Does this make me an elitist/classist asshole?

Rebeccalee

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Hey,

This is just something I've been reflecting on because I've had a streak of clients that I've had to reject recently simply because don't speak good English/don't know how to navigate my site. Now I definitely don't need my clients to speak perfect English, but I've been getting some enquiries where the English is so broken, I can only recognise that they want x date and x time. With regards to my site, I personally don't find my site difficult to read or navigate(feel free to check it out), but about 1-2 enquirers will enter my DMs and try to book me through twitter/instagram because it's "too hard" to find and fill up my booking form.

It gets kind of frustrating I must say! Because I try to correct them patiently and almost hold their hand when it comes to filling up the contact form and even navigating my site. And they still don't get it.

So this results in me telling them very directly, "Please don't book me, I'm seriously unable to understand your English and this makes things very ambiguous and difficult for me to handle when it can be very easily solved with a filled up contact form. Please find someone else who can understand you, because I sure can't!"

My own reasoning: I don't see guys who speak very broken English because I just know talking to them would drive me up the wall because I don't speak broken English, I don't speak much Singlish/dialect slang either. I don't think they are bad clients at all, just that I wouldn't be able to connect with them with conversation, which wouldn't be fair to the client as well. Conversation IS an important aspect of building chemistry and rapport for GFE after all. I'm speaking from personal experience with a client who spoke truly horrible broken English to the point where I couldn't even understand him.... it was so difficult to carry a conversation with him, I don't understand him, he doesn't understand me.

Is this considered rude? Going in deeper, does rejection of such clients make me a classist/elitist asshole?
 
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Not in my opinion, but I was just trounced for saying that native English speakers who speak in heavy regional dialects and curse aren't educated.

Clearly speaking poor English as a second language is a bit different, but if English is the language you do business in, then you have a right to ask potential customers to fill out a contact form in English.

I don't see it as being any different than Japanese establishments demanding a certain grasp of their language.

It isn't being racist or elitist, it is being practical.
 
I just looked through your website (via my iPad) and to me it was very clear and easy to understand (Though I had to Google "sybaritic" lol).

Great photos btw. I've been looking for a location like that with lots of window light for a boudoir shoot.

On your "Contact Me" page, it might be that some people are getting confused as to where to click to access the form. The black box with "Let's make some magic" might look to some as a section header, not a button (I know on a PC if you hover over it, the cursor changes to let you know you can click on it, but on my iPad, there's no indication). At first glance, the only "button" I noticed was the "pre-screening" button at the bottom. (Because of the "click here" part)

Maybe changing the look of the "Let's make some magic" to make it look more like a button, or changing the text to "Click here to make some magic" or maybe even moving that button below the words "email is preferred" might better help your visitors to understand where to click to access the contact form.

Since you ask visitors to read your rules and etiquette page before filling out the form, you might want to add another "Let's make some magic" button to the bottom of that page as well. That way after reading the rules they can go right to filling out the contact form, instead of having to navigate back to the Contact me page and scrolling down to click on the button to get to the contact form.

Just my $.02. And no, you are NOT a classist/elitist A-hole.
 
I don't think you need to worry about it. If you can't communicate with them imagine the session. Plus there will most likely be difference in expectations from these clients.

This is however the same way Japanese providers feel and what they mean by Japanese Only. Something I also find quite understanding.
 
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Hey,

This is just something I've been reflecting on because I've had a streak of clients that I've had to reject recently simply because don't speak good English/don't know how to navigate my site. Now I definitely don't need my clients to speak perfect English, but I've been getting some enquiries where the English is so broken, I can only recognise that they want x date and x time. With regards to my site, I personally don't find my site difficult to read or navigate(feel free to check it out), but about 1-2 enquirers will enter my DMs and try to book me through twitter/instagram because it's "too hard" to find and fill up my booking form.

It gets kind of frustrating I must say! Because I try to correct them patiently and almost hold their hand when it comes to filling up the contact form and even navigating my site. And they still don't get it.

So this results in me telling them very directly, "Please don't book me, I'm seriously unable to understand your English and this makes things very ambiguous and difficult for me to handle when it can be very easily solved with a filled up contact form. Please find someone else who can understand you, because I sure can't!"

My own reasoning: I don't see guys who speak very broken English because I just know talking to them would drive me up the wall because I don't speak broken English, I don't speak much Singlish/dialect slang either. I don't think they are bad clients at all, just that I wouldn't be able to connect with them with conversation, which wouldn't be fair to the client as well. Conversation IS an important aspect of building chemistry and rapport for GFE after all. I'm speaking from personal experience with a client who spoke truly horrible broken English to the point where I couldn't even understand him.... it was so difficult to carry a conversation with him, I don't understand him, he doesn't understand me.

Is this considered rude? Going in deeper, does rejection of such clients make me a classist/elitist asshole?
you're not a doctor refusing to give medical care or a taxi driver refusing to take someone in your cab, you have every right to refuse a customer for any reason and you don't have to justify yourself.
 
A few things here:

It's really up to you as to who you want to see. I would assume that in Singapore, declining to see anyone that doesn't speak the Queen's English or a reasonable facsimile is going to reduce the pool of clients for you, but as I said, that's your choice. If you do want to see them but just don't want to deal with people overwhelming you with questions about your site/form, translating the site/form into Chinese (and/or Japanese if you are looking for Japanese clients) might be a good solution, and put a caveat on there that good English is required and that the session will be conducted in English.

As a bit of a user interface snob, I'd like to give you some feedback on your contact form. Mainly I'd suggest to simplify it as much as possible. It's understandable that you want to know as much info in advance in order to not waste your time, but people don't like to have to jump through a bunch of hoops to begin communication. Just ask anyone whether they prefer talking to a automated phone tree, or talk to an operator directly. :D

They'll often use other measures where available, which is why guys PM you here instead of filling out the form.

I have some other feedback, but I didn't want to write a "book" here if you aren't interested.
 
I do not speak much Japanese, but I really enjoy communicating with escorts even if I may struggle at getting understood. In most case, we can still communicate and have a nice experience, although times to times, I feel a wall between us.
Therefore, I would not recommend you to draw a general conclusion after having one client with 0 communication skills. Sometimes, even with a very broken english (or japanese in my case) you can still communicate, and sometimes, the language may not be the real issue. I tend to be frustrated when I get rejected because of the language issue, but after reading your message, I am starting to understand why this can happen.
 
On your "Contact Me" page, it might be that some people are getting confused as to where to click to access the form. The black box with "Let's make some magic" might look to some as a section header, not a button (I know on a PC if you hover over it, the cursor changes to let you know you can click on it, but on my iPad, there's no indication). At first glance, the only "button" I noticed was the "pre-screening" button at the bottom. (Because of the "click here" part)

Maybe changing the look of the "Let's make some magic" to make it look more like a button, or changing the text to "Click here to make some magic" or maybe even moving that button below the words "email is preferred" might better help your visitors to understand where to click to access the contact form.

This is a great point especially with most people in Japan accessing the web from mobile devices. What is practical for design on a PC is not for a phone.

BTW you could keep this design for the PC and just use css media query to change it for phone and tablets.
 
This is a great point especially with most people in Japan accessing the web from mobile devices. What is practical for design on a PC is not for a phone.

BTW you could keep this design for the PC and just use css media query to change it for phone and tablets.

Most website design sites have floating style sheets these days that automatically detect the device and render the page for whatever is accessing the site, PC, phone or tablet.

But I do agree that a website such as hers, it should be primarily designed fo mobile devices. PC usage is way down these days.
 
Most website design sites have floating style sheets these days that automatically detect the device and render the page for whatever is accessing the site, PC, phone or tablet.

But I do agree that a website such as hers, it should be primarily designed fo mobile devices. PC usage is way down these days.

Generally yes, and those "floating" stylesheets use media queries to determine things that should change between mobile and desktop, like making a button look different between mobile and desktop as I suggested.

FYI: I do this everyday and have been for 20 years, so I do know what I am talking about.
 
Not in my opinion, but I was just trounced for saying that native English speakers who speak in heavy regional dialects and curse aren't educated.

Clearly speaking poor English as a second language is a bit different, but if English is the language you do business in, then you have a right to ask potential customers to fill out a contact form in English.

I don't see it as being any different than Japanese establishments demanding a certain grasp of their language.

It isn't being racist or elitist, it is being practical.

I actually saw that happening but was too tired to respond on that very emotionally exhausting thread! So I will reply here instead hahahaha - Personally I don't think accents are any indication of the level of education. If anything it's purely for social assimilation in order to "fit in", I recall you mentioning that you dropped an accent??

I have a singaporean accent when I speak, it's not very heavy but it's still there.
 
I just looked through your website (via my iPad) and to me it was very clear and easy to understand (Though I had to Google "sybaritic" lol).

Great photos btw. I've been looking for a location like that with lots of window light for a boudoir shoot.

On your "Contact Me" page, it might be that some people are getting confused as to where to click to access the form. The black box with "Let's make some magic" might look to some as a section header, not a button (I know on a PC if you hover over it, the cursor changes to let you know you can click on it, but on my iPad, there's no indication). At first glance, the only "button" I noticed was the "pre-screening" button at the bottom. (Because of the "click here" part)

Maybe changing the look of the "Let's make some magic" to make it look more like a button, or changing the text to "Click here to make some magic" or maybe even moving that button below the words "email is preferred" might better help your visitors to understand where to click to access the contact form.

Since you ask visitors to read your rules and etiquette page before filling out the form, you might want to add another "Let's make some magic" button to the bottom of that page as well. That way after reading the rules they can go right to filling out the contact form, instead of having to navigate back to the Contact me page and scrolling down to click on the button to get to the contact form.

Just my $.02. And no, you are NOT a classist/elitist A-hole.

Thank you!! Glad you like the photos, I was very very surprised at how amazing they turned out. I shot in the St. Regis(PS. I'm based in Singapore)! The room had great natural lighting. So now you know which place to book ;)

That part about my button title and location of the button is so so true, I hadn't realised that at all... I will probably make the changes tonight. This is such a helpful reply, thank you so much!
 
A few things here:

It's really up to you as to who you want to see. I would assume that in Singapore, declining to see anyone that doesn't speak the Queen's English or a reasonable facsimile is going to reduce the pool of clients for you, but as I said, that's your choice. If you do want to see them but just don't want to deal with people overwhelming you with questions about your site/form, translating the site/form into Chinese (and/or Japanese if you are looking for Japanese clients) might be a good solution, and put a caveat on there that good English is required and that the session will be conducted in English.

As a bit of a user interface snob, I'd like to give you some feedback on your contact form. Mainly I'd suggest to simplify it as much as possible. It's understandable that you want to know as much info in advance in order to not waste your time, but people don't like to have to jump through a bunch of hoops to begin communication. Just ask anyone whether they prefer talking to a automated phone tree, or talk to an operator directly. :D

They'll often use other measures where available, which is why guys PM you here instead of filling out the form.

I have some other feedback, but I didn't want to write a "book" here if you aren't interested.

Everyone speaks English here actually haha, it's compulsory.

Yeah I know my contact form is much longer than other providers but it kind of also helps with screening. Just because those who do put in the effort and time to fill it all up would be sincere enough clients who aren't here to waste my time. My reasoning is that 1) I personally don't have time for back and forth emails asking for details when a filled up contact form does the trick for me, and 2) if they really wanted to see me the form would not be an issue. If I did this full time and had all sorts of free time I probably would be more relaxed about the form!

Please feel free to send me a PM if you have more feedback about my site, I'd love to hear. As seen above, site feedback can be very valuable. Thank you in advance for taking the time to write the feedback out! ❤️
 
I do not speak much Japanese, but I really enjoy communicating with escorts even if I may struggle at getting understood. In most case, we can still communicate and have a nice experience, although times to times, I feel a wall between us.
Therefore, I would not recommend you to draw a general conclusion after having one client with 0 communication skills. Sometimes, even with a very broken english (or japanese in my case) you can still communicate, and sometimes, the language may not be the real issue. I tend to be frustrated when I get rejected because of the language issue, but after reading your message, I am starting to understand why this can happen.

Maybe it's me, conversation plays a massive role in helping me and my client get comfortable with each other. :D

I've had clients speaking broken English, that's totally fine bc I could still communicate with them, I've only rejected those where the English was so broken I could only recognise the time, date and duration so that was very challenging to deal with. This all happened via emails when they were still enquiring. In their intros I would get one sentence descriptions like "like make love" and my only reaction would be "?????" Hahahaha

Also, I'm sorry that you got rejected for not speaking the language....
 
@AMcguyver @meiji @Jbagz
I ended up making more than just those minor changes to my site........ :p:p All feedback welcome! Hopefully it's easier to read now hahaha

Screen Shot 2017-01-16 at 1.11.57 am.png
 
Please don't book me, I'm seriously unable to understand your English and this makes things very ambiguous and difficult for me to handle


This, by the way, is precisely the reason that many services in Japan will not allow foreign clientèle. The importance of communication in providing/receiving a good encounter is highly underrated.
 
I personally find short time appointments no problem if there is a language gap, i can always get accross which things are does and donts and even some small talk.
But longer appointments get more dreadful and boring if there is no chance at a deeper conversation.

Also someone who writes a message like "like make love?" doesn't sound very serious to me, ite good to ignore those.
 
I personally find short time appointments no problem if there is a language gap, i can always get accross which things are does and donts and even some small talk.
But longer appointments get more dreadful and boring if there is no chance at a deeper conversation.

Also someone who writes a message like "like make love?" doesn't sound very serious to me, ite good to ignore those.

Yes, I find myself getting longer appointments actually, so conversation plays a huge role!

HAHA that's so true! I basically ignored the fella. It says a lot about the client's sincerity when they can't even form complete sentences. Then he proceeded to ask me why I didn't reply his email via my Twitter DMs LOL. Blocked hahaha (y) :ROFLMAO:
 
No. Also this sort of way of looking at things is toxic to yourself and others. As a professional you set your standards.

I'd like to see myself as someone accepting of all sorts of people regardless of looks, race, etc, so at the point of posting the first thread I felt I was contradicting myself somewhat. Thank you for reassuring me! :)
 
I actually saw that happening but was too tired to respond on that very emotionally exhausting thread! So I will reply here instead hahahaha - Personally I don't think accents are any indication of the level of education. If anything it's purely for social assimilation in order to "fit in", I recall you mentioning that you dropped an accent??

I have a singaporean accent when I speak, it's not very heavy but it's still there.

What I was talking about is a little different than having an accent from being a native speaker of another language.

I only know a little about Singapore, but in the US, UK, Canada, and Australia regional dialects are associated not only with a geographical area, but one's economic class and education.

Yes, I made a conscious effort to drop my Southern accent because I viewed it as something that would probably hurt my chances for advancement in a competitive career, but just going to university helped diminish it a lot. I put extra effort into eliminating it entirely to speak English with a neutral American dialect.

People judge each other all the time on how they speak. Right or wrong, we do it.

Everyone knows how important first impressions are. Speaking like a country bumpkin isn't a good idea once you leave the farm.
 
Everyone knows how important first impressions are. Speaking like a country bumpkin isn't a good idea once you leave the farm.

It's not even just "country bumpkins" either. Look at the inner city areas like southie in Boston. The one of maybe 2 areas (the other being East Boston) of Boston where people drop their "R"s, but for some reason everyone thinks everyone in Boston does it.
 
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It's not even just "country bumpkins" either. Look at the inner city areas like southie in Boston. The one of maybe 2 areas (the other being East Boston) of Boston where people drop their "R"s, but for some reason everyone thinks everyone in Boston does it.

Exactly.

People with heavy dialects from urban areas get ridiculed and judged too. Be it an East Ender from London, the Bronx and Brooklyn for NYC, or the South side of Chicago.

The thing is, a person can eliminate that or at least make it more subtle if they try.

There isn't anything necessarily wrong with speaking that way. It has nothing to do with a person's character, but there is often a link to the amount of education they've had.
 
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