Dating or Marrying An Escort or Sex Worker - A Second Look

[TAG Manager]

We had a discussion before regarding the subject of this thread. Actually, spread across a number of threads previously...

But essentially, we're looking at the topic that deals specifically for dating or being married to a current or former escort or other sex workers. Both men and women in this particular field deserve to have a lasting, meaningful relationship with someone who isn't picky about their past and doesn't toss it in their partner's face for having done such work previously.

Of course, there are all types of people in the world. On one hand, you've got clients that fall in love with their provider but will actually draw the line at having a serious relationship with the provider because of her chosen line of work. You also have the reverse case where the provider falls in love with her client but is rejected either because of other complications or because of what she is. (Let's also be fair in saying that this swing does go both ways, it could be a male provider with a female client along with the more common case of a male client with a female provider.)

In another situation, you will have a case where a sex worker is dating and/or married to another person who is not involved in the sex industry at all but tolerates their partner's work because of either A) They respect their' partner's choice or B) The money. (Seen this one first hand myself; when the money dried up, so did the relationship!)

To be honest, I've never run across a couple where both were involved in the sex industry. It has always been a situation where one partner was into the sex work, but the other was not. I believe there has been one instance of a couple where the female was an escort and her partner (bf/husband) managed the business end, such as appointment management, contacts, etc.

There are also patterns of abuse - The non-sex worker partner may go into the relationship with the idea that their partner who is involved in sex work, really enjoys performing and expects the same experience (or better) that she or he gives her clients. This can turn into a controlling, abusive relationship if rules are not established beforehand. Or, at least some recognition that personal time is totally a separate experience from time spent with clients.

Aside from actual relationships, there are friendships to consider as well. Surprisingly, a lot of sex workers are missing a support network. Some cannot talk to their family or partners, where it's being kept a secret. Some don't even have close friends to talk in confidence to. Other workers make contacts in the business, but not all connections are those where you can talk freely, you still need to watch what you say. It still is a competitive business after all, especially in other regions. Japan is fairly tame when it comes to services for non-Japanese. Within the Japanese society of sex workers, there are fierce conflicts.

Anyway, a lot of sex workers keep their work a secret from their family, partners and close friends.

I think a lot of clients keep it professional - service is paid and done and life goes on. This is the way it should be... but when these sex workers are done with their job, they still need friends and possibly a stable relationship to help give them support in their daily lives.

Personally, I've dated a sex worker before... that's the reason you see TAG today. Since that time though, I've not dated a sex worker myself mainly because I usually meet these people through other friends in the business or in the case of our TAG members, it's mainly been a friendly business relationship.

In closing, I'm just firing this thread off to retouch on those people out there that are being supportive of their partner that may be a sex worker. In addition, to collect more feedback about people's perception of dating or even being married to a sex worker, that may lead to a family and a normal life. It's also worth considering if you had a family member, whether spouse or offspring, that got involved in sex work, could you handle it?

 

[User#8628]

Beautifully said. I don't have much to add for now.
Yes, we are people who deserve love. And i feel very loved by all the amazing people in my life.
I have a small but solid circle and i don't feel like i lack in friends. Ideally i would be more open to my family. They know what i do but generally anything remotely sexual is not something you want to discuss with your family, so its hard to talk about. I dont feel like its standing in the way from our good relationship though.

With a professional, people often don't realize that we have our own lifes and don't just exist in their universe. Much like kids who see their teacher in the supermarket and are shocked that they exist outside of the school. I understand that some people want to keep in professional without too much chitchat, which is cool because privacy is important here. But an ideal client is to me someone who feels mostly like a friend. Of course like a lover for that certain timeframe but we don't pursue that further. But i wish to have a warm and friendly feeling between us even after a session ends.

Both for dating and friendship, its very hard to know who to trust when sex and money are involved. It truely causes a lot of jealousy. I think sometimes you just have to do what feels right and dive into something, or you'll never make new connections because you are too worried. But you always have to keep your eyes open.

 

[Tabanico]

I would have no problem dating or marrying a sex worker and if my daughter grows up and wants to become a sex worker I would support her choice. My only concern in that instance would be her personal safety and the risk that she might find it difficult to find a romantic partner who accepts her choice.

I'm amazed that there are still people who would feel otherwise.

 

[User#6517]

I think that dating gets harder (and better) as a sexworker, especially if you're a higher-end provider. You get more selective about your partners because you've gained a lot of experience with men and know your worth now. Your "type" can also change.

The vanilla men in my life have always tried to sleep with me for cheap dates and for very little effort. They were also not very honest about their intentions, or productive with their time. Sometimes I look back at my past dating experiences.. and I cringe because I feel cheap or taken advantage of.

When you enter high-class escorting, you will see how sweet the majority of clients can be. I've been taken on a lot of fancy dates, been flown out for trips, and have had the most fascinating conversations with clients. That's never happened to me before sexwork, and I appreciate all of the wonderful experiences it has given me

 

[MikeH]

I would have no problem dating or marrying a sex worker

Well, I would. Namely none of them would date or marry me.

and if my daughter grows up and wants to become a sex worker I would support her choice.

People always say things like that and I find it quite difficult to understand. I mean, it's your kid goddammit. What ever he/she decides to do it is your job as the parent to support and love him/her.

It is not a choice you do because you are such a noble person, if you don't you are just an ass hole that tries to make other people behave like you want.

PS. Please note you here is a passive you, not directed to anyone in particular.

 

[TristianOsakaBros]

A long while back in my early 20's I dated a sex worker (on and off) that I met at a health service. I know it's against the rules and all but things hit off and one thing led to a few other things. Don't judge lol

Anyway, me being young and incredibly stupid I first found it very hard to completely deal with her line of work. She was working for the income and to support her situation at the time. Even though I knew I needed to be understanding in my head, I found that I would get hit with waves of jealousy. Checking to see if she was really working her day desk job and not working at the store, paranoid that she was texting ex-clients etc.

She would keep secrets like the above and it was just really hard to trust her.

In saying this, she also found it hard to trust me as a boyfriend.

I am not saying this in a general manner, but I have met a few girls that entered the sex industry after having some sort of bad incident in their life. My girlfriend was one and she had previously gone through a really bad divorce. Her confidence was down and her trust in men was non-existent. Like myself she was jealous, over-protective and always worried that I would 'throw her away'.

In the end, both parties were of course at fault and the relationship didn't work out. Jealous+jealous obviously wasn't a good mix.

But looking back on it now (and grown up a little I hope), I am sure there was a lot more I could have done to maintain the relationship and support her. I still kick myself in the head today about it really.

For me personally, I think understanding each other's situation is vital in a situation like this. Talking more about any issues or worries that rise due to the partner working in the sex industry. Not shunning any issues under the couch and being as transparent as possible. Most importantly, putting in the effort to help each other understand. Even if it's just small things to help reassure one another.

Anyway, that's my two cents. Sorry for any grammatical mistakes.

 

[Wwanderer]

If I could just get her to overlook the stigma of my disreputable profession and marry me, @User#8628 and I could combine our total posts counts and total likes counts (under common property laws) and rule the Galaxy together as father and son! Uh...

-Ww

 

[AMcguyver]

If I was still single and had a favorite escort that found me interesting and handsome enough that wanted to-
(sorry, lost my grip on reality there for a second)

All kidding aside,
When you truly love and care about your partner or your child, their chosen profession shouldn't be an issue at all.
Doesn't matter if they're a sex worker, escort, CEO, waste management artisan, or even a politician.
If they're good at what they do (and more importantly, if they ENJOY doing what they do) then support and love them in any and every way possible.

 

[Wwanderer]

When you truly love and care about your partner or your child, their chosen profession shouldn't be an issue at all.
Doesn't matter if they're a sex worker, escort, CEO, waste management artisan, or even a politician.
If they're good at what they do (and more importantly, if they ENJOY doing what they do) then support and love them in any and every way possible.

EXACTLY SO!!!

If you love someone, romantically or as a family member or a friend or whatever, ask yourself, do you love the person or their profession/job? Would you love the same person if they had a different job, or would you love a different person just because they had the same job? It isn't so difficult really to separate a person from how they earn their living, is it?

-Ww

 

[TAG Manager]

Anyway, me being young and incredibly stupid I first found it very hard to completely deal with her line of work. She was working for the income and to support her situation at the time. Even though I knew I needed to be understanding in my head, I found that I would get hit with waves of jealousy. Checking to see if she was really working her day desk job and not working at the store, paranoid that she was texting ex-clients etc.

I should have probably written about this in the initial posting - but this is also an issue. This is simply insecurity.

My primary concern if actively dating a sex worker would be her safety and my own safety. I know what she's doing for an income and I know that she doesn't bring that home with her. If she was an independent worker, I'd probably be the kind of person to check on her at the scheduled finish time to make sure she's safely finished (and on her way back to me ). When I speak about the personal safety of us both, it's related to avoiding stalkers and also regular health checks.

I've been around the business long enough to know what's going on most of the time, so I'm pretty secure with the facts in each case.

For me personally, I think understanding each other's situation is vital in a situation like this. Talking more about any issues or worries that rise due to the partner working in the sex industry. Not shunning any issues under the couch and being as transparent as possible. Most importantly, putting in the effort to help each other understand. Even if it's just small things to help reassure one another.

Being an open, reasonable person that's willing to really listen is an invaluable asset as a partner who's working in the sex industry. And this not to say that you should feel like you have less value, we all go to a job and have to deal with different stresses. If the relationship becomes imbalanced where you're providing lots of support to your partner but not getting the same in return, then that's a sign of something that should be brought up. Don't sweep issues under the rug... discuss them at the right time.

Sometimes it doesn't work, but more times than not, it can work with the right approach and personalities.

 

[AMcguyver]

My primary concern if actively dating a sex worker would be her safety and my own safety. I know what she's doing for an income and I know that she doesn't bring that home with her. If she was an independent worker, I'd probably be the kind of person to check on her at the scheduled finish time to make sure she's safely finished (and on her way back to me ). When I speak about the personal safety of us both, it's related to avoiding stalkers and also regular health checks.

Excellent points. Personal safety is paramount, especially in this line of work.

Being an open, reasonable person that's willing to really listen is an invaluable asset as a partner who's working in the sex industry. And this not to say that you should feel like you have less value, we all go to a job and have to deal with different stresses. If the relationship becomes imbalanced where you're providing lots of support to your partner but not getting the same in return, then that's a sign of something that should be brought up. Don't sweep issues under the rug... discuss them at the right time.

Both partners need to be open and honest with each other and most importantly LISTEN. It's not easy to do sometimes and a lot of people seem to forget that a relationship (especially Marriage) takes a lot of WORK.

 

[Frenchy]

Excellent points. Personal safety is paramount, especially in this line of work.



Both partners need to be open and honest with each other and most importantly LISTEN. It's not easy to do sometimes and a lot of people seem to forget that a relationship (especially Marriage) takes a lot of WORK.

Personally I found out that I don't want this "lot of WORK". Hence I prefer to pay a (great and sweet and pervy) SB because what I save in hassles and drama and disappointments is much more valuable to me that the money I give her. And it's still less than what I gave to my so-called wife , who was very happy to get a salary for no "work" at all.

 

[warubuta]

I would have no problem dating or marrying a sex worker and if my daughter grows up and wants to become a sex worker I would support her choice. My only concern in that instance would be her personal safety and the risk that she might find it difficult to find a romantic partner who accepts her choice.

I'm amazed that there are still people who would feel otherwise.

What professions would you not support for your daughter excluding the obvious dangerous, illegal ones etc? And even though you say you would support this decision, don't you really mean that you would support almost anything? So on a list of professions for your daughter would you support sex work over social worker or brain surgeon? How about teacher? Your statement says more about your unconditional love for your daughter than it says about your feeling towards sex work as a profession.

 

[warubuta]

We had a discussion before regarding the subject of this thread. Actually, spread across a number of threads previously...

But essentially, we're looking at the topic that deals specifically for dating or being married to a current or former escort or other sex workers. Both men and women in this particular field deserve to have a lasting, meaningful relationship with someone who isn't picky about their past and doesn't toss it in their partner's face for having done such work previously.

Of course, there are all types of people in the world. On one hand, you've got clients that fall in love with their provider but will actually draw the line at having a serious relationship with the provider because of her chosen line of work. You also have the reverse case where the provider falls in love with her client but is rejected either because of other complications or because of what she is. (Let's also be fair in saying that this swing does go both ways, it could be a male provider with a female client along with the more common case of a male client with a female provider.)

In another situation, you will have a case where a sex worker is dating and/or married to another person who is not involved in the sex industry at all but tolerates their partner's work because of either A) They respect their' partner's choice or B) The money. (Seen this one first hand myself; when the money dried up, so did the relationship!)

To be honest, I've never run across a couple where both were involved in the sex industry. It has always been a situation where one partner was into the sex work, but the other was not. I believe there has been one instance of a couple where the female was an escort and her partner (bf/husband) managed the business end, such as appointment management, contacts, etc.

There are also patterns of abuse - The non-sex worker partner may go into the relationship with the idea that their partner who is involved in sex work, really enjoys performing and expects the same experience (or better) that she or he gives her clients. This can turn into a controlling, abusive relationship if rules are not established beforehand. Or, at least some recognition that personal time is totally a separate experience from time spent with clients.

Aside from actual relationships, there are friendships to consider as well. Surprisingly, a lot of sex workers are missing a support network. Some cannot talk to their family or partners, where it's being kept a secret. Some don't even have close friends to talk in confidence to. Other workers make contacts in the business, but not all connections are those where you can talk freely, you still need to watch what you say. It still is a competitive business after all, especially in other regions. Japan is fairly tame when it comes to services for non-Japanese. Within the Japanese society of sex workers, there are fierce conflicts.

Anyway, a lot of sex workers keep their work a secret from their family, partners and close friends.

I think a lot of clients keep it professional - service is paid and done and life goes on. This is the way it should be... but when these sex workers are done with their job, they still need friends and possibly a stable relationship to help give them support in their daily lives.

Personally, I've dated a sex worker before... that's the reason you see TAG today. Since that time though, I've not dated a sex worker myself mainly because I usually meet these people through other friends in the business or in the case of our TAG members, it's mainly been a friendly business relationship.

In closing, I'm just firing this thread off to retouch on those people out there that are being supportive of their partner that may be a sex worker. In addition, to collect more feedback about people's perception of dating or even being married to a sex worker, that may lead to a family and a normal life. It's also worth considering if you had a family member, whether spouse or offspring, that got involved in sex work, could you handle it?

I would advise any young person I met to avoid sex work. If a family member or a person I love got into it, I would do everything I could to get them out. Why? It is more dangerous than most professions: violence, HIV, mental disorders, etc. It is looked down on to the extreme by most people in most societies which has practical drawbacks. It is illegal in most places. It has a limit as to how much money you can make and the vast majority of sex workers find themselves worn out and penniless at the end of their 'careers'. It is likely to be scary and very unpleasant at times. It is not something that will continue to challenge you year after year. Working as a sex worker and raising a family at the same time is very difficult. It is something that you cannot do when you are very old. You might have to associate with criminals, perverts, abusers, drug users and drunks. Should I go on?

 

[warubuta]

I would advise any young person I met to avoid sex work. If a family member or a person I love got into it, I would do everything I could to get them out. Why? It is more dangerous than most professions: violence, HIV, mental disorders, etc. It is looked down on to the extreme by most people in most societies which has practical drawbacks. It is illegal in most places. It has a limit as to how much money you can make and the vast majority of sex workers find themselves worn out and penniless at the end of their 'careers'. It is likely to be scary and very unpleasant at times. It is not something that will continue to challenge you year after year. Working as a sex worker and raising a family at the same time is very difficult. It is something that you cannot do when you are very old. You might have to associate with criminals, perverts, abusers, drug users and drunks. Should I go on?

We had a discussion before regarding the subject of this thread. Actually, spread across a number of threads previously...

But essentially, we're looking at the topic that deals specifically for dating or being married to a current or former escort or other sex workers. Both men and women in this particular field deserve to have a lasting, meaningful relationship with someone who isn't picky about their past and doesn't toss it in their partner's face for having done such work previously.

Of course, there are all types of people in the world. On one hand, you've got clients that fall in love with their provider but will actually draw the line at having a serious relationship with the provider because of her chosen line of work. You also have the reverse case where the provider falls in love with her client but is rejected either because of other complications or because of what she is. (Let's also be fair in saying that this swing does go both ways, it could be a male provider with a female client along with the more common case of a male client with a female provider.)

In another situation, you will have a case where a sex worker is dating and/or married to another person who is not involved in the sex industry at all but tolerates their partner's work because of either A) They respect their' partner's choice or B) The money. (Seen this one first hand myself; when the money dried up, so did the relationship!)

To be honest, I've never run across a couple where both were involved in the sex industry. It has always been a situation where one partner was into the sex work, but the other was not. I believe there has been one instance of a couple where the female was an escort and her partner (bf/husband) managed the business end, such as appointment management, contacts, etc.

There are also patterns of abuse - The non-sex worker partner may go into the relationship with the idea that their partner who is involved in sex work, really enjoys performing and expects the same experience (or better) that she or he gives her clients. This can turn into a controlling, abusive relationship if rules are not established beforehand. Or, at least some recognition that personal time is totally a separate experience from time spent with clients.

Aside from actual relationships, there are friendships to consider as well. Surprisingly, a lot of sex workers are missing a support network. Some cannot talk to their family or partners, where it's being kept a secret. Some don't even have close friends to talk in confidence to. Other workers make contacts in the business, but not all connections are those where you can talk freely, you still need to watch what you say. It still is a competitive business after all, especially in other regions. Japan is fairly tame when it comes to services for non-Japanese. Within the Japanese society of sex workers, there are fierce conflicts.

Anyway, a lot of sex workers keep their work a secret from their family, partners and close friends.

I think a lot of clients keep it professional - service is paid and done and life goes on. This is the way it should be... but when these sex workers are done with their job, they still need friends and possibly a stable relationship to help give them support in their daily lives.

Personally, I've dated a sex worker before... that's the reason you see TAG today. Since that time though, I've not dated a sex worker myself mainly because I usually meet these people through other friends in the business or in the case of our TAG members, it's mainly been a friendly business relationship.

In closing, I'm just firing this thread off to retouch on those people out there that are being supportive of their partner that may be a sex worker. In addition, to collect more feedback about people's perception of dating or even being married to a sex worker, that may lead to a family and a normal life. It's also worth considering if you had a family member, whether spouse or offspring, that got involved in sex work, could you handle it?

I would never date a sex worker. I probably would never date a woman who had ever been a sex worker. I would probably never date a woman who had had more than a few sexual partners. Deep in my soul, I want my woman's body to belong only to me. I don't want to ever know that any other man has ever touched her. I know this is completely unrealistic and silly, but it is the way I feel and we cannot change the way we feel when it comes to matters of the soul. So a sex worker is on the very bottom of the list because she makes her body available day in day out to pretty much anyone who can dig up a couple hundred bucks.

 

[TAG Manager]

I would advise any young person I met to avoid sex work. If a family member or a person I love got into it, I would do everything I could to get them out. Why? It is more dangerous than most professions: violence, HIV, mental disorders, etc. It is looked down on to the extreme by most people in most societies which has practical drawbacks. It is illegal in most places. It has a limit as to how much money you can make and the vast majority of sex workers find themselves worn out and penniless at the end of their 'careers'. It is likely to be scary and very unpleasant at times. It is not something that will continue to challenge you year after year. Working as a sex worker and raising a family at the same time is very difficult. It is something that you cannot do when you are very old. You might have to associate with criminals, perverts, abusers, drug users and drunks. Should I go on?

That's kind of stating the obvious but you're truly demonizing sex work when it doesn't need to be. I agree that if you don't make a plan, then things can get out of hand. But there are success stories out there where people have retired and moved on with their lives.

You might have to associate with criminals, perverts, abusers, drug users and drunks.

I'm sure that you interact with people like this in other businesses too, just depends on whether you know it or not.

The fact remains that sex work won't go away and the number of girls that choose to enter into the trade won't diminish either. But, they don't deserve to be abandoned by society. (or treated a lesser value)

If you have such a slighted view of the sex work industry, I'm not sure why you'd be on a site that is mostly dedicated to it.

 

[Frenchy]

I would never date a sex worker. I probably would never date a woman who had ever been a sex worker. I would probably never date a woman who had had more than a few sexual partners. Deep in my soul, I want my woman's body to belong only to me. I don't want to ever know that any other man has ever touched her. I know this is completely unrealistic and silly, but it is the way I feel and we cannot change the way we feel when it comes to matters of the soul. So a sex worker is on the very bottom of the list because she makes her body available day in day out to pretty much anyone who can dig up a couple hundred bucks.

So, you are on TAG because you are looking for a pure, innocent , virgin princess to marry?

 

[warubuta]

I did not say that sex work is bad in any moral, social or religious sense. I did not demonize. I am here because I am a regular customer of sex workers, and I am interested in the information and opinions. I do like to try to get to the truth though and gently call out BS when I see it. If my comments and questions are too direct, that would only be because you value harmony over insight. I get that you want your forum to be a 'safe place' for sex workers and customers.

 

[AMcguyver]

That's kind of stating the obvious but you're truly demonizing sex work when it doesn't need to be. I agree that if you don't make a pan, then things can get out of hand. But there are success stories out there where people have retired and moved on with their lives.

One of my cousins worked at a strip club for several years (and escorted on the side). Her family had a cow of course.
But she had a plan. She made bank off the job (bought herself a fancy condo and paid it off in cash), then retired and went back to school. Now she's a RN.

 

[warubuta]

So, you are on TAG because you are looking for a pure, innocent , virgin princess to marry?

I am on TAG to find good P4P. I am done with finding virgins.

 

[Frenchy]

I am on TAG to find good P4P. I am done with finding virgins.

Yeah , and on this forum it would have been a tall order admittedly (unless you are into male virgins , those we have here!)

 

[warubuta]

One of my cousins worked at a strip club for several years (and escorted on the side). Her family had a cow of course.
But she had a plan. She made bank off the job (bought herself a fancy condo and paid it off in cash), then retired and went back to school. Now she's a RN.

Inspiring story. Like that movie Trading Places. A prostitute with a heart of gold and an escape plan. It makes me wonder what happens to Japanese sex workers when they stop being sex workers. I think a lot of them end up back in their hometowns working in shops or bars or restaurants. Some get married and have kids. I wonder how many actually go on to some kind of profession like your cousin. In Japan, if a RN was uncovered to have worked as a SW in an earlier life, she would probably be forced out of her job and disgraced. Maybe not.

 

[AMcguyver]

I would never date a sex worker. I probably would never date a woman who had ever been a sex worker. I would probably never date a woman who had had more than a few sexual partners. Deep in my soul, I want my woman's body to belong only to me. I don't want to ever know that any other man has ever touched her. I know this is completely unrealistic and silly, but it is the way I feel and we cannot change the way we feel when it comes to matters of the soul. So a sex worker is on the very bottom of the list because she makes her body available day in day out to pretty much anyone who can dig up a couple hundred bucks.

So what would happen then, if you found the woman of your dreams, dated for years until you realized you've both met your soulmate, and finally got married in a big expensive wedding with all your friends family flying in from all over.

Then halfway through the honeymoon you found out that she used to be a high class escort. What would you do?

 

[warubuta]

So what would happen then, if you found the woman of your dreams, dated for years until you realized you've both met your soulmate, and finally got married in a big expensive wedding with all your friends family flying in from all over.

Then halfway through the honeymoon you found out that she used to be a high class escort. What would you do?

The question is: Do people's past lives matter? The answer is yes, to me they do. What if you were in the same situation and you found out she was once a neo-Nazi and she had served time for killing a black child? Would that matter to you? People's pasts are an inseperable part of who they are.

Now what would I do about it? I dont really know. Starting out a life-long commitment by confessing to a giant secret lie is not optimal.

 

[AMcguyver]

The question is: Do people's past lives matter? The answer is yes, to me they do. What if you were in the same situation and you found out she was once a neo-Nazi and she had served time for killing a black child? Would that matter to you? People's pasts are an inseperable part of who they are.

Good point. Everyone has their limits on what they deem acceptable/forgiveable/etc. In that particular example, I don't know.
That's a bit of an extreme example, though, as the OP was referring to sex industry work, and having a job giving someone an orgasm is a little different from killing them.