Eye contact rules at business meetings, Japanese VS Foreigner.

[Yuriko]

I'd like to seek your advice, on eye contact rules at business scenes.

I used to work for western bosses, and I remember when he talked to me, his eye contact was rather long and intense, made me think, was that just his habit, or is there any meanings behind??? Obviously, there was no reasons in the end. But I remember we used to have abt 5 seconds or more of eye to eye contact.

As a shy Japanese, I got pretty uncomfortable to be honest.

Japanese people hardly make an eye contact these days, esp. at shops, supermarkets, internet cafes,,,etc. They look your hands to give you change. They look all the way back, at a different angle, when you say something. It seems like, even at home, their parents don't teach their kids to look at ones eyes, when they talk these days, which is totally the opposit from how I was raised. I was told, I should look into your eyes, whilst someone is talking to you. This was a protocol, that most parents used to teach their kids, in good old days.

Went slightly off track.

I had a chance to meet 1 on 1 with an European today for business meeting and he sometimes made pretty much long intense eye contact for sometimes. I tried to stay eye on eye, as I thought, it might be rude to look down first, to look away from that person. But it was little uncomfortable to be honest. I did my best.

My question is, how long would be appropriate, comfortable eye to eye contact on business scenes? Do you ever get uncomfortable? or when do you find it's rude, when eye contact?

I want to share this here, because "eye contact" can be a romantic thing. You hear sometimes, as the long you look into the other person's eyes, the more the person wants to know more of you, or personally interested. When they want the other person, they try to look into you more longer.

I don't want that to happen in business scenes...
So, look each other like 2-3 seconds maybe good enough...would that be too shallow?

What do you think guys?
Would be great to share your POV.
Thanks in advance.

 

[Lukes]

For westerners in a business setting, there usually aren't any special hidden meanings behind them making eye contact with you during meetings or when speaking. That is what we were raised to do.

Averting your eyes or not looking someone in the eye can mean embarrassment, lack of confidence or other things. But most people that do international business do understand that not all cultures are the same and probably won't be offended. They may think that you're shy.

Even then it's pretty much impossible to stare into someone's eyes forever. I usually look someone in the eye when they are speaking to me but do things like nod, blink, look down for a second, glance at my notes or scribble a quick note to kind of break things up a few times per minute. 2-3 seconds might be a bit short but it really depends on the situation.

 

[Lukes]

Forgot to mention, yes, westerners do use eyes to express certain feelings or ideas sometimes naughty ones.

 

[Yuriko]

For westerners in a business setting, there usually aren't any special hidden meanings behind them making eye contact with you during meetings or when speaking. That is what we were raised to do.

Averting your eyes or not looking someone in the eye can mean embarrassment, lack of confidence or other things. But most people that do international business do understand that not all cultures are the same and probably won't be offended. They may think that you're shy.

Even then it's pretty much impossible to stare into someone's eyes forever. I usually look someone in the eye when they are speaking to me but do things like nod, blink, look down for a second, glance at my notes or scribble a quick note to kind of break things up a few times per minute. 2-3 seconds might be a bit short but it really depends on the situation.

Thank you for sharing the point of an eye contact. it was really interesting. But, quite funny to read that there is not much meanings, behind long eye contact in business meetings.

For escort scenes,.I have no such issues, I can stay in control for certain amount of time. But, I find it rude, or too much lack of confidence, when a guy constantly shut his eyes, when talking, trying not to see me too much, made me uncomfortable and unnatural.

But for business scenes, with boss, or clients, interviews, long eye contact is I feel the person is using his power harrassment over me. But, I shouldn't be embarrassed. It's really western culture, then. It can be very intense. For MF scenes. But just now, I recall that staring too long to the other person in Japan can be rude.

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Forgot to mention, yes, westerners do use eyes to express certain feelings or ideas sometimes naughty ones.

Thanks for adding this! Yes, so sometimes it's confusing! If his tent seems up on his trousers, then this is the thing!!!?

Very interesting. Thanks for sharing.

 

[ShowaJidai]

I would agree with @Lukes about eye contact not having any defined meaning in international business settings. I am American but grew up in a Hispanic culture, then was in a military branch known for strong personalities, but now have been living in Japan for 30+ years. Much of my time here has been in positions where I spent a lot of time in both international and purely Japan-domestic business situations.

So while I do have self-confidence I am aware that I have to restrain myself in some cultural situations.

Recently I find myself at an executive level in a new company which is primarily managed by people of many different nationalities. I have had to re-learn and pay attention to my eye contact depending on the circumstance, language, and who I am dealing with.

 

[Yuriko]

I would agree with @Lukes about eye contact not having any defined meaning in international business settings.

I see. So, that's a standard manner in western culture. I also remember, it can be a communication technique, when you have to PR your business, or you want to sell yourself well at the job interview, show attentiveness as "I'm paying fully attention, I'm listening you carefully", makes it longer eye contact, perhaps? Do you agree?

I am American but grew up in a Hispanic culture, then was in a military branch known for strong personalities, but now have been living in Japan for 30+ years. Much of my time here has been in positions where I spent a lot of time in both international and purely Japan-domestic business situations..

So while I do have self-confidence I am aware that I have to restrain myself in some cultural situations.

Recently I find myself at an executive level in a new company which is primarily managed by people of many different nationalities. I have had to re-learn and pay attention to my eye contact depending on the circumstance, language, and who I am dealing with.

Congrats! Wow, 30 years +. Thanks for sharing your background and career path. You must find Japanese business culture pretty different from other cultures, like many other non Japanese people do, eventhough, it's much diverse today, but still can be relatively shy or stubborn for most Japanese people, perhaps.
Thanks for sharing your POV!

 

[ShowaJidai]

Actually, Japanese business culture has been so normal for me that being back in an international work environment has been a bit of a change for me.