Dating Apps I Recommend (2014-2015)

[Vulkan]

I see what you mean about the conversation issue, it happened to me before as well, and understand that it is a turn-off.

Thanks for the interesting insight.

 

[Solong]

@ brutalhonesty

The situation online is very different for guys than it is for women. So many times women are not realizing what the guy is thinking, see from their perspective, or she can be very selfish. Some things I see:

1) Guys get pranked, swindled, & cat-fished at crazy levels.

A woman may ask for all their information, then NOT show up or cancel meeting at the last second. You also have women who are cam girls and prostitutes trying to lead guys to different websites. Then there are straight up scammers trying to get credit card info. or ask for money.

2) Some women are way too paranoid and excessive.

They think they will know everything about a guy from e-mail, which is IMPOSSIBLE. But she will ask 100 questions, instead of just having some coffee.

Also they tend to become anti-sexual, as too paranoid or childish about it, and turn the e-mail interaction into a painful job interview-like process.

 

[majimekun]

I totally agree with Solon on this one.
Lots of women want to exchange emails for some time before they decide they can actually meet.
It's such a waste of time and it doesn't serve any purpose at all.
My policy regarding this is that I cut all contacts is she doesn't seemingly try to meet within the week.
Women who are afraid of posting their face, who are afraid of meeting right away should be ignored anyway. Also avoid the ones with blurry photos or dark sunglasses.
They are totally out of touch with reality and they will waste your time and energy.
Some are psychos too

 

[majimekun]

Some guys lack conversational skills altogether. They don't ask engaging questions that lead to interesting conversations, and when I ask them something, they can't offer real answers. .....

We guys want to meet first and then discuss.
You're doing it the other way around as we don't want to waste time with girls who will stupidely try to decipher us from behind a computer screen. Humour and interesting conversations (in short, seduction) are to be done face to face since they require a high amount of visual cues to be done properly. Girls who are looking for the guy who will make them laugh with his writings are simply disconnected with reality.

Anyway, in my case, what makes dating sites bothersome are the following profiles in women :
- Women who feel that they have to get married ASAP
- Women who actually just need a genitor for they cute baby
- Women who just want to practice their English, French or whatever
- Women who contact you even when they live hundreds of kilometers away (wtf?)
- Insecure women (no photos, blurred photos)
- Women who just need a guy in order to live abroad (because they are hopeless/useless in they own country)
- Women who are looking for a partner but after a few questions you understand that she is so busy with her job that she won't have time for a real relationship.

Conclusion : there are way too many stupid women out there

 

[KumaDog]

We guys want to meet first and then discuss.
You're doing it the other way around as we don't want to waste time with girls who will stupidely try to decipher us from behind a computer screen. Humour and interesting conversations (in short, seduction) are to be done face to face since they require a high amount of visual cues to be done properly. Girls who are looking for the guy who will make them laugh with his writings are simply disconnected with reality.

Anyway, in my case, what makes dating sites bothersome are the following profiles in women :
- Women who feel that they have to get married ASAP
- Women who actually just need a genitor for they cute baby
- Women who just want to practice their English, French or whatever
- Women who contact you even when they live hundreds of kilometers away (wtf?)
- Insecure women (no photos, blurred photos)
- Women who just need a guy in order to live abroad (because they are hopeless/useless in they own country)
- Women who are looking for a partner but after a few questions you understand that she is so busy with her job that she won't have time for a real relationship.

Conclusion : there are way too many stupid women out there

haha - I was with you until the last line. The ratio of dumb guys always, at least here, far outweighs the girls. If a guy can't gain a girls interest on line then he will be worse in real life. I hear Brutalhonesty on this one for sure. How can anyone expect to snag a date with a beauty if they insist on saving what little convo they can muster for a date/meeting. Sounds like hell for the girl.
Most dating sites are useless filled with fake profiles or people trying to up-sell cams etc. Best place to find girls here is out in the real world, away from bars but if you must use a dating site it had better be in Japanese and you must know "the way." I have been told most girls are testing guys here and you may not know it or realize it. They do not have much concern for your agenda, only theirs.

Brutalhonesty sounds like a cerebral fuck. My kind of girl.

 

[Solong]

We guys want to meet first and then discuss.
You're doing it the other way around as we don't want to waste time with girls who will stupidely try to decipher us from behind a computer screen. Humour and interesting conversations (in short, seduction) are to be done face to face since they require a high amount of visual cues to be done properly. Girls who are looking for the guy who will make them laugh with his writings are simply disconnected with reality.

Anyway, in my case, what makes dating sites bothersome are the following profiles in women :
- Women who feel that they have to get married ASAP
- Women who actually just need a genitor for they cute baby
- Women who just want to practice their English, French or whatever
- Women who contact you even when they live hundreds of kilometers away (wtf?)
- Insecure women (no photos, blurred photos)
- Women who just need a guy in order to live abroad (because they are hopeless/useless in they own country)
- Women who are looking for a partner but after a few questions you understand that she is so busy with her job that she won't have time for a real relationship.

Conclusion : there are way too many stupid women out there

Mostly agree, except the last line, as I think men and women are equally intelligent. Just that men and women employ different strategies.

With women I've met online and including that we had sex and a relationship afterwards, the chain of events usually went like:

1. Sent a wink or e-mail to her, and she replies.

Can be she replies the same day, but sometimes several days later.

My e-mail tends to be a bit verbose, as I introduce myself.

2. OR, she will initiate a wink or 90% of the time send a very short e-mail to me.

Happens WAY more often that I e-mail a lady and she responds than she initiates with me first.

It's also amazing how I've seen women complain about guys sending short, unimaginative, or weird e-mails, but WOMEN do it as well. Chicks will send e-mails to me like "Hi.", "Hey.", "Nice to meet you." That's IT! This is the latest in one of my inboxes now-" Hello! How r u doing?"

Don't get me wrong, I like the attention and do NOT hold this against the women, and do reply. I'm just making the point, that many women that WILL meet, are quick to the point and not excessively chatty or verbose.

3. We exchange e-mail, LINE, or phone numbers.

This is a GOOD indicator that she is LESS likely to be a scammer. Fakers and attention-whores tend to want to chat away ON the website, INSTEAD of move the conversation elsewhere.

Phone numbers being of highest value, then LINE. Phone e-mail addresses tend NOT to be fakers, but plain Internet e-mail is a bit suspicious.

Scammers tend to try to lead you to OTHER websites OR their e-mail address and messages look ODD. They will AVOID using LINE (and overseas scammers may not even know what that is) and avoid using their mobile phone/e-mail.

Note- I don't give my phone number out, it's usually the woman that sends me their's. Often, just in case, so that we can find each other at the meeting location and not get lost.

4. From e-mail, SMS, or LINE we may exchange 3 to 4 back and forth messages.

Often, this is more introduction and we state a bit about who we are. Type of job, time living in the city, what area of the city we live, why joined website, and are interest in MEETING.

5. Exchanges more than the above are usually about some current event or something in the news that either of us mention.

Like a party, club event, holiday, some celebrity doing something crazy. Usually, brief comments on that.

6. We then synchronize our schedules on possible days we can meet. After that, then location and time.

Women that are NOT wasting your time, are those UP for meeting WITHIN 1 week or so of you contacting them. I give 2 weeks as my personal limit.

Acceptable exceptions are often if she is on vacation or travel, thus usually you meet the NEXT week. But those can be FLAKY women and a guy should be suspicious.

In those cases, I get their LINE or e-mail coontact, put the conversation on FREEZE shortly afterwards, until it's closer to her return date. Like 2 days before she returns.

7. Usually we meet within 1 week or FASTER, of initiating contact.

The focus is on meeting. A lot of women DO understand that going in circles in e-mail will go NOWHERE.

Women, where the e-mail exchanges went SMOOTHLY, tend to show up and the date goes well.

If a woman is displaying odd behavior, like suspicion or excessive questioning, it's often indicative that she has issues. These women tend to FLAKE on meeting at higher percentages OR if they do meet, the dates tend to be DISASTERS. The fear, paranoia, insecurity, anti-sexual thinking, and suspicion tends to carry from e-mail exchanges and INTO the DATE too.

8. Very rarely has long and excessive e-mail exchanges worked out.

You can spend days and weeks going back and forth with a woman and her NOT meet you or FLAKE out of meeting.
If I get into an excessive back and forth with a woman, we do a call either by phone or LINE. We then have a verbal chat (NOT video because TRICK of some CAM girls).

1 phone call/LINE call should kill all excessive questions or paranoia. But if I still see this, I break contact.

9. It's better for a guy to NOT get overly carried away with 1 woman, but be DATE STACKING with SEVERAL women.

This is protection against flakes, fakers, and attention-whores that will waste your time or NOT show up for the date.

10. We get to know each other by TALKING in person. No BS games.

11. The women that I met online and we had long relationships, we had sex between the 1st to 3rd date, IF we make a connection.

75% on the 1st date. 20% on 2nd. And 5% on the 3rd.

This is the opposite of what many people say or conventional wisdom on how things are "suppose" to go. Many women are often VERY sneaky about what they REALLY do, or say what they THINK other people want to hear.

Success rate for GUYS, dates leading to sex, would be 20% to 50% and if they have any clue about what they are doing. NO guy is ever 100% on dates (for sex, unless she is a prostitute), it doesn't work that way for men.

Note- Women can be 75% to 100% on dates they go on, IF they want to be. But women will RARELY ever admit to they are doing sexually, because of the different situation between the sexes.

My opinion is that if you have chemistry and a connection, it will quickly become apparent, AFTER meeting each other face to face.

 

[brutalhonesty]

@majimekun
When I said some guys lack conversational skills, I meant when I meet them face to face.

For me, I try not to have long conversations before I meet them because I imagine them to fit my type which is unfair and leads to disappointment later (like how books are usually better than movie adaptations).

But I totally hear you guys on girls being flaky. I have heard that too many times from my guy friends. Though to be fair, one guy did the same to me once, when he didn't want to meet up but kept trying to talk online.

Solong seems to have it figured out. I think I will stick to his guidelines if I ever go back to online dating.

 

[Solong]

What puts me off online dating, after trying a few sites is the fact that it's a no-win situation for me.

If i'm looking to get laid, i wanna make sure that I have an orgasm but it's very difficult with a new guy. And so I have to go on a few dates with him just to have good sex, but most of the guys I meet online are so boring I don't want to converse with them for too long.

On the other hand, if the guy does turn out to be a decent guy to talk to, it's likely I will end up falling for him, but a real relationship is not what he wants so it's a lost cause.

This seems a bit double-minded (will create a thread specifically about this later). Like you are creating a situation in which possibly no guy can ever win by default.

And actually, I'm on your side, because I sympathize with how difficult forming fulfilling relationships between men and women have become. I also find such things fascinating.

1) Quote- "If i'm looking to get laid, i wanna make sure that I have an orgasm."

It can't usually be predetermined if a guy can give you an orgasm in advance, no matter how many times you JUST MEET, unless you have sex with him OR you have deep conversations about sex.
However, when questioned DIRECTLY about sex, guys are inclined to LIE. That is, if they think the woman wants to have sex, they will say anything to get her in bed.

This is a negative point about men. A man could have a small penis, is very quick, and has NO skill whatsoever... He knows that he is absolutely terrible, but will often say anything to get the CHANCE to have sex. He can be sweet, cool, charismatic, very "pretty"/effeminate, funny, etc... In fact, the worse he is, the more he may try or be good at HIDING or COVERING it.

Such men also have another TRICK to cover their bad sex flaw. Such guys will make women feel bad or feel like a "slut" for wanting sex or wanting good sex. He will SPIN it, to make it seem like something is wrong with her for wanting an orgasm or good sex.

For women, the only true way to find out how good a guy is in bed is by having sex. Thus the dilemma in which many women are in.

And a woman is as EQUALLY responsible for her orgasms, as the man. A lot depends on the mindset of the woman too. Even if the man has excellent skills and of a good size, the problem may be in the thinking or mood of the woman.


2) Quote- "If i'm looking to get laid, i wanna make sure that I have an orgasm but it's very difficult with a new guy. And so I have to go on a few dates with him just to have good sex."

The number of dates you go on a guy and good sex DON'T match.

Good sex can happen the 1ST time and BAD sex can happen after meeting several times.

Are you saying that you have sex with him several times, so that the quality of the sex each time improves?

Or are you saying that you meet him several times and that will magically create good sex, the first time you have it?

Here, I get the impression that your issues are having anxiety with meeting new people. And then trust and comfort issues. Possibly meaning, that after several non-sexual meetings, you can finally feel comfortable having sex.

The conflict with that being is if you just want to get laid, you are making it as DIFFICULT as possible. Meeting several times is more of a RELATIONSHIP, not getting laid.

3) Quote- "...but most of the guys I meet online are so boring I don't want to converse with them for too long."

I can totally see your point on this, where you meet guys that are incapable of having a decent or interesting conversation, thus you lose interest.

Sometimes, I think it might be the guy is scared. Women, at times, don't realize that guys get nervous or shy too. So she will have to push the conversation forward a bit. Though, there are limits. If the guy is a rock, not much can be done.

However, I'm amazed that you would be running into so many guys like that.

And there is a bit of a conflict in purpose. Great conversationalist versus great at sex and giving orgasms.

I mention this, as are you putting up requirements that BLOCK you from having sex?

I've seen women do this. Where they create barriers and requirements that prevent them from ever achieving what they say that they want.

4) Quote- "On the other hand, if the guy does turn out to be a decent guy to talk to, it's likely I will end up falling for him, but a real relationship is not what he wants so it's a lost cause."

Why are you assuming that the guy wouldn't want a real relationship?

When it comes to 1-night stands, the women are doing this to guys as much. There is this whole mythology that only men do it, when women are doing as much.

And, I notice a problem for women, is them going after guys ABOVE their level. That is, she is a 5 or 6 and the guy is a 8 or 9 from a scale of 1 to 10.

In that case, he might have sex with her, but is less likely to want to keep her as girlfriend. This happens more with women, because a women at a lower score may try to use sex to keep a high level guy. It almost always does NOT work. If he is an 8 or 9, or has money, he might be looking for women at so-called higher levels or are perceived as more popular.

Both men and women have to be honest with themselves.

 

[majimekun]

Well, I'm sorry but I've never lied (an never will) in order to have sex with someone.
I'm very honest with my shortcomings as I often talk openly about them before we meet for the thing.
And everytime, they still want to try sex with me.
It's because sex isn't only about performance.
And I'm lucky enough to be with girls who think the same even when they are mere sexfriends.

 

[Solong]

Well, I'm sorry but I've never lied (an never will) in order to have sex with someone.
I'm very honest with my shortcomings as I often talk openly about them before we meet for the thing.
And everytime, they still want to try sex with me.
It's because sex isn't only about performance.
And I'm lucky enough to be with girls who think the same even when they are mere sexfriends.

EDIT- Thought of better way to explain my position, in terms of men and women responding to each other about sex questions.

Wasn't talking about you specifically, but many of us guys in general, and my experiences.

1. When asked about sex directly by a woman, many men often think that having sex with her is a strong possibility, so are more inclined to LIE. They want to present their best image.

There are also guys who will say ANYTHING to women in order to get them in bed. These are also called SIMPS. Guys that will butter women up with compliments, are weirdly too nice and, even subservient to women.


2. Men often feel ACCOUNTABLE for the quality of the sex, where women often feel less so. Many women blame men for bad sex, much less so the other way around.

3. Men have more pressure and performance anxiety, in addition to machismo, which also makes them more inclined to lie in response to direct sex questions.

Failure to please a woman sexually, can have men feel they are failing at being a man, where many women don't care or take it for granted that they will sexually gratify nearly any man (often foolishly so).

Direct Sex Questions

For the reasons above, it's often POINTLESS for women to ask men direct questions about sex for her to predetermine if he is any good.

A woman can try to determine if a guy might be good AND IF she can be HONEST about her sexuality and horniness, by looking at secondary characteristics. Leadership, physical health, coordination/rhythm, how he cares for her, etc... But these aren't guarantees, but educated guesses and LESS effective than questioning.

While in the reverse, men can ask women questions about sex to get an idea about how good she is at it. Men, if they understand this, have an ADVANTAGE in this area. HOWEVER, women can LIE too. Thus men should ask women INDIRECTLY, where she isn't being defensive about it.

With women, sexual ability is more about her MINDSET, thinking, and open-mindedness. This CAN be pulled out from her answers to questions.

Where with men physical attributes are much more directly connected to sexual performance: penis size, ability to get an erection, firmness of erection, ability to delay ejaculation, rhythm of hips when pumping, knowledge of sexual positions, him guiding the woman, etc..

Sexual Deception & Disappointment

I've been with several women who were very strong sexually and expressed regret about having gotten into relationships with guys that couldn't keep up or satisfy them.

And the reverse happens to guys. Some of the women who were the most emotional, "sticky", clingy, or acted the sweetest in our relationship were the most HORRIBLE at sex.

I know in the cases of the women that I was involved with, it never occurred to ask. Just didn't come up in any conversations before sex. We were already emotionally involved to a certain extent, BEFORE having sex.

That's the trick of it, they KNEW how bad they were from the beginning and I didn't, they then hooked me (and other guys) emotionally. And they were rock headed about it. They made no effort to fix or improve, as they were that close-minded or dysfunctional.

Over the years, I've come to the conclusion that it's a compensating mechanism that various people have (men or women). They know the sex is bad, so HOOK the person in other ways. However, if the other person is sexually strong or likes sex, the relationship (sooner or later) falls apart as a result.

I completely agree with you about honesty and it ISN'T only all about sex. It's like a table with 4 legs. Each leg is needed for the table to stand and the relationship to succeed.

When there is honesty AND awareness from the beginning, it's much less of an issue. When a person is self-aware of an issue, they can do more in improving it OR finding a compatible partner.

 

[brutalhonesty]

@Solong
Let me see if I can address all your points.

1. I know it's impossible to guarantee an orgasm. But if I go out on a date for the purpose of getting laid, hence an orgasm, it's frustrating when it doesn't end in one, and that's why I don't do one night stands, sleep with the guy on the first date, etc. It has nothing to do with me being a prude or being anti-sex, it's just that the cons outweigh the pros.

2. What I meant was I would need to have sex with him a few times before it gets good. I have never had good first sex with a new partner. And like I said, that's probably to do with me more than the guy. But if we are going to keep having sex until it's good for me, I would need the guy to be at least half intellectual, which isn't always the case. And this may be blocking me from achieving the best sex of my life, but to me, sex is more than penetration. It's the talks before and after, which doesnt go hand in hand with a quick fuck, and that is where my biggest dilemma comes in.

4. I don't believe in changing someone. I believe people can change, but only if they want to. So assuming we meet with the mutual understanding that neither one of us wants any strings attached, I know myself enough to know that if I keep having sex with him, I could fall for him, but unless he tells me otherwise, I will operate under the assumption that he still wants no strings attached.

These are all situations I used to get into before I knew what I really wanted.

I don't think the scoring has anything to do with it, though. Men and women alike will try to keep the other person interested by offering sex when they know they have nothing else to offer.

 

[Qong02]

I have to say @brutalhonesty can I be your friend because that's well said and for me at least intellectualism is a needed part it's quite a turn off to deal with an airhead unless they are totally lustful hot then it's probably going too be a one night stand. I tend to enjoy the company of my friends and if it leads to more that's great if not it's still a satisfying relationship and friends without benefits can be just as awesome if not more than with benefits.

 

[Solong]

@Solong
Let me see if I can address all your points.

1. I know it's impossible to guarantee an orgasm. But if I go out on a date for the purpose of getting laid, hence an orgasm, it's frustrating when it doesn't end in one, and that's why I don't do one night stands, sleep with the guy on the first date, etc. It has nothing to do with me being a prude or being anti-sex, it's just that the cons outweigh the pros.

2. What I meant was I would need to have sex with him a few times before it gets good. I have never had good first sex with a new partner. And like I said, that's probably to do with me more than the guy. But if we are going to keep having sex until it's good for me, I would need the guy to be at least half intellectual, which isn't always the case. And this may be blocking me from achieving the best sex of my life, but to me, sex is more than penetration. It's the talks before and after, which doesnt go hand in hand with a quick fuck, and that is where my biggest dilemma comes in.

4. I don't believe in changing someone. I believe people can change, but only if they want to. So assuming we meet with the mutual understanding that neither one of us wants any strings attached, I know myself enough to know that if I keep having sex with him, I could fall for him, but unless he tells me otherwise, I will operate under the assumption that he still wants no strings attached.

These are all situations I used to get into before I knew what I really wanted.

I don't think the scoring has anything to do with it, though. Men and women alike will try to keep the other person interested by offering sex when they know they have nothing else to offer.

Your reply is enlightening and makes this thread much more interesting.

1) Here, it seems that you have formed a conclusion and strategy that you are going to strongly stick to.

Trust me, it's not a bad thing, and we all naturally do it. But it best to realize that every strategy has pluses and minuses.

That is, you are implying sex and orgasms are impossible on the 1st date, thus you will stretch them out to several.
But that is where I saw an issue with your strategy, that you seem to forcibly overlook:

. What happened with guys in the past, doesn't mean it will happen with the NEW guy. You are not giving the NEW guy any chance to prove he is different based on him as an individual.

. You are saying that you are not prudish or anti-sexual, but then give the impression that sex on the 1st date is now impossible.

Your comments imply that you did sex on the 1st date in the past, and those guys failed to give you an orgasm. Therefore, it now isn't an option for any future guys.

2) Your statement that you will have sex with a guy for a few times before it gets good, creates obvious questions and logic issues:

. If not sex the 1st time, then when? The 2nd or 5th time?

The criteria of if the guy has sex with you, might not be based off of his conversational ability, but your MOOD on that particular day.

. Why can't the guy keep meeting you to improve the quality of the conversation?

If sex is "SURE" to improve after the 2nd, 3rd, etc... Why cut the guy off after a bad conversation, as can't it get better and better too?

. The talks before and after sex...

And this is what I'm taking issue with. It's the assumption that orgasm will happen after several times of you having sex with the guy or by talking to him before and after sex. It's as if, you can only have an orgasm in a very specific way.

It implies that your orgasm has LESS to do with technique or anything physical, but is more MENTAL. As if, you being assured you are now in a committed relationship, induces an orgasmic response. Thus all the talking and several meetings...

However, on this issue, you have acknowledged it as your personal dilemma and that it might be more about yourself than the guy.

4) Here seems to be in conflict with 2.

. It doesn't at all sound like you would ever have no strings attached sex, because your orgasms appear mentally induced by meeting the guy several times.

Commitment = mental orgasm? Physical Orgasm VS Mental Orgasm

A physical orgasm can happen at any time and isn't dependent on if a guy is a conversationalist or the number of times you have met.

This then brings up prudishness. It's not to say you are a prude, but it is to say that it doesn't sound like a sexually liberated woman either, but rather a woman who wants to be more old-fashioned, traditional, or conservative.

In regards to mental and physical orgasms, I do think mentally induced orgasms are real. It's seen in swinging, where the woman is getting off on the SITUATION, as much as the sex. I've known women who ONLY orgasm when acting out certain fantasizes or by playing certain characters.

It might be that you are seeking out a certain type of character, in terms of the behavior and how a man acts. And it's this particular character and characteristics, that is getting you off sexually.

. Men usually can't keep or try to keep women by offering only sex.

This is a strategy mostly done by women. Where they definitely use sex to keep men, though she can be offering a lot more than just that.

Men often try to offer money, socio-economic comfort, popularity, or looks (she can brag about to friends).

The exception being, if the guy is UNUSUALLY good about sex or in helping her fulfill sexual fantasies or fetishes she may have. In this case, because the guy is so rare and hard to find for that particular woman.

The strategies employed by men and women are different in this regard.

 

[brutalhonesty]

1) I realize that I may not be giving the new guys the chance to prove he is different from the guys in the past, but at this point, I have decided that having sex with every new guy I meet to see if he is that guy isn't worth my time, because I want to find a stable and committed relationship as opposed to just really good sex. If all I wanted was just sex, I would probably do it with as many men as I can to increase the chance of meeting that guy.

But I don't think that deciding not to have sex on the first date implies that I am a prude, since my decision isn't based on the fear that it will make me less honorable or that the society will think less of me.

For other reasons, some people might call me a prude because I can be old fashioned in some respects.

2. It's that graph where the x axis is the physical/sexual compatibility, and the y axis is the mental/intellectual compatibility. High x and y obviously imply a potential long term relationship, high x and low y imply a potential sex friend, and so on. And I understand that there may be blurred lines in many cases so I will keep meeting the guy until I think either the x or y or both hit a plateau, at which point, I make a decision to continue to see him. (Just as likely, he can end it before I do.) These things are extremely subjective and I couldnt possibly put numbers on it, they vary with each guy but the parameters are mental and physical.

I usually try to engage the guy in conversations to see if he wants to offer any insights. If he doesn't, after a few tries, I don't bother because when it comes to deep philosophical discussions, it's either you enjoy it or you don't. And there is nothing more painful and awkward than trying to have meaningful talks with someone who isn't interested.

3) I have said this before but for me, sex with a partner is definitely mental as much as it is physical. Sex is always better when I think that we are emotionally connected. I realize that physical orgasm can happen without this emotional connection but I think it's better with.

I still don't think this makes me a prude, though. I just have a preference for what kind of orgasms I want to have. I don't think that being sexually liberated means to perceive sex from a purely physical sense, which is what you seem to be implying. I think it's more to do with making your own decisions regarding sex, and not be limited by what is considered to be the social standards, and that includes deciding not to have sex. That's my interpretation, at least.

You are right in that men do offer other things like money and status, but so do women. Definitely not as much as men, but I know more than a handful of women that offer financial support to their guys to keep them around.

It's slightly frustrating for me because I'm typing this all on my phone, and it's super tedious.

And sorry OP for hijacking your thread. But this has been fun.

 

[Solong]

As I think this relates to dating, I will get into prudishness a bit.

Having or not having sex on the first date is NOT the only criteria for judging if a woman is a prude.

Women who are prudes create excessive or unnecessary restrictions on their sexuality and sexual related behavior or judge others harshly for being more open-minded about sex.

I met a Filipina woman from online that told me she was a devout Catholic, and went to church 1x to 2x a week.

My spider-sense told me this would end badly, but she looked hot in her pictures and wanted to meet me. We hit it off really well the 1st night and had sex.

When we were having sex, she told me NO oral sex. She didn't want me to lick her vagina and she doesn't give blow jobs. She was basically a stick it in missionary style woman and anything else got problematic. She had issues with doing doggy style and said, "Don't you want to see my face?". And later, when we talked, she stated that doggy style was demeaning to women 0,0

I tried talking to her and seeing if the relationship was salvageable in any way (really nice face and body). But it just got even more strange. My deal was: 1) If you are that much of a Catholic, why did we have sex on the first night? 2) If you are fine with sex on the 1st night, then what's with all these other restrictions? 3) What about what I like, because if I'm with her, no more blowjobs ever?

We had sex a couple more times, and I tried to get her to come off these odd rules, but she was too stubborn. To her, no doggy style and no oral sex made all the sense in the world, in her mind.

Another example, hooked up with a half Japanese and Korean woman. She was adamant about no vaginal sex on the 1st night. "I don't do such a thing." She did HOWEVER, give a fantastic blowjob instead, to include deep throating me. Impressive! But here is the thing though, what made her think that I would think any more OR less of her than if I put a condom on and enjoyed her vagina? She didn't get the logic. To her, no vagina on the 1st date made all the sense in the world.

As a swinger, who had sex with many women, I can compare and come up with a reasonable definition of what is and isn't prudish.

Women who are prudish tend to make all kinds of unnecessary restrictions, which usually make sense only to themselves, and think this makes them a good girl or at LEAST more virtuous than other or the average woman.

Women who are not prudish, don't create strict rules of what they will or won't do, relative to it not hurting them or publicly humiliating them. They are also more flexible in terms of strongly taking into account what the guys wants to do, situation (Hey, let's have sex in the car), just having sexual fun for the pure enjoyment of it.

With that stated, I TOTALLY agree with a woman (or man) having a preference and doing what she/he feels comfortable with. However, do realize that comes at a COST too, and can be why their relationship fails or they can't get the right person. What you like, others might not like. What you don't like, others may like. Even if they tell you such or lie about it. Flexibility, makes for a better team; rigidity and selfishness tends to destroy relationships or enjoyment.

 

[just4fun]

I'm perfectly happy with just receiving a nice deep throat BJ and thats it.......well,.......maybe make me a sandwich before you leave

 

[Czesław]

haha Solong, I admire the contents of your posts as well as your writing style! Thanks for the helpful info you are providing.

I started using SKOUT three days before. The app seems legit, I don't know why people should pay for their stupid presents etc. / as it seems to be very easy to run numbers game for free (so many members, always supply of new faces...)

ALSO: Go for the profiles with little information and no pictures! My guess is that those are mainly unhappily married women who are flying under the radar of many guys,
they usually provide "pic-for-pic" without problems, you will see their faces within a few minutes.

Already scheduled a date with a MILF (20 years older than me, what the hell) within 2 days

 

[User#8628]

A woman may ask for all their information, then NOT show up or cancel meeting at the last second.

Welcome to the life of an escort!

 

[Solong]

Welcome to the life of an escort!

I find that interesting. A lot of foreign guys complain about that behavior of Japanese women, in terms of being too timid or last second cancels, but I increasingly hear about Japanese guys doing such to foreign women.

When I talked to my male Japanese co-workers about it, the common answer was something like shinkeishitsu. Paranoia or fears that overwhelm them.

 

[Randy Jinx]

I've met up with well over a hundred women from various dating sites over the years here in Japan and have only ever been stood up once. I've been postponed a few times as well but the reasons seemed legit and we did meet up soon after. Heck, I even met up eventually with the one who stood me up but she was a complete nut case!

Long story short, if you have good approach online and get a reply, you can most certainly turn that into meet-ups.

I paraphrase Yoda now: "meet-ups lead to dates, dates lead to beds, beds lead to sex, sex leads to pleasure"

YMMV

 

[Vulkan]

My past experiences with tinder and okcupid more recently are that i usually get no reply after a match. It's like women there are playing a video game where the target is to accumulate matches.

 

[Randy Jinx]

Oh, I should have specified that when I say I've only been stood up once, I meant that we had actually chatted planned to meet.

As Spock mentions above, there are plenty who don't reply on all sites. Some call them flakes. But in that case, I'm a flake too because there are plenty of nasties from the Philippines I never replied to.

Oh, and I also blew off several 'dates' over the years for various reasons.

It happens to all of us. No harm, no foul

 

[Randy Jinx]

My past experiences with tinder and okcupid more recently are that i usually get no reply after a match. It's like women there are playing a video game where the target is to accumulate matches.

The other thing with dating sites is that a 'match' is basically meaningless. If you equate it with 'she wants to fuck me', you are setting yourself up for disappointment. On some sites, it's a a way to keep track of people, on others it is like a game. Think of it as a 'thumbs up' on facebook or a 'like' here. Just because User#16452 and Alice 'like' my post, doesn't mean they have any intention of fucking me IRL :S

 

[Vulkan]

The other thing with dating sites is that a 'match' is basically meaningless. If you equate it with 'she wants to fuck me', you are setting yourself up for disappointment. On some sites, it's a a way to keep track of people, on others it is like a game. Think of it as a 'thumbs up' on facebook or a 'like' here. Just because User#16452 and Alice 'like' my post, doesn't mean they have any intention of fucking me IRL :S

Mate did i even say that?

My past experiences with tinder and okcupid more recently are that i usually get no reply after a match.

 

[Randy Jinx]

Mate did i even say that?

Sorry mate. I certainly didn't mean to imply that that is what you were thinking. My intention was purely to take the idea to a possible conclusion that some inexperienced young bucks might come up with and hopefully steer them in a direction that doesn't lead to disappointment.

For everyone out there, ignore the non-replies. When you do get a reply, work it with your smarts