Do You Have (m)any Friends In Tokyo?

Discussion in 'General Topics - Life in Japan' started by Hamerare, Jun 13, 2014.

  1. Hamerare

    Hamerare Offa da street

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    I been in Japan best part of 20 years, mostly Tokyo metropolitan area. I have noticed a pattern in the way friendships seem to go. This will probably not apply to many, but would be interested to hear what you guys think, even if you only arrived here last week.
    Typically, you come here in your 20s, often str8 out of college, and enjoy the neon and the brite lites. You meet a lot of gaijin guys around same age at work and in bars and in sports clubs and have a good social life. After 2 or 3 years, some of the guys you met when you first got here drift off back home or fall off the radar. After about 5 years you realize half of them have left town already, but as buddies are not that easy to replace. Some are married already but that is the last thing you have on your mind. You already feel a big gap in experience with newbies to Japan, in fact you feel a bit superior to them.
    After 10 years, you find you dont have that many friends at all. The good thing is that you now speak OK Japanese and can read it. You make Japanese friends, female and male, realizing they are actually human and not strange alien creatures. The problem is that they are so fucking busy with their jobs that they sleep all weekend and have no free time to hook up with you apart from when you are outta the country, or at a bonenkai b4 Xmas. You realize you have changed and become a bit Japanese in your way of thinking, but some of the guys you know from 10 years ago still dont speak Japanese and havent changed at all (could also be the other way round). These buddies try hard to retain their culture of origin and meet at Brit theme pubs at weekends to talk about money and football. You wonder if you still have n e thing in common with them. You hang with them sometimes listening to their petty moaning and complaints but would rather be in a hostess bar or getting blown in a pink salon. You keep urself in the closet as far as ur mongering activities are concerned.
    After 20 years all ur friends still in Japan are (re)married to J-women who you cant stand. Your friends hardly go out n e more, either bcoz they have become lazy boring middle class barstewards or bcoz they are always fried. Their monster status-obsessed J-wife makes gaijin hubby bust his ass to pay for the kids education at an expensive chain of priv8 schools for 16 years bcoz she wants to be able to boast about it to all her friends and neighbors and n e body who mite be listening. You feel really isol8d, especially if u r still single or divorced. In severe cases, you become the alkie drinking alone at the bar who tries to strike up a conversation with everybody who orders a pint. If you are lucky, you have a sidekick in a similar situation who you go out drinking with more than you would like to. People think you are weird, Japanese as well as other gaijins.
    Do bits of this sound familiar to n e 1 reading this?
     
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  2. Manny

    Manny TAG Member

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    Nope
     
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  3. jerrytokyo79

    jerrytokyo79 TAG Member

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    hi, akb,

    i can not agree more.
    Though with a very different culture back ground, chinese and speak ok japanese, I share most of the feelings you mentioned here...
     
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  4. Hamerare

    Hamerare Offa da street

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    :cat:
    Thanx for the reply

    I think there are a lot of us here in very similar situations

    I gotta organize a mongerz nite out soon

    Whose up for it?:cool:
     
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  5. jerrytokyo79

    jerrytokyo79 TAG Member

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    hi,

    You are the king of us gaijin;)
    I am in.
    have a lovely weekend!
     
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  6. Hamerare

    Hamerare Offa da street

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    (y)
    I'll get back to you soon bro (y)
     
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  7. TokyoML

    TokyoML TAG Member

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    Count me in.

    Chinese but grew up in the US. Speak about JLPT2 level Japanese.
     
  8. MossBoss

    MossBossMossBoss is a Verified Member Hello

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    I understand what the OP says. Actually some Japanese people I know have said that they find it difficult to make new friends too.

    A 'mongerz night out'...... Could be 'fannytastic'.
     
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  9. johnnyboy84

    johnnyboy84 TAG Member

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    Sadly in the work place, people can be transferred. I had this happen to friends and to myself. I have lived in 7 cities here in Japan.. It is really crazy but i still maintain contact thanks to Line and Facebook. i make friends at work and at the gym and we all have great times. Lots of people are surprised I am not married yet. Though I turn 30 in less than two weeks, so much has happened in my life that I feel like an old timer. College, the military, moving here, working at a girls high school, sales, interpreting, etc. I get along with a lot old folks because they love my taste in old school lol.
     
  10. Hamerare

    Hamerare Offa da street

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    Yap it helps to still be relatively young and energetic. It's when you get to middle age that you find your friends start becoming unavailable. Social life in Tokyo (as opposed to other smaller cities in Japan) is not good. One reason is the size of the city, travelling distances are huge. Another is the small size of apartments and houses. There is not much home entertaining as there would be in other places or countries. Plans have to be made ages in advance bcoz people are so damn busy. The other gig is that we all change and a friend today may bcum a boring barsteward tomoro, or we mite bcum that boring barsteward :yawn:

    As for the mongers nite out, looks like we got rselves a possee. Jerrytokyo 79, TokyoML and MossBoss, pencil in the first weekend of July, either Friday or Saturday nite. A group of 4 would be just rite for starters, since the places I intend to take you to are small in terms of the number of girls working there.

    I'll keep the venue a secret for now and send you guys a PM with a rough schedule and time and place to hook up :D:happy::cat:

    I can guarantee we'll all go home with a smile on our faces (y)
     
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  11. GoldenDalton

    GoldenDalton TAG Member

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    How can someone spend 10 years straight in Japan and know no Japanese? Not doubting you as I've seen it myself. I find it nuts though.
     
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  12. Panda989

    Panda989 Super Fantastic Member

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    its easy, if you surround yourself with people that enable you from a work and non work perspective you can spend years and speak little more then Bar, Striper, and Taxi. for me i lost a huge number of friends when the econ tanked, but the few that remained all married up, but i would say 99% of my buddies are gone. you learn to hang on to the one percent, and you become their excuse to escape when i come to town. their wives may not lie me anymore, but i made it a point to be the guy their wives never met.

    the up side is all my mates scattered to the wind, so i can find one in just about any country i land it. VERY helpful when your stuck somewhere for a few weeks of meetings.
     
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  13. psd

    psd TAG Member

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    I really miss having friends over and dropping into other people's homes. You can just go and have a cup of coffee, simple meal or just watch TV. I always had a spare bed for people to stay; at my current apartment I haven't had a single visitor (except for girls staying overnight).
     
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  14. GoldenDalton

    GoldenDalton TAG Member

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    That happened to me in the states. When I became successful I started to get absolutely hated. Now my close friends even resent me. And I didn't do anything. I just have different opinions and have a little bit of money.
     
  15. Hamerare

    Hamerare Offa da street

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    Sad but true :cry::cry:

    If you wasnt in Venezuela I'd have hoped for you to join our mongers nite out (and pick up the tab hehehe only joking bro) :LOL:
     
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  16. GoldenDalton

    GoldenDalton TAG Member

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    I'd definitely be down. Next time I'm in Tokyo I will be game.
     
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  17. John Chavers

    John Chavers By Jove, you couldn't make this shit up

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    If we're making this a chinese take-away pub night, count me in. ;-)
     
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  18. R.O.B

    R.O.B The pals are not what they scream.

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    Parts of AKB69's description is very familiar.

    Going by TAG names? Is there an age limit? If so I'd be at the far end but I'm up for it.
     
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  19. Serena Vincente

    Serena Vincente TAG Member

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    I found your posting very interesting thanks for sharing.
    It gave me a lot to think

    Serena Vincente x
     
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  20. Manny

    Manny TAG Member

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    You guys too rich for my blood
     
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  21. Hamerare

    Hamerare Offa da street

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    Yap I'm a vampire,:vamp: but not rich :joyful:
     
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  22. johnnyboy84

    johnnyboy84 TAG Member

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    I'm just lucky and smart with my money (ie, not married not having kids)
     
  23. MossBoss

    MossBossMossBoss is a Verified Member Hello

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    Guys! Thanks for a great mongers night. Put me down for the next night of debauchery.

    Regards,

    MossBoss.
     
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  24. jerrytokyo79

    jerrytokyo79 TAG Member

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    Hi,

    It was indeed a great time!
    Many thanks to AKB69 for his great idea and management
    and MossBoss for the excellent companionship.
    Hope we can make it regularly:)

    yours
     
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  25. Hamerare

    Hamerare Offa da street

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    You guyz too!

    It was indeed a cosmic gig :)

    Look 4ward to the next one :geek:
     
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