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Divorce lawyer

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Harlem Blade

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A friend of mine (Canadian) is looking for a divorce lawyer here in Japan (Japanese wife). Any good links?
 
Does anybody have any personal testimonials/recommendations?

Looks like I will have to start thinking about divorce and what it will mean for custody of my daughter and mortgage/property etc.
 
Tabanico said:
Does anybody have any personal testimonials/recommendations?

Looks like I will have to start thinking about divorce and what it will mean for custody of my daughter and mortgage/property etc.
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Depending on how you feel, and how bad it has gotten, may I suggest a class on active listening? You may find that it helps create a path back for your relationship, and if not, at least it will be skills you can use to help the divorce, as well as for later.
 
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roots reggae said:
Looks like a good resource!
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The lawyer I got was a gem of patience and intelligence but he could not get the deal done as my wife was bent on always asking more, more, more. After 6 months I just cut my losses and felt nearly as sorry for him as I was for myself.
 
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Frenchy said:
After 6 months I just cut my losses and felt nearly as sorry for him as I was for myself.
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One of my friends in Singapore just went through 3.5 years of negotiations as the law says you can always decide you are not happy even after you are given everything you asked originally.

When I asked how the hell the local people even then manage to get divorced at all he just drily commented that according to the same law there is no rape in a marriage so the girls are usually happy to try to make the process quick. :sick:
 
Frenchy said:
The lawyer I got was a gem of patience and intelligence but he could not get the deal done as my wife was bent on always asking more, more, more. After 6 months I just cut my losses and felt nearly as sorry for him as I was for myself.
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That sucks.
 
warubuta said:
That sucks.
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Well yes but in the end I stopped paying her anything (except for free rent and utilities in the place I still own) , now she needs to work, and I have all the visiting rights I want since we are still officially married and its my house. I dont want to re-marry anyway so what the heck. She still thinks she “won” and I “lost” but what kind of victory is that?!
 
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Frenchy said:
Well yes but in the end I stopped paying her anything (except for free rent and utilities in the place I still own) , now she needs to work, and I have all the visiting rights I want since we are still officially married and its my house.
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So at least if the immigration asks for a proof that you live like a Japanese you have it there as that is pretty much the standard way to divorce.

I don't know how anyone can try to find a win in a divorce with kids as to me it sounds like a lose-lose-lose situation to begin with.
 
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MikeH said:
So at least if the immigration asks for a proof that you live like a Japanese you have it there as that is pretty much the standard way to divorce.

I don't know how anyone can try to find a win in a divorce with kids as to me it sounds like a lose-lose-lose situation to begin with.
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Yep. And more importantly I dont know how anyone can try to find a win in a marriage to start with, but hey I was young and innocent and like most Japanese ladies past 25... she wanted the ring much more than the guy :(
 
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Frenchy said:
Well yes but in the end I stopped paying her anything (except for free rent and utilities in the place I still own) , now she needs to work, and I have all the visiting rights I want since we are still officially married and its my house. I dont want to re-marry anyway so what the heck. She still thinks she “won” and I “lost” but what kind of victory is that?!
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Sounds pretty good to me. Let her think she won. And now you have a great excuse to never get married again.
 
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Divorce is a business transaction plain and simple... When kids are involved, there are nuances as to their needs, but usually the wife will try to leverage everything with the kids, which is not in their best interest. As long as both parents have access to see the kids and the parents do not disparage the other parent in front of the kids (I had it as part of my settlement agreement) then all should be ok. It's not a matter of who win or loses... this is not a sporting event or some other score keeping game... this is life and whether we like it or not.. there are no winners/losers... just participants. Keep the outlay of cash to a minimum and the outpouring of kindness and emotional support for the kids free flowing... that's about all you can do. I know easier said than done... but in the grand scheme of things.... she is the mother of your children and you may have to turn the other cheek when she gets in a mood, or she may have to if the man gets in a mood... as long as those moods are not around the kids.. then so be it. Move on and Move Up....
 
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BB0523 said:
Divorce is a business transaction plain and simple... When kids are involved, there are nuances as to their needs, but usually the wife will try to leverage everything with the kids, which is not in their best interest. As long as both parents have access to see the kids and the parents do not disparage the other parent in front of the kids (I had it as part of my settlement agreement) then all should be ok. It's not a matter of who win or loses... this is not a sporting event or some other score keeping game... this is life and whether we like it or not.. there are no winners/losers... just participants. Keep the outlay of cash to a minimum and the outpouring of kindness and emotional support for the kids free flowing... that's about all you can do. I know easier said than done... but in the grand scheme of things.... she is the mother of your children and you may have to turn the other cheek when she gets in a mood, or she may have to if the man gets in a mood... as long as those moods are not around the kids.. then so be it. Move on and Move Up....
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Yes Sir!
 
MikeH said:
When I asked how the hell the local people even then manage to get divorced at all he just drily commented that according to the same law there is no rape in a marriage so the girls are usually happy to try to make the process quick.
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And that wasn't addressed in the revisions to the sexual assault laws last year either. Spousal sexual assault is still not a crime.
 
Sudsy said:
And that wasn't addressed in the revisions to the sexual assault laws last year either. Spousal sexual assault is still not a crime.
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Of course not, you would never be able to divorce otherwise.
 
Frenchy said:
Well yes but in the end I stopped paying her anything (except for free rent and utilities in the place I still own) , now she needs to work, and I have all the visiting rights I want since we are still officially married and its my house. I dont want to re-marry anyway so what the heck. She still thinks she “won” and I “lost” but what kind of victory is that?!
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Isn't there a risk, though, if you are still married, that if you have sexual relations outside that marriage your wife will be eligible for damages from the other party?

jhingy567 said:
One thing I can be proud of in my parent's divorce: no lawyer got a single cent. They were able to agree what belonged to who and how to divide assets. Amazing.
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This is what I'm aiming for. Honestly I don't mind continuing to pay my wife's expenses as long as I regain control over mine and as long as I maintain access to my daughter, who brings me more joy than anything else on the planet.

It would also be neat if I could also have more sex with more people.
 
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Tabanico said:
Isn't there a risk, though, if you are still married, that if you have sexual relations outside that marriage your wife will be eligible for damages from the other party?
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Yes, and she don't even need to file or accept the divorce at that time. However as long as you are paying for the sex it should be OK. Though we might get the first case involving SB if @Frenchy gets caught! :eek:
 
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MikeH said:
as long as you are paying for the sex it should be OK
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That has been upheld in the courts, for what it's worth. SB arrangements would also fall under this in most cases, as they are the result of a financial exchange.
 
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MikeH said:
Yes, and she don't even need to file or accept the divorce at that time. However as long as you are paying for the sex it should be OK. Though we might get the first case involving SB if @Frenchy gets caught! :eek:
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I actually had a girlfriend (non-P4P) and told her there was a risk. But she’s american , not living here and didnt give a damn. And my wife knew about her. Besides from what I heard the compensation you can get from the other man/woman is really low, and not worth the hassle and embarassment.
 
Frenchy said:
from what I heard the compensation you can get from the other man/woman is really low,
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Three million is the general norm. To some, that's low... to others, it's a year's wages.
 
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Sudsy said:
Three million is the general norm. To some, that's low... to others, it's a year's wages.
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Isn't that the high end of scale? I knew one girl who ended up paying just one million and I was in the belief it can be anything between one and three. From both, your spouse and the other person.
 
MikeH said:
Isn't that the high end of scale? I knew one girl who ended up paying just one million and I was in the belief it can be anything between one and three. From both, your spouse and the other person.
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It is the high end of the scale, it's also the most common award, apparently. My understanding is that they'll award a lower amount if it looks like the defendant can't possibly pay any more.

And to clarify "both" - that's from each - so an aggrieved spouse can collect up to 6 million in total less legal fees. All three of the people I know who got caught (2 homewreckers, one careless spouse) ended up getting hit with three.
 
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