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Destined to be alone!!!

smsjp

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rarely post on here so please go easy.

I apologize.

Just moved to the Tokyo area in April. Stable job, Work from Mondays to Saturdays

so Sundays are my only free time. I feel exhausted, drained and alone.

I have tried different apps and well, its either those apps are scams or i am just plain ugly.

I haven't been to a club in like 6 years so i have kind of lost touch in that area.

Is it even possible for me to meet that special someone? What can i do to remedy the situation??
 
Hook up apps are generally going to be sausage fests with the few girls on there being extremely critical or looking for some sugar or not being lookers themselves.

Since you seem to be looking for a serious relationship however, there are places were men have the broader pick because a serious relationship in generally what women are after while men are hesitant.
Have you tried okcupid and match.com and other actual dating websites?
I also heard that speeddating events usually have a bunch of women in their 30s show up and only a few men. I think its likely there will be some events on sunday because those women probably also have weekday carreers.
 
An employee of mine met his (Japanese) wife via Tinder* here.


* Past Performance Is Not Indicative Of Future Results
 
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Avoid the english datingsites/apps and try japanese dating apps. They are quite expensive (4000yen a month on average with discounts if you buy 3/6/12 months) but much better if you're looking for a serious relationship. Omiai and Pairs are one of the popular ones.
 
Stable job, Work from Mondays to Saturdays
so Sundays are my only free time. I feel exhausted, drained and ...
What can i do to remedy the situation??

From what you write above, it sounds like your problems may be more than merely how to meet women interested in serious relationships (which can be done in many ways of course). In addition it sounds like you would have trouble finding the time and energy to court a woman and maintain a relationship with her, to say nothing of being her partner in raising a family (if that is your goal/inclination).

Perhaps the remedy is to find a new job that permits you to devote more effort to your personal life. Imo, it is a very common (especially in Japan) and major mistake to give your career so much priority that your personal/social life is unsuccessful (given whatever goals/desires you have for it).

Also, if other people seem to be able to do your job or similar ones without feeling "exhausted and drained" during their free time, you might want to get a thorough medical check-up to make sure that the problem isn't some undetected illness or condition.

You also wrote:

Just moved to the Tokyo area in April.

Unless I've lost track of time unusually badly, THIS IS APRIL. Did you just arrive in the Tokyo area a few weeks ago?? If so, you might want to give yourself a bit more time to adjust and settle into your new environment and routine before going into despair or panic over your Tokyo social life.

-Ww
 
From what you write above, it sounds like your problems may be more than merely how to meet women interested in serious relationships (which can be done in many ways of course). In addition it sounds like you would have trouble finding the time and energy to court a woman and maintain a relationship with her, to say nothing of being her partner in raising a family (if that is your goal/inclination).

Perhaps the remedy is to find a new job that permits you to devote more effort to your personal life. Imo, it is a very common (especially in Japan) and major mistake to give your career so much priority that your personal/social life is unsuccessful (given whatever goals/desires you have for it).

Also, if other people seem to be able to do your job or similar ones without feeling "exhausted and drained" during their free time, you might want to get a thorough medical check-up to make sure that the problem isn't some undetected illness or condition.

You also wrote:



Unless I've lost track of time unusually badly, THIS IS APRIL. Did you just arrive in the Tokyo area a few weeks ago?? If so, you might want to give yourself a bit more time to adjust and settle into your new environment and routine before going into despair or panic over your Tokyo social life.

-Ww


This is true...I got a transfer from Hiroshima to Tokyo....

I am the opposite of anti social... I spent six years in Hiroshima and have alot of friends...

Tokyo on the other hand. zinch,,
 
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Avoid the english datingsites/apps and try japanese dating apps. They are quite expensive (4000yen a month on average with discounts if you buy 3/6/12 months) but much better if you're looking for a serious relationship. Omiai and Pairs are one of the popular ones.


Thank you for your response
 
An employee of mine met his (Japanese) wife via Tinder* here.


* Past Performance Is Not Indicative Of Future Results


Point taken... I do have a one month sub on Tinder and suffice to say. I havent had a single match lol
 
Hook up apps are generally going to be sausage fests with the few girls on there being extremely critical or looking for some sugar or not being lookers themselves.

Since you seem to be looking for a serious relationship however, there are places were men have the broader pick because a serious relationship in generally what women are after while men are hesitant.
Have you tried okcupid and match.com and other actual dating websites?
I also heard that speeddating events usually have a bunch of women in their 30s show up and only a few men. I think its likely there will be some events on sunday because those women probably also have weekday carreers.


Interesting, i will look into that....
 
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You stated that you do not work on Sundays like many people. The weather is warm it is the perfect time to start getting out.
For me if I want to meet people I go out. If I feel like being alone I stay at home.
You would be surprised at how many of variety of guys of all nationalities & ages start getting into the Japan dance scene & are just meeting people & having fun.
 
Six days a week on the clock?

Find a new job. Seriously.
 
Point taken... I do have a one month sub on Tinder and suffice to say. I havent had a single match lol
And I would bet you posted a few photos od yourself that you just happened to have handy.

What you catch depends entirely on the bait you use.

I've said this a bunch of times but once more just for you. Either go to a professional photo studio - wearing a suit fer crissakes - and get some good, flattering pics of yourself to post on Tinder or get a buddy to take 60 to 100 photos of you dressed well and pick the best 3 of them. Tinder is a total waste of everybody's time if you don't bother to put the best photos of yourself that you can take.
 
What you catch depends entirely on the bait you use.

Truth. The right bait gets you rainbow trout, the wrong bait gets you lampreys.
 
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Truth. The right bait gets you rainbow trout, the wrong bait gets you lampreys.

Rainbow trout is not even a real trout. Meanwhile the adult lamprey may be characterized by a funnel-like sucking mouth. So there.
 
Had these thoughts myself too. Always imagined I'd easily meet that perfect someone through school/university/work/mutual friends.
But more and more i begin to realize it's not that easy and that I actually have to invest some time and effort into this....meetup groups/trying new hobbies, stop taking work home, get a haircut, dressing better etc and maybe also lowering my standards lol. Definitely wouldn't be using tinder to find something serious though.
sorry i know this isn't really advice. just saying i can kinda empathize with your situation OP.
 
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People are much friendlier in Hiroshima than in Tokyo.
 
People are much friendlier in Hiroshima than in Tokyo.

Yeah, sure. The only place in Japan where I have been denied entry to a restaurant because I am white.
 
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This is true...I got a transfer from Hiroshima to Tokyo....

I am the opposite of anti social... I spent six years in Hiroshima and have alot of friends...

Tokyo on the other hand. zinch,,

Views from the other side, i.e. "how to make foreigner friends" websites, may give you some hints. I'm not sure how credible they are though...but just for your reference.

cell-lang.org
ryugakumagazine.com/english/2630/
english.cheerup.jp/article/2615

Or you may be able to make use of your Hiroshima connection. There's a semi-official organization for the Hiroshiman in Tokyo.
hiroken.gr.jp

I don't think you can find your special someone there, but it's not a bad idea to cast your net wider. On top of all, they are likely to see you "one of us".
 
Views from the other side, i.e. "how to make foreigner friends" websites, may give you some hints. I'm not sure how credible they are though...but just for your reference.

cell-lang.org
ryugakumagazine.com/english/2630/
english.cheerup.jp/article/2615

Or you may be able to make use of your Hiroshima connection. There's a semi-official organization for the Hiroshiman in Tokyo.
hiroken.gr.jp

I don't think you can find your special someone there, but it's not a bad idea to cast your net wider. On top of all, they are likely to see you "one of us".


Thanks for the hints. for real...


Like one of the posters on here stated, I am probably just rushing things. As in i am not even up to a month in Tokyo so i guess time will tell...

Guess the main reason why i am worried is because i am usually hanging out with folks at my previous location. Over here now, not so much.

Its like a routine right now. home---work work---home ( Mondays to Saturdays).
 
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