So you are married or in a steady relationship. It is good. You don`t want to throw it away. But you need more TLC on the side. In my case I have a great life. It isn`t just a relationship, it is the whole shebang. Great life, great wife and great kids and a nice home. Didn`t want to throw all that away just because I wasn`t getting enough sex. And not to be critical of anyone who has gotten divorced for the lack of sex, but in my case, there were so many other factors, saying we should all be together, that I either had to realize that I would get sex, grudgingly once a month and grin and bear it, or I could have an affair, or I could pay for it. For many years after we had kids, my compromise was grin and bear it, or argue about it a lot and bear it. Finally a year ago I had, had enough. I debated the Have an Affair or P4P Route - The Grin and Bear it route had gone really stale! I have chosen the P4P option as I feel overall it is less messy. By that I mean there are fewer complicatons. The situation is understood. However with an affair, I feel always one or the other person either wants more from it, or one or the other wants to break it off. Both can lead to messy situations. I have heard time and time again, guys who thought the lady knew the situation that it was just for fun, only to have her show up at his home, in which case his wife found out about it. Or she attempted suicide, in which case his wife usually found out about it. Anyway, I have chosen to go the P4P route, as it has more variety (different women) and I feel it is safer than having an affair, for some of the reasons outlined above. After many years of struggling through the lack of sex in my marriage, about a year ago, I decided to go the P4P route. And I am still learning. My J-wife knows I get hj massages sometimes, but she doesn`t know I get FS or BBJ. So far I have had covered FS, uncovered sumata and BBJ. I have never done DATY. I have tried to study all of this as much as I can, but even doctors don`t seem to entirely know the whole story of what you can catch and how. I had a condom break during FS with a Chinese lady in Tokyo. I waited 3 months and got tested and everything was fine. Whew! A friend of mine said, you need to get condoms from home. So I did. I had been relying on the condoms she supplied. Big mistake. I know some of you have been mongering (punting) for years, so I ask for your advice. This question is KEY FOR ME: How do you stay safe and not give any disease(s) to your significant other? That would just be terrible for me and my wife, were I to ever give her an STD. I think probably the marriage would survive but it would be icey for a long time, and maybe the little love making we do would dry up totally.