for it, punting has filled a void not only in my battered ego but also in my identity as a male, and gives me an outlet for the affection and pleasure I like to give and get (okay, Chavers, no bloody movie clips!). I think the trick is to compartmentalize. You have your job. Maybe a family. Maybe an active sex life with the wife. Past flames. P4P. You can love 'em all, but if they start to overlap, things can get… fuzzy. Office love? Someone known to the wife? A reignited flame? Danger Will Robinson. While P4P has its own set of dangers, if you are into 'off campus' stuff P4P is much safer. And, here - ohhhhh, the choices! But that is the 'normal' me. That is the 'punting' me. Compartmentalize. Or buy a dog.
 
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I bring this up now I am 30 years old and whatever adult life I have had, it has been in Japan. I only had 2 girlfriends as I mentioned and have done a lot of punting. It has led me to a small handful moments with AV idols and some great women. A part of me feels I have had enough and ready to move on but there is nothing or nobody to move onto yet.

I do want to start a family and I want to meet the right woman and have children with her. I feel maybe I have had more than my fun. I was a loser in my pre-teen years and I grew up to bang 5 porn stars. But anyway, I feel that until Infind her, I guess I will live. I know some of you are older than me but I have spent a majority of my twenties here in Japan punting and maybe I am punted out. I don't know. I have had my variety both good and bad and I feel I need to go onto that next step of life.

While punting the girl and I like to talk about ideal dates and I want to experience that again whether it would be a movie night at my place, a walk in the park, a vacation to Bali or whatever. Things real couples do. But my life ruins my chances to pursue that and punting just became a way to make up for my inadequacies in real relationships and I just see it as a "fix" like a high. Especially with girls I repeat.
 
Even though i dont have that much punting history (started last summer), I kind of understand how you feel. I've been here for almost 8 years and only one year older than you and find it incredibly hard to get a girlfriend, although I am making more difficult that it should be with my over busy lifestyle. I haven't had that sparkle for a girl in about 3-4 years now, manly because I don't think it will happen anymore.

I want to move one as well, and could easily give up punting if I could find fulfilling relationships but for that I need to work on proactiveness.

I think you just need to prioritize relationships over punting. You've already made it in the past, it's just a matter of trying again.

The Secret of Change Is to Focus All of Your Energy, Not on Fighting the Old, But on Building the New
 
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Well, I do intend on moving to Kansai at the end of next month so hopefully I can get that fresh start
 
JB,

I am about six years older than you and honestly between now and when I was 30, I've had the best half decade of my life so far. So from my perspective, it sounds like you got a great head-start! Banged 5 porn stars? I'm jealous! I too was a weedy nerd and I thought I'd have no luck with women but I've met some wonderful prospects and you can too. You have LOTS of time to make this happen.

You say you get on well with this girl who is your regular working girl. Do you really have anything to lose by asking her if she'd consider seeing you outside of work? It doesn't have to be a full blown transition to an exclusive serious relationship (TM). Maybe try a baby step by asking her out for something simple off the clock (coffee?) and see where it goes. That's not something I'd normally advise, but if you've been seeing her a long time and your conversations are as intimate as you say, why not just give it a shot? If she says no or that she can't right now, she's still there to meet that need in a P4P situation while you look for alternatives.

Here's another thought, though I don't know how you'd go about this. What if you tried to date a girl who *used* to be a working girl but is now retired? It sounds like you're really into not just the conversation you and your P4P lady have, but that you appreciate each other for your experience in this hobby. I know it's a super long-shot as it's not exactly something girls advertise, but you sound like a genuinely good person who can be both discreet and caring about a past like that. A woman who's finished her career in P4P might meet your needs. That's what's pouring out of my brain right now. Maybe it's unrealistic, but maybe it could also inspire you to think outside the box to get all your needs met.
 
TheDutchElm said:
JB,

I am about six years older than you and honestly between now and when I was 30, I've had the best half decade of my life so far. So from my perspective, it sounds like you got a great head-start! Banged 5 porn stars? I'm jealous! I too was a weedy nerd and I thought I'd have no luck with women but I've met some wonderful prospects and you can too. You have LOTS of time to make this happen.

You say you get on well with this girl who is your regular working girl. Do you really have anything to lose by asking her if she'd consider seeing you outside of work? It doesn't have to be a full blown transition to an exclusive serious relationship (TM). Maybe try a baby step by asking her out for something simple off the clock (coffee?) and see where it goes. That's not something I'd normally advise, but if you've been seeing her a long time and your conversations are as intimate as you say, why not just give it a shot? If she says no or that she can't right now, she's still there to meet that need in a P4P situation while you look for alternatives.

Here's another thought, though I don't know how you'd go about this. What if you tried to date a girl who *used* to be a working girl but is now retired? It sounds like you're really into not just the conversation you and your P4P lady have, but that you appreciate each other for your experience in this hobby. I know it's a super long-shot as it's not exactly something girls advertise, but you sound like a genuinely good person who can be both discreet and caring about a past like that. A woman who's finished her career in P4P might meet your needs. That's what's pouring out of my brain right now. Maybe it's unrealistic, but maybe it could also inspire you to think outside the box to get all your needs met.
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It's been my observation that women who are P4P, and this appears to extend to many hostesses, don't usually consider customers as prospective boyfriends. Even after they have "retired", which can be questionable if they are below 40 or somewhat attractive. There can be some terrible things said about customers privately. Usually there's a kind of antagonism, unless the guy is rich or involved in the business in an non-customer way. Like pimp, handling calls, bartender, driver, security, etc... And a rich guy will often have his pick of women, so prostitute is usually not at the top of the list, unless at the very high end in beauty and something is unusual about her.

There are a lot of women to be found that aren't P4P. Not at all saying that if a guy likes a particular P4P woman, he shouldn't give it a shot and ask. But just saying, that shouldn't be a man's only option. It's not like P4P women are thinking their customers are their only options for the future.
 
Thanks for your opinion Solong. I am suggesting that if JB gets along well with this woman, he would be well within his options to ask without assuming disaster. Especially given that they have a long history of good chat based on their mutual experience of the hobby. I'd direct you to some of Wwanderer's postings last year that make a good case for substantive relationships growing out of casual flings and even P4P interactions. Not everyone is as paranoid about women conniving to fuck over every man they meet as you generally seem to be. As long as you keep your armor on and stay frosty about the possible outcomes of asking pointed questions and suggesting alternative interactions, I don't think there's any reason to discourage someone from redirecting a relationship (and that's what it is) with a P4P provider that you've come to know fairly well.
 
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